Song: "You Must Love Me" by Madonna from the Broadway musical "Evita"
"On the count of three." Kilmer mouthed as he stepped towards the door, gun aimed at the door. Madison stood behind him, her heart started to pound loudly in her chest. Her eyes gazed back to her sleeping daughter and started to pray that she would stay safe during this whole ordeal. But she replied with a simple head nod and straightened her arm in reflex.
Kilmer swallowed hard and inhaled, removing one hand to push open the door. His heart was pounding out of control. He had never felt like this before when dealing with counter-intelligence agents. That's how he had to prefer to think of Lauren and that Jonathan Ross character. They were counter-intelligence. His brain flashed with information or lack thereof. He knew very little intel about Lauren, only that she was Vaughn's wife. There was something uneasy that he sensed about her and something ever more about her relationship with Sydney. He knew next to nothing about Jonathan and hated that more than anything. He only knew that Jonathan was Covenant and sent to kill Sydney and Vaughn. But that was it. That was all he knew. He liked to know whom he was fighting, at least most of the time.
He pushed the door open and crept out into the room. It was empty. He stepped further, searching ever corner with Madison guarding at his heels. Every ounce turned up empty. But something in his gut was bothering him. What if Jonathan and Lauren got to Sydney and Vaughn before they did? He lurched forward slightly and grasped the doorknob firmly in his hand.
*****
With all her energy, she tried to push her body up right but the multiple lacerations sent her crashing back down to the cool hardwood floors. Sweat started to from near her brow line and trickle down her face. Unintentionally, she groaned in pain and her face went trembling down. Dust and dirt clung to the perspiration near her jaw line. She willed for the adrenaline to course through her veins and allow her to just reach the door. There, she could, she would push the heavy door open and spill out into the living room. There, they would hear her desperate shouts for help and would more than likely come running.
But lying face down, all she could do was envision herself reaching it those few more meters. Her eyes fluttered against the shooting pain etching through her body. Every fiber of her ached with every inhalation. Flat on her stomach, she tried once more to push up to all fours and crawl towards the door. She was sent crashing down again.
She started to lose her grip on consciousness as her she found her mind being overtaken by dreams of what could have been or what still could be. He could take her away from this life full of secrets and lies. There would be no more pretending. She could be herself once again and leave the underground world of espionage behind. She could leave with the sharp edge of her soul intact. But for now, she could barely raise her body off of the ground.
She gritted her teeth tightly to mute the yelp that ensued as she tried to pull her body again. She adjusted her bite and chomped down hard on the inside of her cheek. Almost instantly, she drew blood. But the sticky, thick taste had no affect on her. Without giving into the pain, she straightened her arms beneath her and lifted her trunk until it was perpendicular to the floor. Screaming inside her head, she managed to pull her knees up beneath her. Her shaky body attempted to steady itself and gasped unintentionally as she rested on a laceration across her knee.
Sydney blacked out everything else going on in her mind and focused on making to that door. If she just got to the door, everything would be all right. She crawled, inch by inch, and after agonizing moments, she was in arms reach. She reached up and grasped the doorknob weakly in her grasp. With no energy, she started to turn it slowly.
*****
Kilmer turned the knob and with somewhat force, he pushed the door in. But what he didn't expect was there to be someone being knocked over by the force. The small amount of force he used to open the door was enough to send Sydney flailing back. His eyes and brain refused to register the information at the same time. It was one of the detriments to being in the business for so long. He looked around the room cautiously for a moment, wondering if Jonathan and Ross were still in there. Seeing it was empty besides the two fallen agents, Kilmer tucked his gun away knelt down beside her. He instantly supported her head in his hands, "Sydney? Sydney?"
"Kilmer." She sighed happily, so relieved that he had finally found her. She tried to reach up and touch his face. She never thought he would come or ever find her. Part of her was convinced that she was never going to reach the door and she would never be found. Tears of pain started to rush to her eyes. She had no idea what was going on. She no longer knew where she was or what was going on. She just knew that she had this indescribable pain rushing through her chest and her head. It was pounding and made the rest of the world go blurry. She had no idea what time it was or what was going on. She forgot all about Vaughn and her injuries. Her mind was nothing more than a blurry whirlwind.
Kilmer hunched down over her and started to exam her, checking the pupils of her eyes and feeling the pulse on the side of her neck. Meanwhile, Madison was checking the rest of the room and moved out to the rest of the apartment, "Robbie, they're headed outside!"
"Maddie, get me the first aid kit? We're gonna need it. Worry about Lauren and the man later. We have to get her taken of first." He started to feel those old feelings return to him. And he wished more than ever that they would go away. He loved Madison. He loved being in love with Madison. He had never been as happy as when he was with her and even happier that they had a child together. But this was all when he thought Sydney was dead. He never stopped carrying those feelings about her…even when he was with Madison. Nevertheless, here he was. He had the love of his life standing beside him and his former love in his arms.
"No! We have to go after them! Robbie, let's go!" She grabbed his arm and tried to pull him from his feet.
"No, we need to make sure that she's okay!" He argued back, pulling his arm back from her hands.
"We have two international terrorists roaming the streets of Odessa and you want to stay and make sure that she's okay? She's breathing and she has a heart beat!" She paused for a moment and wondered if he was going to listen to her. "Alright-fine! I'm going after them!" Madison bolted from the apartment, not bothering to hear Kilmer's adamant objections. He just heard the door slam.
He sighed ruefully, a little annoyed that his partner disobeyed him. He turned back and hunched over her, surveying her wounds. "Tell me where it hurts, baby." His lips treaded over her face. "C'mon, baby. Just tell me."
Where
do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me
I believed in you
She groaned and adjusted her weight slightly in her arms, "You never call me baby…always…." Her voice was low and raspy. It obviously hurt to talk.
The wheels in his head started to turning. Something in him clicked and he did the one thing she had asked him in hysterics not to do. "Tell me where it hurts, sweet pea." He persisted again, taking her hand into his. She didn't respond and he had to make a decision. Rolling up to his haunches, he snuck his arms beneath her rattled form and so not to wake the sleeping Vaughn, he lifted her.
"Kilmer." She groaned again, burying her head in his chest. She started to sob sans tears and it was more or less her heaving dry gasps of air into his chest.
Certainties
disappear
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive,
As we used to do?
"I'm right here." He rubbed his palm along her back as she pulled her body closer to his.
"Don't let anything happen to me. Please." She was losing a grip on reality and she started to regress into a state of the past. Kilmer and Sydney met when she was not as strong as she was that day. She had a different style, different personality.
"I won't. I promise." He tightened his grip on her and slowly made his way to the living room. There, he set her down gingerly on the couch. He sat down on the floor next to her and stroked her hair gently.
Deep
in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away
She closed her eyes and felt pressure build up in her body. She was so tired and her body felt so weak. "I can't let you go through this alone. It's too dangerous." This sent her into a coughing fit that revealed a thin layer of blood across her lips. She was bleeding internally somewhere but he didn't have enough medical training to tell him where. And she was suffering.
"Try not to talk." He whispered, pressing his hand on top of hers. With his other hand, he searched around for the medical kit that he was sure was somewhere. He knew it was out here somewhere and-a-ha! His fingers found the cool white metal case and pulled it towards his body. "We'll get you fixed up in no time." His fingers worked to undo the latch and fling it open. Working hard, he found a piece of gauze, recognizing the careful twill of it. He brought the gauze up to her lips and padded away the blood. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."
She brushed his hand away and turned her doe eyes towards him, "I can't let you go to Prague by yourself. Kilmer, you'll be trapped. It's a trap." She started to get choked up.
"Sydney." He raised his eyebrows and tried to soothe her fears. He remembered that mission. It was a simple one but there had been a lot of turmoil within SD-6 and K-Directorate. They were competing against each other more than ever and two and a half weeks prior, an agent by the name of Charlotte Nacarzia had been killed. "We made it through the mission. We were fine."
She didn't seem to hear him. "Please, baby. I want you to promise me-swear to me! Promise me you'll be safe." She started to plead, the tears choking her words. She fought to cough again but managed to suppress it, "Kilmer, I love you. I don't want anything to happen to you."
"I love you, too." His heart was breaking at the sight of her. He hated that she was still with the Agency and seeing her just made it hurt that much more. He remembered the day they met like it was yesterday. He remembered their first mission, their first date, their first kiss. Every memory was an imprint in his mind and he relished in those.
You
must love me
You must love me
Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how
Nothing has changed
"Just make this go away." She moaned again, feeling the pain overtake her body. Her free hand reached up to touch his face. "Just make it go away."
He leaned into her open palm and closed his eyes. "I wish I could, sweet pea. I know it hurts. I know. I wish I could take you away from all of this." He sat up on the couch and leaned over her. His fingertips stroked her cheek softly and he was reminded about how soft her skin was. Her brown eyes looked up at him and started to fill with tears. "I want to make this go away."
She adjusted her hand to the nap of his neck, "Just…" She drifted off as she pulled his head closer to hers. She had no idea what was going on. In her mind, she was in the safety of seven years ago. Her eyes fluttered closed and she waited for their lips to touch. She tipped her chin up slightly and felt her lips pucker in anticipation.
And for some reason, he didn't hold back. He had been thinking about this moment the minute he found out that she was going to be joining him on the mission. It was a horrible thing to be thinking, especially when he was going to be engaged but it was the back of his mind. Their lips almost came into contact and he felt the suppressed emotions rise in his face.
Just as quickly, he pulled away. "Sydney." Part of him wanted to reason with her but the other half knew that she was in a different place. He would have to wait her out and then hope she would come to the realization of all of this. But this didn't stop him from getting an extremely puzzled look from her. "Let's get you better first, okay?" His face was still hovering over hers and his lips almost touching hers.
The disappointment could not be masked in her eyes, "Kilmer, screw SD-6. I'm in love with you. I know that they'll have-heart attack-don't care." Her breath started to come at uneasy intervals, chopping her sentences. She closed her mouth and eyes to gather her strength. She forced them open again and forced control over her body, "I'm in love with you." With the remaining energy she had, she guided his face down to hers and felt their lips touch. It was soft and sweet, bringing Kilmer back to ten years ago. All the emotions that were being bottled up and exploded as the kiss grew in intensity. Her hands found their way through his hair and his to her face, under her back and over the exposed skin of her body.
Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away
You must love me
But it was Kilmer that drew back and looked into her chestnut eyes, so full of hurt, pain, and love. They started to close, blocking his window to her soul. "Sydney, I can't."
"Why?"
"Because I'm with Madison."
She didn't hear him or pretended not to hear him. More than likely, she didn't understand what was going on. She was still delusional and the lack of oxygen didn't help at all. "Just stay with me until I fall asleep," she whispered slowly and softly. "Please?"
"Okay." He sat up slightly and just stayed hunched over her. "Just until you fall asleep." He brushed the back of his index finger beneath her eye. "I won't leave with you."