Songs: "Behind Blue Eyes" by Limp Bizkit…
When the prophecy said that she would bring destruction like no man had ever seen, no one ever thought that she would be the destructive force in marriages.
Madison fled into the bedroom and almost immediately burst into tears. She bit down on her lip until she drew blood from it. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever envision her love life crashing down due to a woman from his past. She had heard him scream her name out of terror and absolute fear in the middle of the night. Those were the nights that he woke up in a cold sweat and refused to say a word. She would coax him back to lie down next to her and stroke his hair softly until his shaking stopped and he managed to close his eyes again. She never asked why he reacted that way or why he called out her name. She knew better than to ask. His life before the program was strictly off-limits.
Now, here she was. She was absolutely and 100% confused. All she wanted was the find some sort of peace and balance in this life of secrets and mayhem. If she could just keep her head above the water and keep her daughter above that, then maybe-just maybe, she could survive. Layla was the most important thing in her life and if she did one thing right in her life, it was to raise her daughter right.
"It's not your fault that your daddy's a blazing idiot." Madison leaned over the side of the crib and touched her daughter's face. Her hushed voice made her accent so strong. She was curling back to her roots and found her desire to go home rising in her chest more than ever. "Maybe we should get a way from all of this. You know before all of this happened, we were talking about getting away from all of this. But now, I don't know if we can both leave. I don't know if I can live with him anymore." She sighed rather thoughtfully and crossed back and forth of the light wood crib, "I love him so much that it hurts me. I'm always the one that gets hurt in the end. And maybe, this time, I should be the one that should leave. What if I just picked up and left? If-if I just disappeared, took on a new identity, maybe in south of France or Portugal or somewhere nice. We could be safe."
She ran her hand over the wood and pursed her lips tightly, "Your father was in the program for a while. There's no saying that we couldn't escape into the program and would not really have to look over our shoulders anymore. I mean, we would have to look over our shoulders to make sure we weren't tailed or anything like that. But, we would be safe from all of this. I wouldn't have to worry about his past and I would have no more past. I could be someone exotic, who worked hard from every penny she earned and you, my precious one, could be Ava. Did you know that's what I really wanted to name you?" She smiled softly as she pulled her hand away. The smile quickly faded and she suddenly grew more remorseful. "He would hate me so much for leaving. I never thought things would end this way. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe it's just that he knew that we wouldn't be able to find them." She walked over to her bed and sat down on it, burying her head in her hands. "I don't know what to do anymore, Layla. Nothing's making sense."
***
"Are you alright, darling?" Jonathan rubbed his hand along her arm as he tried to get her to look at her.
She turned her away from him, concentrating on a corner in the wall. "I'll be fine."
"What's going on, darling? Tell me what you're thinking about." He pulled her closer and wrapped his arm around her waist.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be faded to telling only lies
She finally looked at him, her bright blue eyes brimming over, "I don't know if I should tell you or not." She shrugged her shoulders rather innocently and fought against the tears that threatened to overturn in her eyes.
Jonathan pressed his lips to her temple and held his hands on her shoulders, "Baby, you can tell me anything. I promise, no matter what-I'll still be here. Nothing shocks me anymore, baby. I've been in this business way too long."
She looked at him and felt her blue eyes burn. "I-I hurt him. I saw it in his face." She instantly regretted it. She knew that this would hurt him as well. No matter what she did, she always managed to hurt the men closest to her. It had started with her father; he almost forced her away. Senator Reed's daughter was never "picture perfect" enough to fit in with the politics of his life. So, starting from when she was a young child, she pushed men away. Her first boyfriend was pushed away so far that he ended up going to college in Belgium, of all places. She burned him. And now, she burnt her husband and her boyfriend.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be faded to telling only lies
"Who? Your husband?" He answered, struggling to keep his tone level.
"Yes." She answered stiffly.
"I didn't mean to, you know. It was all just a game and then something drew serious."
His hand reached around for hers and held it tightly. "It's understandable that you're having second thoughts. But Renny, I'll always be here. If you want-"
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
"I don't know what I want anymore." She confessed as she got to her feet. Her long nightgown skimmed the floor as she walked over to the window. The blue satin moved effortless over her tiny frame. Her blonde hair had been pulled into a long braid and her face was completely stripped of make-up. "I wonder if I made the right decision. I loved Michael, believe it or not. We were so happy. I was the wife with the doting husband. We would come home from a busy day at work and I would cook dinner as he played with the dog." She starred out of the window as she spoke aloud, not wanting to look at his face.
No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like I do and I blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain woe
Can show through
She cleared her throat against the rising emotion. "One more I woke up and our little life with the white picket fence came crashing down around me. His ex-girlfriend was back in his life and I couldn't deal. I didn't know what to do-where to turn. That's when Mr. Cole approached me. He recruited me into the Covenant. He told me that and that alone would be the ultimate revenge on my husband for lusting over Sydney. I was satisfied with that. I think I'm still satisfied with that. He told me that I could do whatever I want now that I am co-chair of the North American cell. I have power. I can have him killed at any moment and-G-d, Jonathan ….where do I go from here?"
"Do you ever regret it?" Jonathan jumped in instantly.
"There are moments that I think I made the best decision in the world. The next moment, I believe I made the worse. Michael's my husband and I would be lying if I said that I never loved him. It's hard to turn your back on that after so long. But the Covenant brought me back to you and I think I owe them everything for that. I'm falling in with you all over again, Jonathan and that scares me more than I think you'll ever know. So, here I am and I'm confused all over again. I disconnected myself so far from my marriage. It became a job-literally. I was playing Michael's wife but being Jonathan's girlfriend. Tonight was the first time that I saw what my job did to him. I saw the hurt in his eyes and I think I-"
"Lauren." His voice replied to her softly.
She turned back towards her and felt the cool breeze surround her back. Little goose bumps started to form on her bare skin. The little nightgown provided little to no warmth and the spaghetti straps left her arms bare. "No one knows what it's like to stand where I'm standing." She walked back towards him and stood directly in front of him.
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one know how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies
"I wish I did." He reached forward and placed his hands on her hips, starring up into her bottomless blue eyes. He pulled her towards him, lettings his hands engulf her tiny waist.
No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.
"But you can't and it's almost alright. I don't mind." She ran her hands through his hair and finally rested them on his shoulders. She leaned down and kissed his lips gently. "I love you, Jonathan and I always will." She pushed him down on the bed and smiled. "I will always love you."
"I know, baby. I love you too."
*****
Vaughn opened his eyes slowly and felt the tiredness just creep through his veins. His eyes didn't burn as badly as they did before. He was almost coherent. A low groan escaped his lips as his green eyes scanned the tiny bedroom he was still lying in. They rested on the figure next to him. "Syd?"
The figure next to him was unconscious. She had an IV pulsating through her veins that was numbing the throbbing that threatened to take over her. But Vaughn had no idea about the pain she was going through.
"Mr. Vaughn, how are you feeling?" Kilmer moved from a nearby chair over to the bed, where he stood with a needle in hand. He inserted it in the IV hanging above Vaughn's head and watched as the yellow liquid diluted in the mixture of clear. He, then, adjusted the flow on the IV solution to a lesser volume, so that he could start to regain lucidity.
Vaughn opened and closed his mouth a few times before answered, "I-I've had-better days." He whispered hoarsely. The sound of his voice was rather frightening, it surprised him how sick, and weak he sounded. He tried to clear his throat but realized that he couldn't. His body was aching as he had the flu but the center of his arm consciously hurt.
Kilmer nodded his head in understanding and got straight down to business, "We've started you on an intense round of antibiotics and a stimulant. The second half of the mission is in less than forty-eight hours and we've got to get you and Sydney back on your feet. Sydney's father has sent us out intel and stats for Saturday night. The most important thing to do right now for you, though, is to rest up. We need you on your feet and well, man."
"Sydney?" Vaughn coughed again, feeling his voice growing dimmer.
"She's going to be okay. She passed out a few hours ago and we're treating her with the IV, too." Kilmer nodded as he acknowledged the dripping IV with his eyes again.
"Don't let anything happen to her, Kilmer." Vaughn resided softly. "Please. She's all I have left."
This sparked Kilmer's interest. He pulled a neighboring chair closer to the bed and rested his hands on his knees. His steel colored eyes barely blinked and his breath came from his lungs. "What about your wife?"
Vaughn groaned slightly and twisted beneath the sheets slightly, "She's cheating on me with that guy Jonathan. She's having an affair to get back at me for Sydney coming back."
Kilmer wrinkled his brow in return and wasn't exactly sure how to react to that. He cleared his throat softly, clasped his hands together, and chose to stare down at them. "I'm going to go and see how the plans for Saturday are going with Madison." Kilmer rose up slowly and stared down at Vaughn, who looked so frail at that moment. It was amazing that a man of six feet could look so feeble. He patted him on the shoulder in typical male fashion. He crossed out of the room and into the living room. Madison was sitting at the dining table with her laptop open and papers covering the cheap wood. The black frame glasses were placed over her eyes and her long hair was pulled back into a ponytail. Her long, elegant fingers tapped in rhythm against the plastic keys. "Ma-Agent Perkins?"
"I'm almost done getting the mission specs together. Your folder is sitting on the countertop. I'm almost done downloading yours." She took a pause as she typed in a series of codes before resuming, "There's some breakfast for you on the stove. I've already eaten." Her tone was cold and hurt. It had bee quite a few hours since she had broken down and locked herself in the bedroom. The sun had risen and now the countdown had unofficially begun until the mission on Saturday. Madison, being the hard worker, had already started working on what was going to happen. She wanted no surprises.
"Thank you." He replied, moving into the kitchen area to pour himself a cup of tea. "Vaughn's awake."
"Have you informed him that Lauren and Jonathan escaped?" She kept her tone harsh but even. She was still consumed in her work and mad at her fiancé.
He sighed and resisted the urge to throw the teakettle against the wall and shout all the emotions that were filing up inside him. He and Madison had never fought before and now it was all because of something that could have been avoided. "No. I'm waiting for him to regain-no….I haven't." He watched the tea pour gently into the rattled cup.
"You'll have to tell him eventually."
"I know." He fought to keep his tone easy and steady. But realized he was failing rather miserably. "But how do you tell a man that his wife has disappeared with another man who was trying to kill him? It's not exactly something they teach you at Langley."
"You'll have to tell him eventually."
"I know, Maddie."
She looked up from her laptop for a moment but didn't turn around. Noticeably, she straightened up and fought the urge to turn around. "I'd prefer if you called me Agent Perkins, Agent Kilmer."
He set the teakettle down with sudden force and turned around abruptly towards her. "Maddie, are we still on this? C'mon, what can I do to make this up to you?"
She turned around slowly and got to her feet in the most refined manner she could muster. She kept one hand firmly placed on the back of the chair, her feet perfectly turned out like the dancer she was. "There is nothing to do to make up for it. I've been thinking about this for a long time and it's about time I've made my decision. It's much too dangerous for us to be together. It clouds both of our judgments. Both of our priorities are totally skewed. It's in the best interest of both of us and most importantly, Layla. I'm a mother first, agent second, Robbie. If anything ever happened to her, I don't know what I would do with myself. After Saturday, I'll put in for my transfer and move back to the states. I'll go on desk duty."
He walked towards the edge of the kitchen, just to see the expression of her face. "You won't be happy being on desk duty, Maddie!"
"I'll force myself to be. If it means that Layla can have a happy, safe childhood, then every moment behind the desk will be worth it!" She tipped her head back slightly in defiance. She knew that he was trying to read her.
"I don't know what to say."
"Don't say anything and don't come with me. They'll send someone else to keep watch out here and you need to continue our work. There's no way that they can bring two new people here and expect to get everything we need to get done."
"You don't want me to come with you?"
"I do but I know two things…you won't be happy and you can't give up our work."
"But I can't live without you, Madison. We've talked about this a thousand times. We've talked about getting away from this together. We can do it and leave. I can't live without you."
She crossed into the kitchen and stood in front of her. Her eyes were filling with tears and other unwanted emotions. "That's why I have to leave. We've become too dependant on each other. This is going to be our downfall. Robbie, I love you more than anything else on this planet does but we're going to get ourselves killed. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you. That's why I need to leave." She raised her hand up and placed it on his face. He returned it by placing his hand atop hers. His eyes shut and he felt like his heart was going to rip from his chest. "You know that it's true."
"I don't want it to be." He answered his voice low and raspy.
"G-d, Robbie." She raised her body up on her tiptoes and laid a feather light kiss on his lips. "I don't know what to do anymore."