Once a Lifetime
Chapter Fourteen: Duo POV:
Dream
I sat beside a wondrous fountain on a small rock watching the water create tiny rainbows. The mist was gentle against my warm cheeks. I would be seeing Heero again soon. I couldn't wait to look into those handsome Prussian blue eyes of his once more. He had been so helpful toward me when things had been difficult and I'd been struggling to master my magic to remain my true form both night and day. He never complained when I asked him to meet me. He'd simply given me an 'Hn' and nod his head. His smiles still stole my breath away and I found that only I was able to get him to smile. Otherwise he'd either smirk darkly or glare; neither of which looked appropriate for an angel, let alone an Angel Master.
A gust of wind swept over me and I was soon facing him. My Heero; my Angel Master. He was there before in all his glory. His eyes were warm as they looked at me and his dress was a pristine white. I was in my usual black, this one with a cross necklace resting around my neck. He loved it when I showed no fear for God's realm. After all, I was half angel, although he didn't know it. I had no real reason to fear my mother's world. Just as I had no fear of my father's, even though it was by far the darker and more dangerous of the two. I stood up, facing him, my courage weak at best but I knew I had to speak what was in my heart.
"Heero, there's something I have to tell you. I don't want you to think differently of me after I tell you. I just need you to know." Heero looked at me with those eyes I had come to love.
"Duo, you're beating around the bush. What is it already? You know you can tell me anything." Drawing a deep breath, I looked into those cool eyes and blurted out what my heart was yelling at me to say.
"I've fallen in love with you. I've known since the first time I saw you, but it's grown for you over the years we've gotten to know each other." He stared at me for a long moment before doing the unexpected. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. It was like kissing daylight. His lips were warm and soft, passionate and caring. I could feel myself melting into him. A sudden screech broke us apart, my violet eyes wide. Relena was standing a few feet from us, her eyes glaring daggers at me.
"How could you!? You've passed me over for him?! A devil in place of an Angel Master?"
"I've never wanted you, Relena. I've loved Duo since the day I first saw his smile. Nothing will change that," Heero said, matter-of-factly. Relena glared daggers at both of us then. She then vanished in a circle of water. Neither of us wondered about what she had gone to do. We both knew God and Satan would soon be told of what we had done. Punishment wouldn't be as kind to us as they had been to my parents. Hisui and Kokuyo had gotten off easy enough, yet it was told that if devil and angel dared to mix again, there would be a steep punishment in tow.
"Duo, son of Hisui and Kokuyo, your punishment for loving an Angel Master will be as follows," a woman spoke in a neutral voice, her red eyes and black hair-reminding me of the daemons of my father's world. I knew her instantly. She was said to be neither Daemon nor Angel. She was in-between worlds because she dealt with the life and death of all souls. I gave her a brave grin as she watched me with cool eyes. They were more well trained than even Heero's had ever been.
"Tell me all, Angel Master of Death. I do not fear it," I answered, showing my unique way of remaining cheerful even at the worst of times.
"From this day foreword you are sentenced to spend lifetimes trying to find your soul mate. In each time you shall be destined to know your past while Heero will forget everything that came before. If you're lucky he shall have dreams of your past. You cannot tell him of your knowledge unless he questions you about it. If, by the time your lifetimes have come to mirror this one, you cannot win his love, or you fail to win his heart before that time, then you shall return to your prior lives, forever locked away from the other."
"I would never willingly stay away from Heero!" I growled at her, my eyes flashing violet fire. She smiled sadly then and I knew my words had been un-needed.
"There shall be no knowledge of your two ever loving each other. Thus you shall never have a reason to go to him. Your hearts will be locked so that they will not reach for their other half. This is your punishment. You get one more moment with Heero before both of you go toward your first lifetime." I looked quickly toward the door as Heero was ushered into the room. We embrace each other tightly and I know he has been told about our punishment.
"I love you, Koi," he whispers softly. "Don't give up on me." My arms and wings wrap around him tightly. I don't want to say farewell, but there is no other choice.
"I'll find you. I'll find you over and over and over again until the cycle is broken. Remember me in your dreams. I love you." He kissed me then, and this one was bittersweet because we both knew it was our last for this time. Tears fell freely from my eyes as a bright light engulfed us and then I was thrust into darkness.
End Dream
I awoke with a start. Heero was lying on his back, a soft grunt falling from his lips as I made the bed move with my movements but he doesn't awaken. I'm shaking, my breath coming in swift pants. That wasn't like any dream I had ever had. What in the hell was going on? Was that what had really began this entire trip through lifetimes? I carefully got onto my legs and moved into the bathroom under my own power. I always had been a fast healer. Apparently it wasn't gonna stop just because I liked having Heero help me.
If that were the case, it would explain so much, and yet leave so much yet unanswered. There was just way too much I didn't know the answer to. I sighed and leaned against the sink, running cold water and splashing my face to hopefully help myself think more clearly. Heero's words of earlier come back to haunt me in an almost taunting manner.
"How can you be so sure?" he had asked me when he wanted to know how I could be certain I would find him next time. I honestly didn't know. I only knew that as long as I knew he was around and a part of my soul that I would stop heaven and hell to be with him. But then his next words came to mind, driving me to my knees in sudden pain, although my wounds were fine.
"When will this cycle end, Duo? If this is truly real, won't the end of it come sometime? How many more chances do we really have to find each other? And have you ever thought that maybe we're supposed to be accomplishing something? There has to be a reason for all of this to be happening... it can't just be random if you actually remember other lives we've shared."
He was correct, there was a reason behind this. We were simply living lifetimes until we mirrored our true lives. It had been my task to find Heero and win his love. I had been successful thus far. This was our last chance!
That thought struck me suddenly, with the power of a sledgehammer behind it. If Heero couldn't love me before either one of us is killed, then we'd never have another chance. This would be the end. Game over, as the saying goes. Go directly to jail, do not pass go and do not collect two hundred dollars. Oh this was not what I wanted to know. Not now, when everything was looking dark and impossible.
I took a moment and allowed my pain to become one with me. I looked it over almost as analytically as Heero would have done and accepted it. There was nothing I could do. I refused to push Heero. That wouldn't be love-talking....that would be fear, plain and simple. In truth, for the first time ever, I was scared, no afraid. I was honestly afraid. I didn't want a life without Heero. Yet I didn't want to earn his love by causing him worry. That would be the last thing I would ever want.
Standing up, I moved back into the room I shared with Heero. I walked over to the bed and stared down at him. I could feel my tight reign on my emotions fade as I suddenly felt a cool moistness on my cheeks. I was crying! Again I was crying and I had thought I had gotten the worst of it out of my system when I had been fixing Deathscythe. Apparently I wasn't even close.
I sniffed silently and walked toward the kitchen. I noticed the rations that Heero had brought and scoffed at them. How in the world could that boy eat them? They were awful. I went into a far cupboard that he didn't bother to use and pulled out all the makings for a Chinese meal. Beef, pork, and shrimp I brought out of the freezer he hadn't known I had stocked. I also brought out rice and vegetables. My sauces were pulled toward the stove and I began to cook in earnest.
I felt myself crying while I cooked. We were in a war. Either one of us could die at any moment. If that happened then we would lose each other. This could very well be our last meal, seeing as I was almost good enough to pilot my gundam once again. I frowned as I stirred everything carefully, taking care to use my very best cooking skills. I could cook, which was something the other pilots thought I couldn't do. I never bothered to try to be impressive when it was my turn to cook and had always made sandwiches when I had to make dinner. That had made them all believe I couldn't cook. I never bothered to correct them. I liked things that way.
With care, this meal was almost done within an hour of my waking. I knew I was in a kind of funk that I could never really bounce back from. I knew I'd try, because I wouldn't want Heero to realize that I had realized more than I had ever realized before. I'd want him as carefree as he could be. He didn't need pressure from me. After all, I loved him dearly. I loved him so much that I was willing to let him go so that he could make his own decisions. I knew the smell of real food would wake him soon. I forced a small smile on my lips as I began to sing my favorite song from an old anime called 'Gravitation'. It fit my feelings perfectly and I couldn't help trying to see the up side of all of this.
I had gotten to see Heero once more. I had gotten a kiss from him. In other lifetimes I had been able to love him body and soul. I knew that somewhere in my heart I would never forget him. No matter what was done to me to forget, I would remember. I would continue to love him and long for him, long after I was nothing more than a cold shell.
The following is the actual song. I wanted it written here so you can see why he was singing it to begin with. If you don't want to know the song, just skip this part.
OH! OH! SMASHING BLUE OH! OH!
OH! OH! SMASHING BLUE OH! OH!
Kawaita tsumori ame ga tsuzunaku katari kakeru
Namida wa seijaku ni...samayou yoru ga akeru
The dried aftermath of the passing shower has begun painfully to tell the tale:
"In tears, so silently... the wandering nights have passed."
KARADA o tsutau ame ni furueru awai omoi
Guren no yuuwaku ni...samayou yoru ga akeru
Shivering with the rain that trails down my body, a fleeting thought passes:
"In crimson allure... the wandering nights have passed."
Mabushii kiseki o irodoru SMASHING BLUE
Hajimaru MAKE ME TRUE kieyuku tsuki wa SILENT
Kimi no koe mo iranai SMASHING BLUE
Suhada ni nokoru kiramekimaru de TWILIGHT
Coloring the radiant miracle Smashing Blue
Beginning to make me true The vanishing moon is silent
We don't need even your voice Smashing Blue
Our bodies are left naked, glittering just like twilight
OH! OH! SMASHING BLUE OH! OH!
OH! OH! SMASHING BLUE OH! OH!
GLASS no shareta uso ni nanika o hoshigaru MY HEART
Shien no sono yubi de wazukani sasoi kakeru
Amid these glassy stylish lies, my heart seems to want something.
With those smoke-illusory fingers, you've merely begun to call out to me.
Towa ni hirogaru sekai wo SMASHING BLUE
Kioku no MAKE ME TRUE usureru kimi wa SILENT
Koware souna SPEED SMASHING BLUE
Subete o kakete kake agaru toki wa TWILIGHT
The world that stretches toward eternity Smashing Blue.
In memories, make me true Fading, you are Silent
Speed that could break us Smashing Blue
Twilight is the time that begins everything and then races on ahead.
OH! OH! SMASHING BLUE OH! OH!
OH! OH! SMASHING BLUE OH! OH!
DRAMA shitate no FAKE IT MOON
Kodoku o seou STORY TALE
Sameta hitomi de MAKE IT BLUE
Drama's preparations, the Fake it Moon
The storyteller, burdened with loneliness
With awakened eyes, Make it Blue
Mabushii kiseki o irodoru SMASHING BLUE
Hajimaru MAKE ME TRUE kieyuku tsuki wa SILENT
Kimi no koe mo iranai SMASHING BLUE
Suhada ni nokoru kiramekimaru de TWILIGHT
Coloring the radiant miracle Smashing Blue
Beginning to make me true The vanishing moon is silent
We don't need even your voice Smashing Blue
Our bodies are left naked, glittering just like twilight
I watched as rain once again began to beat down. The window showed everything of the world outside and its dark countenance. It was funny how it mirrored my inner feelings. I was almost ready to believe that maybe my tearful feelings were the actual cause of this storm. I knew that wasn't the case. That would never be the case. Instead I worked on having diner finished before Heero awoke. I would make certain we enjoyed every last minute we had left. I wanted these memories to eternally be in my subconscious long after we were parted. At least in my dreams, I would be happy. For Kami-sama knew, as did Satan, that I would never honestly be happy again.