Once a Lifetime
Chapter 15: Heero POV
The smell of spices assaults my senses as I drift through the layers of sleep. At first I tried to ignore it, but the smell was just too strong for me to ignore. I blink open my eyes and survey the area around me. Odd, Duo should still be in bed. Why didn't I notice him leaving earlier?
I get up and make my way to the kitchen. I know he's there and he's probably doing something I won't like. As I make my way into the brightly lit kitchen, I see that baka dancing around and singing a little song I don't recognize. I frown. He's not supposed to be up and he's not supposed to be dancing.
"What are you doing?"
He jumps a little at my question and turns to face me. "What does it look like I'm doing?" He says, waving a spatula at me.
"It looks like you're out of bed and wasting precious resources." I hate it when he gets sarcastic.
"I'm fine and I bought this food and stashed it here myself. None of your precious rations are being sacrificed to my cooking."
That got my attention, "Where did you get the money to buy that? We're on a tight budget on this mission, Duo. You shouldn't be splurging money we could be using on supplies."
He turns around to face me, slamming the pan on the stove as he does. "Dammit Heero! I used my own money to buy this food. You're precious little budget is safe from me!" He turns around again and I can see his shoulders slump a little.
"Why did you go out and buy food when I had already provided our rations?" Like that old book with the idiot girl who went down the rabbit hole once said: Curiouser and curiouser.
"I did it for you." His voice sounds so small.
"Why?" I sound callous. I know that. I can't help it now that I've noticed it.
He hesitates to answer, but when he does, the voice sounds small and broken, "because I wanted to."
I have to take a seat. Nobody has done something like that for me ever. I can't believe anyone would want to. I think the only gift I've ever gotten was from that little girl: a half-wilted flower. Still, she just gave it to me because she thought I looked sad, not because she liked me enough to give me a gift. I feel like I've been hit by a ton of bricks. 'Does not compute' keeps running though my head, and a fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach causes me to glare. I hate that feeling. It's interrupting my training.
I hear Duo slam something. He turns around and puts a plate of Chinese Stir-fry in front of me. How did that baka ever learn that I love such an unhealthy food? You're slipping, Yuy!
I'm forced to leave that train of thought when I hear Duo turn on the faucet and clean up after himself. He never cleans up after himself... and he shouldn't be up! "Duo, I thought I told you that you should be resting."
He spins around to face me looking very upset, "You don't listen, do you? I told you I'm fine!"
"I saw your wounds. You can't possibly be."
He looks furious and shows me his arm, where the bullet went through. I blink. It's practically healed completely. That can't be possible...
"Did G alter you to heal so quickly?"
He turns around again, going back to the dishes, "No, I've always been like this... every time."
I look down at my plate and then I look up at Duo's back. "Thank you, Duo... this is the...nicest... thing anyone's ever done for me."
"Listen Heero... I don't want to pressure you. I know you don't love me and I can't say it doesn't hurt, but I don't know how long I can stand it."
I look down, I want to say something, but the words aren't there. I try again, "Duo..." I wait until he turns around and I motion for him to sit on the seat in front of me. He sits and I try to get the words to come out in some semblance of coherency. "Duo... you are the best frie-" I can't say it. The word gets caught in my throat, making me dry-swallow once. "You are the best... partner... I've ever had."
His stunning eyes look odd... he's giving me this look I don't recognize on his face, but he nods wearily and whispers, "I understand."
I don't think he does understand. And I don't know how to make him. "Duo, you have to know that to me, the mission is my life. You are the only person I'd ever willingly take as a partner."
He gives me a broken smile and gets up to leave. "I have to go, Heero." If it weren't for my observational skills, I'd never had noticed that his eyes were tearing up. His eyes looked the way I felt when I killed an innocent that first time.
"Duo, stop." He paused just as he was reaching the door and turned to face me again. "Duo, you don't understand, and I don't think I have the capacity to make you understand."
He turns around and leans against the door. "Try, Heero. Use small words."
"I'm not very articulate when it comes to this sort of situation, but I'll do my best." At his nod, I take a breath and begin. "My world is a mission. You are the only partner I want by my side. Where I'm used to being alone, you have infiltrated my defenses. I am trained to be suspicious of others, but I trust you with my life. I have been trained to kill our fallen lest they become a liability, but I've never been able to pull the trigger on you. You are the only partner I've ever accepted, and you are the only partner I'll ever want." I pause and look up at him, "I don't know exactly what that means, but it's been on my mind for a while now. You are more than a comrade in arms... but I don't know what to name it."
I try to gauge his reaction, and it looks like I've just punched him in the stomach. Mission: Failure. I sigh and get up, going back to the room I shared with Duo, plate in hand. "Go ahead and think about it. I hope you understand."