Once a Lifetime
Chapter 16: Duo POV
"What are you doing?" Heero's voice calls out from the doorway, making me jump and turn toward him. I couldn't help it. I used sarcasm as a shield.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" I answer, waving a spatula at him.
"It looks like you're out of bed and wasting precious resources." Oh, I hate it when he gets so serious.
"I'm fine and I bought this food and stashed it here myself. None of your precious rations are being sacrificed to my cooking." I reply, watching as his eyes narrow and focus on me. At least he wasn't remarking about my being out of bed.
"Where did you get the money to buy that? We're on a tight budget on this mission, Duo. You shouldn't be splurging money we could be using on supplies," he retorts back. I snap. I spin around to face him, slamming down the pan a little too hard as I shift the food around.
"Dammit Heero! I used my own money to buy this food. You're precious little budget is safe from me!" I then returned to my cooking, placing my back to him, but my shoulders slump a little.
"Why did you go out and buy food when I had already provided our rations?" I sigh softly, too low for him to hear. I know my voice is soft and small when I answer, my heart behind it.
"I did it for you."
"Why?" Man, did he have to sound so callous. It was enough to make me cry and I didn't want to cry in front of him. I hesitate then, not really ready to say what I really wanted to answer. So instead I reply in a very small and broken voice.
"Because I wanted to." And I did. I had wanted to do something special for Heero. I had wanted to do something for him. Something that came from me. I hear him take a seat and I know he's thinking about what I've just said. I swiftly place the food on a plate, slam down the pan, and move over toward him, placing it down before him. I could tell he was surprised when he looked at what I had made. I couldn't blame him. It had taken me a very long time to figure out what it was he liked. He wasn't an easy person to read normally.
I then start in on clean up. This stuff could leave really tough to clean pans if you didn't wash them right away. So I cleaned up everything I had used. I know this must have given me away in some small way, cause I never normally did these things. I wasn't at all surprised when Heero started in again.
"Duo, I thought I told you that you should be resting."
I spin around to face him, my expression upset and hurt. I didn't want to have this kind of conversation now. Couldn't he tell that about me? "You don't listen, do you? I told you I'm fine!" I yell, my heart slamming in my chest. 'Please don't continue this, Hee-chan.' I plead internally. Yet he wasn't about to realize anything right now, especially that I wasn't in the mood for a serious talk.
"I saw your wounds. You can't possibly be." My expression becomes furious and before I know it I'm showing him my arm, the one where the bullet when right though. I watch him blink in surprise. It was almost completely healed. If he bothered to check my leg, he'd be even more shocked.
"Did G alter you to heal so quickly?" I spin away from him, returning to my dishes.
"No, I've always been like this... every time." He looked away from me, I could tell, but then I felt his eyes on me once again. His words seemed to shake me up inside when he spoke once again.
"Thank you, Duo... this is the...nicest... thing anyone's ever done for me."
"Listen Heero... I don't want to pressure you. I know you don't love me and I can't say it doesn't hurt, but I don't know how long I can stand it."
"Duo..." I stop and turn toward him, catching him motioning for me to sit in front of him. Reluctantly I moved to the seat and sat down. I notice he's having trouble talking.
"Duo... you are the best frie-" He can't say it. The word was caught in his throat, making him dry-swallow once. This obviously wasn't very easy for him. "You are the best... partner... I've ever had." Pain flashed through my eyes and I know my heartbreak must be on my face. Yet I nodded wearily.
"I understand," I whisper in answer and I really do understand. Heero isn't used to feelings in this time. He can't come out and tell me how he feels because he doesn't know how he feels himself. Yet I can tell he thinks I don't understand and he doesn't know how to make me.
"Duo, you have to know that to me, the mission is my life. You are the only person I'd ever willingly take as a partner." I grace him with a broken smile and get up to leave. I really do need time to myself before I break down and become a baby before him. His words have hit me a whole lot more than I expected then to hit me.
"I have to go, Heero." My eyes tear up and I know he catches it. I must look like a really innocent little boy at that moment. As if I was a green soldier who has yet to kill someone.
"Duo, stop." I paused just as I was reaching the door and turned to face him again. "Duo, you don't understand, and I don't think I have the capacity to make you understand."
I turn around and lean against the door. "Try, Heero. Use small words."
"I'm not very articulate when it comes to this sort of situation, but I'll do my best." At my nod, he takes a breath and begins. "My world is a mission. You are the only partner I want by my side. Where I'm used to being alone, you have infiltrated my defenses. I am trained to be suspicious of others, but I trust you with my life. I have been trained to kill our fallen lest they become a liability, but I've never been able to pull the trigger on you. You are the only partner I've ever accepted, and you are the only partner I'll ever want." He pauses and looks up at me, "I don't know exactly what that means, but it's been on my mind for a while now. You are more than a comrade in arms... but I don't know what to name it."
He tries to gauge my reaction, and I know it looks like he's just punched me in the stomach. I can't help it. He just said he loved me and yet he isn't even aware of what he's just told me. How very sad can that be? That won't work to save the love we have and I know it. It tears out my heart without even trying. I watch him stand up and head into the room he shared with me, taking the food with him.
"Go ahead and think about it. I hope you understand." I don't bother with a jacket then; I simply open the door and slip out into the rain. It felt soothing against my skin. It was cool and moist, just as the warm tears that fell down my cheeks at that moment were salty when they reached my lips. I was a mess. I had never been this unable to hide my feelings, but Heero's confession and yet non-confession was tearing a whole in my chest where my heart was. If he couldn't figure out for himself that he loved me, then we were doomed, in so many more ways than one.
I walk toward Deathscythe, my one true friend. I could tell the Gundam anything and I knew he would never get upset with me. Yet I soon found I never made it to my friend. With a strangled cry I was grabbed up from behind and I felt a needle prick the back of my neck. Instantly I felt everything in me go numb. I knew this was something G had been working on. It allowed the captive to remain awake for a little longer, at least to get a couple answers before knocking them out. When the captive awakens, they will be unable to move anything, unless given the anti-syringe full of whatever the first thing is. I never recalled his crazy name for it. Pestilence was always crazy this way. Mores the pity.
"Lieutenant Zechs? Are we to get the other one as well?" a young sounding voice questioned. My eyes narrowed, or at least I tried to make them narrow. It didn't quite work.
"No. The Wing Pilot is too dangerous. We take this one with us and lure him out. I want to go and make our demands known, captain."
"Yes, sir," the young one answered and I soon found myself face to face with Zechs. For a moment I saw his features superimposed over a very womanly looking angel and then I was simply staring at the Lightning Count himself.
"You will be his downfall you know," Zechs said softly, watching me. It was hard to read his expression, seeing as rain was falling into my eyes. "He will come for you, seeing as he can't leave you alone. When he does, he'll die. I will have my one battle without interference from my meddling sister. Perhaps I'll even give you a chance to say farewell before he falls to Epyon." I try to shake my head. I want to deny what he's saying, but I can't. Heero even said as much himself. He wouldn't leave me in Zechs hands, no matter the cost. Oh why did this have to happen now...of all times?
"Bring him to the ship. We leave when Captain Marcus returns." I heard another yes sir in reply and then darkness dragged me under, G's nasty little surprise hitting me hard and fast. I would really have to remember to tell Pestilence that I hated him when I got the chance.