Once a Lifetime

Chapter 17: Heero POV

I don't know what's gotten into me lately. In a very short time, I've become something that I don't recognize. I think I believe the story that Hisui told me because strangely enough, I can't find anything to disprove what she told me. Then again, I have no way to prove it either... unless you count the dreams I've been having.

I finish up my stir-fry (who knew Duo could cook?) and take it down to the kitchen to wash the plate. Duo's probably long gone by now... I hope he can figure out what's going on in my head from what I've told him. I'm having a hard time trying to put a name to the things stirring around inside of me.

A knock on the door brings me out of my thoughts.

Duo wouldn't knock. He hasn't been gone long enough to come back yet. I look out the little window above the kitchen sink and see someone standing in a military uniform. Kuso. I can't be found out and I can't shoot him in case someone is close enough to hear the gunshot.

I leave the kitchen and exit the small cabin through a back door and make my way around, silently. Just as I reach the uniformed man, he turns to face me, obviously startled to have me sneak up on him. I lash out, making the side of my hand connect with his throat, effectively knocking him out. The body slumps to the wooden deck making a thumping sound that I hope nobody hears. I open the door and drag the limp body inside.

Once inside. I take him into what would be the living room and fish a length of rope out of my pack. After securing his wrists and ankles to make sure he doesn't escape, I go and fetch a glass of water, my gun at the ready.

What could that Ozzie be doing here? And alone? Something isn't right. I come back and throw the water on the man's face, smirking as he sputters and becomes fully conscious. I stand over him, aiming my gun at him, as I wait for him to get his bearings.

"What do you want?" I ask in my iciest tone. I should really just kill him now, but something is screaming at me not to.

His face pales and he dry swallows before he whispers, "Lieutenant Zechs has asked me to deliver a message to you regarding pilot 02."

I gave the man my best glare, cocking my gun, "You have 10 seconds."

"Pilot 02 has been captured and will be executed if you, pilot 01, do not surrender your gundam. You have 3400 hours." The man was visibly shaking and trying his best not to beg for mercy. With that, I pulled the trigger, shooting the man just a centimeter away from his ear, making the soldier faint. I smirk; he's too much of an innocent to be mixed up in all of this.

Three hours later, I come back to the safe house, and booting up my laptop to get a message to Quatre and the others. The rookie has been safely relocated to a remote area in the forest that's close enough to the main road so he won't get too lost. I can't kill an innocent on purpose.

I open my email and begin to compose a message to the others:

To: 03,04,05

From: 01

Subj: (none)

02 captured. Backup requested

I send the email, and get ready to go. All I need to do now is wait for the others to set a plan into gear.

Later that evening, I heard footsteps approaching the cabin. It was late and I was busy cleaning my guns when I heard the gravel outside crunch under the soles of shoes. I turned off the lamp I was using as a light source and make my way to the front door. I stand in front of the door, my gun at the ready when Trowa walks in to the safe house, ignoring the gun I have trained at him.

"What happened to Duo?" he asks. Quatre follows, appearing worried while even Wufei slightly shows some concern.

"He's been kidnapped." I lower my gun and walk into the living room I was in and turn the lamp back on so that I can see their faces.

Wufei nods silently while Quatre moves toward me, "What do they want?"

"They want my gundam, what else?"

Wufei glares at me for a moment, "So what do you plan to do?"

I don't know what to answer. I want to go and rescue him, I want to rip Zech's head off for even touching my Duo, but... I can't. I was trained to destroy our fallen, lest they give away valuable information. I have to go after him... but the problem is, will I go there to rescue him, or to shoot him? I've never been able to shoot him before, and I don't want to do it now, but fighting against my training is wearing me down.

Trowa snaps me out of my thoughts; "You're not planning on leaving Duo there, are you?" He actually looks concerned, which is odd because his mask is almost as perfect as mine.

I look at Quatre and notice his eyes begin to water, "You can't Heero.....at least we have to plan to save him! Even if you won't give up the Gundam, he's our friend and we can't leave him now!

I clench my fists tighter, all these emotions I'm ill equipped to handle running amok inside my brain. The pilots aren't helping matters either what with their different tempers being set loose while I myself am unstable... I'm not sure how much longer my mask will hold out, "...I ... I don't know what to do. I need... help... I know I have to go in there and shoot him before they get anything out of him but I don't want to." As I say that, I realize, I don't want to shoot him. I know I have to but I don't want to. I sound like a broken record... I'm driving myself crazy!! Damn J and his training. I'll kill him for this one of these days...

"Shoot him!! Are you mad?! This goes beyond that!" Quatre is losing control too, apparently. At least I'm not the only one.

"You don't know anything! You have no idea what's been going on!" Did I just yell? I'm sounding like a rebellious teenager, but I can't bring myself to stop.

"I. . .I agree with Quatre on this one. We can't. He's a part of our team." Wufei wants to save Duo too? I thought they hated each other... Duo won't believe Wufei is siding with him, I doubt I'll tell him about it though. He said he loves me... I don't want to hurt him by telling him that I contemplated going after him just to execute him... even if it is only my soldier side screaming at me to and not me entirely.

Listen to me... I'm talking about myself as if I had two separate identities. I need to snap out of this destructive train of thought. It's not healthy.

"If we don't know anything, then why don't you enlighten us?" Trowa looks angry. Even his voice is letting some of the venom seep through. Maybe he cares more about Duo than he lets on? No... I thought he and Quatre were together... but still... I don't like that he seems to care that much about Duo.

"... You'd think I was crazy if I told you what's been going on..." They are my comrades in arms... I owe it to them to try to explain even if I don't want to.

"Try me." I look up at Quatre and meet his determined gaze. He knows something... I'm sure he does...

"I'd rather understand than be left thinking you'll kill him." Duo would have a field day if he knew Wufei just said that.

I sigh and let myself collapse onto a lumpy couch, "... I think I'm going crazy... but I've been having these weird dreams... and then there was that hallucination that I'm starting to believe... and Duo telling me my dreams are really memories..."

"He always has been more open than us. Maybe he knows more about life as well." You're so very optimistic, Quatre... I still think you're keeping something from me.

Not a second goes by before Wufei speaks up on behalf of Duo as well, "He's more insane than anything, but even I'd be bound to believe it if he actually said it. He doesn't lie."

I look up at them, meeting all three of their gazes one at a time, "It's just too crazy to believe. Then there was that hallucination Duo and I were pulled into.. This lady Hisui and her husband were making us look at "memories" ... and Duo was a girl! Can you believe that? He was a girl in a white wedding dress with red roses embroidered on it!" I'm losing my composure and I can't pull myself back together. I'm going hysterical and I know it. I need help. I want Duo back. I need Duo back. Why did they have to take him? I can't take this any more. I pull out my gun and hand it to Quatre, looking at him in they eye. He'll put me out of my misery... I feel pain but I don't know why. I'm not trained to handle non-physical pain. "..I'm a liability and I don't know what I'm doing any more... dispose of me. Save Duo and get rid of me. I'm useless" God, I sound like Relena...

"You're starting to sound like that onna we always have to save." Thanks Wufei... I didn't need for you to tell me I was right on that count.

Just as I'm about to beg Quatre to shoot me already, Trowa stomps up to me and punches me squarely on the jaw. My head is thrown back momentarily, and I see little black spots in my vision for a few seconds before I shake it off. I needed that. I give Trowa a grateful nod as Quatre chides him for doing that and he nods back. We've always had a sort of understanding.

I take a deep breath and try to clear my head. I think the punch worked. I feel less hysterical already. I begin trying to explain myself again, "It's been a hectic couple of days... I've been forced to acknowledge certain emotions lately and it's been interfering with my system. Lately I've been having dreams that Duo claims are memories. Then we were visited by two entities, Hisui and her husband Kokuyo. I was led to believe that after this lifetime, if I didn't come to a certain realization, Duo and I would cease to exist. Those are the facts as I have come to understand them-"

I look up at the three standing in from of me and I think my eyes momentarily left their sockets. Each one of the pilots in front of me now sports a pair of wings on his back; Quatre and Wufei have brilliant white wings, while Trowa had the darkest, most beautiful wings on his back. I jump behind the couch, training my gun on them, in case one of them makes a move, but by that time, the wings are gone, "Okay, what are you?" I hate unknown factors.

Wufei looks at me with a look of contempt, as if I were the dumbest human being on earth, "We are what we have always been. Your friend, you idiot. You are acting worse than a woman."

"I've never seen any of you with wings before."

Quatre is the first one to answer, "That's because you weren't allowed to." He turns to whisper softly at Trowa and Wufei, but my sensitive ears catch what he says, "Duo knows his true past. If he didn't, Heero wouldn't have seen us like that."

"That would explain the baka's reason for going out in the rain." I think I feel a bit jealous... I don't like Wufei calling Duo a baka... even if he is.

"What are you taking about and why were Trowa's wings different? I am in no mood for games and as Wufei pointed out, I am highly unstable at the moment."

"Unstable? You're insane. But that is beside the point." Wufei mutters under his breath. I'm close to strangling him right about now.

They're silent for a few seconds before Quatre speaks up, "Trowa is as Duo is. You are like Wufei and myself."

I hate it when Quatre is being diplomatic. I want a straight answer and show him I'm serious by cocking my gun in his direction. "You're being evasive," I growl.

Next thing I know, he's laughing! He has the audacity to laugh at me! "Since Duo knows, you can as well. You are an Angel Master Heero. Have been since the day of your birth."

"And will be again, when things come to an end." Wufei could never keep from putting his two cents in.

I lower my gun and click the safety on. I can't believe it. They're part of this too. It's a giant conspiracy on a cosmic level. Obviously the prehistoric humans of Greece had it right in their mythology. The Gods and/or angels do mock the mortals, using us all in what to them might be some amusing little drama. "...So it's true?" I ask, "The past lives? Everything?"

"Yes." Quatre replies. "Trowa, Wufei and myself have been quietly watching over you two. Duo is Trowa's cousin, and as such, wants him to have what he has found himself."

Trowa and Duo are related? They're nothing alike! Still, I can't wrap my mind around the idea that these three... these people I cared for as more than just pilots... could have been deceiving me and Duo all this time. "The three of you knew all along? Why? What did we do to be punished like this?"

Quatre turns sad eyes on Trowa; somehow, I missed where they had come to wrap their arms around each other. "You remember the best, Trowa, you tell him."

Trowa nods a little at Quatre and takes a deep breath before speaking, all the time keeping a grip on Quatre's hip. "...You and Duo got close," he began, "After a few hundred years of being friends, your relationship grew beyond that. An angel master found out about the two of you and became jealous and demanded you be punished. This is your sentence... you two were to live lifetime after lifetime, finding each other and sharing a love doomed to end in tragedy within a year of falling for each other. The cycle was to repeat until the lifetime mirrored the original, and if by the time either of you perished in said lifetime and true love had not been declared, you both would return to your original lives without knowledge of the other's existence."

That's more than I've ever heard Trowa say to me at any one time. "...Is that why you're here? To make this life mirror the original?"

He nods solemnly and I can't help but explode in his face, "Then why the hell couldn't you have appeared in a lifetime where I was better suited to do what I have to do?!"

"You are exactly as you were then in this time now. So how else would things mirror then?" Shut up, Quatre! Why do you have to be so calm and reasonable when I'm in the middle of a breakdown?

I rub at my face in frustration, wiping away little beads of moisture that seem to have come from my eyes, but I pay them no mind. "Then how could I fall in love with him then if I was this emotionally crippled?"

"Because of who he is." You shut up too, Wufei. I know who he is. I know Duo is a good person who does nothing more than try to make me smile.

"He always gave you a smile when you met and did nothing but attempt to make you happy. Through that, he won over a heart no one else could reach." Didn't I tell you to shut up, Quatre? Wait... he won over my heart? Does he mean now, or does he mean then?

"No one else could manage that but his sister..." Wufei mutters, but the words don't sink in immediately.

"The difference is, this time around, my emotions were systematically beaten out of my system. I don't even know how to identify them!" My voice has actually broken out of its trained monotone. Goodbye perfect soldier, till we meet again. "How am I supposed to know what I feel for him if I don't know what feeling is like? ... Wait... Sister?" It was then that Wufei's words hit me, and hit me hard. I don't have a sister... do I? "I have a sister?"

"Yes.... she's around here somewhere as well." I am in no mood to have Quatre be so reasonable. I want to punch that diplomatic little face for having more calm than I know mine does.

I think Trowa can tell that I'm close to venting my frustration physically. He's glaring daggers at Wufei and mutters, "Open your big mouth, why don't you, angel?"

I then look over at Wufei, only to find the most childish display of sticking his tongue out at our tallest pilot with a petulant look on his face. "Shut it Daemon," he says, folding his arms across his chest.

I ignore their little battle and think back on who my sister, if I even have one, could be. There isn't that many girls I have come in contact with and Quatre said she's around somewhere... wait... NO! It better not be- "...It's not Relena, is it?"

Trowa disengages from his little argument with Wufei for the moment to give me an incredulous look, "Oh, HELL no!"

Wufei also becomes distracted to give me a similar look, except this one has disgust mingled in, "Hell no..... although I wish I couldn't call her Angel either."

This is really getting to be a bit much. "Relena's a angel too?! Next you're going to tell me that my biggest nemesis is involved in this too and is somehow connected to me!" There's no possible way for that to happen since he just abducted the one person that means more to me than my laptop and Gundam put together.

As I wait for them to relent and tell me that no, not everyone around me is mixed up in this tangled web, I look up to find Wufei in deep thought, "That could very well be."

"You're making me paranoid, Wufei," I say. I'm not in the mood to hear that sort of thing.

"Come to think of it, he does act like Meridiana." Et tu, Quatre?

"Never heard of her," I say as I cross my arms over my chest. I do not remember that name, and I refuse to acknowledge it does ring a bell.

"Meridiana is part of a life you can't remember," again with the talking Quatre. I swear, if it weren't for your questionable control over what you do when you're pushed, I'd have beaten you to a pulp. "She's your sister."

Whoa, no. Not true. Can't be true. "Stop right there. Zechs is NOT my sister. If I did have a sister, which I don't, why does she want to kill my Duo?" Did I just say 'my Duo' out loud? I must have, because all three are giving me a little smirk, but at least they don't say anything.

"Did you ever stop to think she'd want you to realize you cared for him before he dies...which from what I have been told is going to be soon." Duo's going to die soon? NO! I can't let that happen! Damn you, Wufei... if anything happens to my Duo it'll be your head!

"Wufei...you are getting upset. Calm yourself." That's right, Quatre, tell him to shut the hell up before I hurt him.

I need to get out of here. I need to sleep because tomorrow morning we're leaving to rescue Duo. I have too much to think about. As I go, I hear Trowa mutter something about bad tempered angels and how their tempers could fuel the fires in hell. I don't really pay attention until I sense a fire behind me.

Flames erupt around Wufei's hand while Quatre tries to get him to calm down. "I can't! Can't calm down!" Wufei yells, the flame licking up his forearm, but strangely, it doesn't seem to burn him.

"You can Wufei. I don't have an element to calm yours." Even Quatre is starting to loose his cool. Good.

As I watch Wufei struggling to calm down in amusement, Trowa's yell snaps me out of my viewing, "Heero! Wufei said he's going to cut Duo's braid!"

I barely notice Wufei yell back, "What was that, Daemon Boy??!"

My vision is engulfed in red. I can't seem to control my anger... why does the mention of harming Duo's hair have this reaction on me? I advance on Wufei, fully intent on harming him bodily and growl. I actually growled! "If you dare lay a hand on Duo, I'll rip you to pieces!"

I reach out and grab Wufei's throat as I shove his body against the wall, pinning him there and cutting off his air supply. To my surprise, a huge gust of wind came out of nowhere as soon as I laid a hand on Wufei and the fire was blown away

Trowa smirked and looked away from us. "You can let go of him now, Heero."

Quatre shakes his head at Trowa's actions. "Trowa!! That was terrible."

"It worked, Quatre. And I also believe Heero just discovered something about himself," Trowa answers with a shrug, catching me off guard. I let go of Wufei, my expression blank.

Wufei grabs his throat, rubbing it, "Did you have to make me the example, Daemon brat?"

"Quatre, why did I do that? Does this mean I care about Duo like that? Like Trowa and you care for one another?" I ask, staring at my hands.

"I can't answer that for you Heero. You have to understand that one on your own." He answers, his voice once again calm. I'm really going to have to hurt him someday.

"Yes, Wufei, I did. You couldn't control your fire, so I took care of that little problem for you." Wufei and Trowa seem to glare darkly at each other, both a little strained.

"I. . .I think I do. I think I care about him a lot," I say softly, watching Wufei a moment before sending him my coldest glare. "And I WILL rip you to shreds if you touch him."

Wufei shook his head, obviously immune to my glare. "Wild man, I wasn't gonna do anything to him to begin with. He's Kokuyo's son and Satan's grandson. I don't have a death wish, unlike someone else in this room." I know he's making a snide remark about my former habits of self-destruction.

Trowa grins, one I've seen so many times on Duo that I can't believe I'm seeing it on Trowa. Obviously, they truly were related. Yet Wufei's words once again sink in slowly and I almost miss the argument going on between the two of them. "You can't touch me. Duo's my cousin. We're practically brothers! I'm under his protection, so there!" In a display of more childishness, Trowa sticks out his tongue, which Wufei glares at. Quatre, on the other hand, displays a playful side and lightly catches that tongue with his teeth, nipping it lightly.

"Behave," Quatre mutters softly.

"Don't remind me Daemon," Wufei growls.

"Too late," Trowa taunts. "Don't you just love us Daemons running away with Angel Master hearts?"

"I happen to still have mine and it will remain right where it is thank you."

"We'll see about that," Trowa came back with.

"Baka," Wufei mutters. "You are just as bad as an onna."

"Duo's gene pool at work. I also know a very nice daemon girl who's fry your ass if she heard you say that."

"I happen to like the Angel Master of Death a lot better than you three right this minute," Wufei growled, making me grin. Now there was one woman you didn't want to have to break up with. She could just think your time was up if you hurt her. That was really saying something for Wufei.

I stop them with a simple shot into the air, effectively silencing them. "If you all haven't realized it, Duo is still in danger. We have to come up with a plan, and now."

Quatre looks at me with warm eyes, "Does this mean that we are making a rescue and not a death mission?" I smile. I can't help it. Quatre can be too calm at times, but at this moment, his concern is touching. I nod.

"Hai. We will save him. I swear it." I know now why Kokuyo and Hisui tried to help us. They were Duo's parents. It hit me when they had been fighting. Knowing that, I knew every Hisui told me was true. I was also able to realize what this crazy feeling was that was driving me crazy. I loved Duo. I knew that now. Now it was only up to me to save him and tell him before it was too late.