Chapter 9- Hopelessness in trying.
(A/N) 77 reviews! Thank you all so much! That would have to be one of the best birthday presents ever! I was a bit disappointed though cos I got to 68 and then nothing, but then PixieDust02 came and saved all of your buts by reviewing every chapter! And I know I said I would update before the 16th, and now it is like, the26th, but I have been sick, and I had to stay in bed and I couldn't get to the computer. And I couldn't use the laptop cos it was at the shop getting fixed, so now, FINALLY I have my laptop and I am in bed with tissues and butter menthols, and mushy liquid food. But I have enough strength to type. So all you people out there who are going 'she still hasn't updated! what a cow!" etc. etc. should feel really guilty cos I have been trying to type but have been too sick. AND. in case everything else that has happen is not enough, my dad and my step mum are breaking up. So I have a lot of shit to deal with. Please be nice, review and cheer me up. This chapter is dedicated to PixieDust02, for reviewing eight times and making me feel happy while I was sick.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was two in the morning, and Lily was sitting at her desk bent over a large book taking notes and adding them to her already huge pile of papers. She looked horrible. She had purple bags under her eyes and her skin looked sallow and pasty, like she hadn't seen sunlight for days. Well, except for the natural light that came through her window, and her Herbology lessons, Lily hadn't been outside. Her schedule was along these lines: Wake up at five in the morning, shower and get ready for school. Study until eight, breakfast. Lessons, lunch. Reading in the library until next class, classes. More reading in library or talking to teachers about extra credit assignments, dinner. Up to bedroom to study that days notes and read up on new subjects, review work from earlier that week, work on assignments and homework. Go to sleep around midnight. Some days she forgot to have lunch because she was so engaged by her reading.
This night, or morning, she was up late going over her transfiguration notes. She was afraid of falling behind because during that lesson the marauders had pulled a prank and she had been distracted for a few minutes. She was making sure she had all her notes and that she knew the work. Her eyelids drooped, and she was having trouble staying awake. Lily flicked through her book to she how much she had left to read, 'only 186 pages left Lily' she said to herself. Just finish these last 186 pages and then sleep, it was early on Saturday morning, she would sleep all Saturday, then work all Sunday to prepare for Mondays classes. Lily sighed as she turned the page and picked up her quill.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
James was quietly climbing through the portrait hole, trying not to giggle as he remembered the look on Rowena Ravenclaw's face when he woke her up to let him in. "old dog" he thought to himself as he closed the portrait with a soft 'click'. He made his way slowly to his room struggling to remember which floorboards were the squeaky ones. 'Squeak!' as he stepped onto his right foot, the floorboard below him gave a massive squeak. "Crap" he swore under his breath, 'Lily', he was right outside Lily's room. Had he woken her up? His heart pained as he thought of Lily and how she had been acting lately, he had hardly seen her, only in class, and sometimes at meals. On tiptoe he put his ear to Lily's door, he heard her sigh. "Crap" he said again. He looked at the door handle. Did he dare enter? He looked at his wizard watch. 3.15am. 'She is probably asleep' he thought, then summoning all his courage he twisted the doorknob and pushed the heavy door open. The room was strangely bright, compared to the common room which was dimly lit by half a dozen candles. James looked to the bed in the middle of the room, expecting to see a Lily shaped pile of blankets, instead the bed was made and unslept in. James was confused, where was Lily? Cautiously he stepped into the room; it smelt just like her, a mixture of Honey, and vanilla, and that smell that all girls have. The room was spotlessly neat, quite the opposite to his room, and in the corner of the room, under the source of the light, still bed over her desk, was Lily.
"Lily?" he asked loudly in surprise. Lily jumped three feet into the air.
"James! Potter what the hell do you think you are doing?" she said angrily as she smoothed down her hair and turned to face him.
"I could ask you the same question, do you have any idea what time it is?" he said as he sat on her bed and crossed his arms across his chest. Lily looked at him in disbelief.
"Excuse me?" she said as she stood up, "you waltz yourself into my room, interrupt my study, sit on my bed and tell me off for not being asleep, when you, quite obviously, are also awake at this hour? Who do you think you are Potter? My father?" James looked sheepish, 'you dickhead! You have been gallivanting around Hogsmeade under an invisibility cloak, while she has been studying, hold on, studying?' he thought. James sighed.
"Don't you sigh at me Potter!" Lily said angrily, "I would appreciate it if you just left now, I still have 63 pages to get through." James looked up at Lily but did not remove himself.
"I have been a dickhead," he said slowly, "can we start this conversation over? I would actually like to think about what I will say before I say anything this time." James patted the bed next to him and Lily sat down close to him, very close to him. Lily exhaled, then said, "okay, you go first."
James grabbed Lily's hand and said, "so why are you still up at this time of a morning?"
"I am studying, Transfiguration. All that stuff about Animagus that McGonagall was talking about today, until some Slytherins' started to shrink at an extremely fast rate." Lily said giving James a semi evil semi laughing eye. "Have they found that friend of Malfoy's yet, what's his name? Nott?"
"Nope" James said with a laugh, you should have seen the Slytherin girls shrinking furniture and food, and leaving it all over the Transfiguration room so he can eat and sleep. I walked in there with Sirius after dinner while they were there and pointed out to them that they have probably already stepped on him. And they all started crying and jumping on tables and calling out to him. Sirius and I must have been laughing for close to an hour."
Lily smiled while giving James a disapproving look. "It really isn't funny you know, he could be dead or hurt or..."
"Yes it is funny," James said. "Because we put a protecting spell on them so they wont get hurt, and the spell should wear of by this afternoon."
"You think of everything James!" Lily said while running her thumb over James's hand.
"I think of you." he said without thinking. Lily's hand went white and she stopped moving her thumb, but didn't pull back her hand.
"Sorry," James said quickly, "I said I was going to think before I spoke, but then it just came out and I know..." he was silenced by Lily's lips. Lily kissed him gently, waiting for him to respond, eventually he realised that she had made the first move again and started to kiss back. Lifting his spare hand he bought it up to Lily's face and caressed her cheek. As they pulled away to breathe James tucked a stray red lock behind Lily's ear.
"I thought you said that you couldn't do this?" he said gently.
"I can't," Lily replied, "but Saturdays is my day off, and as long as I study hard, and I mean harder than I have ever studied before and my marks don't drop, I can't think of a good reason not to be with you. Being with out you is driving me crazy. If you can respect my need to get good marks, I am sure this can work." James smiled and kissed her again and again. Running one hand through her hair and putting the other one on her waist. Lily snaked an arm around James's neck, while putting her other hand behind his back. Shifting on the bed, Lily kicked of one of James's shoes and he shook off the other one. While smiling into his lips, Lily pulled James down on top of her on the bed. James was surprised, but didn't complain as Lily pulled his shirt out of his pants, she started running her hand up and down his chest and abs. James paused from kissing Lily to sit up and remove his shirt, tossing it aside. Lily smiled as she pulled him down to kiss him. James moved his hand from her hair to her top button. His hand resting on her heaving chest. He felt Lily stiffen, and looked into her eyes. Lily inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, nodding her head. James stopped for a moment to kiss her closed eye lids as she lay there. Then he moved his hand back to her shirt. Lily stiffened as he undid the first button, squeezed her eyes tighter closed as he undid the second, and exhaled sharply as he undid the third and reached into her shirt, placing a palm over her left breast. James removed his hand and kissed her forehead, whispering "we can go slow, don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with."
"Thank you James." Lily whispered back. James climbed off Lily and picked up his shirt and shoes.
"James?" Lily said sitting up in bed, her top still undone and as James turned back to face Lily he felt something stir in his lower regions. 'How can she possibly be so beautiful?' he said to himself before giving Lily a questioning look. "Yeah Lils?"
"Um, James, could you stay here tonight?" she said with pleading eyes.
"Do I have to?" he said faking sarcasm. Lily stared at him evilly.
"Go, go on, get out of my sight" she said turning up her nose while doing a pathetic job at hiding her smile.
"Baby?" James said in his whiney voice.
"No, go away, I hate you" Lily said while giggling.
"Never!" James said getting a running start, and leaping onto the bed right next to Lily, making her squeal.
"Never say never." Lily replied as she kissed his lips with a smile.
James smiled into her kiss as he wrapped his arms around her and snuggled under the blankets. Finally he was in heaven on earth. With his arms around the girl he loved he feel into a peaceful sleep. Lily however, didn't sleep so easy. She kept thinking about the last 63 pages she hadn't read. She looked at James's wizard watch and saw it was 4.30am. When she was sure that James was asleep, she gently lifted his arms from around her, got up and took the rest of her notes. When she finally finished she crept back into bed and re-wrapped herself in James's arms. Finally able to sleep, she snuggled into James's chest and fell into a deep slumber.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ (A/N) finally done! I really don't like this chapter and I think I should have another one in between this one and the last. I will read through the rest of my story and this chappie before I post again. Next chappie, re enters the friends. I have kind of left them out which isn't very good cos I am trying to make this realistic. I gotta spell check this on my other puter cos this one hasn't got all my Hogwarts words added and says I have heaps of mistakes. Ok I think I really hate this chappie. But remember, snape is evil, so he is going to be in here quite a bit. All these people get a really big hug and a chocolate brownie. But you might want to collect your hug once I am better so you don't get my cold. And I am shoving brownies into my cd drive as we speak/type. I hope they get to you okay.
PixieDust02 (x8) Omg! You are like my favourite reviewer now! I had like 69 and I was being really stubborn saying 'no, I am not updating until I get 70, and now I have 77! Ok, you really want to know about the laser belly button and the Draco flavoured brownies?!?!?! You are like the first person to ask, let me think, it was so long ago, well, I wastalking about how I would rule the world and how I wouldn't want an office I would want something portable. And my friend had just got her belly button pierced and it was all pus and gross, and one of my friends said it was toxic, another one said it was radioactive. So I called them all dumbasses and told them it was infected. We are all blonde but I am a violet crumble, brown on the outside, blonde on the inside. Anywho, I put 2 and 2 together and got a radioactive bellybutton. And Draco flavoured brownies are normal chocolate brownies with, how to say it. Draco juice? In them. Enough said. Also I would love it if you would be my beta. So I have no clue how this whole beta-ing stuff works but if you email me we could discuss it. Or I have msn. See the bottom of the page for my email address.
Jeddjeddy- glad you like my story, thanx 4 reviewing!
Dancinquyn- you are on the list! I have a kazillon stories to read, but I have not forgotten about you.
Caitie78- thank you! I love positive feedback.
Lady of Masbolle- I think James is a bit happier now.
The all mighty and powerful*M- I updated! I hope you havent exploded, cos I think you would like this chappie.
Alexis- the answers to your questions will be in the next chappie. Thanx heaps for reviewing!
Leximus2000-hmmmmm......I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you. You will just have to read on, and review along the way!
Camille- hey chicken! Thanx for reading my story! And BTW I had an awesome B'day.
Musicizdbest- thanx for reviewing, I like to know who is reading my story, and what does Ttyl mean??? I have no clue.
Optical Illusions- I have no idea how they write the date in spanish. I am Australian, and as far as I know, everyone except for America writes the date that way. We should do a poll. I will do that at the end of my note. Thanx for reviewing!
Zebra Eyez-hey chicken! I haven't seen you around here for a while. Thanx for the review, it is cool to know that you are still reading this.
aurora_borealis- thanx for your review, and I love your pen name, me jealous now.
Mintytoothpick- Hey alli! I updated! See I am writing this write now! Like I said I was!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ okay peoples, I am doing a poll in conjunction with optical illusions. How would you write the date if it was Monday the 14th of april in the year 2004 ? also write what country you live in Total word count-2063
(A/N) 77 reviews! Thank you all so much! That would have to be one of the best birthday presents ever! I was a bit disappointed though cos I got to 68 and then nothing, but then PixieDust02 came and saved all of your buts by reviewing every chapter! And I know I said I would update before the 16th, and now it is like, the26th, but I have been sick, and I had to stay in bed and I couldn't get to the computer. And I couldn't use the laptop cos it was at the shop getting fixed, so now, FINALLY I have my laptop and I am in bed with tissues and butter menthols, and mushy liquid food. But I have enough strength to type. So all you people out there who are going 'she still hasn't updated! what a cow!" etc. etc. should feel really guilty cos I have been trying to type but have been too sick. AND. in case everything else that has happen is not enough, my dad and my step mum are breaking up. So I have a lot of shit to deal with. Please be nice, review and cheer me up. This chapter is dedicated to PixieDust02, for reviewing eight times and making me feel happy while I was sick.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was two in the morning, and Lily was sitting at her desk bent over a large book taking notes and adding them to her already huge pile of papers. She looked horrible. She had purple bags under her eyes and her skin looked sallow and pasty, like she hadn't seen sunlight for days. Well, except for the natural light that came through her window, and her Herbology lessons, Lily hadn't been outside. Her schedule was along these lines: Wake up at five in the morning, shower and get ready for school. Study until eight, breakfast. Lessons, lunch. Reading in the library until next class, classes. More reading in library or talking to teachers about extra credit assignments, dinner. Up to bedroom to study that days notes and read up on new subjects, review work from earlier that week, work on assignments and homework. Go to sleep around midnight. Some days she forgot to have lunch because she was so engaged by her reading.
This night, or morning, she was up late going over her transfiguration notes. She was afraid of falling behind because during that lesson the marauders had pulled a prank and she had been distracted for a few minutes. She was making sure she had all her notes and that she knew the work. Her eyelids drooped, and she was having trouble staying awake. Lily flicked through her book to she how much she had left to read, 'only 186 pages left Lily' she said to herself. Just finish these last 186 pages and then sleep, it was early on Saturday morning, she would sleep all Saturday, then work all Sunday to prepare for Mondays classes. Lily sighed as she turned the page and picked up her quill.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
James was quietly climbing through the portrait hole, trying not to giggle as he remembered the look on Rowena Ravenclaw's face when he woke her up to let him in. "old dog" he thought to himself as he closed the portrait with a soft 'click'. He made his way slowly to his room struggling to remember which floorboards were the squeaky ones. 'Squeak!' as he stepped onto his right foot, the floorboard below him gave a massive squeak. "Crap" he swore under his breath, 'Lily', he was right outside Lily's room. Had he woken her up? His heart pained as he thought of Lily and how she had been acting lately, he had hardly seen her, only in class, and sometimes at meals. On tiptoe he put his ear to Lily's door, he heard her sigh. "Crap" he said again. He looked at the door handle. Did he dare enter? He looked at his wizard watch. 3.15am. 'She is probably asleep' he thought, then summoning all his courage he twisted the doorknob and pushed the heavy door open. The room was strangely bright, compared to the common room which was dimly lit by half a dozen candles. James looked to the bed in the middle of the room, expecting to see a Lily shaped pile of blankets, instead the bed was made and unslept in. James was confused, where was Lily? Cautiously he stepped into the room; it smelt just like her, a mixture of Honey, and vanilla, and that smell that all girls have. The room was spotlessly neat, quite the opposite to his room, and in the corner of the room, under the source of the light, still bed over her desk, was Lily.
"Lily?" he asked loudly in surprise. Lily jumped three feet into the air.
"James! Potter what the hell do you think you are doing?" she said angrily as she smoothed down her hair and turned to face him.
"I could ask you the same question, do you have any idea what time it is?" he said as he sat on her bed and crossed his arms across his chest. Lily looked at him in disbelief.
"Excuse me?" she said as she stood up, "you waltz yourself into my room, interrupt my study, sit on my bed and tell me off for not being asleep, when you, quite obviously, are also awake at this hour? Who do you think you are Potter? My father?" James looked sheepish, 'you dickhead! You have been gallivanting around Hogsmeade under an invisibility cloak, while she has been studying, hold on, studying?' he thought. James sighed.
"Don't you sigh at me Potter!" Lily said angrily, "I would appreciate it if you just left now, I still have 63 pages to get through." James looked up at Lily but did not remove himself.
"I have been a dickhead," he said slowly, "can we start this conversation over? I would actually like to think about what I will say before I say anything this time." James patted the bed next to him and Lily sat down close to him, very close to him. Lily exhaled, then said, "okay, you go first."
James grabbed Lily's hand and said, "so why are you still up at this time of a morning?"
"I am studying, Transfiguration. All that stuff about Animagus that McGonagall was talking about today, until some Slytherins' started to shrink at an extremely fast rate." Lily said giving James a semi evil semi laughing eye. "Have they found that friend of Malfoy's yet, what's his name? Nott?"
"Nope" James said with a laugh, you should have seen the Slytherin girls shrinking furniture and food, and leaving it all over the Transfiguration room so he can eat and sleep. I walked in there with Sirius after dinner while they were there and pointed out to them that they have probably already stepped on him. And they all started crying and jumping on tables and calling out to him. Sirius and I must have been laughing for close to an hour."
Lily smiled while giving James a disapproving look. "It really isn't funny you know, he could be dead or hurt or..."
"Yes it is funny," James said. "Because we put a protecting spell on them so they wont get hurt, and the spell should wear of by this afternoon."
"You think of everything James!" Lily said while running her thumb over James's hand.
"I think of you." he said without thinking. Lily's hand went white and she stopped moving her thumb, but didn't pull back her hand.
"Sorry," James said quickly, "I said I was going to think before I spoke, but then it just came out and I know..." he was silenced by Lily's lips. Lily kissed him gently, waiting for him to respond, eventually he realised that she had made the first move again and started to kiss back. Lifting his spare hand he bought it up to Lily's face and caressed her cheek. As they pulled away to breathe James tucked a stray red lock behind Lily's ear.
"I thought you said that you couldn't do this?" he said gently.
"I can't," Lily replied, "but Saturdays is my day off, and as long as I study hard, and I mean harder than I have ever studied before and my marks don't drop, I can't think of a good reason not to be with you. Being with out you is driving me crazy. If you can respect my need to get good marks, I am sure this can work." James smiled and kissed her again and again. Running one hand through her hair and putting the other one on her waist. Lily snaked an arm around James's neck, while putting her other hand behind his back. Shifting on the bed, Lily kicked of one of James's shoes and he shook off the other one. While smiling into his lips, Lily pulled James down on top of her on the bed. James was surprised, but didn't complain as Lily pulled his shirt out of his pants, she started running her hand up and down his chest and abs. James paused from kissing Lily to sit up and remove his shirt, tossing it aside. Lily smiled as she pulled him down to kiss him. James moved his hand from her hair to her top button. His hand resting on her heaving chest. He felt Lily stiffen, and looked into her eyes. Lily inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, nodding her head. James stopped for a moment to kiss her closed eye lids as she lay there. Then he moved his hand back to her shirt. Lily stiffened as he undid the first button, squeezed her eyes tighter closed as he undid the second, and exhaled sharply as he undid the third and reached into her shirt, placing a palm over her left breast. James removed his hand and kissed her forehead, whispering "we can go slow, don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with."
"Thank you James." Lily whispered back. James climbed off Lily and picked up his shirt and shoes.
"James?" Lily said sitting up in bed, her top still undone and as James turned back to face Lily he felt something stir in his lower regions. 'How can she possibly be so beautiful?' he said to himself before giving Lily a questioning look. "Yeah Lils?"
"Um, James, could you stay here tonight?" she said with pleading eyes.
"Do I have to?" he said faking sarcasm. Lily stared at him evilly.
"Go, go on, get out of my sight" she said turning up her nose while doing a pathetic job at hiding her smile.
"Baby?" James said in his whiney voice.
"No, go away, I hate you" Lily said while giggling.
"Never!" James said getting a running start, and leaping onto the bed right next to Lily, making her squeal.
"Never say never." Lily replied as she kissed his lips with a smile.
James smiled into her kiss as he wrapped his arms around her and snuggled under the blankets. Finally he was in heaven on earth. With his arms around the girl he loved he feel into a peaceful sleep. Lily however, didn't sleep so easy. She kept thinking about the last 63 pages she hadn't read. She looked at James's wizard watch and saw it was 4.30am. When she was sure that James was asleep, she gently lifted his arms from around her, got up and took the rest of her notes. When she finally finished she crept back into bed and re-wrapped herself in James's arms. Finally able to sleep, she snuggled into James's chest and fell into a deep slumber.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ (A/N) finally done! I really don't like this chapter and I think I should have another one in between this one and the last. I will read through the rest of my story and this chappie before I post again. Next chappie, re enters the friends. I have kind of left them out which isn't very good cos I am trying to make this realistic. I gotta spell check this on my other puter cos this one hasn't got all my Hogwarts words added and says I have heaps of mistakes. Ok I think I really hate this chappie. But remember, snape is evil, so he is going to be in here quite a bit. All these people get a really big hug and a chocolate brownie. But you might want to collect your hug once I am better so you don't get my cold. And I am shoving brownies into my cd drive as we speak/type. I hope they get to you okay.
PixieDust02 (x8) Omg! You are like my favourite reviewer now! I had like 69 and I was being really stubborn saying 'no, I am not updating until I get 70, and now I have 77! Ok, you really want to know about the laser belly button and the Draco flavoured brownies?!?!?! You are like the first person to ask, let me think, it was so long ago, well, I wastalking about how I would rule the world and how I wouldn't want an office I would want something portable. And my friend had just got her belly button pierced and it was all pus and gross, and one of my friends said it was toxic, another one said it was radioactive. So I called them all dumbasses and told them it was infected. We are all blonde but I am a violet crumble, brown on the outside, blonde on the inside. Anywho, I put 2 and 2 together and got a radioactive bellybutton. And Draco flavoured brownies are normal chocolate brownies with, how to say it. Draco juice? In them. Enough said. Also I would love it if you would be my beta. So I have no clue how this whole beta-ing stuff works but if you email me we could discuss it. Or I have msn. See the bottom of the page for my email address.
Jeddjeddy- glad you like my story, thanx 4 reviewing!
Dancinquyn- you are on the list! I have a kazillon stories to read, but I have not forgotten about you.
Caitie78- thank you! I love positive feedback.
Lady of Masbolle- I think James is a bit happier now.
The all mighty and powerful*M- I updated! I hope you havent exploded, cos I think you would like this chappie.
Alexis- the answers to your questions will be in the next chappie. Thanx heaps for reviewing!
Leximus2000-hmmmmm......I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you. You will just have to read on, and review along the way!
Camille- hey chicken! Thanx for reading my story! And BTW I had an awesome B'day.
Musicizdbest- thanx for reviewing, I like to know who is reading my story, and what does Ttyl mean??? I have no clue.
Optical Illusions- I have no idea how they write the date in spanish. I am Australian, and as far as I know, everyone except for America writes the date that way. We should do a poll. I will do that at the end of my note. Thanx for reviewing!
Zebra Eyez-hey chicken! I haven't seen you around here for a while. Thanx for the review, it is cool to know that you are still reading this.
aurora_borealis- thanx for your review, and I love your pen name, me jealous now.
Mintytoothpick- Hey alli! I updated! See I am writing this write now! Like I said I was!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ okay peoples, I am doing a poll in conjunction with optical illusions. How would you write the date if it was Monday the 14th of april in the year 2004 ? also write what country you live in Total word count-2063