The lyrics are from Natalie Imbrulia's "Torn"
He removed his shoulder holster and placed it down on the nightstand. His wallet and id found their place next to it. He hung his head down low and sighed indifferently. "He makes me nervous, Syd. I don't like it." Vaughn whispered softly as they sat together on the safe house bed. They had three and a half hours before the newly organized tactical team was going to set up and apprehend Sark. Now, they were trying to relax beforehand. Agent Rivers and the other agents had dispersed, getting everything set. They had all but insisted that the two tired agents stay behind at the house and sleep or something.
Somehow, the two agents managed to stagger into the bedroom. Sydney turned over on her side to face him, "He's not a bad agent, Vaughn. He's just smug." Her hands were thrust beneath the flimsy white pillow. The tiredness was evident on her face again and the emotions were taking a lot out of her body. Her mind was moving too fast, as usual and she skipped through the topics rapidly in her head. "He's a smug, arrogant, son of a bitch jackass." She started to zone after that. Her mind was running rapid on the various events of the last twenty-four hours.
Vaughn threw his legs up onto the bed and laid back, turning towards Sydney. He started to talk about he deep rooted disdain for the new agent that they were working with and his concerns for the upcoming mission. All of this, however; was lost on Sydney. "I don't like him." He reached to bring her towards him but she froze and refused to move. He saw the glazed look of her eyes and was unnerved. "Syd?" She didn't say anything. Instead, she just starred at him with wide eyes. Confused, Vaughn touched her shoulder again, "Sydney?" He gazed into her unmoving eyes with concern.
She hadn't realized how far she had gone from this conversation but now, there was no turning back. "What if he kills one of them?" The words were barely audible. Her lips were turning a frightening shade of blue with the panic showing in red through her eyes. "What if Sark does something rash and kills Kilmer or Madison? What if he kills-" The thought was too horrid to speak aloud. She heard herself gasp and felt the tears rush to her eyes.
Vaughn sank down to her level and brushed his fingertips beneath her eyes, along her cheekbone, letting his hand reside at the base of her jaw, curled around her ear. "They won't. That's why we're here. We're here to make sure they all come home safe and to make sure that Sark, Lauren, Cole, and Jonathan all pay for what they've done. That's why we're here." He tried to smile, reassuring her with his soothing words. "Now," he leaned forward and pressed a kiss onto her forehead, "why don't you close your eyes for a few minutes. You're going to need to recharge your battery for tonight."
She looked at him with purity and nervousness brewing in her face, "What are you going to do?" Her hands reached up and touched his face slightly as his arms slide down over her waist.
"I'm gonna go and talk with my soon to be ex-wife and her new boy toy." He pressed another kiss onto her forehead and start to spring to his feet but was promptly stopped by a hand on his forearm. Turning back, he looked down at Sydney, puzzled. "Syd?"
"Just stay for a few minutes. Just until I fall asleep? I'm so afraid to close my eyes. Every time I do, I see those images-" she started to lose herself slightly in the scary corners of her dark mind.
Slightly frustrated, Vaughn looked towards the door but then back at Sydney. He smiled. "I'll stay until you fall asleep." He relented, curling back onto the bed and pulling her into his arms. Another kiss was pressed into her hairline and he sighed softly.
She consented to being in his arms, listening to the oxygen vibrating in his chest, "Thank you." Her eyes started to flutter and she fell quickly into what she hoped would be a completely dreamless sleep. She curled her hands in towards her chest and tucked them beneath her chin. "Just until I fall asleep…" she murmured softly, her voice low and soft.
Vaughn stroked her hair softly, watching her drift away from consciousness, "Shh shh shh. I'm right here, baby. Go to sleep."
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She hated how tired she always way. It was just one of those things, like breathing and being. She was tired. Probably and logically, it was because whenever she did sleep, was never long and never enough. These dreams were always haunting her and forced her away from the much needed rest. Her brown eyes opened slowly to find she was still in the safe house in Athens. Her body was still badly injured from the mission. It was a stiffness that reached down to her toes and spread through her fingertips. A slow smile formed over her lips as she realized she was still resting on Vaughn's chest. Stretching out her hands, she stared to draw lazy circles on his chest, more or less to get rid of the pins and needles forming in her sleepy feeling hands.
He moved quickly, eyes still fastened shut, and stopped her hand from moving, "That tickles." His voice was slow and husky, obviously worn from the sleep.
Sydney smiled to and propped herself up to get a look at his face. His face was slightly scruffy. Her fingertips ran slowly over his face, "Hi."
He opened his eyes slowly and peered down at her, "Hi." There was a slow pause, in which the air buzzed with the sound of cheap electricity through the walls. "How'd you sleep?"
She reflected for a moment, getting lost in the green spheres gazing into her eyes. Almost desperately, she tried to scan her memory to see if she had any dreams. "No dreams." A little grin appeared over her face. "No dreams." She couldn't help but think that it was because of the arm swung around her waist. He was her dream-catcher. His spirit acted like a filter against the world's harmful words, catching them and hiding her from them.
"Good." He squeezed her tighter towards him and pressed a kiss into her forehead. "You were practically snoring."
She smacked his chest with her free hand and he groaned, "I don't snore!"
"Oh, yes you do."
"No!"
"Yes!"
They erupted into a fit of giggles, which quickly subsided. Sydney propped her body up again, laying stomach to stomach with him. Her eyes scanned his face for the second time, "I missed waking up next to you." She reflected somberly.
"I missed it too." He smiled and leaned forward. He captured her breath and leaned closer. They had traveled this path before but it had never been like this. No, there was Korea but Korea was different. They were going to die. And death was a scary thought to even the most experienced agent. It had never been like this. This was slow and tentative, both scared and unsure about where to go from here. It would be just a brief moment before their lips touched. Sure, they've touched before and they've experienced the other before. But it was nothing like this. This was like a first high school kiss with their long time crush. Neither of them knew exactly what to do. They both adjusted to accommodate the other. She had never felt so fearful of the emotions rushing through her. The pit of her stomach started to burn and buzz all at the same time. It was that rush that drove her crazy whenever she was around him. Her palms were sweating and she was losing her footing against the cheap cotton sheets. She had completely stopped breathing and her heart was reading to jump out of her chest. This drove her absolutely crazy.
Just a moment passed and suddenly, their lips were touching. It wasn't a deep and passionate kiss, full of lust and desire. It was just a kiss…slow and sweet. They broken silently from it and pressed their foreheads against each other. Neither spoke for what seemed like eternity. Her eyelashes batted heavily and she couldn't help but smile. There were so many nights that she would dream of this, waking up in his arms, coiled in his security. So this is what it was like to be happy. She hadn't felt this in almost two years. She had almost, almost felt happy when she had slept with Will but something was missing. That something was a pair of green eyes casting their gaze over her form.
I'm all out
of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake
And I can see
The perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn
She suppressed a groan in the back of her throat. It wasn't right that she was feeling content. There was a baby girl's life in danger, a former lover being tortured and a new friend, doubled over in agony thousands of miles away. Her head dropped down and she buried her sight in his chest, listening to him laugh for a moment and groan. She shook her head back and forth adamantly, "I shouldn't be doing this."
Confused, he put his hand on the back of her neck and eased her to look at him, "Do what? Sydney, it was just a kiss." He tried to laugh but was so unsure about what was going on. This was uncharted territory for him. He could have sworn that she had wanted this. There was no tangible reason why she was suddenly upset.
So I guess
the fortune teller's right
Should have seen just what was there
And not some holy light
Which crawled beneath my veins
And now I don't care
I had no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can touch I'm torn
Sydney picked her head up and touched his slightly scruffy face, "It's just not a kiss." She replied softly to his worried face. She adjusted her body on top of his. Everything was upside down and screwed up.
He laughed nervously and looked around, "What's going on, Syd? You're scaring me." Monumentally, he had never been so frightened in his life. He had done nothing wrong and then all of a sudden, she started to hyperventilate over what use to be something that they did freely, at will.
"I want to tell you something but you cannot, cannot, cannot do anything rash or stupid." She wanted to be completely honest and if she just said this little phrase aloud, all would be fine.
"Okay." Vaughn replied slowly.
"I kissed Kilmer before he was taken. He told me that he loved me and that he was going to leave Madison after this whole situation was over. He was going to leave his own daughter for me, Vaughn." She sat up and rolled off of his chest. "Now, I don't know what to do." Her legs swung over one side of the bed and she felt her feet land firmly on the ground. She refused to look at him and instead, concentrated firmly on the little crack forming in the door. "I loved him so much and then he died and now he's back in m life. And I love you so much but then you were married and now Lauren…I just don't know what to do. I want to make both of you happy but there's only one me. I don't know what to do, Vaughn. I've never been this confused in my life!"
I'm all out
of faith
This is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm ashamed
Bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late
I'm already torn
I'm Torn.
Vaughn's brow knitted up with those classic worry lines. He swung his legs and sat in line with her. After a long moment of silence, broken only by her tears, Vaughn managed to find his voice. It was low and raspy, unable to say anything that he wanted to at that moment. A lot had happened between them and everyday it seemed to get just a little harder. "What do you want me to say?" There was a slight tinge of anger resounding in his voice. It wasn't so much anger as it was betrayal. He had stupidly assumed that she would always wait for him.
She buried her head in her hands. I just want to be happy again. I haven't been happy in over two years. I just want to feel good again." Out of frustration, she felt the tears rush to her eyes and burn there. The stubborn part of her pushed those tears away. It was nothing more than a sign of absolute weakness. "I just want to be happy." Her body melted against the worn bedspread and she felt as though she was going to rip in two.
Vaughn watched helplessly as she continued to struggle. Awkwardly, he touched her hair and started to smooth it out against her scalp. "My G-d, Sydney."
thought I saw
a man brought to life
He was warm
He came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know
Seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
The conversation has run dry
That's what's going on
Nothing's fine I'm torn
"This all happened so fast. This isn't the way it needs to be! None of this was suppose to happen. I was never suppose to disappear for two years and-and-you weren't suppose to get married! I shouldn't wake up from the horrible dreams, screaming and crying. Kilmer never should have faked his death and we shouldn't have fallen in love!" Sydney jumped to her feet and started to pace in front of him. "Jonathan and Lauren never should have done whatever it is that they did! Madison never should have had an affair with Sark!" Finally, she just screamed. It wasn't deafening and it wasn't overpowering but the "suppose to" and "should have" situations was enough to drive a sane person so far over the edge. "I just want to be happy again. Is that too much to ask?" She sat back down on the bed and looked deep into his eyes. "I just want to be happy again."
He sighed relentlessly and brushed a hair out of her face. "You could be happy with me." He pressed his lips up to her cheek, whispering softly, "I could make you happy." His fingertips ran through her hair and he felt the sigh ease out of her lips and onto his cheek.
"I don't even know who I am anymore."
A sharp knocking interrupted their moment of solitude. It was quickly followed by a figure, peaking in through the door like an unwanted, zany neighbor in a terrible sitcom. "Agent Bristow, Agent Vaughn, we're ready to get started whenever you are." The voice of Rivers boomed through the spaces.
Sydney looked into Vaughn's eyes and melted. She sniffled slightly like that of a frightened child. Vaughn lifted his hand to wipe away her unshed tears. His voice came out like velvet, coating her and smothering her with just a simple phrase. He tucked the same piece of hair behind her ear. This was uncommon ground. He had never been able to say the things that he wanted to. Now, he was given the opportunity. The only problem was, however, what words to say. It would never be as easy as it would be in his head. His voice was still husky, rich with emotion of love, confusion, and near betrayal. "I'm so in love with you. You know that, right?"