Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters. This was written for fun and no copyright infringement is intended.

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Chapter 3: The "um, er" in "Dumber"

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After the grand inquisition by all of the parents and staff, Vince and Greg found a dead end hallway in the dungeons where they could talk privately.

"My dad gave me a tonguelashing for losing Draco," said Vince.

"Mine too," said Greg unhappily.

"Um," said Vince.

"Huh?" said Greg.

"So um. What're we gonna do?"

"I dunno. What do you wanna do?"

"Dunno. I asked you first."

A pause.

"I dunno," admitted Greg.

"Damn," said Vince, who had been hoping to get out of the whole thinking-up-a-good-idea bit.

A long silence trickled past. Then:

"What about that… thingie," said Greg.

"Uhn?" it was Vince's turn to ask.

"The… triangle… thingie. That Draco tried to grab from them."

"Oh. That."

"Yeah."

A pause.

"So?"

"So what?"

"So d'you think the triangle had anything to do with… y'know…."

"The disappearance?"

There was a long and rather shocked pause.

"I didn't mean disappearance."

"But you said it."

"Dude. I meant… er… missingness."

"Oh. All right then."

"Cause if it dissapeared him, Mr. Malfoy would murder us," said Vince.

"Whoa," said Greg. "I know!"

"So no way did he disappear."

"Nope," said Greg. "Um…?"

"What?"

"So what did happen to him?"

"How would I know?"

"Well I mean, what else could have happened besides disappeardedness?"

They pondered that for a bit.

"Portkey?"

They both thought about it for a bit. That was certainly the most obvious option. Having grown up in wizarding families they'd seen Portkeys a lot.

"But," said Vince.

"Huh?" said Greg.

"But if it was a Portkey, why couldn't they find them? Even with owls?"

"Erm," said Greg. "Dunno."

"Me neither," said Vince.

Now as has been mentioned before, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle did more than put the "um" in "dumb". They put the "um, er" in "dumber". Still, they were Slytherins and therefore possessed of a natural resourcefulness that came into play any time they were stumped. Which, alas, happened on a near-daily basis.

"We should ask a teacher," decided Vince.

"Er. Which one?"

"Dunno. Is it Arithmancy or Charms?"

There was another long silence.

Greg grunted. "If the triangle did it, it's charmed isn't it?"

Another, even longer pause.

"But it's a triangle," said Vince. "Aren't triangles maths stuff?"

They stared at each other, neither having any idea whatsoever. Fortunately Greg, the pragmatist of the two, thought of a good way to decide.

"Who's nicer between Professor Flitwick and Professor Vector?"

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Meanwhile, on the same college campus in the same Muggle town on the same wrong side of the planet, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger had made the mistake of leaving Ron alone with the paper bag and the ferret.

As soon as they were out of sight, Ron pulled the ferret out of the bag with the intention of tormenting it.

"Let's see you turn back by yourself, then, if you're so good at it," he grinned, prodding it with the rubber end of a Muggle pencil.

The ferret cowered on its belly against the table, shivering. It kept glancing around as if for some escape route, but there weren't any save diving off the table headlong. Ron had no fear that Malfoy would try that. Malfoy wasn't exactly known for being your personal-danger type of fellow.

It wasn't long before Ron was descended upon by three college-aged girls dressed in black and wearing Goth style makeup.

"Ooh, a ferret!" squealed the first one enthusiastically.

"Ooh!" the other two chorused. "He's so cute!"

"Hi," said Ron, rather bemused by being surrounded by such pretty, enthusiastic girls. He blushed and grinned like a jack-o-lantern, not caring that the 'cute' was meant in reference to the ferret. After all, as far as these young ladies knew, the ferret was simply an accessory to Ron Weasley, good-looking Wizard. Er… good-looking Muggle.

"Ooh, can I hold him?" asked one of them, eagerly.

"Sure," said Ron generously. He picked up the ferret and offered the animal to the girls. The ferret, dangling from one hand, stared up at them with what could safely be interpreted as an expression of abject horror.

They cooed and petted the ferret, huddled around. Its bulging eyes stared at Ron in a sort of a panic. Ron's grin became even broader.

"What's his name?"

"Draco," said Ron.

"He's so cute."

"I want one!"

"Can we show him to our friend? She's just down the hall."

"Sure," said Ron again, his grin nearly splitting his face in two. The ferret tried to jump into Ron's arms out of the girl's hands but she hauled its long slinky body back in hand-over-hand.

"We'll be right back," she winked.

Twenty minutes later, when Hermione and Harry returned from obtaining food and supplies, the girls still hadn't come back.

"Ron!" hissed Hermione as she rushed to his side. "Where's Draco?"

Harry picked up the discarded paper sack and tipped it upside down, demonstrating it was empty.

"I might have… er… lent him to some girls," Ron admitted. "To play with." He started laugh.

"You did what?" exclaimed Harry. He looked like he couldn't decide whether to laugh or be concerned.

"Ha ha ha! He's probably being held upside down and jammed into people's shirts and such even as we speak."

Harry couldn't help himself, he started laughing too. The picture of Draco being roughed up (lovingly of course) by girls was just too funny. And really, what harm could come to him?

"But what if those people never bring him back?" exclaimed Hermione in alarm.

"Good riddance I'd say," muttered Ron, a bit put off by Hermione trying to wreck the fun. "I hope they keep him in a small cage and feed him on cat food until he dies of old age."

Harry, at least, had the grace to stop laughing and try to look serious. The operative word being 'try'. Unfortunately it didn't work too well.

"Ron!" exclaimed Hermione. "His parents will be worried about him! And what will we tell everybody? That we let it happen on purpose?"

"Trust me, they'll bring him back," said Ron. "Nobody could stand to be around that obnoxious git longer than a few minutes."

But after an hour had passed, even Ron had to admit that the girls were well and truly gone.

Oops.

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A/N: If you'd like to receive an email when this story is updated, please sign up for my announcements mailing list on my home page, www blast-ended org . If this fic was too fluffy for you, you might enjoy my extendo WIP, Blood of Mud Wing of Bat (also on fanfiction net).