"Potter: Behind The Book And Queering It Up"

A Harry Potter Fanfiction

Written by Katsuragi Misato

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A/N: Aww...no one reviewed? Considering how there's 80000+ Harry Potter fanfictions and countless other parodies of such...ah, I don't give a flying Funguar why, just review. XDDD Please? ::dewy eyes:: I'm gonna cry! xD

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Chapter Two (Or was it nine and three quarters? Oh well, it's a chapter so READ it, and laugh): In Which Our Hero Gets High On Sugar, Hermione says 'Yush' and Malfoy...doesn't have a very good morning (Or does he? We don't know) ^_^;

(Also titled 'Severus, Not Sevvie')

It was yet another ordinary day (God, aren't those so annoying? Why can't it be a hot or cold or miserable day? Or a sleepy day? NOOO, it just HAD to be ordinary---urm, sorry, back to the business at hand) and our favorite brown-haired Gryffindor was walking with his best friends, Hermione Granger (ladies first, you sexist) and Ron Weasley (He doesn't look like a weasel...;___; I like weasels, and they don't have red hair n' freckles) on their way back to the Gryffindor common rooms, when all of a sudden Harry caught sight of our OTHER favorite, the blonde-haired...Slytherin...(::shudders::) Draco Malfoy along with Professor Severus Snape, the former jabbering like a crackpot parrot whilst the latter sighed and looked on, angry (Sevvie-kun is always so piZZy, ain't he? xD Oh well, we still love him. ^^) "Oh, PottAH this and PottAH that," Malfoy jeered, going on and on forever without stopping for an instant.

'Foolish child...wait! Instant? Instant...COFFEE!' thought the Potions Master as he stiffly nodded without paying any attention whatsoever to the blabbing boy. The abrupt appearance of young Harry Potter and his two friends, however, caused him to immediately snap out of it and get back to what he was doing: plotting with Malfoy to get Harry expelled. "Potter, Granger, Weasley," he began darkly yet smoothly, being EBIL and cool at the same time (GO SEVVIE-KUN!! xD) "You walked wrong just now. Five points from Gryffindor..." he smirked, feeling complete and satisfied for the day now that he had told Potter off and made him lose points---'We're going to win this year, I know it' thought Severus almost deliriously excited.

Potter's only thoughts were 'I'm gonna break-a you face, Snape. Just-a you watch' and he hurriedly left, Malfoy and Snape still talking while the three huddled in a corner and started whispering. "Did you SEE that?!" cried Ron in a frustrated voice that was barely above a whisper now. Hermione almost cut him off in an Italian-esque "Yush" and momentarily both boys gave her a o.O;; before Harry continued Ron's peeve. "Snape's out to get us, so's Malfoy. I'm-a gonna get the both of them, I swear to Vol---"

"Yush"

...O.O;;;;;

"Hermione, go suck up to Snape while we go get Malfoy," said Harry, knowing she could and would. "YUSH!" she squealed, knowing this would please both Harry and Ron, and went off to Snape.

"Professor Snape! Professor Snape! There's something wrong!" Hermione called urgently, running up to him. Darkly, he looked at her, already in a good mood from earlier and not taking off any more points because of this while saying, "What is it, Granger?"

Meanwhile, Harry and Ron snuck up on the plotting Malfoy, grabbed him, and ran off giggling like a bunch of idiots at their plan for the blonde-haired Slytherin boy.

"What IS it, Granger?" he growled again at the jumping girl who was screaming "Yush" as loud as she could. "WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?!" Snape was losing his patience, but he totally did not expect what came next: "SEVVIE!!!" Shocked and annoyed, he yelled, "YOU SHALL ADDRESS ME AS PROFESSOR SNAPE AND NOT SEV---" This interrupted by a "YUSH! SEVVVIIEEEEE!!" and a series of other excited squeals, along the lines of "Sevvie! Sevvie! YushYushYush, it's Sevvie!" This, of course, went on another hour or so until both student and teacher went unconscious, one (namely Snape) because of frustration and stress and the other from prolonged butterbeer/Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans induced sugar high. And while they were off in dreamland, Hermione was still vaguely muttering "Sevvie. Sevvie! Sevvie. Sevvie!" in an unintelligible (and uncharacteristic, since she's supposed to be so smart o.o;;) tone.

Back by Harry, Ron, n' Malfoy who was hearing the bells of his impending doom louder than anything else...

The two boys chased Malfoy down the Quidditch field and almost to Hagrid's Hut until they found him back in the empty Main Hall being angst-ish. He looked on, sighing and started in a depressed tone, "I'm going to do it. I swear. I'll cast the most powerful spell on myself and---" Harry and Ron found this most disturbing that the boy was acting as inflated as usual, so they tried to talk him out of it. "Don't do it!" "But everyone hates meeeeee..." "No they don't!" "I'M GOING TO DO IT---" The speech was abruptly interrupted when Ron called at the top of his lungs: "FREDDDDDDDDD!! GEOOORRRGEE!!" And a magic blue car abruptly appeared in the corridor, driving as slow as it could go. "Get in the car, Malfoy. They'll go take you to the candy store, okay? Stop it." "No, I'm going to---" This was again stopped by the Weasley twins hitting Malfoy.

...He was shocked. "You--You ran me over! I can't believe you ran me over!" cried Malfoy. "Oh for God's sake Malfoy, we were only going 2 miles an hour," exclaimed Fred in exasperation, while George got out of the car. "I'm going to get a toilet seat...^^"

o.O;;;;

"Err, right."

"Well at least we got you back for the telephone incident," said Harry, proud of himself. "Hermione wouldn't talk to me for weeks," he added, and Ron said, "Malfoy got out of his depression, too," with a smile. Realizing this, Malfoy whined, "That's right---oh no! Now I can't complain! I'll get you, Weasley, PottAH! I swear to Vol---" "YUSH!!" came the voice of a hyper Hermione dragging a now conscious Snape towards all of them. "Right, Sevvie?!!?!" "Right...-_-;;"

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A/N: Malfoy got hit by the Muggle car xD No, he wasn't hurt in the making of this fic, so don't flame me or sue me, 'cause I don't own anything here 'cept for the fic.

One more thing before I go: "SEVVIEEEEE! ^^"

~ Misato Katsuragi