CHP 7 it was early.
It was early, way too early, in the morning when she came down the stairs. She was trying to sneak by me and moved almost silently down the hallway through the kitchen and out the back door. I feigned sleep for a few more seconds before standing up and pulling on my pants and jacket and then slowly following her out the back door. She wasn't there, but her tracks were. I gave my eyes a few moments to adjust to the low lighting before I turned my gaze down to the grass. I checked what looked like her prints in the grass for depth and bounce of the grass stems before moving on, sure of them belonging to her. I thought back with half a smile, about teaching one of the survival classes for special agents I used to do when I was still in the army. I learned this when I was a kid from an old Indian man I used to spend time with every summer in the woods where he lived before he died. He taught me everything I knew about tracking anything I would need to. I learned how to track demons and such using the same principals, but this time I was tracking a Slayer, a first for me, and I was looking forward to the challenge.
Her signs were small, intermittent. A turned aside leaf or even quickly drying footprints after puddles indicated direction. Without knowing it she led me through the neighborhood in almost random directions until her tracks approached downtown and then the alleys. I lamented the option of following her through those small paths. I looked overhead as an idea came to me. Angel seemed to have no problems tracking from the rooftops, couldn't hurt to try it, right? I clamored up the fire escape after jumping for the ladder and tried to get my bearings from this new point of view. I followed her probable path and then fanned out in random directions until I heard sounds of a scuffle in progress. Then I heard what had to be Buffy's voice cry out the single word 'NO!' and found myself rushing toward the sound. I almost took a spill on some loose gravel and ended up sliding a few feet after I jumped from one rooftop to the next; this was harder than it looked.
Finally I came upon Buffy looking down at Spike with her arms crossed. I heard Spike respond to Buffy as he got up from a broken sundry of wooden crates and had one hand firmly pressed against his skull.
"I thought they were demons."
"Way to go with the keen observiness, Jessica Fletcher."
"Remind me not to help you." Sounding a little sour there, Spike.
"More often?"
"Hey, a little sympathy for the man with the migraine here can we? Heh?"
"Well that's what you get for attacking a human."
"You'd think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head they'd at least have made it so I could attack criminals and that sort." So Spike had a chip in his head, huh. And he couldn't attack humans. So that was why he was on our side. I wonder what would happen if that chip stopped working.
"Yes, because muggers deserve to be eaten. You just have to get your rocks off fighting demons." Spike raised one eyebrow and his voice took on a different quality.
"There are other ways." Was Spike coming on to her? Buffy's tone grew cold.
"And to that, an extreme 'see you later'." She turned to walk away.
"Buffy." Spike spoke in sing song; the Slayer turned around seeming tired of the entire conversation. I got the impression they'd done this before.
"Spike, it's late, can we just finish this another time?"
"So, you want to jump right to the kissing then." Kissing? What the hell was he talking about? Not like I had any room to talk, I realized. I show up in town and hours later I was kissing Buffy. I'd known her personally for all of a day, and most of it we didn't even know who we were. Who was I to question who she kissed before me or after me for that matter? I stopped thinking for a second and let that sink in before I realized their conversation was continuing. Reality check, gotta love it.
"I am not kissing you Spike. Not again." She turned and walked down the alley as Spike made his retort.
"You're nothing but a bloody tease, Slayer. Get a fella's motor revving, let the tension marinate a few days and then boom, crown yourself the ice queen."
"Need a couple of more metaphors for that little mix?" Buffy interjected before he finished up what he was saying,
"It's only a matter of time before you realize I'm the only one here for you pet," A note of desperation crept into his voice; "you've got no-one else!" She stopped and turned around. She stood there silently for a second, but when she spoke there was something in her voice I hadn't heard before,
"Yes... I think I do." Her voice was quiet and calm.
I'd heard enough. I knew that she was safe and stable enough to be out on her own. I walked away and jumped over a few buildings leaving her behind. Whatever she had to talk to Spike about really wasn't any of my business. I figured she was going to take a straight route back to her house, so I took a slightly longer path running to beat her back to house so that when she came in, all was as it seemed when she left. I feigned waking up as she came through the door, and she apologized for waking me.
"Where'd you go?" I kept all accusation out of my voice.
"Oh, I just couldn't sleep. I thought a little patrol might help tire me out, is all."
"Any action out there?" I didn't mean it that way, I promised myself.
"Nope, it's all pretty dead out there. How are you doing?"
"I'm okay, I guess. My head's still a little sore, but I'm fine. How 'bout you?"
"I'm... good, I think. Wow, I don't remember the last time I was just good."
"I can't sleep either. Wanna sit down and keep each other awake?" She nodded and sat down close to me on the couch and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders as she snuggled closer.
"You know, it's kind of cold out there." She had her head against my chest and it wasn't too long at all before she was asleep against me. I had tried to plant just a simple sleep suggestion, but something about her warm weight against me made me feel safer than I had sleeping by myself for quite a while. I felt my eyelids start to get heavy and moved to lay down with Buffy facing me on the inside of the couch. She sighed as she repositioned herself with her arms around me. I pulled her close and within seconds we were both asleep.
I awoke with a start as I looked around trying to figure out where I was. Buffy was groggy beside me as she looked around the room, squinting against the light of the day.
"Whaah?" Her question turned into a yawn as she sat up and stretched. Somehow during the night we'd switched sides and she was on the outside facing out with me spooned against her back.
"C'mon sleepyhead, it's morning." Patting my back as she stood up, she moved first to the kitchen to grab some juice before looking at the clock and walking quickly back into the living room to ask me what day today was.
"Saturday, I think." Looking at my watch to make sure, I nodded my head as I took my turn to stretch. "Everything alright?"
"Yeah, I guess. I was worried about Dawn getting off to school on time." I looked at my watch again to check the time now and shook my head in appreciation.
"Wow, ten o'clock already." I got up and put my pants on to follow Buffy upstairs and use the bathroom while she peeked into first Dawn's and then Willow's rooms, nodding in satisfaction.
"They're both sleeping." She whispered as she slipped past me into the bathroom and I headed back downstairs to change my shirt and finish freshening up for the day. I heard Buffy upstairs go from the bathroom to her bedroom and close the door. I took the opportunity to straighten up the sheets she'd let 'me' borrow and to do some thinking. My thoughts were mostly with the blond woman upstairs who'd saved my life, who'd made out with me when we both didn't know who we were, who I could almost beat in a fight, who had needed as much emotional support last night as I had to give, and had woken up next to me this morning and acted as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I sat down to calculate the complexity of the creature called Buffy and continued folding.
Several questions and thoughts swam through my head. What would you call us now? Were we friends? I hoped we were at least friends. And what the hell was the deal with Spike? For me to ask her to decide about any of that now, just for my own comfort, would be selfish and would probably just push her away from me, something I did not want to happen. On the other hand, what if she needed a stable relationship and needed to be told she had one waiting when she needed it? I went downstairs to the basement to put the folded sheets on top of the washing machine. When I came back up I caught Buffy standing in the kitchen hugging herself and with a slightly confused look on her face that she hid when she saw me.
"You okay?" I asked her, a little worried myself now. She nodded and seemed to be searching for an answer and was subdued when she responded after a second or two.
"I didn't know where you went. I guess I was afraid you'd left already and we wouldn't have the chance to talk." I was thinking to myself about that comment when I got an idea from something I saw over her head.
"You know I won't run out on you, I don't have anywhere else better to go. And if you need me or don't know where I am, I have a fix for that too." While I'd been talking I moved over to the fridge behind her and in large letters I wrote out my name and number on the eraser board. "There, perfect. Now, fair lady, what else do we have to get done today before the world ends... again?" Her half smile was back as I bowed to her and proclaimed her wish as my command.
"Stop goofing around, you'll wake them up." Her words were scolding, but her expression was still amused. She told me about the research set to go on and how she planned on trying one more time to talk Giles out of going back to England before he left on Monday. Dawn was going to visit with Janice later today and she didn't know what Willow was going to do, but planned on giving her friend the time to deal before trying to talk with her about what happened. I nodded my head at each task set before us, my eyes following her as she moved around the kitchen as she talked, pouring cereal into a bowl, getting milk from the fridge, and grabbing a spoon from the drawer. I was captivated by the simple motions of her hands. The grace she possessed; never a clumsy move or a step out of place. I was captivated. She looked up and caught me looking at her and stopped.
"What?" Bite the bullet, Jake.
"You. The way you move, it's... amazing." She blinked slowly and her smile appeared before her eyes reopened.
"Thank you. Not all the time, though. I can promise that one. It's still nice to get an actual compliment sometimes." I moved around the center counter to stand next to her and took her hand in mine.
"It's my pleasure." I kissed her hand but she pulled it back and I dropped it as another voice chimed in.
"What are you doing?" Dawn came in and went straight to pouring herself a glass of juice. Buffy answered for us, trying to look nonchalant.
"Dawn, I thought you were asleep."
"I was. I had to get ready so I can go to meet Janice."
"Oh. Want some breakfast?"
"Naw, I'm okay. Catch you guys later." She headed out through the living room and we heard the front door open and then close. I glanced back at Buffy who gave a kind of nervous giggle and went back to her cereal. I found a banana and peeled it while I analyzed what just happened. Was Buffy nervous about letting Dawn see us together or nervous about us being together? Was I over-thinking this? I guess I was because it wasn't until Buffy said something that I realized I was looking intently at the peeled back banana.
"If you're having a staring contest, I think you won. Bananas don't have eyes. Now, I think there's a potato in the cupboard over there you can try next if you want." I blinked and grinned at her.
"Sorry; I was thinking."
"Well, you better hurry if we're going to go meet Giles." I finished the banana quickly and grabbed my bag on the way following her out the door. We talked as we walked and it seemed like no time before we were in front of the Magic Box. Reluctantly, I let go of the hand I hadn't realized I'd been holding and opened the door for her. We walked into a mini-battle between Giles and Anya over who owned a certain tome. Giles looked up as Buffy cleared her throat and stood up to clean his glasses. Shortly they went into the training room to talk. I didn't know what exactly she was going to say, but I knew she felt she needed him and I knew that I at least wanted him to stay until we knew what we would be facing. The door closed between us and I looked over to find Anya looking at me.
"Man, you got it bad, huh?" Straight to the point, she was. I found myself with a wry grin on my face and gazing at the door between us as I answered.
"She is... amazing." I turned from the door back toward where she stood behind the cash register. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine. People are buying things today, Xander and I made up last night and again this morning; and I just hid the book Giles was trying to take with him." She seemed very pleased with herself. I smiled at her and mostly just looked around the shop, admiring a few objects and it wasn't long before she came up behind me and offered to answer any questions I might have about pricing or history of an object. I told her I thought I would be okay for a while and with a smile she headed back to counting her money. I didn't hear any of the conversation between Buffy and Giles, but when she came out of the back she did not seem happy. She seemed intent on leaving right then, but I asked her to wait for me and headed into the back myself.
"Why are you doing this?" He had straightened as I closed the door behind me and at my question he took off and started cleaning his glasses.
"She asked me much the same exact question and I can only tell you that it is what I must do."
"I doubt very much that leaving Buffy and the group behind is the only way to fix the problem. What else is going on, Giles. We both know she needs you."
"She needs me too much. She relies on me to take care of things for her like her mother used to. As long as I'm here, she won't take care of things for herself; she won't grow up. She has to learn that she doesn't need me to take care of her."
"Giles, she just got back and I can't blame her for taking some time to deal. She needs help to get through this; she doesn't need to get extra stuff thrown on her. I've been here for two days and I can see that."
"I'm not worried about Buffy. I'm quite sure that you can handle anything that comes her way. I've no doubt you belong here. I don't know what's coming at us next, but I trust that you'll be here to face it, and that's why I know I can leave without hurting Buffy."
"You don't even know who I am yet, and you're willing to trust me to take care of everything? Not that I don't appreciate your confidence in me, but if you know something.... That's it, isn't it?" He was silent and had his body turned away from me, but something in his body language told me there was something important he wasn't telling me.
"What do you know Giles?" He seemed very reluctant to answer me, but after glancing at me and then back to the ground he started to explain.
"There is a prophesy I read once, back when I was with the council. It spoke of he who would stand beside the slayer and protect her. It described a warrior, a knight, surrounded by darkness before connecting with the slayer and that only together could they beat back the darkness that would consume the entire world. I researched that prophesy as deeply as I could, trying to correlate it with any others I could find. Could you imagine? If there was someone who could stand beside the slayer, she might live longer than the others." He paused, shook his head, and then took back off his glasses to clean them before continuing, "I once thought that person was Angel. He, however, seemed to cause more harm than good in the Slayer's life. I could never fully believe that he was the one meant to stand beside her. And now I think I know why." He walked a slow turn around the training room as he spoke and I countered his moves with my own, unsure of what was coming next, until I was standing next to the straw dummy and he was standing at the wall near the door. Without perceivable motion, and only a flash of mental warning, he threw a knife from his sleeve directly at my head. I had less than a half second to twitch out of the way and grab the knife by the handle. I looked at the knife in my hand, idly wondering if I should throw it back, and then my gaze went back up to his face and the pride there.
"And what was that for?"
"To prove that you are the one that can help Buffy. You are the one that understands what she stands for. You are the one that can protect her far better than I can against any danger you may face. And you are the reason that lets me know I can leave her and she'll still be safe."
"That throw didn't prove all that, there are a lot more people out there who could do what I just did."
"It wasn't what you did; it was how you did it. You didn't just move and catch a knife, you breathed, you relaxed, and you carefully reacted. You didn't have to guess at where it was, you saw it, and you knew exactly where it was going. There are maybe three people in the world that can do what you just did. Buffy can do it, but she can't see it coming in time to either react without guessing or to properly catch the damn thing." He seemed almost exasperated over that fact. I understood, I guess; he was the one that was supposed to teach her how.
"What else do you know about me? If indeed that man in the prophesy is me, that is."
"Look, you don't have to take my word for it; you also come highly recommended from an associate of mine. You made an impression on Wesley too, you know. He's convinced as well that you are the subject of that prophesy and another one he's currently working on, if I'm not mistaken." I opened my mouth to ask him not to tell Buffy that was why I was here, but he cut me off.
"I'm not going to tell Buffy anything, I just want you to believe before I go. Look at how you came to be here. Look at how quickly you and Buffy have gotten along together. Just wait and see. If I'm wrong, and I hope I'm not wrong, I'm sure that you as a person can help even if you as a champion cannot." I realized we weren't even speaking as though he might go anymore; in his mind it was already done and he was trying to make me feel better about him going. It was time for me to make him feel comfortable about leaving things here as he thought they should be.
"I understand you feel you have to go. I can't stop you, even though I disagree with it. Whether I am the champion you think I am or not, I don't think I'm worthy of either her or of being that fictional character in the prophesy; but I want you to know that no matter what happens, I will protect Buffy in whatever way I can. I can promise you that" I started walking toward the door but stopped when I got close to him and extended my hand to shake. He looked at it as though it was a snake before finally reaching out to grab my hand with his. A dozen visions of failure, conjured by his own mind, raced through my head. I let go of his hand and nodded as I left the room. He did what he thought was right, as do we all. I relished in the feelings he had for Buffy and the vain part of my soul recognized one more thing I enjoyed: he truly believed in me. I knew now that I couldn't let him down. I handed him the knife back and closed the door behind me.
Buffy and I left after saying goodbye to Anya. She looked almost disappointed to see us go before I realized it was probably because I hadn't bought anything. We walked together to an outdoor restaurant for some lunch and something told me a serious conversation was to follow.
"I think we need to talk." I knew it.
"Okay. What do we need to talk about?"
"Well, I just wanted to thank you for being there for me yesterday and I know we talked about waiting to see how I felt today about... what happened."
"Before you keep going, I need to tell you a few things."
"I hate it when that happens. What evil secrets about your past are you going to tell me now?"
"Actually it's about Giles."
"Giles?" I nodded. "What about him?"
"He's leaving tonight instead of Monday." She looked puzzled at first and then confused. If you can't tell the difference, you definitely need to learn.
"I know."
"You do?"
"Yeah, he told me before we left."
"Oh... he didn't say anything... okay then. There is just one more thing, though. And I'd like to get it out there before you tell me what you decided about... us." She nodded quietly and the look on her face was pensive at best. "You don't need to decide now. Whatever happens and however I am in your life, I will help you in any way you need, regardless of what you and I call each other. I know full well I can't protect you, but I can try." She was quiet for a second and her eyes got brighter as she put her hand on my arm. I only wished I felt it as much as I wanted her to believe it.
"I know. But I don't want to... to use you like that whenever I need support and then turn around the next day and demote you back to being just somewhere in the background of my life. I saw what you did, who you were, when we had no memory. I saw how you took charge and how you kept people alive. I saw how you helped me when I lost my way last night and just wanted to feel something. I wanted to forget the bad, but you reminded me about the good connections there actually can be between people." I was still lost as to what our relationship was, but the way she was looking at me meant it didn't matter.
"I've lost people before who said they would be there for me. They went away or they had to go help other people or get away from me or they... died." I put my hand on top of her hand resting on my forearm and her grip tightened. Her eyes were cloudy as she continued, "The only people I know I can count on are Willow, Xander, and Giles. Now Giles is leaving, Willow's got her own problems, and Xander is getting married. Everyone else is just off in their own world. It's like they brought me back to fix their problems and just assumed that I would be just fine, that everything would be fine, once I got here. I don't think anyone else even saw that I needed something besides pizza and some sleep to be okay here. I want you to be with me. I don't know what I'll need next week, or tomorrow, or tonight for that matter; but something tells me it's gonna be okay now. Thank you."
Then she was in my arms, hugging me tightly. Some part of me knew that what we were was still firmly inside the gray area, but it was a very small part and the rest of me was too distracted to notice it very much. I marveled at no matter how hard she squeezed me; she was still so small and needy in my arms. I wrapped my arms around her protectively until her body stopped its very slight shaking and she pulled back slightly to wipe nonexistent tears from her eyes. I smiled gently at her, with no trace of accusation. I didn't want her to feel weakened by crying in front of me, even just a little. She sniffed and looked at me in anticipation. I slowly leaned forward, her hands in mine; her eyes closed slowly, and met her lips gently with mine. Leaning back slightly, I tucked a stray strand of hair back into place behind her ear and traced the line of her cheek and along her jaw.
"C'mon, babe, let's get out of here." We walked and talked our way down to the park. She seemed to want to listen more than speak, so I started filling in with stories from my time in the army, the year I did with the NSA and the freelance bounty hunter kind of work I did after that but before I'd met her the first time. She asked me questions about my high school and I had to think back a ways to old martial arts tournaments and junior shooting competitions.
"No, I want to hear about your school. What were your classes like? Did you have anybody disappear? Was one of your teachers a man eating insect or a techno-Wicca?"
"Nope, nothing quite like that, I'm sorry to say."
"I'm gonna win." She had a very charming smug smile.
I had to think back a good ten years to my old home town and things I hadn't thought about for a long time. Gradually the stories came about football games and cheerleaders. She laughed at all the funny parts and aww'd at all the touching parts. Slowly she started telling stories from her high school and some of the odd things that happened there. It seemed to me like, after looking back from the real world, high school didn't seem quite as bad as it did when I was actually there. We found an isolated part of the park and sat down in the shade of a tree to talk the rest of the afternoon away. Finally I shifted her weight slightly more onto my chest to look at my watch. The sun finished setting and with a glance at her face we rose as one to begin walking our way to the cemetery. We walked through just a few of the many cemeteries sunny-dale had to offer before arriving at her front door. Here was another thing I wanted to make clear before we made a habit of it.
"You know, I can go get a hotel room. You don't have to put me up here until I find a more permanent place." She got what I would later learn was her assertive face on and spoke with conviction.
"You will stay with me as long as you are protecting me. It's stupid for you to waste money on a hotel room when you can stay here for free. Besides... you never know when I might need some middle of the night protecting." She still seemed to think the idea of me protecting her was a little silly, and I was in full agreement, but the kiss she gave me to silence any comeback I might have was effective to say the least.
"Okay, okay. I can take a hint. But I do need to go pick up my car from where I parked it yesterday." She turned around from where she was heading up the steps to her house with mild surprise on her face.
"You have a car? Where was I when you had a car?" I think she was amused.
"I parked it at a friend's house yesterday. I never really needed a car when I was here before, so didn't think about it today. I'm just gonna go get it and I'll be right back, I promise." She nodded and looked thoughtful as she turned and went into the house. I took a direct route to my car, and looked it over in appreciation. It was still new enough to warrant some awe. I got in and started her up and the gentle purr started on the first turn over. I went as quickly as possible back to Buffy's house. I pulled into her driveway and shut off the engine. Standing at the door, I wasn't sure if I should knock or go right in. I stood there for a second before finally knocking on the solid wooden door. She answered it quickly, probably standing in the living room, before she told me that we had to go and to hold on while she gets her coat, and that's Amy by the way. She was gone up the stairs before I could question her so I came in to nod politely at the girl sitting on the couch eating cookies.
"You're one of Buffy's friends?" I nodded again, feeling kind of stupid for doing it. Time to say something,
"How long have you known Buffy?"
"I went to high school with her. I've been gone a while now, though."
"Oh yeah? Where've you been?"
"Rat." She seemed serious in a satirical kind of way. I decided to go with it.
"Wow, how'd that work out for you?"
"Not too well, actually; I missed prom and the guy I wanted to bring me is dead... and gay. Everything's different: did you know that Willow's dating girls? And what's up with people getting frozen?" At this point I was kind of worried about this girl and it was a godsend to see Buffy come down the stairs.
"Let's go. Bye Amy, see you later." Then she was out the door. I turned back to Amy and told her it was nice to meet her before I headed out myself, closing the door behind me. She was already closing her car door as I came outside. I got in and started the car before closing my door and turning to Buffy to ask where we were going.
"The museum; somebody's been frozen." I guess that Amy girl hadn't been too off her rocker, then. Oh well. We were well on our way when I turned my head and asked her what the deal with Amy was.
"Well, Amy's a witch. Back in high school there was this mob that was under the influence of a demon and they tried to burn all three of us, Willow, Amy and me, at these stakes they had surrounded by books. Anyway, Amy turned herself into a rat to escape and Willow hasn't been able to turn her back."
"I see. So she what, missed out on high school too? What's she going to do now? Does she have any family here?"
"Her dad I think is still around somewhere. Her mom disappeared back when I first started going to school here. Her mom was a witch too and she actually took over Amy's body and arranged these accidents to get onto the cheerleading squad to relive her good old high school days. That was weird. Anyway she hasn't been seen since."
"Wow, you really did have excitement in your high school. You were right, you win." Her smug smile returned and then we were there. I had to park a little ways down the street away from the crowd gathered around the entrance to the museum. We made our way through the crowd to the front just in time to see the frozen security guard getting wheeled out by emergency medical workers. We pulled back out through the crowd when I saw someone I recognized.
"I'm gonna go talk with that cop over there and see what I can find out about what happened here."
"Okay, I'll go check out the rest of the building and check for something the cops might have overlooked." I nodded and headed over to call out to max. We shook hands and started on the pleasantries before I asked him what happened. He didn't really want to tell me anything about what he was hiding. I tried asking him in different ways and acted like I knew there was something else going on. He talked freely about the guard himself getting frozen, but nothing else about it. I thanked him and wished his wife well before I turned to look after where Buffy had gone. I was surprised to see her hit spike and even more surprised to see him hit her back, knocking her to the ground. I waited for the pain to hit him, but he seemed confused at first before grabbing his hand to his head and bending partially over. What the hell? Buffy got herself back up and back handed him knocking him onto his back. I saw her say something to him and then turn and walk away. I hurried to catch up to her, meeting her at the car.
"Are you okay?" She seemed kind of bad moody, but she nodded as she waited for me to unlock the car door for her. I closed it behind her before heading over to my side only to find her reaching across to unlock it for me. We pulled out as I started talking about what I'd found out from Max. Not a lot, to be certain, but I told her I was sure he was hiding something; I just couldn't figure out what it was. We were quiet again for a few minutes before I finally decided to ask her what happened with spike.
"Saw that, did you?" I didn't say anything, just waited and listened, "Look, last week there was this demon that got summoned and he pulled this song and dance magic that made you sing what you really felt no matter what." She was quiet for a second and I realized she was looking at me.
"So there couldn't be any secrets." I said and it seemed to be enough as she went on with her story.
"After it was all over and I had to sing out how I was in heaven instead of in the hell they thought they'd rescued me from, Spike saved me from combusting myself from the self destructive dance thing I was doing. I don't know what happened. I-"She was starting to get emotional. Whatever happened between them, she didn't feel too good about it.
"You don't have to go into this now; you can wait until you want to tell me about it." She nodded and then her resolved face came on in full effect.
"No, I really want you to know about this. At the end of the whole spell thing, after Spike stopped me from dancing and combusting, we... kissed." She paused for a second and I could feel her intent gaze as she watched for my reaction. "I'm not even sure why it happened. I guess I just got so caught up in what was going on, and having to tell my friends about the whole heaven thing and I just wanted to feel something. I don't even know why I kissed him except that he's been the only one really there for me sometimes. At times it's like he's been there before and he almost knows what I'm going through but at others he's just Spike being... well, Spike. You know what I mean?"
"I understand. You had to tell your friends something that was obviously very hard for you to say after they thought they were saving you. It's completely understandable that you felt the urge to reach out to someone, and it's certainly not any of my business for me to judge if there's anything wrong with what you did or who you did it with."
"What do you mean it's none of your business? Don't you care about anything I just told you? I mean, I kissed Spike! I can't believe that doesn't mean anything to you. Why am I the one who is disgusted with this and you don't even care? This is a big deal for me."
"I get that." Wow. I was a little taken aback and a little bit defensive now. I think now, looking back, that she wanted me to see this as a big bad issue; that I should condemn her for it so I could forgive her later. I didn't see that at the time, though, and proceeded to push my foot further into my mouth.
"It's not that big of a deal. No matter what you did in the past, it's in the past. I will never hold it against you who you chose or choose to be with, it's not my place."
"It's not your place? I'm sorry, so what have we been doing the past two days? The walk in the park, spending the night together, what was that? Do you do that with every girl you meet? Do I mean nothing to you? God, how stupid am I? What am I doing?" I looked at her in shock. I had no idea how I'd gotten myself dug in so deep, but I was stopping this now. I locked my gaze with her furious one as I pulled the car over. As the car came to a complete stop, I shifted into neutral and put the parking break on before turning in my seat to look directly at her. Throughout this process she kept going from looking at me to out the front window and she had her arms crossed the entire time. I waited silently for a moment and began preparing my mental suggestion and started emanating soothing vibes. Finally she met my eyes before I continued with what I had to say, what I had to make her understand. I took her hand, which she let me have reluctantly, and I held it protectively in both of mine. Keeping my eyes on hers I started talking and her eyes grew wide as I spoke.
"You... are not stupid. You are a wonderful and strong person. I would do anything you asked of me, no matter what it was. I will always be here for you through whatever comes our way, and I will never tell you that you are not worthy; I just can't do it. I am here to help. I may not be able to save the world single handedly, or die twice and still make it work or save people nightly, but I can be here for you when you need me to be. Now I don't care about who you were with before no matter how long ago or how serious, be that vampire, human, or demon, but I don't need to. I only care about you." I pulled her in close to me and she let me put my arms around her cautiously. "You don't have to cry, you don't have to fight alone, and you don't have to answer to me. I'll be here no matter what. I am not your Judge, I'm your backup." We sat there for a few moments as the radio in the background softly played. Eventually she pulled back and looked at me softly.
"I'm sorr-"I cut her off.
"Don't apologize. You haven't done anything to me you need to be sorry for. Now don't worry about it, we'll just get something to eat and go home. Sound okay to you?" She nodded and kept hold of my left hand as I shifted with my right and pulled back onto the road. She was stable very shortly, but we held hands all the way back to her house, stopping for chicken on the way. We were about a block from her house before she turned said anything else.
"By the way, I almost forgot, but Amy's staying over tonight." Okay, now what?
"No problem, I can still go get a hotel room somewhere."
"Don't worry about it; you're staying with me." I shut my mouth, now was not the time for me to argue with her again. We parked and got out to head inside. I opened the door for her and followed her in. I went downstairs to grab the sheets from on top of the dryer to make up the couch. I thought I was doing it for me, until Buffy and Amy came back down the stairs and Buffy thanked me for making it up for Amy. I nodded at Amy as I followed Buffy's beckoning gesture into the kitchen.
"What's up?"
"Well, I thought I'd give Amy the couch because she just found out about willow and putting them together might... you know." I nodded. We didn't want to make Amy think willow brought her back to put the moves on her. I could dig that.
"So what do I do?"
"Hmm, come with me." I followed her up the stairs as we went first to the linen closet to get fresh sheets and then into her room where I piled the sheets on the floor and laid down, she went to check on Dawn and Willow before coming in and climbing into her bed. I wanted to wait for the signs of steady breathing that would tell me she was asleep. I waited for almost half an hour of her tossing and turning before she sat up in bed. I pretended to be asleep as she peeked over the side of her bed and then rolled quietly onto the floor to first lie down next to me and then tug my arm up and around her. I murmured something as I pulled her in close to me and rolled against her back. She was dreaming peacefully as I closed my eyes and, with the half grin of complacency on my face declaring me one of the happiest men on earth, I followed her into sleep.
It was early, way too early, in the morning when she came down the stairs. She was trying to sneak by me and moved almost silently down the hallway through the kitchen and out the back door. I feigned sleep for a few more seconds before standing up and pulling on my pants and jacket and then slowly following her out the back door. She wasn't there, but her tracks were. I gave my eyes a few moments to adjust to the low lighting before I turned my gaze down to the grass. I checked what looked like her prints in the grass for depth and bounce of the grass stems before moving on, sure of them belonging to her. I thought back with half a smile, about teaching one of the survival classes for special agents I used to do when I was still in the army. I learned this when I was a kid from an old Indian man I used to spend time with every summer in the woods where he lived before he died. He taught me everything I knew about tracking anything I would need to. I learned how to track demons and such using the same principals, but this time I was tracking a Slayer, a first for me, and I was looking forward to the challenge.
Her signs were small, intermittent. A turned aside leaf or even quickly drying footprints after puddles indicated direction. Without knowing it she led me through the neighborhood in almost random directions until her tracks approached downtown and then the alleys. I lamented the option of following her through those small paths. I looked overhead as an idea came to me. Angel seemed to have no problems tracking from the rooftops, couldn't hurt to try it, right? I clamored up the fire escape after jumping for the ladder and tried to get my bearings from this new point of view. I followed her probable path and then fanned out in random directions until I heard sounds of a scuffle in progress. Then I heard what had to be Buffy's voice cry out the single word 'NO!' and found myself rushing toward the sound. I almost took a spill on some loose gravel and ended up sliding a few feet after I jumped from one rooftop to the next; this was harder than it looked.
Finally I came upon Buffy looking down at Spike with her arms crossed. I heard Spike respond to Buffy as he got up from a broken sundry of wooden crates and had one hand firmly pressed against his skull.
"I thought they were demons."
"Way to go with the keen observiness, Jessica Fletcher."
"Remind me not to help you." Sounding a little sour there, Spike.
"More often?"
"Hey, a little sympathy for the man with the migraine here can we? Heh?"
"Well that's what you get for attacking a human."
"You'd think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head they'd at least have made it so I could attack criminals and that sort." So Spike had a chip in his head, huh. And he couldn't attack humans. So that was why he was on our side. I wonder what would happen if that chip stopped working.
"Yes, because muggers deserve to be eaten. You just have to get your rocks off fighting demons." Spike raised one eyebrow and his voice took on a different quality.
"There are other ways." Was Spike coming on to her? Buffy's tone grew cold.
"And to that, an extreme 'see you later'." She turned to walk away.
"Buffy." Spike spoke in sing song; the Slayer turned around seeming tired of the entire conversation. I got the impression they'd done this before.
"Spike, it's late, can we just finish this another time?"
"So, you want to jump right to the kissing then." Kissing? What the hell was he talking about? Not like I had any room to talk, I realized. I show up in town and hours later I was kissing Buffy. I'd known her personally for all of a day, and most of it we didn't even know who we were. Who was I to question who she kissed before me or after me for that matter? I stopped thinking for a second and let that sink in before I realized their conversation was continuing. Reality check, gotta love it.
"I am not kissing you Spike. Not again." She turned and walked down the alley as Spike made his retort.
"You're nothing but a bloody tease, Slayer. Get a fella's motor revving, let the tension marinate a few days and then boom, crown yourself the ice queen."
"Need a couple of more metaphors for that little mix?" Buffy interjected before he finished up what he was saying,
"It's only a matter of time before you realize I'm the only one here for you pet," A note of desperation crept into his voice; "you've got no-one else!" She stopped and turned around. She stood there silently for a second, but when she spoke there was something in her voice I hadn't heard before,
"Yes... I think I do." Her voice was quiet and calm.
I'd heard enough. I knew that she was safe and stable enough to be out on her own. I walked away and jumped over a few buildings leaving her behind. Whatever she had to talk to Spike about really wasn't any of my business. I figured she was going to take a straight route back to her house, so I took a slightly longer path running to beat her back to house so that when she came in, all was as it seemed when she left. I feigned waking up as she came through the door, and she apologized for waking me.
"Where'd you go?" I kept all accusation out of my voice.
"Oh, I just couldn't sleep. I thought a little patrol might help tire me out, is all."
"Any action out there?" I didn't mean it that way, I promised myself.
"Nope, it's all pretty dead out there. How are you doing?"
"I'm okay, I guess. My head's still a little sore, but I'm fine. How 'bout you?"
"I'm... good, I think. Wow, I don't remember the last time I was just good."
"I can't sleep either. Wanna sit down and keep each other awake?" She nodded and sat down close to me on the couch and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders as she snuggled closer.
"You know, it's kind of cold out there." She had her head against my chest and it wasn't too long at all before she was asleep against me. I had tried to plant just a simple sleep suggestion, but something about her warm weight against me made me feel safer than I had sleeping by myself for quite a while. I felt my eyelids start to get heavy and moved to lay down with Buffy facing me on the inside of the couch. She sighed as she repositioned herself with her arms around me. I pulled her close and within seconds we were both asleep.
I awoke with a start as I looked around trying to figure out where I was. Buffy was groggy beside me as she looked around the room, squinting against the light of the day.
"Whaah?" Her question turned into a yawn as she sat up and stretched. Somehow during the night we'd switched sides and she was on the outside facing out with me spooned against her back.
"C'mon sleepyhead, it's morning." Patting my back as she stood up, she moved first to the kitchen to grab some juice before looking at the clock and walking quickly back into the living room to ask me what day today was.
"Saturday, I think." Looking at my watch to make sure, I nodded my head as I took my turn to stretch. "Everything alright?"
"Yeah, I guess. I was worried about Dawn getting off to school on time." I looked at my watch again to check the time now and shook my head in appreciation.
"Wow, ten o'clock already." I got up and put my pants on to follow Buffy upstairs and use the bathroom while she peeked into first Dawn's and then Willow's rooms, nodding in satisfaction.
"They're both sleeping." She whispered as she slipped past me into the bathroom and I headed back downstairs to change my shirt and finish freshening up for the day. I heard Buffy upstairs go from the bathroom to her bedroom and close the door. I took the opportunity to straighten up the sheets she'd let 'me' borrow and to do some thinking. My thoughts were mostly with the blond woman upstairs who'd saved my life, who'd made out with me when we both didn't know who we were, who I could almost beat in a fight, who had needed as much emotional support last night as I had to give, and had woken up next to me this morning and acted as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I sat down to calculate the complexity of the creature called Buffy and continued folding.
Several questions and thoughts swam through my head. What would you call us now? Were we friends? I hoped we were at least friends. And what the hell was the deal with Spike? For me to ask her to decide about any of that now, just for my own comfort, would be selfish and would probably just push her away from me, something I did not want to happen. On the other hand, what if she needed a stable relationship and needed to be told she had one waiting when she needed it? I went downstairs to the basement to put the folded sheets on top of the washing machine. When I came back up I caught Buffy standing in the kitchen hugging herself and with a slightly confused look on her face that she hid when she saw me.
"You okay?" I asked her, a little worried myself now. She nodded and seemed to be searching for an answer and was subdued when she responded after a second or two.
"I didn't know where you went. I guess I was afraid you'd left already and we wouldn't have the chance to talk." I was thinking to myself about that comment when I got an idea from something I saw over her head.
"You know I won't run out on you, I don't have anywhere else better to go. And if you need me or don't know where I am, I have a fix for that too." While I'd been talking I moved over to the fridge behind her and in large letters I wrote out my name and number on the eraser board. "There, perfect. Now, fair lady, what else do we have to get done today before the world ends... again?" Her half smile was back as I bowed to her and proclaimed her wish as my command.
"Stop goofing around, you'll wake them up." Her words were scolding, but her expression was still amused. She told me about the research set to go on and how she planned on trying one more time to talk Giles out of going back to England before he left on Monday. Dawn was going to visit with Janice later today and she didn't know what Willow was going to do, but planned on giving her friend the time to deal before trying to talk with her about what happened. I nodded my head at each task set before us, my eyes following her as she moved around the kitchen as she talked, pouring cereal into a bowl, getting milk from the fridge, and grabbing a spoon from the drawer. I was captivated by the simple motions of her hands. The grace she possessed; never a clumsy move or a step out of place. I was captivated. She looked up and caught me looking at her and stopped.
"What?" Bite the bullet, Jake.
"You. The way you move, it's... amazing." She blinked slowly and her smile appeared before her eyes reopened.
"Thank you. Not all the time, though. I can promise that one. It's still nice to get an actual compliment sometimes." I moved around the center counter to stand next to her and took her hand in mine.
"It's my pleasure." I kissed her hand but she pulled it back and I dropped it as another voice chimed in.
"What are you doing?" Dawn came in and went straight to pouring herself a glass of juice. Buffy answered for us, trying to look nonchalant.
"Dawn, I thought you were asleep."
"I was. I had to get ready so I can go to meet Janice."
"Oh. Want some breakfast?"
"Naw, I'm okay. Catch you guys later." She headed out through the living room and we heard the front door open and then close. I glanced back at Buffy who gave a kind of nervous giggle and went back to her cereal. I found a banana and peeled it while I analyzed what just happened. Was Buffy nervous about letting Dawn see us together or nervous about us being together? Was I over-thinking this? I guess I was because it wasn't until Buffy said something that I realized I was looking intently at the peeled back banana.
"If you're having a staring contest, I think you won. Bananas don't have eyes. Now, I think there's a potato in the cupboard over there you can try next if you want." I blinked and grinned at her.
"Sorry; I was thinking."
"Well, you better hurry if we're going to go meet Giles." I finished the banana quickly and grabbed my bag on the way following her out the door. We talked as we walked and it seemed like no time before we were in front of the Magic Box. Reluctantly, I let go of the hand I hadn't realized I'd been holding and opened the door for her. We walked into a mini-battle between Giles and Anya over who owned a certain tome. Giles looked up as Buffy cleared her throat and stood up to clean his glasses. Shortly they went into the training room to talk. I didn't know what exactly she was going to say, but I knew she felt she needed him and I knew that I at least wanted him to stay until we knew what we would be facing. The door closed between us and I looked over to find Anya looking at me.
"Man, you got it bad, huh?" Straight to the point, she was. I found myself with a wry grin on my face and gazing at the door between us as I answered.
"She is... amazing." I turned from the door back toward where she stood behind the cash register. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine. People are buying things today, Xander and I made up last night and again this morning; and I just hid the book Giles was trying to take with him." She seemed very pleased with herself. I smiled at her and mostly just looked around the shop, admiring a few objects and it wasn't long before she came up behind me and offered to answer any questions I might have about pricing or history of an object. I told her I thought I would be okay for a while and with a smile she headed back to counting her money. I didn't hear any of the conversation between Buffy and Giles, but when she came out of the back she did not seem happy. She seemed intent on leaving right then, but I asked her to wait for me and headed into the back myself.
"Why are you doing this?" He had straightened as I closed the door behind me and at my question he took off and started cleaning his glasses.
"She asked me much the same exact question and I can only tell you that it is what I must do."
"I doubt very much that leaving Buffy and the group behind is the only way to fix the problem. What else is going on, Giles. We both know she needs you."
"She needs me too much. She relies on me to take care of things for her like her mother used to. As long as I'm here, she won't take care of things for herself; she won't grow up. She has to learn that she doesn't need me to take care of her."
"Giles, she just got back and I can't blame her for taking some time to deal. She needs help to get through this; she doesn't need to get extra stuff thrown on her. I've been here for two days and I can see that."
"I'm not worried about Buffy. I'm quite sure that you can handle anything that comes her way. I've no doubt you belong here. I don't know what's coming at us next, but I trust that you'll be here to face it, and that's why I know I can leave without hurting Buffy."
"You don't even know who I am yet, and you're willing to trust me to take care of everything? Not that I don't appreciate your confidence in me, but if you know something.... That's it, isn't it?" He was silent and had his body turned away from me, but something in his body language told me there was something important he wasn't telling me.
"What do you know Giles?" He seemed very reluctant to answer me, but after glancing at me and then back to the ground he started to explain.
"There is a prophesy I read once, back when I was with the council. It spoke of he who would stand beside the slayer and protect her. It described a warrior, a knight, surrounded by darkness before connecting with the slayer and that only together could they beat back the darkness that would consume the entire world. I researched that prophesy as deeply as I could, trying to correlate it with any others I could find. Could you imagine? If there was someone who could stand beside the slayer, she might live longer than the others." He paused, shook his head, and then took back off his glasses to clean them before continuing, "I once thought that person was Angel. He, however, seemed to cause more harm than good in the Slayer's life. I could never fully believe that he was the one meant to stand beside her. And now I think I know why." He walked a slow turn around the training room as he spoke and I countered his moves with my own, unsure of what was coming next, until I was standing next to the straw dummy and he was standing at the wall near the door. Without perceivable motion, and only a flash of mental warning, he threw a knife from his sleeve directly at my head. I had less than a half second to twitch out of the way and grab the knife by the handle. I looked at the knife in my hand, idly wondering if I should throw it back, and then my gaze went back up to his face and the pride there.
"And what was that for?"
"To prove that you are the one that can help Buffy. You are the one that understands what she stands for. You are the one that can protect her far better than I can against any danger you may face. And you are the reason that lets me know I can leave her and she'll still be safe."
"That throw didn't prove all that, there are a lot more people out there who could do what I just did."
"It wasn't what you did; it was how you did it. You didn't just move and catch a knife, you breathed, you relaxed, and you carefully reacted. You didn't have to guess at where it was, you saw it, and you knew exactly where it was going. There are maybe three people in the world that can do what you just did. Buffy can do it, but she can't see it coming in time to either react without guessing or to properly catch the damn thing." He seemed almost exasperated over that fact. I understood, I guess; he was the one that was supposed to teach her how.
"What else do you know about me? If indeed that man in the prophesy is me, that is."
"Look, you don't have to take my word for it; you also come highly recommended from an associate of mine. You made an impression on Wesley too, you know. He's convinced as well that you are the subject of that prophesy and another one he's currently working on, if I'm not mistaken." I opened my mouth to ask him not to tell Buffy that was why I was here, but he cut me off.
"I'm not going to tell Buffy anything, I just want you to believe before I go. Look at how you came to be here. Look at how quickly you and Buffy have gotten along together. Just wait and see. If I'm wrong, and I hope I'm not wrong, I'm sure that you as a person can help even if you as a champion cannot." I realized we weren't even speaking as though he might go anymore; in his mind it was already done and he was trying to make me feel better about him going. It was time for me to make him feel comfortable about leaving things here as he thought they should be.
"I understand you feel you have to go. I can't stop you, even though I disagree with it. Whether I am the champion you think I am or not, I don't think I'm worthy of either her or of being that fictional character in the prophesy; but I want you to know that no matter what happens, I will protect Buffy in whatever way I can. I can promise you that" I started walking toward the door but stopped when I got close to him and extended my hand to shake. He looked at it as though it was a snake before finally reaching out to grab my hand with his. A dozen visions of failure, conjured by his own mind, raced through my head. I let go of his hand and nodded as I left the room. He did what he thought was right, as do we all. I relished in the feelings he had for Buffy and the vain part of my soul recognized one more thing I enjoyed: he truly believed in me. I knew now that I couldn't let him down. I handed him the knife back and closed the door behind me.
Buffy and I left after saying goodbye to Anya. She looked almost disappointed to see us go before I realized it was probably because I hadn't bought anything. We walked together to an outdoor restaurant for some lunch and something told me a serious conversation was to follow.
"I think we need to talk." I knew it.
"Okay. What do we need to talk about?"
"Well, I just wanted to thank you for being there for me yesterday and I know we talked about waiting to see how I felt today about... what happened."
"Before you keep going, I need to tell you a few things."
"I hate it when that happens. What evil secrets about your past are you going to tell me now?"
"Actually it's about Giles."
"Giles?" I nodded. "What about him?"
"He's leaving tonight instead of Monday." She looked puzzled at first and then confused. If you can't tell the difference, you definitely need to learn.
"I know."
"You do?"
"Yeah, he told me before we left."
"Oh... he didn't say anything... okay then. There is just one more thing, though. And I'd like to get it out there before you tell me what you decided about... us." She nodded quietly and the look on her face was pensive at best. "You don't need to decide now. Whatever happens and however I am in your life, I will help you in any way you need, regardless of what you and I call each other. I know full well I can't protect you, but I can try." She was quiet for a second and her eyes got brighter as she put her hand on my arm. I only wished I felt it as much as I wanted her to believe it.
"I know. But I don't want to... to use you like that whenever I need support and then turn around the next day and demote you back to being just somewhere in the background of my life. I saw what you did, who you were, when we had no memory. I saw how you took charge and how you kept people alive. I saw how you helped me when I lost my way last night and just wanted to feel something. I wanted to forget the bad, but you reminded me about the good connections there actually can be between people." I was still lost as to what our relationship was, but the way she was looking at me meant it didn't matter.
"I've lost people before who said they would be there for me. They went away or they had to go help other people or get away from me or they... died." I put my hand on top of her hand resting on my forearm and her grip tightened. Her eyes were cloudy as she continued, "The only people I know I can count on are Willow, Xander, and Giles. Now Giles is leaving, Willow's got her own problems, and Xander is getting married. Everyone else is just off in their own world. It's like they brought me back to fix their problems and just assumed that I would be just fine, that everything would be fine, once I got here. I don't think anyone else even saw that I needed something besides pizza and some sleep to be okay here. I want you to be with me. I don't know what I'll need next week, or tomorrow, or tonight for that matter; but something tells me it's gonna be okay now. Thank you."
Then she was in my arms, hugging me tightly. Some part of me knew that what we were was still firmly inside the gray area, but it was a very small part and the rest of me was too distracted to notice it very much. I marveled at no matter how hard she squeezed me; she was still so small and needy in my arms. I wrapped my arms around her protectively until her body stopped its very slight shaking and she pulled back slightly to wipe nonexistent tears from her eyes. I smiled gently at her, with no trace of accusation. I didn't want her to feel weakened by crying in front of me, even just a little. She sniffed and looked at me in anticipation. I slowly leaned forward, her hands in mine; her eyes closed slowly, and met her lips gently with mine. Leaning back slightly, I tucked a stray strand of hair back into place behind her ear and traced the line of her cheek and along her jaw.
"C'mon, babe, let's get out of here." We walked and talked our way down to the park. She seemed to want to listen more than speak, so I started filling in with stories from my time in the army, the year I did with the NSA and the freelance bounty hunter kind of work I did after that but before I'd met her the first time. She asked me questions about my high school and I had to think back a ways to old martial arts tournaments and junior shooting competitions.
"No, I want to hear about your school. What were your classes like? Did you have anybody disappear? Was one of your teachers a man eating insect or a techno-Wicca?"
"Nope, nothing quite like that, I'm sorry to say."
"I'm gonna win." She had a very charming smug smile.
I had to think back a good ten years to my old home town and things I hadn't thought about for a long time. Gradually the stories came about football games and cheerleaders. She laughed at all the funny parts and aww'd at all the touching parts. Slowly she started telling stories from her high school and some of the odd things that happened there. It seemed to me like, after looking back from the real world, high school didn't seem quite as bad as it did when I was actually there. We found an isolated part of the park and sat down in the shade of a tree to talk the rest of the afternoon away. Finally I shifted her weight slightly more onto my chest to look at my watch. The sun finished setting and with a glance at her face we rose as one to begin walking our way to the cemetery. We walked through just a few of the many cemeteries sunny-dale had to offer before arriving at her front door. Here was another thing I wanted to make clear before we made a habit of it.
"You know, I can go get a hotel room. You don't have to put me up here until I find a more permanent place." She got what I would later learn was her assertive face on and spoke with conviction.
"You will stay with me as long as you are protecting me. It's stupid for you to waste money on a hotel room when you can stay here for free. Besides... you never know when I might need some middle of the night protecting." She still seemed to think the idea of me protecting her was a little silly, and I was in full agreement, but the kiss she gave me to silence any comeback I might have was effective to say the least.
"Okay, okay. I can take a hint. But I do need to go pick up my car from where I parked it yesterday." She turned around from where she was heading up the steps to her house with mild surprise on her face.
"You have a car? Where was I when you had a car?" I think she was amused.
"I parked it at a friend's house yesterday. I never really needed a car when I was here before, so didn't think about it today. I'm just gonna go get it and I'll be right back, I promise." She nodded and looked thoughtful as she turned and went into the house. I took a direct route to my car, and looked it over in appreciation. It was still new enough to warrant some awe. I got in and started her up and the gentle purr started on the first turn over. I went as quickly as possible back to Buffy's house. I pulled into her driveway and shut off the engine. Standing at the door, I wasn't sure if I should knock or go right in. I stood there for a second before finally knocking on the solid wooden door. She answered it quickly, probably standing in the living room, before she told me that we had to go and to hold on while she gets her coat, and that's Amy by the way. She was gone up the stairs before I could question her so I came in to nod politely at the girl sitting on the couch eating cookies.
"You're one of Buffy's friends?" I nodded again, feeling kind of stupid for doing it. Time to say something,
"How long have you known Buffy?"
"I went to high school with her. I've been gone a while now, though."
"Oh yeah? Where've you been?"
"Rat." She seemed serious in a satirical kind of way. I decided to go with it.
"Wow, how'd that work out for you?"
"Not too well, actually; I missed prom and the guy I wanted to bring me is dead... and gay. Everything's different: did you know that Willow's dating girls? And what's up with people getting frozen?" At this point I was kind of worried about this girl and it was a godsend to see Buffy come down the stairs.
"Let's go. Bye Amy, see you later." Then she was out the door. I turned back to Amy and told her it was nice to meet her before I headed out myself, closing the door behind me. She was already closing her car door as I came outside. I got in and started the car before closing my door and turning to Buffy to ask where we were going.
"The museum; somebody's been frozen." I guess that Amy girl hadn't been too off her rocker, then. Oh well. We were well on our way when I turned my head and asked her what the deal with Amy was.
"Well, Amy's a witch. Back in high school there was this mob that was under the influence of a demon and they tried to burn all three of us, Willow, Amy and me, at these stakes they had surrounded by books. Anyway, Amy turned herself into a rat to escape and Willow hasn't been able to turn her back."
"I see. So she what, missed out on high school too? What's she going to do now? Does she have any family here?"
"Her dad I think is still around somewhere. Her mom disappeared back when I first started going to school here. Her mom was a witch too and she actually took over Amy's body and arranged these accidents to get onto the cheerleading squad to relive her good old high school days. That was weird. Anyway she hasn't been seen since."
"Wow, you really did have excitement in your high school. You were right, you win." Her smug smile returned and then we were there. I had to park a little ways down the street away from the crowd gathered around the entrance to the museum. We made our way through the crowd to the front just in time to see the frozen security guard getting wheeled out by emergency medical workers. We pulled back out through the crowd when I saw someone I recognized.
"I'm gonna go talk with that cop over there and see what I can find out about what happened here."
"Okay, I'll go check out the rest of the building and check for something the cops might have overlooked." I nodded and headed over to call out to max. We shook hands and started on the pleasantries before I asked him what happened. He didn't really want to tell me anything about what he was hiding. I tried asking him in different ways and acted like I knew there was something else going on. He talked freely about the guard himself getting frozen, but nothing else about it. I thanked him and wished his wife well before I turned to look after where Buffy had gone. I was surprised to see her hit spike and even more surprised to see him hit her back, knocking her to the ground. I waited for the pain to hit him, but he seemed confused at first before grabbing his hand to his head and bending partially over. What the hell? Buffy got herself back up and back handed him knocking him onto his back. I saw her say something to him and then turn and walk away. I hurried to catch up to her, meeting her at the car.
"Are you okay?" She seemed kind of bad moody, but she nodded as she waited for me to unlock the car door for her. I closed it behind her before heading over to my side only to find her reaching across to unlock it for me. We pulled out as I started talking about what I'd found out from Max. Not a lot, to be certain, but I told her I was sure he was hiding something; I just couldn't figure out what it was. We were quiet again for a few minutes before I finally decided to ask her what happened with spike.
"Saw that, did you?" I didn't say anything, just waited and listened, "Look, last week there was this demon that got summoned and he pulled this song and dance magic that made you sing what you really felt no matter what." She was quiet for a second and I realized she was looking at me.
"So there couldn't be any secrets." I said and it seemed to be enough as she went on with her story.
"After it was all over and I had to sing out how I was in heaven instead of in the hell they thought they'd rescued me from, Spike saved me from combusting myself from the self destructive dance thing I was doing. I don't know what happened. I-"She was starting to get emotional. Whatever happened between them, she didn't feel too good about it.
"You don't have to go into this now; you can wait until you want to tell me about it." She nodded and then her resolved face came on in full effect.
"No, I really want you to know about this. At the end of the whole spell thing, after Spike stopped me from dancing and combusting, we... kissed." She paused for a second and I could feel her intent gaze as she watched for my reaction. "I'm not even sure why it happened. I guess I just got so caught up in what was going on, and having to tell my friends about the whole heaven thing and I just wanted to feel something. I don't even know why I kissed him except that he's been the only one really there for me sometimes. At times it's like he's been there before and he almost knows what I'm going through but at others he's just Spike being... well, Spike. You know what I mean?"
"I understand. You had to tell your friends something that was obviously very hard for you to say after they thought they were saving you. It's completely understandable that you felt the urge to reach out to someone, and it's certainly not any of my business for me to judge if there's anything wrong with what you did or who you did it with."
"What do you mean it's none of your business? Don't you care about anything I just told you? I mean, I kissed Spike! I can't believe that doesn't mean anything to you. Why am I the one who is disgusted with this and you don't even care? This is a big deal for me."
"I get that." Wow. I was a little taken aback and a little bit defensive now. I think now, looking back, that she wanted me to see this as a big bad issue; that I should condemn her for it so I could forgive her later. I didn't see that at the time, though, and proceeded to push my foot further into my mouth.
"It's not that big of a deal. No matter what you did in the past, it's in the past. I will never hold it against you who you chose or choose to be with, it's not my place."
"It's not your place? I'm sorry, so what have we been doing the past two days? The walk in the park, spending the night together, what was that? Do you do that with every girl you meet? Do I mean nothing to you? God, how stupid am I? What am I doing?" I looked at her in shock. I had no idea how I'd gotten myself dug in so deep, but I was stopping this now. I locked my gaze with her furious one as I pulled the car over. As the car came to a complete stop, I shifted into neutral and put the parking break on before turning in my seat to look directly at her. Throughout this process she kept going from looking at me to out the front window and she had her arms crossed the entire time. I waited silently for a moment and began preparing my mental suggestion and started emanating soothing vibes. Finally she met my eyes before I continued with what I had to say, what I had to make her understand. I took her hand, which she let me have reluctantly, and I held it protectively in both of mine. Keeping my eyes on hers I started talking and her eyes grew wide as I spoke.
"You... are not stupid. You are a wonderful and strong person. I would do anything you asked of me, no matter what it was. I will always be here for you through whatever comes our way, and I will never tell you that you are not worthy; I just can't do it. I am here to help. I may not be able to save the world single handedly, or die twice and still make it work or save people nightly, but I can be here for you when you need me to be. Now I don't care about who you were with before no matter how long ago or how serious, be that vampire, human, or demon, but I don't need to. I only care about you." I pulled her in close to me and she let me put my arms around her cautiously. "You don't have to cry, you don't have to fight alone, and you don't have to answer to me. I'll be here no matter what. I am not your Judge, I'm your backup." We sat there for a few moments as the radio in the background softly played. Eventually she pulled back and looked at me softly.
"I'm sorr-"I cut her off.
"Don't apologize. You haven't done anything to me you need to be sorry for. Now don't worry about it, we'll just get something to eat and go home. Sound okay to you?" She nodded and kept hold of my left hand as I shifted with my right and pulled back onto the road. She was stable very shortly, but we held hands all the way back to her house, stopping for chicken on the way. We were about a block from her house before she turned said anything else.
"By the way, I almost forgot, but Amy's staying over tonight." Okay, now what?
"No problem, I can still go get a hotel room somewhere."
"Don't worry about it; you're staying with me." I shut my mouth, now was not the time for me to argue with her again. We parked and got out to head inside. I opened the door for her and followed her in. I went downstairs to grab the sheets from on top of the dryer to make up the couch. I thought I was doing it for me, until Buffy and Amy came back down the stairs and Buffy thanked me for making it up for Amy. I nodded at Amy as I followed Buffy's beckoning gesture into the kitchen.
"What's up?"
"Well, I thought I'd give Amy the couch because she just found out about willow and putting them together might... you know." I nodded. We didn't want to make Amy think willow brought her back to put the moves on her. I could dig that.
"So what do I do?"
"Hmm, come with me." I followed her up the stairs as we went first to the linen closet to get fresh sheets and then into her room where I piled the sheets on the floor and laid down, she went to check on Dawn and Willow before coming in and climbing into her bed. I wanted to wait for the signs of steady breathing that would tell me she was asleep. I waited for almost half an hour of her tossing and turning before she sat up in bed. I pretended to be asleep as she peeked over the side of her bed and then rolled quietly onto the floor to first lie down next to me and then tug my arm up and around her. I murmured something as I pulled her in close to me and rolled against her back. She was dreaming peacefully as I closed my eyes and, with the half grin of complacency on my face declaring me one of the happiest men on earth, I followed her into sleep.