Freedom Chapter 20, Epilogue

By J.L. Pitard

Standard disclaimer: All characters belong to Kohta Hirano and his publishers. I have no stake in them...

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Seras couldn't shower enough to get that feeling off of her. Three days had passed, but she was still smelling it and trying to wash it off of her. She was also struggling with all her conflicting emotions. No sorrow for the dead man, he had brought this nightmare upon them all. She was angry with Alucard, but much more angry with herself. What was she? Could she just give up? Was she ready to die? Would God forgive her? She hugged herself and watched the water flow down the drain. What would Alucard think of her now? She had tried to stay out of everyone's way for the first few days, but now she needed to get some answers or she would go crazy.

A tentative knock on the door signaled the end of her shower. "Commander Seras?"

She remembered with a lurch in her stomach that even Walter was not on speaking terms with her anymore. The whole house seemed to be angry. Walter and Integra were moving in silence.

"Uh, I'm not hungry right now."

She toweled off as quickly as she could and got dressed. When she stepped out, the young Hellsing soldier, Brown, was still standing in her room, three medical bags on her table.

They looked at each other for a few seconds.

"Can I take these to Alucard?" She asked him. He looked a bit relieved. He'd told her the other morning that he'd been instructed to slip the platter through the metal gate in the door and leave. When he came back later, they were empty and on the tray.

No one but the young soldier was talking to her. Even her friends in the Wild Geese were freaked out as she rode back in the transport, rinsed off, but still filthy. "Has Master left his room?"

"Not that anyone knows about. Not since reporting back. They're all still mad at each other." Seras sighed. She would have to make the first move.

She took the tray and smiled as she heard the speed in Brown's footsteps. She went in the opposite direction.

There was a faint sound of music near his room. Good sign. She knocked on the door. The door opened, but no sign of Alucard. She went in. The door slammed shut. Seras jumped. The sound of Bach's Brandenburg #3 filled the room. She regained her composure and put the bags on top of his coffin. Her cell was spare, but his was nearly empty. A beautiful black casket, a tall chair, a wastebasket and a side table with an incongruous CD player on it were the only items.

Was he resting? Her fingers traced the letters on top. She would have to look up the quotation some day. "...The Bird Hermes is my Name...Eating my Wings to make me Tame." It was starting to make sense to her now.

He came up behind her. She sensed him, though she wasn't sure how to react. He passed her, picked up the first bag and began to pour it into a wine glass.

Alucard was dressed to go out. His tinted sunglasses in place. He offered her the glass, expecting her to refuse it. He smiled a true smile when she took it and sipped. He poured one for himself.

"Have you been resting or angry?" She blurted out.

He regarded her for a few moments. The music was very well played, he thought idly. "Both. You?"

"Oh!" She hadn't expected that. "I'm...I'm fine." She felt like such an idiot. Seras leaned against his coffin. She was very angry to be left in a burning tent with old man bits all about. Why couldn't she tell him that? She was angry that he was angry with her for not biting that old man. She drew a long breath by habit. The music was ending. They listened together and finished the bag in silence.

"Master?"

An eyebrow arched above his glasses.

"Was she sealed to Hellsing?"

He nodded. Silently, he walked to the CD player. It still bore the dents from his learning how to use it, but it played just fine. He switched the disc to one she had Walter order for him a few weeks before. Was that a peace gesture?

"How could you, um, dust her? Isn't it against the rules?"

He laughed. "Rules?"

She had been thinking about it the last few days and realized that about the only thing that seemed to keep her master bound was master himself.

He looked over his glasses at her.

He nodded at her unspoken thoughts. "Freedom comes in many forms, Police Girl. I am tied to the Hellsings, but she can't control me. She shies from the dark magics involved. She doesn't understand the seals on me."

"But why haven't you-"

"Why do you stay my servant?"

"Wha? Um, I don't know..."

"Yes you do, Draculina. Tell me." He put away his glasses.

"Fear. Um," she stopped and looked up, "it's all I know now... and," she looked away and whispered, as though his hearing couldn't pick it up, "love." She blushed as she looked up at him, "But you can' t feel any of those things."

His maniacal red eyes danced. He had missed her the last few days. Frustrating, but sometimes, as now, amusing. "It is enough to say that I have my own reasons, no?" He sat in his tall green chair, took off his gloves and patted his lap. "Come."

Seras was confused, but did as told. She sat gingerly, as if she might hurt his bony thighs.

"You took some bullets. Where?" She nodded and pointed at the places. He touched her body where she noted. Tenderly, as if the wounds hadn't yet healed. Being shot hadn't hurt much after the initial impact and shock.

"Lead." He said. She nodded again. "Such idiots! Did she really think..." He stopped, not wanting to let himself get upset. "It could've been worse, then. Why haven't you retrieved them?" She shook her head, confused as much by his gentle manner as his question. "We'll work on that when we can."

Alucard tossed his long black hair off of his neck. "Drink." A slow pulse beat under the perfect whiteness of his skin.

She recoiled and tried to stand, but he held her on his lap. He liked the feel of her skin struggling under his hands. The hot, clammy feel of the living repulsing him so. "But I am already dead, Police Girl." One arm held her to him, while the other hand rubbed up and down the length of her arm. "Your bite can't harm me. I am not struggling or whimpering."

His voice was warm, charming. It suggested an intimacy that wasn't entirely wholesome. She couldn't think of anything to say and tears were threatening to fall. "I'm not ready," she finally squeaked. She wanted him, his body and his blood, but she couldn't do it. Her fear of losing herself, and the little shred of who she once was, won out. It always did. He let her rest against his chest, pleased that things were back to normal between them as they listened to Robert Johnson sing the blues.

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Author's note:

The characterizations are based on both the manga and anime. I've based this sort of between the Valentine Bros and the Millennium attacks as I only had up to vol 3 in English (manga). I also wanted folks who loved the anime to enjoy it, but I really didn't like Incognito, so his story line is ignored.

This story came to me and was very insistent until I finished it. Then came the silly Incubus story, which I did quite quickly. There is another on its way, but I hope that will be it for Hellsing.

Thank you for reading so far! Thank you for all of the reviews. Please continue to critique, it's how we grow as writers.