I woke up before she did; I think I was getting more used to this sleep
schedule. I looked around the room without moving too much from where I
was lying on my back with Buffy curled up against me on my left. I
couldn't bring myself to move her just to look at my watch, so decided to
lay there and enjoy the view. I'm not sure how long I stayed there like
that before I realized I was falling in love. However long it was didn't
soften the blow any. I'd only fallen once before, and judging how badly
that turned out I think I was justified to feel like I'd been hit in the
head with a hammer, but without the pain. On second thought, the pain was
there too, but that was probably just from opening myself for too long and
stretching too far last night. I looked down at this wonderfully strong
person who had faced the world on her own for so long, who had stopped it
from ending more times than I could count, and I was not in awe of her
physical attributes half as much as her strength of will. I had seen her
move and seen her fight, but that was just wonderful garnish to who she was
as a person. A person who loved and cared for her friends as she protected
everyone around her with no regard for herself. In my mind, that just
wouldn't do. I had this thing for taking care of people, and I'd be hard
pressed to find someone I would enjoy helping as much as the beautiful
blond next to me.
I was so distracted marveling about how lucky I was and trying to figure out how long I'd felt this way about her, that I didn't notice her open eyes looking up at me. I met those beautiful hazel eyes with mine and smiled as she relaxed against me. I brushed a stray strand of hair from her face and we lay there for a few minutes silently until her alarm clock went off and both of us started at the loud noise. She rolled over and shut it off before standing up and finding her clothes. She glanced back at me once as she was getting dressed to see me pull my own pants up. I felt her gaze and turned my head to catch her looking just before she pulled her shirt off. I quickly looked away and found a clean shirt in my bag. She asked me to knock on Dawn's door before I headed down stairs. I smiled and nodded as she ducked into the bathroom with her hairbrush already in hand. I knocked on the requested door and heard Dawn's curt voice tell me she was already up before shouldering my bag and heading downstairs. I used the downstairs bathroom and washed my face, being careful of the healing wound. I grabbed a glass of water and drank half of it before I headed outside to sit on one of the lawn chairs. Drawing my feet up into a lotus position, I slowly centered myself as I began a meditation.
I was in deeper than I thought as I didn't realize Buffy'd said my name softly from the back door. She said she called for me a few times and even checked to see if my car was still here before checking out back. I didn't hear her at all until she touched my shoulder and I grabbed her hand and went to flip her over my shoulder before she stopped my motion easily. The awareness of how I didn't complete my reactionary movement was what really woke me up, I think. She looked at me puzzled as I told her how sorry I was, she'd just startled me. She just stood there looking confused as she responded.
"No harm no foul. What were you doing, sleeping?"
"Meditating, trying to fix what I did last night, but it can be similar in how oblivious I can be to the outside world. I really didn't mean to do that, it was just a reaction."
"It's cool, don't worry about it. You gonna' be okay?"
"Yeah, I just pushed myself a little too far. My reflexes might be off a little bit for the day, but I'll be okay."
"C'mon, I need your help inside." I stood up and followed her into the house. Buffy had a box she carried upstairs to Willow's room where the removal of all magical items was underway. We went through a few drawers with Buffy do the searching and me putting all magic items into the box; Willow sat on the bed the whole time. Dawn came in to help after she got out of the bathroom; at least I think it was helping. She started criticizing everything or whining about how we had to get rid of stuff she liked. Buffy tried to tell her that it was a thorough cleaning of anything that might tempt Willow and we were trying to help her. I was a little at a loss over how much stuff there was. Different bags of herbs, large and small; candles, crystals, incense, different colored sands and powders, and a few more miscellaneous items from all around her room. We moved down to the living room where I thought Dawn was finally going to flip over a statue of the fertility god that used to be their mother's, but Buffy got her way and I got handed the figurine to carefully place in the box.
Willow came down to help make breakfast, while Dawn went upstairs to get ready for school. I poured juice for the three of us while we chatted about a lot of nothing. Buffy went to the stairs to holler that Dawn needed to eat before she had to get to school. I'd volunteered to drive her to school as we were cleaning and Buffy called Xander to let him know he could sleep in a little bit. Buffy came back in the kitchen and asked Willow how she was doing. Willow did seem to be shaking a little while she made an omelet, but she said she was doing better. Dawn came in and seemed to be trying to give Buffy a hard time about everything in general. She ignored breakfast, saying she was ready. I went to wash my hands before we left and heard Dawn heading back upstairs.
On my way back, I heard Spike's voice and stopped cold in my tracks. What was he doing here? I heard Willow say she was gonna head up and get dressed. I went back around the corner and tried not to be noticed. Willow saw me anyway so I made a kind of 'what was going on in there?' hand wave, but she just shrugged and kept going, seeming a little paler than usual. I went back to standing just out of view to listen in, feeling like a cad the whole time. Didn't I just tell her yesterday that it was her business? I heard her tell Spike to stop trying to see her, and to stop calling her whatever he had called her that I didn't hear. He spoke again, moving closer to her, "So, um, what should I call you then? Pet? Sweetheart? Maybe goldilocks? I love this hair, the way it bounces around when you- " My blood ran cold at the tone in his voice as I assumed he played with her hair, but held myself back from doing something stupid. I heard metal as she picked something up from the counter, but then he said something about a flapjack I didn't quiet catch. What the hell was that supposed to mean? I heard her echo my thought out loud, but then she stopped and, more importantly, she breathed. I knew that breath. What the HELL was going on in there. I took a different kind of breath of my own and walked in.
"What are you doing, Spike?" I kept my voice quiet and calm, somehow. She reacted quickly, slapping him away from her and putting down a spatula. They looked at me, but Buffy couldn't meet my eyes. I opened my mouth without thinking about what was going to come out, generally a bad thing with me, but she stopped me by saying it was time to get Dawn off to school, walking toward me. I wanted to keep my feet planted but didn't feel like fighting her Slayer strength. She forcibly walked me around the corner as she hollered for Dawn. "Hey, we really need to get Dawn off to school. You can let yourself out, right Spike?" Her commentary came on with a slight hint of babble, but I kept my mouth shut for fear of what might come out of it as we rounded the corner to the stairs and raised her voice to yell for Dawn. "Dawn, you better get going, you're going to be late." She finished up as Dawn reached the bottom of the stairs, her coat over her arm. "I'm here." "Okay, you've got everything you need?" "Yup." Dawn's responses were treading on the heals of Buffy's, but I was still afraid to say anything. "And after school you'll-" "Yeah. Let's go Jake?" Dawn pushed forward toward the door only to be stopped by Buffy blocking the way. "You will come straight home." Buffy had mom voice. I just realized Buffy had a mom voice. Dawn didn't quite respond to it as Buffy'd hoped she would, I wager. "Sure. Maybe we can find some time for you to get me into another car accident." Buffy gave up and opened the door for us. Standing on the other side was a middle aged woman, looking kind of motherly in her own way. Something about her said social worker to me, and I didn't meet her eyes. She introduced herself as Doris from social services and, my suspicions being confirmed, I led Dawn on a quick escape; wishing Buffy the best as I left her to face one battle I was in no way qualified to help with. I was tempted to kiss Buffy on the cheek on the way out, but stopped and just whished her a good day as I retreated, making sure not to make eye contact with that woman.
Dawn and I were in the car and well on our way to the school before I finally had to say something for fear of us being thrown into awkward silent friend mode.
"So how's the arm feel?" Good, a nice general topic with only a slight allusion to how she got it. Not bad considering how I felt at the moment. She, however, seemed a lot less enthused.
"Great, just great; almost as good as the last injury my sister caused."
"Hold on a minute, babe. You don't really think she wanted you to get hurt, do you?"
"No, but she didn't do anything to stop it. She never talked to Willow about her problem, even though she knew before all of us lost our memory that she was doing too much magic. She never listens. Even after Tara left she was all 'la la la' with the not caring." I put my hand on her arm, trying to comfort her and send out a relaxing vibe, but she just looked over at me with a questioning look on her face as she asked me if I said something. Looks like I needed more time to relax my head before trying to move anybody else's. And it also looked like I was going to have to do this the old fashioned way.
"That's not the whole of it, and you know it. You know she's been through a lot herself, and she's trying hard to work through things on her own. It's a full time job just being the Slayer, but she's managed to find time for you and her friends too. From where I'm sitting, that's quite an accomplishment. You shouldn't try to fight her; you should try to work with her, if you want anything to get better." We were silent for a couple of minutes and the best thing I could hope for would be her thinking about what I had to say, even just once. Luckily I got her there on time with a few minutes to spare. Fast cars do help. As she was about to get out I touched her arm again and told her to have a good day and that I'd see her later. She did smile at me as she said that I should too, and I took that as a good sign.
I drove around a while before heading back to the house. I tried to cool off before trying to think about what Spike had been doing there this morning. Unfortunately it didn't work so well because my top three responses all involved death, dismemberment, or at the very least some kind of pain. I forcibly centered myself; realizing that being thrown out of balance last night was going to make me both grouchy and emotional today and not my normal relaxed self (insert irony here). I finally made myself stop for some ice cream (yes I said ice cream) to make me feel better and then taking a short drive around town looking for a shooting range. I did stop by a shop that sold guns and they gave me directions. I put that errand off for later and headed back to Buffy's house to find her gone and the back door unlocked. I made my way upstairs and found a sleeping Willow and still no sign of Buffy. I stood in her bedroom and tried for the umpteenth time that morning to relax as I looked around. I did notice some hair on the floor in front of the mirror on the wall. It looked like she'd cut it and tried to clean up, but missed a few strands. I smelled it and was sure it was hers before putting it back down on the carpet.
I left the house the same way I came in, checking again for notes on the fridge and again finding none. I drove around, stopping for gas, and then to the Magic Box to see if she was there already. Walking in I noticed Xander and Anya had their place setting thing set up, but were completely ignoring it, talking about something invisible.
"Hey guys, how's it going?" With no preamble whatsoever, I got the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
"Buffy's invisible and we don't know how she got that way." Talk about weird mornings. Funny how they seemed more used to this kind of thing. Still, I assimilated Xander's information quickly enough, I think, and started asking questions.
"So I take it you've seen her then?" I realized it as soon as I said it and there was no way Xander would let it get by.
"No, she's kind of invisible."
"Okay, so I get it. Where is she now?"
"She just left to take a walk. She said she needed to clear her head. And you caught me on my way out; I'm heading over to talk with Willow."
I nodded as he spoke and couldn't help the small grin when he told me the invisible Buffy needed to clear her head. He left after saying goodbye to Anya and then was gone. I looked around the shop and then back at Anya. She seemed to be a very attractive, if somewhat abrasive, person but I don't think we'll ever be good friends. Throughout our whole conversation she kept trying to get me to buy stuff. It wasn't long before I excused myself to go into the training room for some heavy bag workout. I was toweling off when my phone rang and Willow was on the other end. She wanted to make sure I knew about Buffy, I guess Xander hadn't told her that he'd already told me. I asked her if she knew anything about how it could have happened. She actually got defensive on me, accusing me of accusing her, but I finally got her to understand I didn't think she did it. She told me she didn't know how it could have happened but she was looking into it. I got cleaned up and waved at Anya on my way out, asking her to call me if anything changed. I was going to look for Buffy.
Turned out, it was pretty hard to find someone who was invisible; I sure tried though. I went driving and then walking downtown. I checked out a few haunts and found a few bars. I even got a tip about a nest I checked out on my own, hoping to find her there. I didn't find anybody alive but there were six vampires, four of whom I dusted before pulling back into the sun. I headed over to the park and walked through it looking at everything blown by the wind. It was almost dark when I finally decided to head over to Spike's crypt but before I could go inside, my phone went off again. Xander sounded nervous as he described the tapioca pudding effect. I told him where I was and where I'd gone already, before he told me he was going to join me in my hunt for Buffy. I knocked on the door before pushing it in. The place was a shambles, but he wasn't in the main level so I started downstairs, calling his name.
He was standing there, naked, looking down at himself. As I said his name, he looked at me in a mix of accusing surprise. I told him to get some clothes on and I'd be upstairs waiting for him. I looked around, checking his fridge and admiring the extensive layer of dust covering everything. He came up the ladder slowly, looking around until he saw me sitting in his chair. I stood up and leaned against the back of it as we started talking.
"We need to talk, Spike. Have you seen Buffy?"
"What's the matter, mate, afraid I'm moving in on your bird?"
"That's not it. Buffy does what she wants."
"I'll bet she does who she wants, too" The vampire was trying to get under my skin, I told myself; don't let him.
"I'm not here about that. I wanted to make sure you knew she's invisible. The rest of it, well... I'd like to know why you attacked her the other night. I mean, I know you're still evil, but what did you get from showing your hand? Or has the chip done its purpose and reformed you?" He looked thoughtful for a minute before responding.
"I wouldn't exactly call me reformed. 'Leashed' is more the word for it. Look, I started helping Buffy so they wouldn't kill me and also because demons and other vampires are the only things I can kill. Now, it's different." I waited for him to elaborate, but he made no indication he was going to. Finally I asked him another question.
"What do you want from her?" Now he was getting more upset.
"You don't get it, do you, you tosser. I want her." It took a second to sink in.
"Do you love her, Spike? Wait, don't answer that. I don't need to hear if you do or not, it won't change things." I stood up fully and started walking around before I kept on with what I wanted to say. "I'm falling for her, Spike. I think that she's an amazing person, and I could hardly blame someone else for seeing it too." I sat back down on the back of the chair, facing him again. "The fact is that I'm worried about her. Not just this whole invisible thing, it's more than that. I'm worried that she might just give up, stop living. I'm worried that she might get fed up and blow up at her friends, maybe hurting them... and herself. I'm worried that she might need something that I don't see in time and she'll end up hurt. I'm worried that she might decide she doesn't need me, doesn't want me around. I'm worried that if, when, I tell her that, she'll look at me and laugh. But I'm more worried about her choosing someone other than me to be with her. Don't give me something else to worry about, Spike. Don't make me have to worry about if you're going to hurt her; I don't have time for it." I threw my hands up in the air. "I don't know why I'm telling you this, I should be telling her."
"You just did."
I admit it; I jumped about a foot in the air. The voice, her voice, came from a few feet to my right. I was shocked, relieved, and nervous all at the same time. She heard what I'd just said, what in the world was I going to do now?
"Buffy?"
"Yeah; it's me." I waited for her to continue... to say something, anything; but she was silent.
"Look, Buffy, I don't know what to say."
"You certainly knew what to say when you were talking to Spike about me, us. You seemed to have a lot on your mind, actually." I was literally at a loss for words. Without being able to feel what she was feeling, I had no idea how to react. I realized two things at that moment. The first was that without my hard earned mental skills I was almost lost, amazing how quickly I'd come to rely on them. The second was that I was about to be in serious trouble if I didn't watch my step in the next few seconds.
"I came here to talk about his chip and to find out more about why he thinks he can hurt you. I wanted to know about his intentions. I wanted to know if he'd seen you, because I wanted to tell you myself about how I felt. I guess this is a just bad time. Look, call me if you need me, I'll be around. Xander is looking for you too by the way." I'd been walking around a little, looking in her general direction while I talked but stopped during the last two lines, the one about Xander almost an afterthought delivered over my shoulder as I turned and walked out of the crypt into the night. I heard Buffy calling for me to wait, but I made a bee line for my car, got in, started it up, and took off with the only passenger being my own frustration.
I didn't know where I was going and I didn't really care. I drove around for hours, before finally stopping back by the Magic Box to see if they'd found what caused Buffy's invisibility. They hadn't heard yet, so I made sure they had my number and then went back roaming the town, my mind torturing me by replaying Xander's words in my head 'like tapioca pudding'. It wasn't too long before my phone went off and I heard Buffy's voice on the other end. All she did was ask me to meet her at the house. I would have taken my time to get there, but hurried at the thought of her fading away, dissolving away from me. When I did get there she was waiting for me on the front porch and she was visible again. I took my time getting out of the car steeling myself for what was to come. Amazing, I told myself, that I could lead men into combat but I couldn't face the adorably amazing blond sitting on the front steps of her house. The tangent to that thought was wondering how many of her opponents had had similar thoughts. I shook them free and concentrated on the current objective; not sticking my foot in it while I made sure she knew how I feel about her. As I got closer I realized I was right about her cutting her hair and reminded myself to ask her about it later. It did look very nice, though; definitely not a bad change.
"Hey. Love the hair." All that and I still didn't really know what else to say.
"Thanks. Can we talk?" Her hand absently went to her much shorter locks as I sat down next to her, keeping my eyes on her. We were quiet for a minute before she started talking.
"Willow and I had a little talk, after we found the guys with the invisibility ray."
"I'm sorry, did you just say 'invisibility ray'?"
"Yeah. Nerds. It's a whole thing."
"Ok, I guess. Dealt with?" At her nod I tried to get us back on track. "So what was your talk with Willow about?"
"First steps. Trying to find the right path..." Her voice trailed away and her gaze went somewhere afar.
"And what did you decide?" She brought herself back and looked at me before turning away again, looking straight ahead to answer.
"That what has been tempting me for the past few weeks, what I finally gave into today, isn't right for me." That sounded pretty good so far. I knew she was talking about Spike, but mentally shrugged off that idea; there was something more important here to deal with now; us.
"So what's next?"
"I don't know. I guess that all depends, really."
"Depends on what?"
"On you..." Her half smile was back, but the feeling wasn't behind it.
"What do you mean by that? How can this depend on me?" I held myself back, not knowing what really think about what she'd meant.
"Well, I want you to tell me what you told Spike about me, and then I want, need, to make sure you mean it." I looked at her, gauging her sincerity for a second, and then decided to go for it.
"Well, I don't know when you came in, but basically I kinda told him how I feel about you. I told him that you were amazing without being the Slayer. I told him how I worried about your friends supporting you, and what could happen if they didn't. I told him I was worried about not being able to protect you if you need it." I stopped and pulled her hand into mine. Her eyes were shining and focused on my face. Her hand shook slightly in my grip and I held it with both hands to warm it up. "I told him about how worried I was to have this conversation and your reaction. I told him I wouldn't know what to do if you decided you didn't want me around, or if he hurt you. And I am the most worried about what could happen if you decide to be with someone else." I kept my eyes on hers and my mind was clear enough now that I could tell she liked what she heard. I knew there was something else I needed to say, now was as good a time as any. I took a deep breath and let it out.
"Buffy, I'm falling for you."
She looked at me, smiling, but didn't answer. I took in a breath and sighed it back out at her lack of reaction. But that's okay, I could wait. All I wanted from her was her smile. I was happy enough right now, even though I still didn't know if we were together. That could wait 'til later, as long as she needed. Her right hand reached across in slow motion to hesitantly touch my face at the upper tip of my scar. Slowly her finger traced its way down the length of the entire scar; I closed my eyes, letting her gentle touch tickle against my skin unencumbered. Her lips found mine in a long kiss that broke as she rose and led me upstairs silently to her bed. Wordlessly she pointed at the bed and gave me a gentle one handed push making me sit down on it as she turned and left the room coming back a few seconds later with some clean bandaging and some peroxide. Carefully she pulled at the butterfly bandage on my cheek, trying not to hurt me. I was silent and kept my gentle gaze on her face and the tender expression I saw there. She cleaned and then pressed a clean bandage across the worst of the cut after applying some aromatic ointment. I looked up at the door and willow leaning against the doorframe and Buffy turned to follow my gaze.
"Hey, Wills, headin to bed?" She started to self consciously clean up the wrappers and used cotton balls, looking down at her hands.
"Yup. Good night, Jake. Sweet dreams, Buffy." I waved at her with a smile on my face, wishing her a good night and Buffy echoed my response. Willow turned and walked away toward her room and Buffy looked up to meet my eyes. I leaned forward slowly and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. We separated with a gentle sigh and stood up together. She went first into the bathroom and I headed downstairs to grab my bag from the car. She was already out by the time I got back up so I spent a short time getting cleaned up before tapping softly at her door before opening it slowly. She was laying in bed with the sheets pulled up to her neck, smiling at me and beckoning me to her. I smiled and turned out the light as I closed the door behind me.
I was so distracted marveling about how lucky I was and trying to figure out how long I'd felt this way about her, that I didn't notice her open eyes looking up at me. I met those beautiful hazel eyes with mine and smiled as she relaxed against me. I brushed a stray strand of hair from her face and we lay there for a few minutes silently until her alarm clock went off and both of us started at the loud noise. She rolled over and shut it off before standing up and finding her clothes. She glanced back at me once as she was getting dressed to see me pull my own pants up. I felt her gaze and turned my head to catch her looking just before she pulled her shirt off. I quickly looked away and found a clean shirt in my bag. She asked me to knock on Dawn's door before I headed down stairs. I smiled and nodded as she ducked into the bathroom with her hairbrush already in hand. I knocked on the requested door and heard Dawn's curt voice tell me she was already up before shouldering my bag and heading downstairs. I used the downstairs bathroom and washed my face, being careful of the healing wound. I grabbed a glass of water and drank half of it before I headed outside to sit on one of the lawn chairs. Drawing my feet up into a lotus position, I slowly centered myself as I began a meditation.
I was in deeper than I thought as I didn't realize Buffy'd said my name softly from the back door. She said she called for me a few times and even checked to see if my car was still here before checking out back. I didn't hear her at all until she touched my shoulder and I grabbed her hand and went to flip her over my shoulder before she stopped my motion easily. The awareness of how I didn't complete my reactionary movement was what really woke me up, I think. She looked at me puzzled as I told her how sorry I was, she'd just startled me. She just stood there looking confused as she responded.
"No harm no foul. What were you doing, sleeping?"
"Meditating, trying to fix what I did last night, but it can be similar in how oblivious I can be to the outside world. I really didn't mean to do that, it was just a reaction."
"It's cool, don't worry about it. You gonna' be okay?"
"Yeah, I just pushed myself a little too far. My reflexes might be off a little bit for the day, but I'll be okay."
"C'mon, I need your help inside." I stood up and followed her into the house. Buffy had a box she carried upstairs to Willow's room where the removal of all magical items was underway. We went through a few drawers with Buffy do the searching and me putting all magic items into the box; Willow sat on the bed the whole time. Dawn came in to help after she got out of the bathroom; at least I think it was helping. She started criticizing everything or whining about how we had to get rid of stuff she liked. Buffy tried to tell her that it was a thorough cleaning of anything that might tempt Willow and we were trying to help her. I was a little at a loss over how much stuff there was. Different bags of herbs, large and small; candles, crystals, incense, different colored sands and powders, and a few more miscellaneous items from all around her room. We moved down to the living room where I thought Dawn was finally going to flip over a statue of the fertility god that used to be their mother's, but Buffy got her way and I got handed the figurine to carefully place in the box.
Willow came down to help make breakfast, while Dawn went upstairs to get ready for school. I poured juice for the three of us while we chatted about a lot of nothing. Buffy went to the stairs to holler that Dawn needed to eat before she had to get to school. I'd volunteered to drive her to school as we were cleaning and Buffy called Xander to let him know he could sleep in a little bit. Buffy came back in the kitchen and asked Willow how she was doing. Willow did seem to be shaking a little while she made an omelet, but she said she was doing better. Dawn came in and seemed to be trying to give Buffy a hard time about everything in general. She ignored breakfast, saying she was ready. I went to wash my hands before we left and heard Dawn heading back upstairs.
On my way back, I heard Spike's voice and stopped cold in my tracks. What was he doing here? I heard Willow say she was gonna head up and get dressed. I went back around the corner and tried not to be noticed. Willow saw me anyway so I made a kind of 'what was going on in there?' hand wave, but she just shrugged and kept going, seeming a little paler than usual. I went back to standing just out of view to listen in, feeling like a cad the whole time. Didn't I just tell her yesterday that it was her business? I heard her tell Spike to stop trying to see her, and to stop calling her whatever he had called her that I didn't hear. He spoke again, moving closer to her, "So, um, what should I call you then? Pet? Sweetheart? Maybe goldilocks? I love this hair, the way it bounces around when you- " My blood ran cold at the tone in his voice as I assumed he played with her hair, but held myself back from doing something stupid. I heard metal as she picked something up from the counter, but then he said something about a flapjack I didn't quiet catch. What the hell was that supposed to mean? I heard her echo my thought out loud, but then she stopped and, more importantly, she breathed. I knew that breath. What the HELL was going on in there. I took a different kind of breath of my own and walked in.
"What are you doing, Spike?" I kept my voice quiet and calm, somehow. She reacted quickly, slapping him away from her and putting down a spatula. They looked at me, but Buffy couldn't meet my eyes. I opened my mouth without thinking about what was going to come out, generally a bad thing with me, but she stopped me by saying it was time to get Dawn off to school, walking toward me. I wanted to keep my feet planted but didn't feel like fighting her Slayer strength. She forcibly walked me around the corner as she hollered for Dawn. "Hey, we really need to get Dawn off to school. You can let yourself out, right Spike?" Her commentary came on with a slight hint of babble, but I kept my mouth shut for fear of what might come out of it as we rounded the corner to the stairs and raised her voice to yell for Dawn. "Dawn, you better get going, you're going to be late." She finished up as Dawn reached the bottom of the stairs, her coat over her arm. "I'm here." "Okay, you've got everything you need?" "Yup." Dawn's responses were treading on the heals of Buffy's, but I was still afraid to say anything. "And after school you'll-" "Yeah. Let's go Jake?" Dawn pushed forward toward the door only to be stopped by Buffy blocking the way. "You will come straight home." Buffy had mom voice. I just realized Buffy had a mom voice. Dawn didn't quite respond to it as Buffy'd hoped she would, I wager. "Sure. Maybe we can find some time for you to get me into another car accident." Buffy gave up and opened the door for us. Standing on the other side was a middle aged woman, looking kind of motherly in her own way. Something about her said social worker to me, and I didn't meet her eyes. She introduced herself as Doris from social services and, my suspicions being confirmed, I led Dawn on a quick escape; wishing Buffy the best as I left her to face one battle I was in no way qualified to help with. I was tempted to kiss Buffy on the cheek on the way out, but stopped and just whished her a good day as I retreated, making sure not to make eye contact with that woman.
Dawn and I were in the car and well on our way to the school before I finally had to say something for fear of us being thrown into awkward silent friend mode.
"So how's the arm feel?" Good, a nice general topic with only a slight allusion to how she got it. Not bad considering how I felt at the moment. She, however, seemed a lot less enthused.
"Great, just great; almost as good as the last injury my sister caused."
"Hold on a minute, babe. You don't really think she wanted you to get hurt, do you?"
"No, but she didn't do anything to stop it. She never talked to Willow about her problem, even though she knew before all of us lost our memory that she was doing too much magic. She never listens. Even after Tara left she was all 'la la la' with the not caring." I put my hand on her arm, trying to comfort her and send out a relaxing vibe, but she just looked over at me with a questioning look on her face as she asked me if I said something. Looks like I needed more time to relax my head before trying to move anybody else's. And it also looked like I was going to have to do this the old fashioned way.
"That's not the whole of it, and you know it. You know she's been through a lot herself, and she's trying hard to work through things on her own. It's a full time job just being the Slayer, but she's managed to find time for you and her friends too. From where I'm sitting, that's quite an accomplishment. You shouldn't try to fight her; you should try to work with her, if you want anything to get better." We were silent for a couple of minutes and the best thing I could hope for would be her thinking about what I had to say, even just once. Luckily I got her there on time with a few minutes to spare. Fast cars do help. As she was about to get out I touched her arm again and told her to have a good day and that I'd see her later. She did smile at me as she said that I should too, and I took that as a good sign.
I drove around a while before heading back to the house. I tried to cool off before trying to think about what Spike had been doing there this morning. Unfortunately it didn't work so well because my top three responses all involved death, dismemberment, or at the very least some kind of pain. I forcibly centered myself; realizing that being thrown out of balance last night was going to make me both grouchy and emotional today and not my normal relaxed self (insert irony here). I finally made myself stop for some ice cream (yes I said ice cream) to make me feel better and then taking a short drive around town looking for a shooting range. I did stop by a shop that sold guns and they gave me directions. I put that errand off for later and headed back to Buffy's house to find her gone and the back door unlocked. I made my way upstairs and found a sleeping Willow and still no sign of Buffy. I stood in her bedroom and tried for the umpteenth time that morning to relax as I looked around. I did notice some hair on the floor in front of the mirror on the wall. It looked like she'd cut it and tried to clean up, but missed a few strands. I smelled it and was sure it was hers before putting it back down on the carpet.
I left the house the same way I came in, checking again for notes on the fridge and again finding none. I drove around, stopping for gas, and then to the Magic Box to see if she was there already. Walking in I noticed Xander and Anya had their place setting thing set up, but were completely ignoring it, talking about something invisible.
"Hey guys, how's it going?" With no preamble whatsoever, I got the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
"Buffy's invisible and we don't know how she got that way." Talk about weird mornings. Funny how they seemed more used to this kind of thing. Still, I assimilated Xander's information quickly enough, I think, and started asking questions.
"So I take it you've seen her then?" I realized it as soon as I said it and there was no way Xander would let it get by.
"No, she's kind of invisible."
"Okay, so I get it. Where is she now?"
"She just left to take a walk. She said she needed to clear her head. And you caught me on my way out; I'm heading over to talk with Willow."
I nodded as he spoke and couldn't help the small grin when he told me the invisible Buffy needed to clear her head. He left after saying goodbye to Anya and then was gone. I looked around the shop and then back at Anya. She seemed to be a very attractive, if somewhat abrasive, person but I don't think we'll ever be good friends. Throughout our whole conversation she kept trying to get me to buy stuff. It wasn't long before I excused myself to go into the training room for some heavy bag workout. I was toweling off when my phone rang and Willow was on the other end. She wanted to make sure I knew about Buffy, I guess Xander hadn't told her that he'd already told me. I asked her if she knew anything about how it could have happened. She actually got defensive on me, accusing me of accusing her, but I finally got her to understand I didn't think she did it. She told me she didn't know how it could have happened but she was looking into it. I got cleaned up and waved at Anya on my way out, asking her to call me if anything changed. I was going to look for Buffy.
Turned out, it was pretty hard to find someone who was invisible; I sure tried though. I went driving and then walking downtown. I checked out a few haunts and found a few bars. I even got a tip about a nest I checked out on my own, hoping to find her there. I didn't find anybody alive but there were six vampires, four of whom I dusted before pulling back into the sun. I headed over to the park and walked through it looking at everything blown by the wind. It was almost dark when I finally decided to head over to Spike's crypt but before I could go inside, my phone went off again. Xander sounded nervous as he described the tapioca pudding effect. I told him where I was and where I'd gone already, before he told me he was going to join me in my hunt for Buffy. I knocked on the door before pushing it in. The place was a shambles, but he wasn't in the main level so I started downstairs, calling his name.
He was standing there, naked, looking down at himself. As I said his name, he looked at me in a mix of accusing surprise. I told him to get some clothes on and I'd be upstairs waiting for him. I looked around, checking his fridge and admiring the extensive layer of dust covering everything. He came up the ladder slowly, looking around until he saw me sitting in his chair. I stood up and leaned against the back of it as we started talking.
"We need to talk, Spike. Have you seen Buffy?"
"What's the matter, mate, afraid I'm moving in on your bird?"
"That's not it. Buffy does what she wants."
"I'll bet she does who she wants, too" The vampire was trying to get under my skin, I told myself; don't let him.
"I'm not here about that. I wanted to make sure you knew she's invisible. The rest of it, well... I'd like to know why you attacked her the other night. I mean, I know you're still evil, but what did you get from showing your hand? Or has the chip done its purpose and reformed you?" He looked thoughtful for a minute before responding.
"I wouldn't exactly call me reformed. 'Leashed' is more the word for it. Look, I started helping Buffy so they wouldn't kill me and also because demons and other vampires are the only things I can kill. Now, it's different." I waited for him to elaborate, but he made no indication he was going to. Finally I asked him another question.
"What do you want from her?" Now he was getting more upset.
"You don't get it, do you, you tosser. I want her." It took a second to sink in.
"Do you love her, Spike? Wait, don't answer that. I don't need to hear if you do or not, it won't change things." I stood up fully and started walking around before I kept on with what I wanted to say. "I'm falling for her, Spike. I think that she's an amazing person, and I could hardly blame someone else for seeing it too." I sat back down on the back of the chair, facing him again. "The fact is that I'm worried about her. Not just this whole invisible thing, it's more than that. I'm worried that she might just give up, stop living. I'm worried that she might get fed up and blow up at her friends, maybe hurting them... and herself. I'm worried that she might need something that I don't see in time and she'll end up hurt. I'm worried that she might decide she doesn't need me, doesn't want me around. I'm worried that if, when, I tell her that, she'll look at me and laugh. But I'm more worried about her choosing someone other than me to be with her. Don't give me something else to worry about, Spike. Don't make me have to worry about if you're going to hurt her; I don't have time for it." I threw my hands up in the air. "I don't know why I'm telling you this, I should be telling her."
"You just did."
I admit it; I jumped about a foot in the air. The voice, her voice, came from a few feet to my right. I was shocked, relieved, and nervous all at the same time. She heard what I'd just said, what in the world was I going to do now?
"Buffy?"
"Yeah; it's me." I waited for her to continue... to say something, anything; but she was silent.
"Look, Buffy, I don't know what to say."
"You certainly knew what to say when you were talking to Spike about me, us. You seemed to have a lot on your mind, actually." I was literally at a loss for words. Without being able to feel what she was feeling, I had no idea how to react. I realized two things at that moment. The first was that without my hard earned mental skills I was almost lost, amazing how quickly I'd come to rely on them. The second was that I was about to be in serious trouble if I didn't watch my step in the next few seconds.
"I came here to talk about his chip and to find out more about why he thinks he can hurt you. I wanted to know about his intentions. I wanted to know if he'd seen you, because I wanted to tell you myself about how I felt. I guess this is a just bad time. Look, call me if you need me, I'll be around. Xander is looking for you too by the way." I'd been walking around a little, looking in her general direction while I talked but stopped during the last two lines, the one about Xander almost an afterthought delivered over my shoulder as I turned and walked out of the crypt into the night. I heard Buffy calling for me to wait, but I made a bee line for my car, got in, started it up, and took off with the only passenger being my own frustration.
I didn't know where I was going and I didn't really care. I drove around for hours, before finally stopping back by the Magic Box to see if they'd found what caused Buffy's invisibility. They hadn't heard yet, so I made sure they had my number and then went back roaming the town, my mind torturing me by replaying Xander's words in my head 'like tapioca pudding'. It wasn't too long before my phone went off and I heard Buffy's voice on the other end. All she did was ask me to meet her at the house. I would have taken my time to get there, but hurried at the thought of her fading away, dissolving away from me. When I did get there she was waiting for me on the front porch and she was visible again. I took my time getting out of the car steeling myself for what was to come. Amazing, I told myself, that I could lead men into combat but I couldn't face the adorably amazing blond sitting on the front steps of her house. The tangent to that thought was wondering how many of her opponents had had similar thoughts. I shook them free and concentrated on the current objective; not sticking my foot in it while I made sure she knew how I feel about her. As I got closer I realized I was right about her cutting her hair and reminded myself to ask her about it later. It did look very nice, though; definitely not a bad change.
"Hey. Love the hair." All that and I still didn't really know what else to say.
"Thanks. Can we talk?" Her hand absently went to her much shorter locks as I sat down next to her, keeping my eyes on her. We were quiet for a minute before she started talking.
"Willow and I had a little talk, after we found the guys with the invisibility ray."
"I'm sorry, did you just say 'invisibility ray'?"
"Yeah. Nerds. It's a whole thing."
"Ok, I guess. Dealt with?" At her nod I tried to get us back on track. "So what was your talk with Willow about?"
"First steps. Trying to find the right path..." Her voice trailed away and her gaze went somewhere afar.
"And what did you decide?" She brought herself back and looked at me before turning away again, looking straight ahead to answer.
"That what has been tempting me for the past few weeks, what I finally gave into today, isn't right for me." That sounded pretty good so far. I knew she was talking about Spike, but mentally shrugged off that idea; there was something more important here to deal with now; us.
"So what's next?"
"I don't know. I guess that all depends, really."
"Depends on what?"
"On you..." Her half smile was back, but the feeling wasn't behind it.
"What do you mean by that? How can this depend on me?" I held myself back, not knowing what really think about what she'd meant.
"Well, I want you to tell me what you told Spike about me, and then I want, need, to make sure you mean it." I looked at her, gauging her sincerity for a second, and then decided to go for it.
"Well, I don't know when you came in, but basically I kinda told him how I feel about you. I told him that you were amazing without being the Slayer. I told him how I worried about your friends supporting you, and what could happen if they didn't. I told him I was worried about not being able to protect you if you need it." I stopped and pulled her hand into mine. Her eyes were shining and focused on my face. Her hand shook slightly in my grip and I held it with both hands to warm it up. "I told him about how worried I was to have this conversation and your reaction. I told him I wouldn't know what to do if you decided you didn't want me around, or if he hurt you. And I am the most worried about what could happen if you decide to be with someone else." I kept my eyes on hers and my mind was clear enough now that I could tell she liked what she heard. I knew there was something else I needed to say, now was as good a time as any. I took a deep breath and let it out.
"Buffy, I'm falling for you."
She looked at me, smiling, but didn't answer. I took in a breath and sighed it back out at her lack of reaction. But that's okay, I could wait. All I wanted from her was her smile. I was happy enough right now, even though I still didn't know if we were together. That could wait 'til later, as long as she needed. Her right hand reached across in slow motion to hesitantly touch my face at the upper tip of my scar. Slowly her finger traced its way down the length of the entire scar; I closed my eyes, letting her gentle touch tickle against my skin unencumbered. Her lips found mine in a long kiss that broke as she rose and led me upstairs silently to her bed. Wordlessly she pointed at the bed and gave me a gentle one handed push making me sit down on it as she turned and left the room coming back a few seconds later with some clean bandaging and some peroxide. Carefully she pulled at the butterfly bandage on my cheek, trying not to hurt me. I was silent and kept my gentle gaze on her face and the tender expression I saw there. She cleaned and then pressed a clean bandage across the worst of the cut after applying some aromatic ointment. I looked up at the door and willow leaning against the doorframe and Buffy turned to follow my gaze.
"Hey, Wills, headin to bed?" She started to self consciously clean up the wrappers and used cotton balls, looking down at her hands.
"Yup. Good night, Jake. Sweet dreams, Buffy." I waved at her with a smile on my face, wishing her a good night and Buffy echoed my response. Willow turned and walked away toward her room and Buffy looked up to meet my eyes. I leaned forward slowly and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. We separated with a gentle sigh and stood up together. She went first into the bathroom and I headed downstairs to grab my bag from the car. She was already out by the time I got back up so I spent a short time getting cleaned up before tapping softly at her door before opening it slowly. She was laying in bed with the sheets pulled up to her neck, smiling at me and beckoning me to her. I smiled and turned out the light as I closed the door behind me.