Marth relaxed in the warm waters of the royal sauna. He had a long day ahead of him. After all, he was supposed to both protect the Princess AND rob the King. Still, the heated spa felt good, and he was alone. Or was he? Suddenly, as he gazed around the foggy room, he sensed that something was wrong. Very wrong. There were figures! Figures he could make out through the cloudy air! They came closer! And closer! Oh, what horrors awaited him in this accursed heat bath?! And then...

Something next to him prodded his arm.

"Uh, Mr. Marth, this is the girl's sauna."

Marth's slowly looked to his left, into the face of a female retainer of the King.

"Well. F-"

Smack.

"I'm sorry, I'm leavi-"

Smack.

"Seriously, I'm going ri-"

Smack. Smack.

"Now that was uncalled fo-"

CRACK.

"Ow."

Chapter 2 – The King's Fool

Marth sat in a chair on the far end of the Royal Hall. He had been told to wait for a message from his employer, Ganondorf Dragmire. Ganondorf was one of the most wanted men in the entire Hylian Empire. Apparently he had committed many heinous crimes such as highway robbery, murder, treason and stepping on the grass in publicly restricted areas. He was ugly as sin, too, so it wasn't too pleasant working with the guy. But hey, he was the best in his class. Marth was a bit nervous, wondering whom the messenger would be. Or what the message itself would be. And then, to his utter despair, several crowds of people began to fill the room. Some of them nobles, some servants. Then came the retainers. And finally, the Royal Family themselves! Ganondorf had made a fatal mistake. Court met that day! If someone came in trying to deliver a message to Marth, he would surely be caught! There was only one thing that could possibly make this worse.

"Oh... My... God."

Busting in through the grand doors, Ganondorf himself, wearing a goofy jester outfit, was presented to the entire assembly.

"HELLO ALL!"

Marth felt paralyzed.

"Ah, what a great bunch of people! Not like the show I did last week in Nibelheim. Hoo baby, talk about a DEAD audience!"

The crowd tittered with laughter.

"Hey, it wasn't all that bad. At least the chicks were hot! In fact, the guys were pretty hot too!"

Ganon paused again for laughs.

"Seriously though, what a great audience. Boy, I sure do love Hyrule. Only place where a beautiful young princess can grow up into a scary male Sheikah!"

Zelda blushed as the crowd burst into fits of laughter.

"Anyway, you've all heard debates over the new impending taxes. I personally think the media representing all this is too partisan. The supporters were all Conservative, and the nay-sayers were all Dead!"

The King sheepishly nodded.

"Now I don't just have laughter in stock. I've got a great story for all of you. Everyone, listen very closely. This is something you don't want to miss."

Marth perked up. This must be his message!

"Now, in a land far far away, there was a very rich king. Unlike this fine kingdom, none of his subjects liked him."

Several people coughed loudly.

"Now, a very cunning and handsome outlaw came up with an idea. He would have his best man infiltrate the King's service, and eventually rob him! The plan went well, and the man became an important person in the Kingdom..."

Ganon looked directly into Marth's eyes, crouched down and spoke softly, as if telling a secret to everyone present.

"Then, he became very close to the beautiful princess, attempting to gain trust in the Court. His ploy worked, and eventually he was ready to rob the richest man in the world. He summoned the handsome outlaw and led him into the Court deep at night. No one suspected a thing. And then, they robbed the kingdom blind and escaped! But after he completed his task, the man realized he truly loved the princess, and stole the treasure back. As he neared the castle walls, he saw a familiar face. And do you know what happened then?"

The entire court, Royal Family and Marth included, was spellbound. Suddenly, Ganon leapt from his crouched position.

"The bandit, hidden by the shadows, killed him with a single blow! And do you know what he said before he escaped into the night? He said... 'Never mix thy loyalties.'"

Ganon smiled, gave a bow and left.

Marth realized that's Ganon's story was more than simple instruction. It was a warning.

Later

Marth slowly rapped on Zelda's door. He began to think about the day's events while he looked around at the decorate hallway. Like Ganondorf said, he would need to get close to Zelda if he wished to carry out the plan. He had made up his mind. Ganondorf was his employer, and his employer took priority over women. Even if the one in question was the most beautiful creature on the planet. Also, Marth guessed he was probably allergic to being stabbed. Better safe than sorry.

Zelda opened the door and smiled.

"Hello, Marth. Why are you here?"

Marth grinned.

"Just seeing if you needed anything. I am your protector, after all. If that means protecting you from a severe case of the munchies, so be it!"

Zelda giggled, and stepped back into her room. Marth followed.

"No, I don't really need anything. But it's nice of you to ask."

Marth turned to leave, but Zelda lightly grabbed his arm.

"Err, other than a little company."

The blue-haired bandit turned and gave one of his world famous winks.

Later...er.

This was strange. He had made all of the usual probes to expose how shallow Zelda was, found out a lot about her, and shared years of fake history. But the more he talked with the Princess, the more his original prejudices were erased. Strangely, she reminded Marth of the many bandit women he had met. She was pretty, intelligent, witty...

"So now, I'm ENGAGED to the great hero Link.!"

Marth paused. 'And betrothed, unfortunately.'

"Wow. That's quite a fiancée."

"You're telling me. But I can't complain. I mean, he's handsome, and strong, and... uh... important, plus, he's a-"

"Total bore."

Marth interjected. Zelda blushed and sighed.

"How'd you know?"

The Guardian smirked.

"Any girl that uses 'important' to describe good things about her husband must be digging."

The two laughed.

"Well, it wasn't my idea. But hey, when you're a princess, you have to deal with oppression."

Marth almost flew into a heroic speech on living your own life, when he realized he was acting out of character.

"I...I suppose so."

And that's all (s)he wrote. For this chapter, anyway. Hope you enjoyed it. Oh, and it's time for DARKMAGNUS TRIVIA!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. WHICH IS NOBODY AHAHA!

sob

To clear anything up, Nibelheim is a city in FF7 that is burned to ashes. Hence the death jokes. . I've also realized this story may be a little more serious than I originally planned, so I changed up the category. Rest assured, it's for the better. Now please, for the love of god, review. Seriously. Hell, flame me. I'd like it. Later.

Today's Trivia: DarkMagnus got his name from Ogre Battle's hero: Magnus Gallant.