Professor X's Secret Meeting
This story is dedicated to Mrs.Jean Grey-Summers, who put my penguin in her story, that may sound weird, but it's perfectly true.
"Okay, Logan, Beast, Ororo, meeting today, at 9pm, as usual" Charles used his psychic powers to tell this to the faculty members of the Institute.
The Professor had weekly meetings with the other faculty members, no one knew what they talked about, it was a mystery. But this week was different, the other X-men would find out what they talked about, and find out, with style!
That night, at nine, the faculty entered the war room, looked around, and closed the door tightly.
The rest of the X-men closely followed, Scott led them, sneaking very quietly, while everybody else was walking normally. They reached the door and pressed their ears against it.
"So, alphabetically this time?" The professor asked.
"I guess so, we did that last time, and the time before" Logan said, sarcastically.
"Well, exactly, so, I believe Amara is first" The Professor smiled.
"Let's see" Said Beast "Hi, I irritate the pants off everybody I talk to, then I complain, complain and complain all through the day"
Everybody laughed.
"Bagsey, get to do Bobby" Said Ororo, she deepened her voice and began to speak.
"Hey dudes, I urinate all over the toilet seat, then blame it on Jamie" Ororo stopped talking, then took her seat again. All the faculty laughed.
Everybody outside was wide eyed.
"They're making fun of us" Said Jean, blankly
"Hey, I, um.... only some of that is true" Said Bobby, looking side-to-side, and sweating.
"Hey, shut up, who are they gonna do next?" asked Scott, slapping Evan across the head.
The faculty stopped laughing.
"Anyway back to business, next is Evan, yes, this is going to be sweet" The Professor put his hands together evilly.
"Oh, please, let me do Evan" Logan was jumping up and down with his hand in the air.
"Alright Logan, alright" The Professor said, patting Logan on the back.
Logan cleared his voice and put on his best Evan impression.
"Whats up dudes, I pull my underwear up really high because I have no gonads, and everybody hates me for some reason, and I don't know why" Logan laughed wildly at himself.
Evan wiped away a tear.
"All I can be is myself" Evan sniffed loudly.
"Shut up Evan" Scott slapped him across the head again.
The Professor stopped laughing.
"Anyway, who's next?" The professor looked around the room.
"I think it's Jamie" Said Ororo.
"Okay, my turn, I guess" Beast stood up cleared his voice.
"Oh, that pink Power Ranger, she is so pretty" Beast put his hand together and blinked really fast.
All the X-men stared at Jamie, he was nodding and smiling, he was in his own little world, but he then quickly snapped back to reality. He put on a serious face and put his ear against the door again.
The War Room quietened down.
"Yes, Jean, I have been waiting a week for this!" The professor smiled, cleared his throat.
"I'm Jean, I never do anything wrong, I stand here being stupid and ditsy and for some reason people like me" The professor stopped talking and laughed loudly.
"He's insulting both of us!" Said Jean, looking very offended.
"Jean, sweetie, how is he insulting both of us?" Scott said, looking patronisingly at her.
Jean stared at him, blankly.
"Never mind" Scott said, and put his ear against the door.
"Next?" Asked Beast
"Jubilee, I think" Said the professor.
"Who?" Asked Logan.
Ororo shrugged and Beast rubbed his chin in thought.
"You know, the Japanese girl, she is always ignored" The Professor explained.
The rest of the faculty had blank faces.
"Never mind, Kitty is next, and I'll do her" The professor put his hands back together.
The professor cleared his throat. "Oh like totally, like totally, so totally like, like totally, so, like totally, so, so like so, like totally, like so, so, like totally, totally so, like so, totally, like totally so, so ,so, totally, like, like so, totally"
Sixteen minutes later...
"Totally like, so, like totally lame! The professor looked around the room; Ororo, Beast and Logan were asleep.
Outside everyone was asleep as well, except for Kitty, who was nodding and agreeing with the professor.
"It's like, totally lame, I know" Kitty nodded.
The professor lifted up a lid marked "loud noises".
He looked down the list of buttons, then pressed all of them. The Fire Drill sounded and the sprinklers went off, lightly dampening everybody. Then an eagle squawk, then a herd of elephants came out of nowhere and stampeded through the war-room.
The professor raised an eyebrow.
"There's no elephant stampede button" He leaned closer to the buttons and accidentally pressed the bird song button. A bird whistle sounded quietly through the institute, all of the X-men woke up.
"Right, Kurt now" Logan said.
Ororo was in the background looking up at the ceiling and wondering why she was all wet, and Beast was looking at the two huge holes in the wall.
"Evan shut up, and everybody, listen their doing Kurt now" Scott pointed at the wall and everybody else put their ears against it.
Logan cleared his throat "Hey man, vat is up, I 'bampf' around and try and act cool, and I veally like zhe Beatles, ja ja ja" Logan stopped a then sat down again.
"I don't like zhe Beatles, I said I like von song, and then vhen it vas Christmas six different people got me zhe Vhite album, I don't even know vhat zhe Vhite album is!" Kurt began getting frantic.
"Scott man, should I calm him down or something?" Evan asked indicating Kurt.
"Evan, for God's sake, sit down and shut up" Scott slapped him across the head. "And Kurt, it's true, you try and be cool, your not, you just irritate everybody!" Scott put his ear against the door again.
"Nobody zhinks I'm cool?" Kurt asked him self.
"I think, your like totally cool Kurt" Said kitty, in a whisper.
"Shut up Kitty" Kurt said, then listed to the wall again, as did Kitty.
"Rahne, she is one strange dudette" Said Ororo.
"'Ro, don't take this personally, but, don't talk like that" Logan said, smiling patronisingly.
"Okay, but, she talks to wild animals, and her accent is so, so fake" Ororo said.
"Storm, she doesn't talk to them, she does something else to them" Beast explained.
"She doesn't?" Asked Ororo, wide eyed.
"She does, she eat..."
"She pulls they're tails, how cruel!" Ororo snapped.
Beast sighed "Yes Ororo, that's what she does"
"Anyway, back to business" Said the professor, clapping his hands together.
Everybody was staring at Rahne; she was looking from side to side.
"I'll give the wild animal thing, but me accent is one hundred percent real!" Rahne said, crossing her arms.
"Raymond Crisp" Said the Professor "Isn't that a stupid name?"
Beast laughed, "You're right, who, in their right mind would call someone Raymond Crisp?"
"At least they're not making fun of my hair" Said Ray, tapping his hair gently.
"And his hair, what is up with that!?" Ororo asked
"Oh, well, at least they're not making fun of my personality" Said Ray, looking smug once again.
"Um, Ray?" Scott asked "What personality?"
"And his persona, he looks, sounds and acts like he's been hit with a very heavy metal object!" said the professor laughing even harder.
"That one" replied Ray "Wait a minute?" said Ray, remembering something.
"Yeah ray?" Asked Scott, patronisingly.
"I forgot to collect my laundry" Ray sighed then put his ear to the wall again.
Scott looked at Rogue; they both shrugged and went back to the wall and door. (Sounds like a bar doesn't it?)
"Roberto, what an ego maniac, he has a poster of him self on his wall!" Logan said.
"Hey, I'm Roberto, There is only one thing I love more than Rahne, and that's ME!!" Said the Professor, chuckling to himself.
"They're making fun of Roberto, how can they make fun of Roberto, Roberto is so cool, everybody loves Roberto!" Rushed Roberto, very confused.
"Roberto, stop saying Roberto!!" whispered Scott "And Evan! Shut, UP!" Scott slapped him across
"Okay, who's next?" Asked Beast.
"I believe it's Rogue, Beast" Ororo answered.
"Okay, here I go" Beast cleared his throat "Ah love Remy, Ah hate Remy, oh Ah don't know, ah feel so sorry for mah self" Beast pretended to cry.
"Ah know, what did Ah do to deserve this?" Rogue ran off crying.
Everybody looked puzzled.
"She doesn't have a sense of humour" Said Scott, once again listening to the door.
"A sense of what?" Asked Jean
"Jean.... never mind, and Evan shut up" Scott slapped him across the head.
"I didn't say anything, man" Said Evan defending his miserable, little, underwear loving, self.
"I warned you, didn't I warn you?!" Scott grabbed Evan by the neck, and carried him to the top of the stairs.
"Watch it man!" Evan said, helplessly.
"Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!" Scott screamed really high-pitched, and threw him down the stairs.
Evan rolled down making load thudding noises, until they couldn't be heard anymore; suddenly there was one last thud, a real loud one.
"Sam!" Said the Professor.
"What, farmer boy?" Asked Logan.
"Yeah"
The other faculty members were about to speak.
"Before anyone else says it, yes his ears are huge" The Professor laughed, the others then clicked they're fingers then settled back down.
"Now finally, Scott" The Professor said.
"Uh oh" Murmured Scott.
"Did you know that I have spent more than double the institute's worth on new cars for Scott!!" Said the professor.
"And what about the others, Lance for instance, is he gay, or what?" The Professor said.
"And you know what else Todd, that's his name right?" Asked the professor.
"I think so" Replied Ororo.
"Yeah, Todd, he's always ignored, Fred, let's just say he's not a big fan of 'Slim-Fast', and Pietro..."
"Chuck, calm down, I thinks you've gone to that bad place we were talking about" Logan interrupted.
"You're right, well, same time next week everybody, meeting adjourned" The professor wheeled over to the door.
"Oh no" Said Scott looking up at the door handle.
"Lance is Gay!!!???" Asked Kitty, quite loudly.
"Evan, shut..." Scott went to slap the air. "Hey, where'd Evan go?"
"You threw him down the stairs, remember?" Asked Bobby.
"Oh yeah" Scott smiled "That was fun, but anyway, everybody scat!"
The younger X-men ran around wildly.
The door opened, all the younger students stood still, still as statues.
The faculty walked off, not noticing the kids that were in clear view. When they left, Logan turned around, and stared at the long corridor, he shrugged, then walked away.
Okay, some may think this is crap, if you do, you're wrong, if not, I shall send you a present. In 2056!!! I kid, I kid, you're all alright.