Title: Karma.
Category: Humor.
Summary: What goes around, comes around. Sain learns this – the hard way.
Timeline: Set pre-Chapter 29; the army is traveling towards Ostia at this point.
Additional Notes: No intentional character-bashing. Actually, I don't consider this bashing at all. I'm just poking fun at one of my favorite characters, Sain. Oh, yeah, and no real pairings.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Sain was in heaven.
After retrieving the Durandal from the Shrine of Seals, the army was making its way back to Ostia to regroup and re-supply themselves for the upcoming battle with Nergal. As such, tensions were high, and as Sain could tell, people like Kent ( the stick-in-the-mud that he was ) were very serious and morbid about the upcoming showdown.
As such, Sain had taken it upon himself to relieve the tensions of the army with his usual good spirit and cheer.
And by "army", he namely meant the women of the army. What beautiful creatures they were! ( Even if he didn't really understand them, but that's what made half the battle, right? )
And so this brings us to why Sain found himself in heaven, or so to speak.
"O', beauteous ones! Would you not grace me with your faces! Or better yet, your company!"
Indeed, Sain had stumbled upon his Lady Lyndis, talking with the Lady Louise and her husband Lord Pent, accompanied by the girl Nino. Pent and Louise seemed to be talking about lending aid from Etruria, but Sain noticed as he rode over to the two, but Lyn politely shook her head and denied the offer. She then turned her head to see Sain calling over to them, and smiled. "Ah, Sain!"
Sain hopped down from his horse and knelt to the ground, grabbing Lyn's hand with his own. "Oh, Lady Lyndis! How I have missed your face, and your hair! How it reminds me of the beautiful green of the Lycian forests!"
Pent raised his eyebrows, and Louise chuckled a bit. Nino frowned, and turned her head to Lyn. "Who is this guy, and what's he talking about?"
"Ah, right, you two haven't been properly introduced," said Lyn. "Nino, this is Sir Sain, the Green Lance of Caelin." Sain gave a deep bow to the young girl, and Nino nodded, bemused. She then curtsied and introduced herself to the cavalier, who's eyes lit up with excitement.
"Miss Nino! You are such a cute little thing! Oh, if only I was not so old, because then I would surely try my best to appease you day-in, and day-out!"
Nino blushed heavily at all the praise. "Uh... th-thank you, Sir Sain."
"Think nothing of it, little Nino!" he cried, taking her hand and kissing it, causing the young girl to blush even more. Sain would've continued with his usual antics, but Lyn gave a loud cough, grabbing Sain's attention.
"Lady Lyndis? Are you ill? Do you need an arm for support, or a shoulder for comfort in your time of illness?"
"No, Sain," came the curt response, "just wanted you to leave Nino alone. You've embarrassed her enough!"
Sain tapped his forehead and smiled, bemused. "Ah, my sincerest apologies! Well, I should be off, then. There are other women who must surely need my assistance and praise!" He hopped back onto his horse and galloped away across the camp. Pent chuckled to himself as he watched the green-armored cavalier ride away.
"Is he always like that?" Lyn smiled, and for the first time in a while, laughed.
"Yeah."
Sain sighed, and slumped down against his horse. Okay, so maybe he wasn't in heaven after all.
After leaving Lady Lyndis, he had made his way to visit Priscilla. After showering her with his usual praise, he had been approached by the mercenary Raven, who kindly ( although it seemed he struggled to say it "kindly" ) asked Sain to be off on his merry way and to never, ever come within five feet of Priscilla again.
Hmm, Sain mused, are they lovers of some sort? Related? Oh, heavens no! Surely Lady Priscilla would have told me of such a thing!
Anyway, Sain had then moved on to Serra. He, too, gave the usual praise, and it seemed she liked it as well, but the poor cavalier's heart sunk when he saw the praise go to her head and saw her latch on to the mage Erk rather forcedly, totally forgetting about everyone's favorite Green Lance.
Sigh.
Afterwards, Sain encountered the three Pegasi Sister discussing what seemed to be of family matters, and Sain, although as much as he wished to shower them all with praise, chose against it, for he knew not to intrude on the affairs of three beautiful sisters such as them.
Moving on, Sain's next woman to see was Rebecca, who, after what seemed to Sain was indulging in the praise ( Who wouldn't?, Sain asked himself. ), politely told him to go away, lest he got hit by an arrow shot by Wil or Rath, who were practicing not too far away from there.
And after that, Sain made his way over to Isadora, who was dueling with her fiancé Harken. Careful not to risk his luck with a man such as Harken around, Sain said a few polite compliments, and let them continue on with their duel.
Thus, this brought him to where he was now, leaning against his horse, and looking glum. Surely, were there no more women to compliment? They all seemed to be preoccupied or didn't want him around, and surely Sain did not want to talk to Kent after being shunned by all the lovely ladies in the camp! He could never live it down!
Sain sighed, and let his finger draw unreadable and incomprehensible words in the dirt. Truly, were there no more women to praise? No more beauteous ones to compliment?
"Oi, wormbait!"
Sain paused. What the heck?
He nearly jumped out of his skin – and his armor – as he saw a large dark red wyvern land before him. Dust and dirt blew all over himself and his horse, causing Sain to cough, and his eyes to itch. "What in blazes...? Heath, is that you? Why are you landing Hyperion here?"
He heard someone snort, and two feet landing on the ground. "Heath? Wormbait, you've got the wrong wyvern rider.
Sain scratched his head, confused. "Eh?"
He heard someone chuckle, and as the dust cleared, he saw a figure walking towards him. The figure's blonde hair was cut ridiculously short, to the point where the person wouldn't have to worry about it interfering in battle at all. The person's lips were painted a deep, dark red – Sain immediately realized that this person was a woman, yes – which eerily reminded Sain of blood. Her eyes were a brilliant amber; Sain decided this was her best feature. Sadly, she had a horrible, ropy scar that stretched downward across her face; a mar in a woman's beauty, Sain noted. She was dressed in an outfit made of red leather, with an Elysian Whip slung to her belt, and a Spear attached to her cape-adorned back.
"Uhh..." Sain began, a bit startled from the entrance, "...who are you?"
The woman scoffed. "Who am I? I shouldn't have to tell a wormbait like you such a thing!" Sain chuckled nervously.
"Uh... o-okay, then, miss..." For some reason, the woman stomped her foot, and her hand reached for the Spear on her back ( Which made Sain fear for his life, even moreso when he had briefly attacked Lundgren back at the Caelin raid ) but she stopped mid-way, putting her hands to her hips.
"'Miss'? Is that the best you can give me?"
"Er... I beg your pardon?"
Vaida gave him a smug look. "Oh, I know all about you, Sain, the Green Lance of Caelin."
"You... do?"
She nodded. "Yes, I know all about you and how you praise the other women of this camp with boundless praise."
Sain laughed nervously again. "Ah! So my reputation proceeds me! I'm fla –"He never got to finish, because Vaida grabbed him by his tunic collar, yanking him upward.
"Listen, wormbait. I know how you compliment all the women in the camp... except for me."
There was a pause, until Sain realized where this was going.
He was going to die.
"And because of that..." said Vaida, and Sain shut his eyes, praying to St. Elimine that, if he lived through this, he would swear off women forever, become a monk, and take a vow of chasity.
"...I want you to say something nice about me."
He blinked. Wow, did his prayers get answered that fast? ( He really hoped they did not; surely he could not swear off women forever! )
"Of course I can say something nice about you!" He gave his usual cheerful grin, and knelt down before Vaida, taking her hand in his. "O, beauteous one!" He began. Vaida smirked, looking down at him expectantly.
Nothing came.
Sain knelt there, his mouth open, and Vaida's hand in his, and he felt a terrible, horrible feeling rise up from the pit of his stomach.
He didn't know what to say.
He was so dead.
"Oi, wormbait!" shouted Vaida. Her impatience was obvious, Sain noted. "Why haven't you said anything? My patience is wearing thin!" Her free hand inched down to the whip on her side, and Sain's stomach flipped.
"Ah – ah!" he stammered, trying to cover his tracks, "please forgive me, beauteous one! But... I am... I am just so stunned at your beauty!" He shut his eyes, waiting for the worst.
"...Go on."
He blinked. Wait, what?
"I said "go on", wormbait!" she yelled. "You can continue with the praise!"
He internally cheered, praising St. Elimine for her good graces. It felt so good to be alive!
"Ahem," he coughed, "as I was saying, your beauty has stunned me beyond words! Nay; words could never even come close to describing a beauty such as yours! I... am unworthy of your presence, beauteous one! My eyes, they burn in pure bliss over the beauty that is yours!"
Vaida withdrew her hand from Sain's and patted him on the head. "That'll do, wormbait. That'll do." She turned around and walked over to Umbriel, and climbed onto his back, taking flight once more, and heading off into the distance. As soon as she was out of hearing range, Sain let out a long, heavy sigh.
"Phew... for a while there, I thought I was going to die... women these days are so troublesome!" He climbed on to his horse, and with a swift kick to its sides, started galloping across camp again.
"Look at the sticky situation they brought me in! Why, if I had known I would've been scared for my life like that, I never would've talked like a woman like that in my entire life!" He continued his trek across the camp, watching as various members of the army attended to various things, all oblivious to his monlogue.
"Wait a minute... that's it! From now on, I vow that I shall not praise a woman as I have in the past, as much as I may want to! I swear on my name, Sain, the Green Lance of Caelin!"
He continued his ride, a smile on his face, when Lyn and Kent appeared from the lords' tent. Lyn saw him coming, and called out to him, "Hey, Sain! Can you help me with something?"
Sain hopped off his horse, and rushed over to Lyn immediately. "Anything for you, beauteous one! Did you do something with your hair? Why, it makes you look even more beautiful than before! ..."
Promises can be hard to keep when you're a scoundrel like Sain.