[ I'd Rather Be In Love With You ]

chapter six: I left my wand!

A week has passed since that first day of tutoring. Both Draco and Ginny avoided each other even if they spent an hour and a half almost every night in the same room. They would just do their thing, ignoring the presence of each other.

Draco was at breakfast Monday morning looking especially grim. He didn't sleep very well the night before. The memory of the past week came back to him. To Draco, this whole tutoring thing isn't much of a nuisance since he didn't really have anything far more interesting to do. He didn't really care about anything. He never has ever since he was forced to do a Death Eater's work. He never prepared for his tutoring sessions. He would just ask the kids if they needed him to teach them anything and if they would, then, he'd teach them without any enthusiasm.

It's a whole routine for him. Every morning, he would wake up, groggy because of lack of sleep, go to breakfast and eat what he can force his throat to swallow then, get to his classes. After classes were finished he was either flying on his broom on the Quidditch pitch or up in his room, reading or just wandering around the castle grounds. When it would be time for dinner, he would go and after that he'd go straight to the Charms classroom.

He usually arrived first in the classroom, then Ginny, then the kids. Everytime Ginny entered the room, he would just take a quick glance at her, then, he would turn his head the other way and pretend she wasn't there. He hated himself for ever getting himself in this situation. It wasn't a nuisance to him but it did irritate him once in a while when the kids couldn't understand what the hell he was teaching them. He also hated himself because he had to be in this situation with a Weasley girl. Lastly, he hated himself because although he did ignore the Weasley girl, he did notice that she looked different. Better.

Much better.

He always noticed her eyes. Those big, warm, compelling eyes. And then, there was her hair. Her red fiery hair that spilled to her back and shoulders. Somehow, he noticed, that her hair was much brighter and, if possible, redder than that of her brothers, which made him want to touch it.

Draco realized where his thoughts were leading and he wanted to kick himself for thinking such things. Whatever made him think about things like those? What was the Weasley girl doing to him? Maybe she placed a spell on him or something. Some potion or curse to let him think that way.

Draco shook his head. This was absurd. That was probably the last thing the Weasley girl would do. She hated him after all, so there's no reason for her to put spells on him to make him think she was beautiful.

After the whole tutoring session, he would come back to his room, do his homeworks unenthusiastically and then he would try to get some sleep, although he rarely gets good ones. He would frequently wake up in the middle of the night from the nightmares that usually haunt his dreams. The gruesome scenes that he saw in his life as a Death Eater would always play in his reveries. They never seem to go away. Then, in the morning he would wake up again and start another day of the same pattern.

All in all, Draco Malfoy wasn't the same all-smirking, trouble-fanatic person he used to be. His mind was always full of memories of the deadly escapades he did before. One would always see him like he was displeased about something. His eyes were always cold and blank. Empty. Just like his heart. Draco Malfoy has changed. He changed when a mark was placed on his left arm. He despised that mark. It changed his life. It made him different. That mark made him feel like he had no right to stay alive. It made him feel jaded and disgusted with himself.

Draco stood up from the Slytherin Table. He had to stop thinking about this. It's making him loose his mind. Half the time he didn't even know who he was or where he was anymore. Sometimes, he would realize he was in one place when he didn't even know how he got there. Other times, when he was at class playing the gory episodes in his mind, he wouldn't even notice that classes were over; not until the teacher would call his name, snapping him out of his reverie. He felt like he was going insane. His conscience is finally making him pay for the things he did before. It's making him pay ten-fold because he couldn't stand it.

He immediately dashed towards the doors. He had to get out of there. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. No one has and no one will, he thought. Eyes followed him as he made his way towards the doors, including one with warm, compelling brown pupils.

He got out of the castle and the cool breeze hit his face making him feel a little better. He headed towards the tree by the lake. He sat down beneath the tree and leaned his back against the tree's trunk. He, then, began to free his mind. He stared at the lake for long minutes. He had to do this more often. Although there's still an undeniable emptiness inside him, it was making him feel better, at least.

When he got back inside the castle, he headed straight to his class. He was late when he got in his History of Magic class. Professor Binns reprimanded Draco for being late. Draco just shrugged a little "Sorry, Professor" and then he heard a snort. Draco knew who it was before he turned to look. Harry and Ron were both glaring at him with smirks on their faces. Draco just gave them both a cold blank stare that could have sent other people to cower against him. Ron seemed to loose his composure but Harry's face stayed the same. Draco expected as much from Harry. After all, he did defeat the Dark Lord.

Draco broke the eye contact when Professor Binns called his name to take his seat. All throughout the class, Draco only half-listened to Professor Binns' lecture.

After dinner, Draco headed to his room first to leave all that he was carrying with him, books, parchments, etc. Then he went straight to the Charms classroom as always. When he got there, he was a bit surprised to see Ginny sitting at her table, reading a rather large book. She turned to look at him and when she did, her gaze landed straight to his eyes. Draco felt as if she was reading him, searching for something inside his black soul. He did not like it, not one bit. He wanted to jerk his gaze away from hers but he couldn't seem to. It was like she had paralyzed him not to look away.

After a few moments, he managed to look the other way and that was when he noticed several enormous books on her table.

"You're not seriously considering teaching your students using books this large," he drawled, avoiding her eyes.

Ginny gave an annoyed shrug and said, "I'm planning to make them read something, Malfoy. I got these from the library and I'm not planning on demanding them to read the whole book. These books contains information which maybe useful for my students. Now that you know that, kindly poke your nose on your own business and leave me alone."

"Sorry for asking," Draco said sarcastically which earned him a glare from Ginny.

At that moment, children began to file inside the room and they both turned to their respective students.

Draco sat down and waited for all his students to arrive. He looked at them one by one and noticed that they all looked rather anxious. Obviously, these kids knew that he is a Death Eater, or else they won't be acting that way towards him. It annoyed him to no end that people felt that way about him. Draco didn't particularly care what people think of him but it did irritate him to have people dodge out of their way when they see him coming. It made him feel like the Death Eater he really is. He wanted so much to forget about that but he always seemed to remember it. At night, he remembered it in his dreams, during the day people around him reminded him of those days. They all look at him with fear in their eyes and that would remind him of how innocent men, women and children looked at him before he mercilessly killed them. It would've been better if they ignored him. Draco resolved to, at least, alter his students' perspective of him so he won't have them looking at him like he'll put the Imperius Curse on them.

When all of his students have settled themselves, Draco stared at them coldly and asked, "Is there any particular lesson, any of you found distressing?"

At first everyone fell silent and then suddenly, the girl with blonde hair and blue eyes that was sitting across the table from Draco shot her shaking hand up.

"Yes, Mary, is it?" Draco asked.

"Yes... um... I just wanted to ask, um... Mr. Malfoy-" Mary started, looking scared, but Draco interrupted her.

"No, Mary, don't call me that," Draco said bitingly making Mary jump. "It makes me feel older than I really am. Why don't the lot of you just call me by my given name instead. And please, will you all stop looking at me like I'm going to turn all of you into filthy little maggots any second now because I'll do no such thing. Do I make my self clear?" Everyone then nodded their heads, quite a little surprised by what their positively terrifying mentor was asking of them.

"Alright, um... Draco," Mary said, unsure. Draco nodded for her to continue and she did. "We had a... a bit of difficulty with our charms class."

"What about?"

"Well... Professor Flitwick had us all learn the... Levitation Charm and... and none of us has ever done the right thing," she admitted, still looking terrified.

"Well, alright. We'll need feathers for this matter. They're easier to lift than most objects," Draco thought loudly. "I can see that none of you brought such thing..."

Draco was looking around in search for something when an idea struck him.

"Alright, do each of you have a piece of paper?"

Everyone nodded again.

"Very well, each of you give me a piece of paper."

Each student tore a piece of paper from their notebooks and Draco collected each of them. As he did so, he said, "We aren't going to use papers for your levitation practice since they are a tad heavier than feathers and I'll not have any of you throwing them about after using them. We'll settle for something lighter and something not... er... trashy."

When all twelve students gave him their paper, Draco got back to his place in the table and placed the papers in front of him. Everyone watched and wondered eagerly what their mentor would do to the pieces of papers.

Draco felt his pocket for his wand but it wasn't there. Darn, he thought, I left my wand! Left with no other choice, Draco looked at the boy sitting beside him, trying to remember his name.

"It's Andrew, right?" he asked the boy and when Andrew nodded, Draco spoke again.

"Can I use your wand for a moment," he asked.

Andrew gave him an unsure look and then handed his wand and Draco turned to look at everybody. Obviously, they're all wondering why he's using someone else's wand.

Of course, Draco knew how to use someone else's wand. Being a Death Eater taught him that. As much as possible, Death Eaters used other people's wands so that authorities won't have proof if they use Priori Incantatem on their wands.

"It's perfectly alright for me to use Andrew's wand," Draco explained. "Nothing harmful will come off it, though it would be still better if I used my own. However, my wand is not here at the moment so I'll just use Andrew's for a moment. I'm sure you all know that I won't get very good results by using someone else's wand, however, the spell I'll be doing is not a very complicated one so it'll be alright."

Everyone watched eagerly as Draco pointed the wand towards the pieces of papers and muttered the incantation. Each pair of eye reflected awe as the twelve pieces of papers turned into white, snowy feathers. His students weren't the only ones watching, the other occupants of the room, was watching, too, with the exception of Ginny who looked engrossed with her book. Suddenly there was a bubble of talk.

"Did you see that?"

"Wow!"

"That was so cool!"

"Draco must be a very skilled wizard."

Draco started handing out the feathers and he could see each of his students' face had a wide grin on them. He felt a little better. At least, they were having fun. Draco handed Andrew his wand and then spoke.

"Alright then, I suppose you all know the incantation to use?" asked Draco.

"Yes," the children chorused.

"Alright, take out your wands and start levitating the feather."

A chorus of 'Wingardium Leviosa' can be heard but no feather came to the air. Draco watched each of them flicking their wands and saying the incantation over and over again. Draco shrugged and shook his head before he told them to stop and listen to him.

"I don't think any of you will ever make any of those feathers fly if you keep saying the incantation but in your mind you're thinking you can't do it," Draco told them sharply, making his students cringe.

"Here, let me tell you a little secret," every head perked up at the mention of a 'secret'. "Andrew, could you lend me your wand once more," he said.

When Andrew gave his wand to him, Draco pointed the wand towards the feather of Mary, who was sitting across from him. He flicked his wand while he muttered, "Wingardium Leviosa" and the feather rose in the air.

Draco kept the wand pointed at the floating feather when he said, "You see, your wand will not as much as work if you do not really will it to work. What I'm trying to say is when you say the incantation, make sure your mind is doing the same." He looked at each of them, the feather still in the air and asked, "Do you understand?"

Once more, twelve heads nodded and Draco removed the spell from the feather and it slowly went down. Mary caught her feather and Draco returned Andrew's wand.

"Now, before you start muttering the incantations, make sure that you're thinking that the feather will rise up when you say 'Wingardium Leviosa'," Draco told them and several students shifted in their seats, looking determined to make the darn feather float.

"Alright, start making it float now."

"Wingardium Leviosa," they all muttered and almost all feathers rose up in the air. Draco was delighted that he felt himself smiling, something he hasn't done in a really long time.

When he realized he was smiling, Draco wiped the smile off his face then, he noticed that there were only eleven feathers in the air. He looked around the table to see whose feather was still on the table and he saw Mary looking anxiously at him, her feather still on the table. Her blue eyes then glistened with tears with a look of pure terror in them.

"Mary, why on earth are you crying?" he asked.

"Be-Because I di-didn't make m-my feather f-fly..." Mary sobbed. "A-And y-you might ge-get mad a-and..." she trailed off but she didn't finish her sentence and she placed her hands on her face.

And you think I might hurt you for not doing so, Draco finished silently. He shrugged and realized it will be a long time before any of his students ever regard him as someone who is not terrifying or frightening. What was he to do now? He didn't know how to handle kids very much and he certainly did not know how to handle crying children. Draco noted that the feathers in the air were now making their way down to those who enchanted them.

With an effort, Draco sauntered towards Mary and said, "Look Mary," he started, but her sobs became more apparent. "Look," Draco continued awkwardly but softly so the other table won't hear a thing. "I think I know why you're crying. You're afraid I might punish you, am I right?" Mary nodded rubbing her eyes. "Well, believe me when I say I will do no such thing to you or to anyone else present here."

"W-Why should w-we believe you? My m-mother t-told me about you. Sh-She s-said you c-can't be trusted be-because..." she trailed off again not wanting to say it out due to the fact that Draco might get mad. She looked at him, but fear was broadcasted from her eyes.

Because I'm a Death Eater, Draco completed for her again. Draco shrugged again and said, "Well, I'm not asking any of you to trust me. I'm merely telling you to believe me because contrary to what you and most people think, I don't entirely like being Death Eater either," everyone in the table was listening and they cringed when Draco mentioned the word 'Death Eater'. "I never liked doing the things Death Eaters did. If I could undo them right now, I would," Draco explained.

Seemingly satisfied with that, Mary nodded and wiped the tears off her cheeks. "Now, why don't you start on making your feather fly," Draco said, a little relieved that the subject was dropped. Everyone was watching her, giving her encouraging looks and Mary accepted them.

"Think about making the feather fly first," Draco advised her. After a few moments, Mary flicked her wand and said the incantation.

And the feather rose from the table.

Everyone in the table smiled, some even clapped. Draco felt himself smiling again and almost instantly controlled it.

"Brilliant!" he said, surprised that he even praised his student. He absent-mindedly patted Mary's head and then headed back to his chair.

"Any more difficulties?" he asked them.

* * *

Ginny was reading one of the books she brought. She thought bringing those books here would be a good idea so that the children would be able to read them. She had to go through a lot of trouble to get the books in there from the library. After classes were over, she had to go to Professor McGonagall, saying that she needed to borrow several books from the library. That part had been easy because Professor McGonagall also thought it would be a good idea. Not Madam Pince, however. When Ginny came to see her and ask permission, she looked at Ginny suspiciously, as if Ginny was deceiving her. Then she reluctantly agreed while muttering complaints about having to bend library rules and stuff for students.

They were rather large books so Ginny had to use magic in order to carry the whole lot to the Charms classroom. After that, she left the room and went to her own dormitory to clean up. She, then, went to dinner then went straight to the Charms classroom.

Her students were rather silent during the last quarter of an hour. She watched them as they were so engrossed with the books they were reading. She congratulated herself. This really was a good idea and it was working.

She was watching her kids when she caught sight of floating feathers. At the next table, she saw Draco Malfoy standing and his kids were doing the Levitation Charm. She turned to look at Draco Malfoy and what she saw made her heart leap.

Draco Malfoy was smiling! A real genuine smile, like he was happy about something. The smile had a very startling effect on Draco Malfoy's face. His whole face lit up and it made his eyes sparkle. It made him look better. Better than the cold mask he always wears.

When Draco realized he was smiling, he suddenly replaced it with his usual blank stare. Ginny tore her gaze away from Draco Malfoy. She stared back at the book in front of her. Somehow, her mind couldn't seem to concentrate on her book. Her mind was on the picture she just saw. She tried to get it out of her head but she couldn't seem to. During the next hour, she tried unsuccessfully to concentrate on her book but she couldn't seem to.

Then, all of the sudden, she felt dizzy. She didn't know what caused it. She closed her eyes hoping that when she opened them, she would feel better. She was wrong. The moment she opened her eyes, she felt even worse. She grasped the table for leverage. She was sitting but she felt like she would fall any minute. Then she felt like fainting, she felt the world fade away.

"Ginny, are you alright?" one of her students asked.

And then, it was gone. She blinked twice just to be sure. It was gone, as quickly as it came. She turned and looked at her student.

"Yes, Nigel. I'm fine," she replied.

"Well, I guess it's time for all of you to go now," she announced. "Just place the books on the table. I'll be the one to return them to Madam Pince."

"Remember to listen to your teachers, okay? So you won't have a hard time understanding your lessons," she advised them. "I'll see you guys tomorrow night."

Ginny then started piling up the books. She had to return the books now. Madam Pince told her to return the books right after she used them and if she returned them tomorrow, she'll be barking mad by then.

When she gathered all the books, she placed her hands in her robes' pocket to retrieve her wand. She took out her hand after a few moments with her heart sinking.

Darn, she thought. I left my wand!

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A/N: Please review! Sorry it took a long time to finish this. The story seems to run out of my head most of the time which leaves me staring at my computer unable to write anything. Thanks to Molly W, Aurora Noctifer, Virgi Ca, roberta_coope@optusnet.com.au, cosmoz, candledot, ljp, txt-eva, Fernanda, Dracos gal, Redbug, smashed sunshine, elen, oceansun, Lady-Nimoe, sAnDiE, Lady in white, Rachel, DmalfoysMistress, Silent Dragon, Mariana, Clarinelf, and to the person who reviewed anonymously! You guys RULE! :)

Molly W: I was thinking something along those lines.

Aurora Noctifer: Am I getting there?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot, so please don't sue me. Thanks!