10 – To Bond or Not To Bond
Full night had descended and I was slowly and painfully making my way home. I knew that if Pan hadn't gone home to her family yet then she would be worried sick about me. Not to mention the sight of me would make her blood boil. She knew that I had went out to find Trunks and talk to him and she also knew that I wouldn't lie to her about anything. So her sharp- as-nails mind would conclude, and quite quickly, that Trunks had once again allotted his anger on me, but this time I had deserved it. What I would not tell her was why Trunks had barraged me, nor the fact that I had let him do it. I couldn't possibly tell her...She believed that I had delivered her message of love to Trunks when in fact I had told him the opposite. I don't even know what had urged me to say those words and I knew that Pan would not want to hear it. But she would; if not from me, the one who had said them, then from someone; most likely Trunks. Yes, I'm sure that Trunks is wondering if Pan herself told me to say those words or if they are from my own mouth...somehow I believed them...I wanted to believe them...they gave me hope...but it was wrong...I'm not thinking about that right now, I told myself. I pulled up short of banging into my door as Pan had done just last night. My head was aching and I was somewhat out of it so I dismissed my earlier ramblings. I lifted my hand to knock on the door then thought of how silly that was, seeing as how this was my house. As I grabbed for the door handle, the door jerked open and Pan is standing there with a small smile on her lips, until she sees my face.
"What in Kami's name happened to you?" Pan asked as she ushered me into my own house. I smiled as I noticed that the earlier mess, where I had manhandled Trunks out of the house, was cleaned up. She led me to the couch by the arm and made me sit down. Still a little off center I slumped onto my side and started laughing. For some reason this was funny, and even the quizzical face Pan was now giving me was humorous. As my laughing fit continued and she saw that I wasn't anywhere near of an end, her quizzical look became one of anger.
"I don't think the fact that Trunks beat the shit out of you, yet again, is funny and I am appalled that you would think so!!" Pan screamed, which caused me to laugh harder. Truthfully I was only laughing to keep from talking. I didn't find anything, well maybe Pan's expression, that damn funny. I had been pummeled by Trunks twice today and all because of this petit woman standing in front of me. My best friend in the whole wide world, the only person I have ever really loved since I met them; including Trunks. The only person I have never lied to...except on occasion when her soulful chocolate eyes have begged for me to say...what I could never possibly say. I sobered my laughter immediately and braced for the hurt and frustration Pan was about to fling my way.
"Pan, things didn't go well between Trunks and me..." I started, sitting up and leaning against the couch arm, Pan came over and sat next to me looking at her folded hands in her lap. I relayed the story up until the very end...the cursed words I had uttered and stopped. Waiting. For Pan's reaction. She sighed heavily and then slumped back into the couch, turning her face against the cushion and looking into my eyes.
"What aren't you telling me? Did you relay the message I gave you? I want Trunks to understand..." Her eyes darted away and sadness creeped over her brow. I felt my insides twist as it dawned on me that in a way she wanted Trunks to know that she loved him still but there would be no more them and in a way she didn't...giving him the hope he had wanted to cling too. I looked away from her as her eyes searched for mine again.
"I got angry at those last words he said, he made you sound like a prize he had to have and so I told him that you didn't love him anymore..." The sharp intake of breath that Pan issued made my explanation catch in my throat and I trailed off. I didn't want to hurt her but she had hurt me, without even knowing.
"Goten...you had no right to tell him that! I do still love him...just...not..." She trailed off and I couldn't take it anymore. I stood, somewhat shakily and stalked to my bathroom in search of a senzu bean. I quickly downed it with a glass of water and felt the tingling sensations as the bean took effect. I watched in my mirror as the purple-ness around my eye slowly faded to a light yellow color of a month-old bruise. The aches and pains of my various muscles and bones slowly lifted and I flexed my arms to relieve the tension. Pan walked into the bathroom behind me wanting to finish the conversation, but I had my answer. She would always be Trunks' and I could do nothing about it, and just to make sure; the blood line of our family reminded me that I was to be a mentor to her and maybe a best friend, nothing more. I finally understood why I had let the small voice inside my mind dissuade me into inviting Pan over to my home, the voice knew that the heartache and pain was too much.
"Pan, I'm sure that your family, my brother," I emphasized the word for her. "Would like to know about this turn of events between you and Trunks. I remember earlier that Gohan had called to see what was up and where you were. Maybe you should go home and tell them if there will be a wedding tomorrow or not. I believe that Trunks was telling the truth and so it would be easy to reconcile your relationship." I said all this while studying her expression through the mirror. Her emotions were easily traceable; her eyes going from inquiring to pained to anger. I slightly expected the anger part and smiled an almost evil smile. Her eyes flashed a brownish-red color and I thought for a second I may have taken it too far. Pan grabbed my right arm and swung me around so fast I would have crashed to floor if the sink basin hadn't been there. She jabbed her index finger into my chest and forced me to look her in the eye. I was stunned and caught off guard between a rock and a hard place; the rock being Pan.
"Goten, you asshole, you assume way too much, you thick-headed shit! I should just kick your ass right now...and...and I would if Trunks hadn't just got finished doing it! First, how dare you put words into my mouth without first checking to see if they are accurate! And second...how in the hell would you know what I am thinking right now or for that matter anytime without invading my privacy and I know you Goten; you would not invade my privacy without asking!" Her face was flushed, the prettiest shade of red I had ever seen and she was breathing quite hard because she wasn't as long-winded as some. Her brows were knitted together in a scowl and her nostrils were contracting with each breath, quite cute, but apparently she wasn't finished. She went on and on about things she didn't like about me and all I could do was admire the way her mouth moved, the way her eyes expressed every emotion, and the hand gestures that she made to express the enormity of the current situation. Without even realizing what I was doing my hand snaked up her neck and placed itself across her face with my thumb caressing her flushed cheek. My other hand found its way around her tiny waist and held her very feminine body pressed against mine. Unconsciously I leaned my head closer and closer to Pan's until the little voice in my head demanded to know what the hell I thought I was doing. I froze and decided I better snap Pan out of her litany of bad things of me.
"Pan..." I said and she stopped seemingly a little perturbed until her eyes understood what the little voice in my head was screaming. She blushed a little and extricated herself from my embrace. She walked across to the opposite wall of the bathroom, which was small, and leaned against it. Her hands behind her back and her head leaned forward with her shiny black hair cascading down covering her face. I had not moved, still leaning against the sink basin, I crossed my hands over my chest for a lack of something better to do with them.
"I'm sorry..."
"You have nothing to be sorry about...that was all me and I apologize." Her head shot up with a misty look in her eyes as if she was going to cry when I interrupted her.
"That's not what I was talking about...I mean I was sorry about all the bad things I had said about you...You aren't suppose to ridicule family..." Pan trailed off and all I could think about was the word 'family.' I was family to her, not friend, not best friend, but family. Suddenly I hated the word. I didn't want to be 'family' to her I wanted to be more... Pure and simple I love her and wanted to spend the rest of my life loving her and worshipping her, but it was wrong. For Pan to know what I thought about her was wrong as well, no matter what her feelings towards me. I would never let my emotions cause her harm, physical, emotional, or psychological; therefore I was Goten, son of Goku, brother of Gohan; which makes me Pan's uncle.
"Why did you never try and get Bra back?" The simple question completely threw me off guard! The real reason was standing in front of me and I was trying to think of a 'rare occasion' lie that would satisfy her. I had asked Bra to be with me because I knew that Pan and I would never be. It was wrong and I needed a distraction. Bra was a pretty big distraction; she was very pretty though not as pretty as Pan and Bra's blue hair was the envy of all the girls that I had ever dated. I finally realized that Bra and I would make a decent married couple as long as we never Saiyan bonded, which would be tricky if she really wanted to bond; luckily Bra broke things off first. I acted hurt, which sometimes wasn't an act, the distraction I had had was gone and so my thoughts would keep going to Pan; and her being with Trunks. I decided to be a little honest with Pan on the subject.
"Well I suppose the reason would be that I knew that Bra was happy the way she was. I also knew that someone had stolen her away and if he's the right one for her then I hope she gets what she wants." I thought that answer would satisfy Pan but the questioning look in her eyes proved me wrong. At times when my emotions are running on overdrive, like now, I'm not a really convincing liar and Pan knows this. She hung her head down again and the beautiful shower of hair fell in front of her face, her arms came around to her front and crossed over her chest.
"Hmh...Bra actually gave me a similar answer." I was surprised at this. Of course I knew that Bra and Pan would talk when I left but I hadn't expected them to talk of me. Why, I wander, was Pan so intent on knowing my past? She needed to be worrying about her future.
"Why didn't anyone tell me about Saiyan bonding?" She asked looking back up at me, this one stumped me.
"I...I thought you already knew. Surely Gohan would tell you about that. I would assume that Trunks would fill you in also seeing as how you are to be married," I stopped and looked at my watch. "Today at 6:00 pm." She looked behind her at the alarm clock on my nightstand and it confirmed my watch, it was now Saturday, 12:14 am. Pan turned back around and resumed her position with an impassive expression on her face.
"Bra told me that you marry someone out of love and trust then you Saiyan bond with them. She also said that if he's the right one then the bond will confirm your match but if he's not the right one then it's hell for the both of you...but she never told me how you bond or what not...Would you tell me or show me how?" I don't know what was cuter the fact that she wanted me to 'show' her how Saiyan's bond or the tiny almost shy voice with which she asked. I smiled trying to keep my mind from wandering about such a bonding experience.
"Are we going to stay in the bathroom all night, I mean it's nice here and this is the place that you clean yourself up but..." I trailed off as Pan lifted her head and smiled getting the joke. She shook her head no and walked into the bedroom, flipped on the light and sat on the side of the bed. I followed her into the bedroom but I stopped by the dresser and opening the top drawer pulled out a pair of boxers and another white tank top and threw them to her.
"There's your night clothes seeing as how you don't seem to be going home this morning." She smiled and I turned my back so she could change. I pulled my shirt and jeans off and threw it in the corner where I throw my dirty laundry. I searched through the third dresser drawer looking for a pair of sleeping pants, but I couldn't find any. Shrugging I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for some kind of signal telling me I could turn around. A minute later I heard the bedclothes rustle and then Pan cleared her throat. I turned around and she was already under the covers on the left side of the bed. I walked over to the side of the bed and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead for goodnight. She looked up at me and grabbed my arm.
"I thought you were going to show me the bonding ceremony thing..." She trailed off but without the cute little voice and the shy look. I sighed and decided that I must show her; so she'd know and that I would be able to get a little sleep this morning. I moved to sit on the side of the bed and she scooted over to make room for me.
"Well, the couple in love shares their wedding vows through a normal wedding ceremony and then everyone attends the reception which is when the Saiyan bond is melded. Of course the real bond happens the wedding night, but..." I trailed off noting the way my voice dropped to a deeper tone then normal. She was staring intently into my eyes and her breath had quickened a little. I looked away from her intense brown eyes and resumed the explanation. "Before the cake is cut and the wine sipped the couples mark each other and taste each other's blood..."
"How do they mark each other and where?"
"With their teeth and uh, on the neck. At the same time, the couple marks each other at the same time by..." Goten realized that the only way to really explain was to show someone. "Lean close to me." She leaned in and I countered the move so our heads were side by side. I leaned down to her neck and brought my mouth to an inch away from her skin and I felt her breath on my neck as she did the same.
"Then the couple bites, not too hard, just hard enough to draw a drop of blood. Once the blood is consumed the senses of the couple heightens to a new awareness and uh, you can hear what your mate's thinking. But like I said the bond becomes stronger after they, um..." I trailed off when I felt something wet on my neck; I drew in a sharp breath as I realized that it was Pan's mouth. Her hands had moved their way up my arms and were resting on my shoulders. My hands had made there way around her waist, yet again, and were caressing her back. The small little voice was back and screaming for me to back off, but...Kami. As her mouth moved up my neck I exhaled really loudly and brought my mouth to her neck, but I didn't kiss it. This wasn't right and no matter how much I wanted this it couldn't happen.
"Pan..." I said my voice muffled by her neck and she shivered from my breath. "Pan, we can't..." She stiffened and I knew that she would probably feel mortified as everything rushed back to her. "I'll...um, sleep in the living room on the couch." Her mouth had finally left my neck and I felt her head shake.
"Um, no...this is your bed. You have a right to sleep in it," she said and unwound her arms from around me. I stood up to put as much distance I could without making her feel bad. "Besides, I'm really tired now." She didn't look at me but simply slid under the covers and turned onto her side. I shrugged and tried to keep certain thoughts out of my mind as I turned the light off. I made my way to the other side of the bed and lay down; I settled in for an almost sleepless night when I heard an unusual noise. I couldn't do anything to encourage what shouldn't happen so I sadly listened to Pan cry herself to sleep.
***Author's Note***
I hope you enjoyed chapters nine and ten because I haven't a clue as to how chapter eleven will start or whether chapter twelve will even come about. I have high hopes though and to show you that I have great confidence in myself I will give a layout of the chapters to come. There will be a chapter eleven and then I plan on having a chapter twelve and then the last chapter will be thirteen, but in between two chapters I may decide to add another chapter, like I did with chapter nine. So until I have chapter eleven ready I guess you'll have to read my other fanfics to bide you over. Thanks for reading and please review. I depend greatly upon what people think about my stories and so far this one hasn't been too successful.
-Seraphyne
Full night had descended and I was slowly and painfully making my way home. I knew that if Pan hadn't gone home to her family yet then she would be worried sick about me. Not to mention the sight of me would make her blood boil. She knew that I had went out to find Trunks and talk to him and she also knew that I wouldn't lie to her about anything. So her sharp- as-nails mind would conclude, and quite quickly, that Trunks had once again allotted his anger on me, but this time I had deserved it. What I would not tell her was why Trunks had barraged me, nor the fact that I had let him do it. I couldn't possibly tell her...She believed that I had delivered her message of love to Trunks when in fact I had told him the opposite. I don't even know what had urged me to say those words and I knew that Pan would not want to hear it. But she would; if not from me, the one who had said them, then from someone; most likely Trunks. Yes, I'm sure that Trunks is wondering if Pan herself told me to say those words or if they are from my own mouth...somehow I believed them...I wanted to believe them...they gave me hope...but it was wrong...I'm not thinking about that right now, I told myself. I pulled up short of banging into my door as Pan had done just last night. My head was aching and I was somewhat out of it so I dismissed my earlier ramblings. I lifted my hand to knock on the door then thought of how silly that was, seeing as how this was my house. As I grabbed for the door handle, the door jerked open and Pan is standing there with a small smile on her lips, until she sees my face.
"What in Kami's name happened to you?" Pan asked as she ushered me into my own house. I smiled as I noticed that the earlier mess, where I had manhandled Trunks out of the house, was cleaned up. She led me to the couch by the arm and made me sit down. Still a little off center I slumped onto my side and started laughing. For some reason this was funny, and even the quizzical face Pan was now giving me was humorous. As my laughing fit continued and she saw that I wasn't anywhere near of an end, her quizzical look became one of anger.
"I don't think the fact that Trunks beat the shit out of you, yet again, is funny and I am appalled that you would think so!!" Pan screamed, which caused me to laugh harder. Truthfully I was only laughing to keep from talking. I didn't find anything, well maybe Pan's expression, that damn funny. I had been pummeled by Trunks twice today and all because of this petit woman standing in front of me. My best friend in the whole wide world, the only person I have ever really loved since I met them; including Trunks. The only person I have never lied to...except on occasion when her soulful chocolate eyes have begged for me to say...what I could never possibly say. I sobered my laughter immediately and braced for the hurt and frustration Pan was about to fling my way.
"Pan, things didn't go well between Trunks and me..." I started, sitting up and leaning against the couch arm, Pan came over and sat next to me looking at her folded hands in her lap. I relayed the story up until the very end...the cursed words I had uttered and stopped. Waiting. For Pan's reaction. She sighed heavily and then slumped back into the couch, turning her face against the cushion and looking into my eyes.
"What aren't you telling me? Did you relay the message I gave you? I want Trunks to understand..." Her eyes darted away and sadness creeped over her brow. I felt my insides twist as it dawned on me that in a way she wanted Trunks to know that she loved him still but there would be no more them and in a way she didn't...giving him the hope he had wanted to cling too. I looked away from her as her eyes searched for mine again.
"I got angry at those last words he said, he made you sound like a prize he had to have and so I told him that you didn't love him anymore..." The sharp intake of breath that Pan issued made my explanation catch in my throat and I trailed off. I didn't want to hurt her but she had hurt me, without even knowing.
"Goten...you had no right to tell him that! I do still love him...just...not..." She trailed off and I couldn't take it anymore. I stood, somewhat shakily and stalked to my bathroom in search of a senzu bean. I quickly downed it with a glass of water and felt the tingling sensations as the bean took effect. I watched in my mirror as the purple-ness around my eye slowly faded to a light yellow color of a month-old bruise. The aches and pains of my various muscles and bones slowly lifted and I flexed my arms to relieve the tension. Pan walked into the bathroom behind me wanting to finish the conversation, but I had my answer. She would always be Trunks' and I could do nothing about it, and just to make sure; the blood line of our family reminded me that I was to be a mentor to her and maybe a best friend, nothing more. I finally understood why I had let the small voice inside my mind dissuade me into inviting Pan over to my home, the voice knew that the heartache and pain was too much.
"Pan, I'm sure that your family, my brother," I emphasized the word for her. "Would like to know about this turn of events between you and Trunks. I remember earlier that Gohan had called to see what was up and where you were. Maybe you should go home and tell them if there will be a wedding tomorrow or not. I believe that Trunks was telling the truth and so it would be easy to reconcile your relationship." I said all this while studying her expression through the mirror. Her emotions were easily traceable; her eyes going from inquiring to pained to anger. I slightly expected the anger part and smiled an almost evil smile. Her eyes flashed a brownish-red color and I thought for a second I may have taken it too far. Pan grabbed my right arm and swung me around so fast I would have crashed to floor if the sink basin hadn't been there. She jabbed her index finger into my chest and forced me to look her in the eye. I was stunned and caught off guard between a rock and a hard place; the rock being Pan.
"Goten, you asshole, you assume way too much, you thick-headed shit! I should just kick your ass right now...and...and I would if Trunks hadn't just got finished doing it! First, how dare you put words into my mouth without first checking to see if they are accurate! And second...how in the hell would you know what I am thinking right now or for that matter anytime without invading my privacy and I know you Goten; you would not invade my privacy without asking!" Her face was flushed, the prettiest shade of red I had ever seen and she was breathing quite hard because she wasn't as long-winded as some. Her brows were knitted together in a scowl and her nostrils were contracting with each breath, quite cute, but apparently she wasn't finished. She went on and on about things she didn't like about me and all I could do was admire the way her mouth moved, the way her eyes expressed every emotion, and the hand gestures that she made to express the enormity of the current situation. Without even realizing what I was doing my hand snaked up her neck and placed itself across her face with my thumb caressing her flushed cheek. My other hand found its way around her tiny waist and held her very feminine body pressed against mine. Unconsciously I leaned my head closer and closer to Pan's until the little voice in my head demanded to know what the hell I thought I was doing. I froze and decided I better snap Pan out of her litany of bad things of me.
"Pan..." I said and she stopped seemingly a little perturbed until her eyes understood what the little voice in my head was screaming. She blushed a little and extricated herself from my embrace. She walked across to the opposite wall of the bathroom, which was small, and leaned against it. Her hands behind her back and her head leaned forward with her shiny black hair cascading down covering her face. I had not moved, still leaning against the sink basin, I crossed my hands over my chest for a lack of something better to do with them.
"I'm sorry..."
"You have nothing to be sorry about...that was all me and I apologize." Her head shot up with a misty look in her eyes as if she was going to cry when I interrupted her.
"That's not what I was talking about...I mean I was sorry about all the bad things I had said about you...You aren't suppose to ridicule family..." Pan trailed off and all I could think about was the word 'family.' I was family to her, not friend, not best friend, but family. Suddenly I hated the word. I didn't want to be 'family' to her I wanted to be more... Pure and simple I love her and wanted to spend the rest of my life loving her and worshipping her, but it was wrong. For Pan to know what I thought about her was wrong as well, no matter what her feelings towards me. I would never let my emotions cause her harm, physical, emotional, or psychological; therefore I was Goten, son of Goku, brother of Gohan; which makes me Pan's uncle.
"Why did you never try and get Bra back?" The simple question completely threw me off guard! The real reason was standing in front of me and I was trying to think of a 'rare occasion' lie that would satisfy her. I had asked Bra to be with me because I knew that Pan and I would never be. It was wrong and I needed a distraction. Bra was a pretty big distraction; she was very pretty though not as pretty as Pan and Bra's blue hair was the envy of all the girls that I had ever dated. I finally realized that Bra and I would make a decent married couple as long as we never Saiyan bonded, which would be tricky if she really wanted to bond; luckily Bra broke things off first. I acted hurt, which sometimes wasn't an act, the distraction I had had was gone and so my thoughts would keep going to Pan; and her being with Trunks. I decided to be a little honest with Pan on the subject.
"Well I suppose the reason would be that I knew that Bra was happy the way she was. I also knew that someone had stolen her away and if he's the right one for her then I hope she gets what she wants." I thought that answer would satisfy Pan but the questioning look in her eyes proved me wrong. At times when my emotions are running on overdrive, like now, I'm not a really convincing liar and Pan knows this. She hung her head down again and the beautiful shower of hair fell in front of her face, her arms came around to her front and crossed over her chest.
"Hmh...Bra actually gave me a similar answer." I was surprised at this. Of course I knew that Bra and Pan would talk when I left but I hadn't expected them to talk of me. Why, I wander, was Pan so intent on knowing my past? She needed to be worrying about her future.
"Why didn't anyone tell me about Saiyan bonding?" She asked looking back up at me, this one stumped me.
"I...I thought you already knew. Surely Gohan would tell you about that. I would assume that Trunks would fill you in also seeing as how you are to be married," I stopped and looked at my watch. "Today at 6:00 pm." She looked behind her at the alarm clock on my nightstand and it confirmed my watch, it was now Saturday, 12:14 am. Pan turned back around and resumed her position with an impassive expression on her face.
"Bra told me that you marry someone out of love and trust then you Saiyan bond with them. She also said that if he's the right one then the bond will confirm your match but if he's not the right one then it's hell for the both of you...but she never told me how you bond or what not...Would you tell me or show me how?" I don't know what was cuter the fact that she wanted me to 'show' her how Saiyan's bond or the tiny almost shy voice with which she asked. I smiled trying to keep my mind from wandering about such a bonding experience.
"Are we going to stay in the bathroom all night, I mean it's nice here and this is the place that you clean yourself up but..." I trailed off as Pan lifted her head and smiled getting the joke. She shook her head no and walked into the bedroom, flipped on the light and sat on the side of the bed. I followed her into the bedroom but I stopped by the dresser and opening the top drawer pulled out a pair of boxers and another white tank top and threw them to her.
"There's your night clothes seeing as how you don't seem to be going home this morning." She smiled and I turned my back so she could change. I pulled my shirt and jeans off and threw it in the corner where I throw my dirty laundry. I searched through the third dresser drawer looking for a pair of sleeping pants, but I couldn't find any. Shrugging I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for some kind of signal telling me I could turn around. A minute later I heard the bedclothes rustle and then Pan cleared her throat. I turned around and she was already under the covers on the left side of the bed. I walked over to the side of the bed and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead for goodnight. She looked up at me and grabbed my arm.
"I thought you were going to show me the bonding ceremony thing..." She trailed off but without the cute little voice and the shy look. I sighed and decided that I must show her; so she'd know and that I would be able to get a little sleep this morning. I moved to sit on the side of the bed and she scooted over to make room for me.
"Well, the couple in love shares their wedding vows through a normal wedding ceremony and then everyone attends the reception which is when the Saiyan bond is melded. Of course the real bond happens the wedding night, but..." I trailed off noting the way my voice dropped to a deeper tone then normal. She was staring intently into my eyes and her breath had quickened a little. I looked away from her intense brown eyes and resumed the explanation. "Before the cake is cut and the wine sipped the couples mark each other and taste each other's blood..."
"How do they mark each other and where?"
"With their teeth and uh, on the neck. At the same time, the couple marks each other at the same time by..." Goten realized that the only way to really explain was to show someone. "Lean close to me." She leaned in and I countered the move so our heads were side by side. I leaned down to her neck and brought my mouth to an inch away from her skin and I felt her breath on my neck as she did the same.
"Then the couple bites, not too hard, just hard enough to draw a drop of blood. Once the blood is consumed the senses of the couple heightens to a new awareness and uh, you can hear what your mate's thinking. But like I said the bond becomes stronger after they, um..." I trailed off when I felt something wet on my neck; I drew in a sharp breath as I realized that it was Pan's mouth. Her hands had moved their way up my arms and were resting on my shoulders. My hands had made there way around her waist, yet again, and were caressing her back. The small little voice was back and screaming for me to back off, but...Kami. As her mouth moved up my neck I exhaled really loudly and brought my mouth to her neck, but I didn't kiss it. This wasn't right and no matter how much I wanted this it couldn't happen.
"Pan..." I said my voice muffled by her neck and she shivered from my breath. "Pan, we can't..." She stiffened and I knew that she would probably feel mortified as everything rushed back to her. "I'll...um, sleep in the living room on the couch." Her mouth had finally left my neck and I felt her head shake.
"Um, no...this is your bed. You have a right to sleep in it," she said and unwound her arms from around me. I stood up to put as much distance I could without making her feel bad. "Besides, I'm really tired now." She didn't look at me but simply slid under the covers and turned onto her side. I shrugged and tried to keep certain thoughts out of my mind as I turned the light off. I made my way to the other side of the bed and lay down; I settled in for an almost sleepless night when I heard an unusual noise. I couldn't do anything to encourage what shouldn't happen so I sadly listened to Pan cry herself to sleep.
***Author's Note***
I hope you enjoyed chapters nine and ten because I haven't a clue as to how chapter eleven will start or whether chapter twelve will even come about. I have high hopes though and to show you that I have great confidence in myself I will give a layout of the chapters to come. There will be a chapter eleven and then I plan on having a chapter twelve and then the last chapter will be thirteen, but in between two chapters I may decide to add another chapter, like I did with chapter nine. So until I have chapter eleven ready I guess you'll have to read my other fanfics to bide you over. Thanks for reading and please review. I depend greatly upon what people think about my stories and so far this one hasn't been too successful.
-Seraphyne