Deliverance

(Edit: Typo fixed)

Chapter Three:

Gabriel's absence had done many things for Carl over the past month. Some had been damaging, while most were refreshing. He was able to go about his daily life without constantly looked over his shoulder for the mysterious man. And certainly he slept easier at night. He took a fair amount of food in, and even managed a smile from time to time.

Of course Carl had known Gabriel would come back, and he'd bring up what Carl had fought to push down. The man had a way of forcing Carl to confront his darkest thoughts, and he did not doubt that given time, Gabriel would succeed again.

Without Gabriel heavy in his mind he was able to launch himself back into his work. He became a sort of madman in his workshop and had at least three things to leave for Gabriel. He was also able to devote his time to God. He attended services twice a day, studied the holy book hourly and managed confessional at least once a day.

Strangely he assumed he would feel closer to God. His devotion was at an all time high, and his faith had never been stronger. Instead he found there was a distance between his soul and God. He did not doubt God would show him mercy, or forgive him of his wicked ways. So he assumed it had to be something else. He had yet to figure out what that was, though.

Wednesday morning he walked soundlessly down a flight to stairs, eyes darting wildly and legs ready to carry him away if necessary. Gabriel had returned the night before, and Carl had no doubt the man would seek him out--it was merely his way.

As it so happened it was necessary for him to leave that morning. He had to purchase a few parts from a man in the city for his newest contraption. In a fit of frustration he had broken the only spare, and he desperately needed to finish his invention before Gabriel left again.

"Merciful God," He pleaded while being struck by the rain. He barely managed to close the doors behind him. It seemed to Carl that this was another test from God. It had been sunny the previous day, and the week before that. There had been no warning for the storm, and Carl did not appreciate it on his favorite day of the week. Yet he would not desist or give in to the seemingly demonic weather. He would fight the weather, secure what he needed and return to his sanctuary without complaining.

"I've been looking for you."

Carl knew right then he was going to complain a lot more.

He said nothing to the man trailing after him and continued on his way. He fought off the dark, knowing the rain had purged the streets from all light. Therefore he was left with his memory to guide him where he needed to be.

"I have given you time to think."

He had thought, but not of that. He had avoided that topic at all costs.

"Gabriel Van Helsing, I pray you will leave me." Bile was rising in his throat and the darkness that was Gabriel was seeping into him. He was losing his will power, and he remembered the last time that happened.

Gabriel's hand clutched his arm and stopped him in front of a darkened bakery. "That is now not possible, Carl. Perhaps before," He spoke quietly.

"Before?"

Both of Gabriel's hands slid to the top of his shoulder blades. His hands burned a white pain that reminded Carl of God's ever present eyes.

"Before I went away to Paris." The wind smashed the rain into them harshly and Gabriel moved them down a side alley where they were partially protected. "Watching men farm and women scrub floors for two weeks does give one time to think. And time to come to a decision."

He was afraid to ask what Gabriel had decided. He was beyond stubborn, and if he had gone and talked himself into something, Carl was worried about being able to convince him otherwise.

"Just listen, Carl," Gabriel requested, pulling the friar closer to him. "Before I left we spoke of love, and there was a disagreement of sorts. I have come to realize that such a disagreement will perhaps never change. I believe one way, and you believe another, it is merely who we are, Carl. Your faith guides you one way, and I follow a different route. Yet the questioning of your feelings led me to explore my own."

Carl felt his own fingers come up involuntarily to rest over Gabriel's hands.

"I wondered, as I sat on a roof of a Parisian house, how I had overlooked you. My conclusion came to be that you are the only steady and true thing in my life. You are my constant companion, and in a way invisible. I see you as my equal Carl, but I did not take the time to see you as anything else."

"Until I spoke," Carl volunteered.

Gabriel's hands slipped from his shoulders to the sides of his face. The man leaned in close and Carl became nervous.

"It took me a few days to realize that merely because I had been oblivious to these feelings, did not mean they did not exist. Do you understand what I am saying?"

Do I? Carl wondered.

"You know what I feel for you, Carl. You feel the same for me. Your heart beats wildly as mine does, and your soul begs for forgiveness, redemption and love all at once. You would take me to your bed as I would you."

"Don't!" Carl told him harshly, forcefully moving Gabriel off and away from him. "Do not speak such things in public, nor to me. I have wrestled with my doubt and my sin for a very long time, Gabriel Van Helsing. "I have wondered if by chance I would be allowed to be a man. Should I hide my love whiles others do not? But I choose my faith over your love, Gabriel, and I hope you will one day respect this decision."

Gabriel took his own step back, a look of defeat on his face. "I would never ask you to chose our love over your faith. I know how dearly precious it is to you, and it would not be my place to suggest such a thing. We may not share our love while we live, but rest assured the love I hold for you will surely live on once I am dead."

Carl had only blinked once but Gabriel was already gone. The friar took a moment to replay their conversation. What had Gabriel meant by the last statement? His tone of voice had indicated more than just a statement of love.

Invention parts forgotten he raced back to the church, ignoring the rain completely.

He had finally managed the courage to speak with another about his dilemma. Granted it was not a cardinal, or a bishop, but it was someone of the cloth that Carl knew would understand his faith. It just also happened to be a friend he had known for many years. If anything his friend would be able to set him right.

So he explained his situation and waited patiently for his friend to form his own opinion. Carl watched the different expressions and silent opinions formulate on the young man's face, until finally Carl felt he had reached an answer.

"If all of us were so lucky," He began slowly and cautiously, and Carl remembered he never said anything that wasn't worth saying. "The world would be a far brighter place. It is rare for a man such as Van Helsing to love, and even more so for him to dote out that love."

"But Gabriel is a man, as am I. The holy book is strikingly clear on these maters. To defy the book is to defy God."

"That has always been your problem." Carl peered questioningly at his friend and waited for him to continue. "You have always taken the book literally. It is now common belief that our book is more of a guide line to life, rather than dictation. Yes, the bible is clear that a man shall not lie with another, but there are circumstances you have not considered. Whom wrote the bible?"

Was it a trick question? Carl did not care for anything other than his friend's opinion at the moment.

"Men, Carl, men of many, many years ago. They do not have the right to tell us how to love. We follow God, and live by the book, but God and his way always takes precedence in our lives. We follow God always before the book. He teaches us that love is not to be judged, because it is the purest emotion of all. God loves us, his children, and he forgives us for our many sins. Easily he might turn his back on us, but because there is love, he withholds judgment until the very end of our lives. Those men who wrote the bible can not judge you unless you let them."

"What are you saying?" Carl asked desperately.

"Love Gabriel Van Helsing, and be loved. Trust in God and trust that he will forgive you for that love the same as forgetting a Hail Mary. Let yourself go, Carl. Let the lord guide you to where you should be in your life."

Carl sputtered and blinked, speechless. He pulled his brown robes closer to his body. "You're suggesting?"

His friend nodded. "Go to him, and we will speak of this no more. This love belongs to you and Van Helsing, and none other should be privilege to such information. Most others would not approve, but it is not for them to judge. Love Van Helsing, love God and love yourself, and nothing else will matter."

He couldn't move.

"Go!"

His heart lurched and he was off, racing through the halls looking for Gabriel. His fist struck Gabriel's door with excessive force. "Gabriel Van Helsing, you open this door immediately."

The door was flung open and a flustered, out of breath Carl came face to face with a drained and distracted Gabriel. "I, uh," He stumbled, hands twisting furiously in front of him. "Gabriel--" The left hand of God merely quirked an eyebrow upward, secretly pleased Carl had sought him out, yet confused for the same reason.

"Yes, Carl?"

Without warning Carl launched himself forward, throwing his arms around Gabriel's neck. "I am yours," He whispered, pressing his face into the taller man's neck. "If you, Gabriel Van Helsing will have me."

Gabriel held him tightly, and that was more than enough of an answer for Carl.

TBC . . .