[ I'd Rather Be In Love With You ]
chapter thirteen: cold stares, grim stories and butterbeer
"Is this seat taken?" a deep familiar voice asked her. Ginny looked up and saw Draco standing before her, his hands inside his pant's pockets with a hopeful look on his face.
Ginny was surprised to see Draco standing before her.
"What are you doing here?" Ginny asked sounding unconcerned while looking away from him, recovering from her surprise. "I thought you had no business here."
"Well," Draco said, sitting beside Ginny without any affirmative response from her for his first question. "I just remembered that I did have something to do here."
Ginny could feel Draco's eyes on her even though she was looking at everything but him. "And what was that?" she asked him.
"I remembered that I needed to accompany someone here today," he replied, looking down at her.
Ginny stiffened at his answer but still tried to avoid his gaze. "Well, I'm pretty sure that someone does not need your company any longer," she told him without looking at him.
Draco had given up pretending that he was ill-mannered and haughty around her because he had a suspicion that, somehow, she saw right through him. Draco gave a sigh and looked down on his hands instead. When it comes to apologizing, Draco was never sure what he was doing because he rarely apologizes to anyone. "Would it help if I said that it was extremely rude of me to raise my voice at her and I'm prepared to make it up?" Draco asked hopefully.
At this, Ginny stayed silent and kept her gaze away from him. But her anger towards him faded. She refused to let him off the hook so easily so she said, "It would help if you'd say you're sorry."
"Alright," Draco said after a moment, which made Ginny look up to him. "I'm sorry for doing it." Draco said with such sincerity that Ginny's heart gave a furious leap. She was looking at his eyes and noted that for the first time, his eyes didn't hold the usual blank stare.
Draco was looking at her and he wasn't sure whether she was still mad at him or not. "Did it help?" Draco asked her almost childishly after a moment of silence.
Ginny's lips broke into a smile at his quip and nodded. "Yeah," Ginny said, looking at him, "I guess it did."
Ginny somehow noticed that sunlight agreed with Draco Malfoy. His bright hair was glistening which was a perfect contrast to his perfectly tailored and very black robes. His skin looked healthier out here and vitality was emanating from him. And to top it off, his lovely eyes were looking hopeful and unsure... almost as if he was a little boy, instead of its usual blank stare. Ginny thought he looked... cute. Yes, there's no other word for it.
"So, where did you want to go?" Draco asked Ginny.
"Well, actually I already have what I came for," Ginny said as she held out the new bottle of ink she purchased previously for him to see.
"I see," Draco said. "Would you mind it terribly if we went to Three Broomsticks? I haven't had Butterbeer in a long time," Draco asked her.
Ginny instantly remembered that Ron, Harry, Hermione and a lot of other students were there and if the two of them entered the pub, everyone would surely notice the two of them. Not once in the history of Hogwarts has anyone ever seen a Gryffindor and a Slytherin mingling together as far as Ginny was concerned, and everyone who would see them together would surely say something about it. But Ginny felt too delighted to have Draco with her to even care.
"Of course not," Ginny said, standing up. She stood up slowly, holding her book and her new ink carefully. "Let's go," she told him.
Draco had a sudden urge to offer his arm for her to hold but decided against it. After all, they weren't a couple, right? Draco thought. They were just off to buy a drink.
Before his thoughts could get the better of him, Draco chased them away. Somehow, when it comes to Ginny, his thoughts fly from crazy to absurd to the impossible.
They both walked together in silence, though, Ginny noted for the first time that it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. Students were all over the village and Ginny became aware of the unusual stares she received from passerbys. Every person who noticed that they were walking together inevitably whispered to someone else pointing at them. Ginny looked up and stole a look at Draco. She was amazed to see that he ignored those stares quite remarkably.
"Didn't anyone ever tell these people it's rude to stare and point?" Ginny asked no one in particular. She decided to inject some humor at their predicament.
Draco heard her and a reluctant smile emerged on his lips. "Apparently not," Draco said in reply, looking down momentarily at Ginny. Ginny chuckled at that.
Before long, they arrived at the front door of Three Broomsticks. Ginny was about to grasp the doorknob to open it, when Draco's hand suddenly flew from nowhere and opened the door for her. He stood there waiting for her to enter the pub first, a calm expression showing on his face as if opening doors for Weasleys were part of his daily routine.
A bell rang when Draco opened the door and to Ginny's relief, no one bothered to look when she stepped inside. Her relief was short-lived, however, when Draco came in after her. Apparently, Draco's tall frame and bright hair were enough to catch everyone's attention. She could just imagine their shock when they realized that they were in an arm's reach from each other and they weren't spewing insult yet.
Ginny watched as almost everyone in the pub stopped and turned to look at the pair of them. The pub had practically gone silent. She could see some of her fellow Gryffindors looking at her strangely. She could also see some of her classmates looking at her as if to ask, "What are you doing with him? You do know that Malfoy is right behind you, right?" Ginny saw Harry, Ron and Hermione sitting together in the middle of the pub. Ron was sitting with his back to her, but Harry and Hermione were looking at her. Ron inevitably caught on and turned around, too. The look he gave to the both of them was murderous. His face turned red almost immediately.
Draco was not oblivious to all this, but he chose to ignore it. He scanned the pub to see which table was vacant. He spotted one at the back of the pub. He nudged Ginny gently which made Ginny turn her head to look up at him. Draco lowered his head and said softly, "Over there." Ginny turned to look and nodded.
Eyes followed them as Ginny led the way to the vacant table with Draco following her close behind. Ginny was trying her best to ignore it. She focused her gaze on the table she was heading, that way, she won't have to look at someone in the eye.
When Draco and Ginny reached the table, they both sat down quietly. Once seated, she maintained her gaze on her hands, which were on the table.
Ginny heard the pub's door open and heard it slam to a close. She looked up only to see Hermione's brown hair running for the door. She looked at the table where they were sitting before and found Harry sitting alone, looking at Hermione's retreating form.
He turned to look at Ginny. Ginny stared at Harry and silently said, "I'm sorry." She saw Harry shrug and gave her a small smile. He placed some coins on the table then stood and left the pub.
A moment later, Madam Rosmerta came over their table. Madam Rosmerta scowled at the sight of Draco but once she turned her head to face Ginny, her face broke into a grin.
"Hi Ginny," she greeted Ginny. "How are you doing?" Madam Rosmerta asked her.
"Hello, Madam Rosmerta, I'm fine actually. Thank you," Ginny replied.
Draco looked up to Madam Rosmerta and tried to put on a pleasant face, but whatever it was, Madam Rosmerta never took it as pleasant. If it was possible, she scowled even more at Draco and Draco instead, looked away to his hands.
"So what'll it be?" Madam Rosmerta asked facing Ginny putting on a smile on her face.
"I'll have butterbeer," Ginny replied then both of them turned to look at Draco. Draco looked up to Madam Rosmerta and said, "I'll have that, too."
Madam Rosmerta glared at Draco before leaving their table, but Draco didn't say anything. When Madam Rosmerta was out of earshot, he leaned in towards Ginny and said, "I told you I wasn't welcome here."
"Well, if you came here more often then maybe they won't act that way towards you," Ginny told him, avoiding the thought that the fact that he was treated that way was because he was a Death Eater.
"Come here and do what, exactly?" Draco asked her.
"I don't know, do your own thing, I guess. Or maybe you could go around the village or maybe visit Zonko's. That's where most guys head to anyways. I know Ron and Harry never pass up an opportunity to visit the shop," Ginny said.
"As you may have noticed, Gin, I'm well past the stage where dungbombs are the ultimate thing," Draco said pointedly. "Unlike some people you and I both know."
"Maybe," Ginny replied, smiling at him, knowing that it was Harry and Ron that he was referring to.
A moment later, Madam Rosmerta placed their drinks and both Ginny and Draco said thank you to the lady. Madam Rosmerta looked at Ginny, smiled and said, "You're welcome, Ginny." Madam Rosmerta didn't bother to look at Draco much less reply to him and then she walked away.
Ginny focused on Draco and watched him. He took a sip of his butterbeer, swallowed it then stayed silent for a few second before looking up at her, grinned and said, "I almost forgot how that tasted like."
Ginny smiled. At least he isn't making a big deal out of the way people were treating him. "I'm sorry about that," she said referring to the way Madam Rosmerta was acting.
"For that lady or for your brother?" Draco asked.
"For the way Madam Rosmerta was acting," Ginny said. "She isn't usually like that."
"You shouldn't apologize for the things you didn't do," Draco replied. "It doesn't matter anyway. I'm used to that."
"You mean people usually scowl at you?"
"I'm pretty sure most people here know what I was whenever they see me so, yes, they either scowl at me or quiver with fear," Draco said noncommittally.
"Doesn't that bother you?"
"Well, it does, sometimes, but then I thought that if I were in their shoes, I'd probably act the same way."
Silence.
Ginny could sense that their conversation was somehow trudging into dangerous grounds since she knew Draco never liked talking about the past. She took her butterbeer and took a sip. Even though she knew it was not a good idea to ask Draco about being a Death Eater, she was still curious about it. It infuriates her to know that people were treating Draco rudely just because he was forced to do something he never wanted to do. How could Draco's father be such a jackass to do this to his only son?
Ginny decided to lighten up their conversation. "So, what made you come here instead of just sulking inside the library?" Ginny asked, smiling.
"I told you... I haven't had butterbeer in a long time," Draco replied innocently.
Ginny's heart sank. That's it? she quietly asked. "So, that's why you came here and told me you were sorry?" she asked him. "It's because, you missed what butterbeer tasted like?"
Well, what did you expect, Ginny? Ginny's mind told her. You were maybe expecting that he came here because of you?
Draco gave her a knowing look. He knew she was somehow disappointed with his answer. He could see it in her eyes. Her face might say she doesn't care but her eyes tell another story. "Well, that's part of it, really," he said his eyes glinting of amusement.
Ginny just stared at him, expecting an explanation.
"Actually, I meant what I said back there, about being rude to you," he clarified.
Ginny smiled at that then replied, "I know."
They both took a drink off their butterbeer. Ginny looked around the pub and saw that they were still being closely watched. The bubble of talk has risen up a little but it was she could still notice people's eyes straying towards their table.
Draco noticed her uneasiness over people watching them. He breathed a sigh and said, "If it bothers you so much, we can get out of here."
"No, it doesn't really bother me. It's just that I've never really been under constant scrutiny," Ginny explained.
"Just ignore them, we aren't doing anything wrong," he told her as he took another big gulp off his butterbeer.
After a few moments, Ginny seemed to forget that almost everyone in the pub were studying them, for she and Draco had launched into topic after topic of conversation.
Draco noticed the book she brought and read the author's name upside down. "William Shakespeare," he said the author's name aloud. "He's muggle," he added.
"You've read his books?" Ginny asked bewildered that Draco would be interested in something related to muggles.
"No, I haven't," Draco replied. "He's quite popular with muggles. I've heard of him when I was..." he faltered a little, the twinkle in his eyes faded away. "... When I was carrying out the instructions given to me by... Voldemort."
"Oh" was all that Ginny managed to say. After a moment's hesitation, she asked, "Was it really that bad?"
He looked at her momentarily as if she was crazy for asking such a question, then he replied, "It's worse than you can ever imagine."
Draco kept silent for a moment. He looked down at his butterbeer. Suddenly, memories of what happened in the past popped in his mind. Gruesome scene once again played in his mind. He never talked about any of it to anyone, not even his mother because he knew they would just be revolted by what he had done.
"You know, it helps if you talk about it. It'll drive you mad if you keep it inside you," Ginny said naturally.
Draco could only look at her, contemplating whether he should talk or not. He considered telling her, but then he couldn't tell her anything in the place they were in.
"Do you mind if we step outside?" Draco asked her. "No, not at all," Ginny replied. Without another word, Draco stood up, placed some money on the table and followed Ginny outside the pub.
The both of them walked aimlessly and silently. Ginny thought that maybe he was mad at her for asking such things from him. She didn't know what made her do it. It really wasn't her business, but she was curious. She wanted to know all about it, because if she did, then she'd understand Draco better.
Ginny didn't really know where Draco was going but she kept on following. When they made a turn a few moments later, she realized they were heading back to Hogwarts. She didn't say a thing and they kept walking back to Hogwarts. She was feeling guilty. She knew Draco was mad and he was probably thinking of yelling at her for being so insensitive.
Draco wasn't mad, he was a little perplexed by how he's acting. He knew he should be mad at her but the thing is, he wasn't. Whenever anyone asked questions like those from him, he either avoids the subject, or shout at the one who asked.
He kept walking. If they were going to talk about something like this, he didn't want to talk about it where people could hear him. Unconsciously he began walking towards Hogwarts. Minutes after, they were in Hogwarts grounds. Draco stopped for a moment, then Ginny looked up at him.
"You want to sit over there?" he asked as he pointed a spot. Ginny turned to look and realized that Draco was pointing at the tree beside the lake. "Sure," she replied to him. Both of them started for the tree. When they reached their destination, Ginny sat down cross-legged, then she placed her new bottle of ink and her book beside her. Draco followed her and sat down beside Ginny, his knees above his waist level and folded halfway while his forearms resting on his knees with his fingers linking at the middle.
Draco stayed silent for a few moments then said, "I was ordered to... assassinate some people, particularly those who stood in Voldemort's way. That included people from the ministry."
With that admission, Draco expected Ginny to cringe at him but she didn't. Ginny kept quiet and listened to Draco. Taking her silence as a cue to go on, Draco continued. "The first time I ever killed someone... it was the time I was initiated to become a Death Eater. My initiation was to perform the three unforgivable curses. They brought in someone, I didn't even know who it was. I suppose it was someone who owed Voldemort something and he was... he was the one I had to perform the curses on. I had to perform the Imperius Curse first, then the Cruciatus Curse then... the Avada Kedavra."
"After that they will torture you, using all kinds of curses. If you survive, you will be given the Dark Mark. If you survive..." Draco trailed.
"Were there a lot of people who didn't survive the torture?" Ginny asked softly.
"Yes. A lot of them. If you didn't survive the initiation, they will kill you," Draco replied. A lump seemed to have grown in Draco's throat, but he still kept talking. "Voldemort's Death Eaters were the ones who tortured those who are being initiated. Voldemort watches while they do. It's actually better to die when they begin torturing you. You feel pain in every part of your body and you can barely breathe. You feel as if every inch of you is bloodied and bruised when in fact, you look alright in the outside, but in the inside, you feel as if you were dying. After the series of curses were performed, they wouldn't even bother taking the pain away. They'll right away bring you to Voldemort for the Dark Mark to be placed on your skin."
Draco fell silent; he was looking at his hands before him.
"Was your father one of them?" Ginny asked.
It took a moment for Draco to answer. "Yes," he replied after a while.
Ginny was speechless. She seemed to be immobilized. What kind of father would torture his own son? An image of a pained Draco lying on the ground while his father was smiling darkly standing before him came to Ginny's mind, which made her heart double over. As far as everyone knows, Draco was the youngest Death Eater to be ever initiated. All of those who had been given the torture to bear the Dark Mark were definitely old enough to endure the pain. Draco was just a mere boy when he received the Dark Mark. How could he have withstood it? Ginny yet again felt her heart wrench as she realized how hard it must have been for Draco.
"I was nothing but an heir to my father," Draco continued. "Anyway, the worst part is when Voldemort gives you the Dark Mark. They have this metal which is shaped like the Dark Mark and it's burning hot. They press it to your skin so it'll be imbedded there. Actually your skin isn't really burning because it's just the magic that makes it painful. The pain is nothing I've ever felt before. I feel like my arm was going to fall off. It's bewitched because there's no scar. It looks like it was just drawn on your skin, but it's permanent. It'll be there 'til the day that I die. Even if Voldemort's already gone, it's still there because it was said that once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater. Once the Dark Mark is in your arm, there's no turning back. Either you follow Voldemort or you die by turning your back on him."
Ginny just looked at him. She couldn't believe what Draco had really been through. She used to think that the Dark Mark was just a mark used to distinguish Voldemort's minions. The fact that there's a lot of torture and pain to acquire the mark never crossed her mind. She was suddenly curious to know what the Dark Mark really looked like. She's never seen it before on a person's skin.
"Can I see it?" Ginny asked Draco in a hopeful voice.
Draco paused for a moment, then eased off the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows. He brought his left arm to Ginny.
It was the first time Ginny had actually seen the Dark Mark on the skin. Draco was right. It didn't look like a scar, it looked like it was drawn over his skin. It looked like one of those things muggles had on their bodies. What do they call those - tattoos? In contrast to Draco's pale skin, it was a little dark. Ginny lifted her right hand and brought it to Draco's arm. When Ginny's fingertips touched Draco's skin, he flinched a little.
"Does it hurt?" Ginny asked when she mistook his reaction for pain.
"No," Draco replied looking down at her. At his reply, Ginny looked down at his arm and began tracing the outline of the Dark Mark on his skin using the tip of her forefinger. She wondered how anyone could ever consider placing this mark on their skin all the while noticing how Draco's skin felt smooth beneath her fingertips.
Draco, on the other hand, was well aware of the places where Ginny touched him. Wherever her fingertips touched his skin, he felt tingles run through his veins. He could not understand this reaction towards her.
Draco looked down at her red head. Her bright hair was shiny and a bit wavy, but it wasn't bushy as Granger used to have. It ran down well below her shoulders and Draco's fingers actually wanted to touch it. He tore his gaze away from her hair and focused on his arm. No one but his father and mother had seen the Dark Mark on his arm. He didn't know why he was doing this but somehow, it felt right. He felt as if it was right to show Ginny this, probably because Ginny was being nice to him and all. Ever since the mark was placed on his arm, Draco knew that everything would be different. He knew that if other people knew he was a Death Eater, he would be treated differently. Like a killer... a monster... a murderer.
But then, here was Ginny. She went out of her way to befriend him and she endured his hostility towards her.
Maybe that's why I'm acting like this, Draco said silently. He thought that maybe it was out of conscience that he was doing this. Conscience? His mind asked him. Do I really have one of those? Draco asked himself, his brows furrowing in confusion.
Ginny then suddenly looked up to him. Draco found himself gazing at two large pools of chocolate eyes. His mouth went dry.
Ginny broke into a smile. "Well, at least, it's over now," she said.
Draco found his eyes straying to her lips and mentally smacked himself for it. "What is?" he asked her, his train of thoughts suddenly cut off due to her nearness.
"The whole ordeal," Ginny replied, looking at him. "I mean, Voldemort's gone, so everything will start looking up, right?"
"Yeah," Draco replied unconvincingly, looking down. "I guess so."
"You guess so? What do you mean?"
"Nothing," Draco answered, refusing to tell her of his dreams. "Nothing, really. It's just that... well, people act weird around me and it can be a bugger sometimes."
"Oh," Ginny said. "Alright."
Ginny somehow sensed that there is something more than what Draco was telling her but she didn't prod him. She looked at her watch and said, "Hey, lunch starts in about ten minutes. We might as well eat in the castle since it's still a long way from Hogsmeade."
"Alright," Draco agreed.
They both stood up and the moment, Ginny got on her own two feet, she felt dizzy... again. She brought one hand to her forehead, blinking her eyes in hopes of making the dizziness disappear.
"What's wrong?" she could hear Draco ask.
She opened her eyes and saw a blurry Draco looking intently at her.
"Hey Gin, what's wrong?" she heard Draco's voice again.
Everything started to turn black and then-
"Hey!" Draco's voice rang out.
Ginny opened her eyes and looked up to see Draco with his hands on both her arms, no doubt shaking her.
"I'm... I'm fine," Ginny replied.
"Are you sure?" Draco asked.
Ginny looked at him, watching his concerned face above hers. "Yeah," she replied.
"Well, let's go then," Draco said, dropping his hands from her shoulders. They both walked across the Hogwarts Grounds to the door leading them inside Hogwarts.
Ginny tried to shake her head. What is this dizziness that seemed to consume her a lot these days? She didn't have this before.
When Draco opened the door leading inside the castle, Ginny's head swirled again. She brought her hand to her head again and reached out her free hand to grasp for something for leverage. She grasped the door and stopped. Her head was aching immensely by then.
"Are you alright?" Draco asked again. "Something's wrong with you," he stated.
Ginny could hardly contain the pain. It was so painful that she had to bite her lip so she won't shout. She looked up at Draco again, looking up at his face.
Then slowly everything went dead black...
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A/N: Well, another chapter here. Please, please, please review. I'm sorry it took long enough. I'm just so tired these days. I can barely stay up late because I get so drained from school that I immediately want to go to sleep. Anyways, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" is finally here. I haven't read it yet. Give me two weeks and I'll have probably read it by then. Whatever happened, don't tell me. I'll read it for myself, thanks. But I have heard rumors saying that Ginny has a boyfriend who is a Ravenclaw? Aw, come on! Why not Draco? Anyways, enough of that. There's actually a mystery in this story and it has something to do with Ginny's usual fainting. Don't worry guys, I already have the romance in my head, the story just takes time. Thank you so much to those who reviewed. You guys always make my day. By the way, any question? Violent reactions? Please tell me.
Zoe McAuthor: Thank you so much! Stole what from Fergie???
Serepidia: Hmm... Can you be more specific with that? I don't see your problem... I'm sorry and thanks anyway! I'll try to make it better later.
ferggirl99: You're right about that. I don't have much time in my hands right now that's why it takes a long time for me to finish a chapter these days. I try to make Harry understand because I don't like the image of Harry being a jerk and all. Draco has had a hard life so we have to make allowances for him. Thanks a lot!
Angel-Hiragizawa32: Thanks so much for reviewing. I will definitely continue this story, I just need time to write the story.
anonymus: well, here it is! Thanks for reviewing.
Sarah: Really? Thanks a lot. Detail is very important for me and I usually read fics with a lot of details, because that way, I really get into the story.
occupationbwitch: I know. He's not so bad, but he just feels that way. :( I'm really sorry about your hair. You shouldn't really do that. I feel guilty already.
dracoscutie: Thank you for reading it and liking it and reviewing at the same time! Wow, you're already crying? There are more... shall we say... unhappy parts near the end of the story. It's nice to know I'm getting a reaction from you.
ILoveBen: Thanks a lot! Well, at least that works for you. What I do when I can't get anything out is I listen to music. Then, somehow, some way, something starts to form in my head. I'll check out your story as soon as possible. It's just that school is really a handful right now. I promise I won't forget it.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot, so please don't sue me. Thanks!