A Real Bloody Awful Mess
Dedication: For billietallent, because "This isn't even my fucking fandom, man!!!"
A/N: This Fic was previously posted on my livejournal as a fifteen minute ficlet. A silly peice of fluff, but fun, I hope.
Warning: This fic is Rated R and with good reason, for bad language, implied violence and homosexual situations.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Angel, Lindsey MsDonald, and Spike/William the Bloody. Damn. But at least he's a good sport about people playing with his toys.
Spike walked through the door into Angel's office, head down, intently looking at the paper he was holding. "Yeah, Angel mate," he said, "we've got a real mess on our hands, a real bloody...." Spike's words cut off abruptly, because it was at that moment he decided to look up.
His jaw dropped, and he held up one hand, pointing at the scene before him as his jaw worked up and down, his throat vainly attempting to make something other than high squeaking noises.
"Bloody" he finally said. "Bloody," he squeaked again. It was an accurate description of the scene in front of him.
Angel was standing in front of him, "Vamped out", holding a wicked barbed whip which he had obviously been using on the room's other occupant, Lindsey McDonald, former "rising star" of Wolfram & Heart, current loose cannon.
Even more current apparent torture victim of supposedly soul-possessing vampire.
"What the hell do you want, Spike?" Angel snapped.
"Bloody!" Spike yelped again.
"I'm busy right now, Spike, conducting important business."
"Bloody!"
"My interrogation techniques are my business, Spike. Be a good little grandchild and piss off; go tell Wesley I need therapy again, or something."
"Bloooooooooooooooo-dy!" Spike slammed the door and scampered off down the hall.
"What the hell is his problem?" Lindsey said conversationally, lightly testing the strength of his handcuffs. "I mean, I knew he was stupid, but a one-word vocabulary? And is "bloody" a cuss, or what? Is that a vampire thing?"
"No," said Angel dangerously, "It's a British thing. It actually means 'by our lady'. It's cussing out the Virgin Mary, basically."
"Ah," said Lindsey. "Cool."
Angel looked thoughtful for a second. "Though, he was called William the Bloody at one time, maybe that's another reason why."
"What's the first, he's a vicious killer Vampire?"
"No, he's a bloody awful poet."
"This is another 'British thing', isn't it?"
They stared at each other for a few minutes until Lindsey finally broke the silence.
"Well, it's a good thing he came in now instead of half an hour ago. They would have been trying to rescue you from me instead of just thinking you've gone wacky again." Angel looked at Lindsey, irritated, then thought about it, and nodded agreeably. Lindsey rattled his handcuffs. "So, you going to get over here and fuck me again, or what?"