Summary: Kenny's back from hell, and now he is, or clames to be, something of a celebrity. Also, guess who else got resurrected when everything went back to the way it was before!
Rating: Rated PG-13 for uncensored swearing mostly, no smut or anything.
A/N: I really need someone to beta read for me, but I want to post stuff up as soon as I write it. If anyone feels the need to step forward and fix up what ever I have all ready posted, I would love them and be sure to post the fixed up version.
The New Jesus
"Hey Guys!"
The familiar muffled voice of Kenny McCormic met the ears of Stan and Cartman, a surprising feat as Kenny had condemned himself to eternal torture only two days ago in order to save the lives of all those who had died during the American/Canadian war.
"'Sup dude", said Cartman, in an uninterested tone of voice, kicking some snow in front of him in an attempt to entertain himself.
Kenny looked excitedly at the two who had arrived at the bus stop before him.
"Ok you guys, you know how I went to hell to save Terrence and Phillip and everyone else, 'cept for I went to heaven?"
"Yeah..?", said Stan, wondering where he was going with this.
"Well, Terrence and Phillip gave me all this money in gratitude for saving their lives and everyone else's when they found out that I was alive, and now I'm really, really famous for saving everyone!
I'm like, the martyr that lived, or something."
Stan thought about it for a moment before answering.
"Hey, yeahhhh... you are kinda like Jesus.
It all fits: Dying for people's sins, getting resurrected.."
"And check this out!", said Kenny, gesturing his friends over.
He lifted up his parka to reveal two scrawled signatures in, probably done in Sharpie.
"Signed Terrence and Phillip t-shirt!"
"Hey Kenny?", asked Cartman with a hopeful look on his face.
"You know how we're like, best friends and everything?"
Kenny grinned under his parka hood.
"Hell no!", he said, predicting what Cartman was getting at before he could get it.
"This is -my- money, 'cause guess who was gonna go to hell!
If you want money and fame and fortune and chicks, you go to hell."
"But Kennn-eyy...!", Cartman whined, even though he all ready knew he wasn't gonna get anywhere.
Stan raised a quizzical brow.
"Where are the chicks?"
"Well, maybe I took some 'creative liberties' about the chicks."
"And the fame?"
Kenny sighed sadly.
"A couple people know I'm to thank for there lives, but not as many as I'd like.
I'm gonna see if I can go on Ophra or something."
Kyle bounded up to the bus stop, eyes wide.
"Guess what you guys?"
"What, they got a cure for Jewpox?", asked Cartman predictably.
Under any normal circumstances, Kyle would have been bothered, but he didn't feel there was time to be annoyed at the moment.
"Mole's back! He's back, you guys! I went by his house yesterday, to, uhhmmm..., well, that bit doesn't really matter, but Kenny's wish restored him!"
Cartman attempted to conceal his surprise, and tried to sound unconcerned.
"Wow, big whoop Kyle, we really care."
A/N Again: Well, that seemed to be the right place to end the chapter, I hope you liked it.
Please, please, review, I will update soon. More on Kenny and Kyle in the next chapter.
Rating: Rated PG-13 for uncensored swearing mostly, no smut or anything.
A/N: I really need someone to beta read for me, but I want to post stuff up as soon as I write it. If anyone feels the need to step forward and fix up what ever I have all ready posted, I would love them and be sure to post the fixed up version.
The New Jesus
"Hey Guys!"
The familiar muffled voice of Kenny McCormic met the ears of Stan and Cartman, a surprising feat as Kenny had condemned himself to eternal torture only two days ago in order to save the lives of all those who had died during the American/Canadian war.
"'Sup dude", said Cartman, in an uninterested tone of voice, kicking some snow in front of him in an attempt to entertain himself.
Kenny looked excitedly at the two who had arrived at the bus stop before him.
"Ok you guys, you know how I went to hell to save Terrence and Phillip and everyone else, 'cept for I went to heaven?"
"Yeah..?", said Stan, wondering where he was going with this.
"Well, Terrence and Phillip gave me all this money in gratitude for saving their lives and everyone else's when they found out that I was alive, and now I'm really, really famous for saving everyone!
I'm like, the martyr that lived, or something."
Stan thought about it for a moment before answering.
"Hey, yeahhhh... you are kinda like Jesus.
It all fits: Dying for people's sins, getting resurrected.."
"And check this out!", said Kenny, gesturing his friends over.
He lifted up his parka to reveal two scrawled signatures in, probably done in Sharpie.
"Signed Terrence and Phillip t-shirt!"
"Hey Kenny?", asked Cartman with a hopeful look on his face.
"You know how we're like, best friends and everything?"
Kenny grinned under his parka hood.
"Hell no!", he said, predicting what Cartman was getting at before he could get it.
"This is -my- money, 'cause guess who was gonna go to hell!
If you want money and fame and fortune and chicks, you go to hell."
"But Kennn-eyy...!", Cartman whined, even though he all ready knew he wasn't gonna get anywhere.
Stan raised a quizzical brow.
"Where are the chicks?"
"Well, maybe I took some 'creative liberties' about the chicks."
"And the fame?"
Kenny sighed sadly.
"A couple people know I'm to thank for there lives, but not as many as I'd like.
I'm gonna see if I can go on Ophra or something."
Kyle bounded up to the bus stop, eyes wide.
"Guess what you guys?"
"What, they got a cure for Jewpox?", asked Cartman predictably.
Under any normal circumstances, Kyle would have been bothered, but he didn't feel there was time to be annoyed at the moment.
"Mole's back! He's back, you guys! I went by his house yesterday, to, uhhmmm..., well, that bit doesn't really matter, but Kenny's wish restored him!"
Cartman attempted to conceal his surprise, and tried to sound unconcerned.
"Wow, big whoop Kyle, we really care."
A/N Again: Well, that seemed to be the right place to end the chapter, I hope you liked it.
Please, please, review, I will update soon. More on Kenny and Kyle in the next chapter.