Harry Potter and the Curse Of The Gangster
Disclaimer: Me? Own Harry Potter? Yeah, right.
When Mr. Dursley finally arrived at work, he found a long line of customers waiting for him. He sold guns, so this was quite surprising. A little bit later, he found out that 99% of these people were either here to complain or gangsters.
The first customer that approached Mr. Dursley looked like he was from a ghetto. "Ghetto rap, yo, yo!" said Mr. Dursley under his breath.
The man did not seem to hear him. "Do I need to repeat everything I say for your three chins, or can I just say it once?" the customer asked. On second thought, maybe he had heard Mr. Dursley. Mr. Dursley sighed. He was extremely used to comments like these (I wonder why!).
"What do you want?" Mr. Dursley asked. "Do you have any .22 snubbies?" the man asked. "Sure," Mr. Dursley replied. "They're very in demand."
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At roughly the same time, a man named Alpus Dumbdork was arriving on Pruning Drive, the street the Dursleys lived on. He was very tall and had extremely long, grubby hair. His long beard was close to the ground. Not only was his hair odd. His clothes were like nothing anyone had seen before. On his head he wore a blue and silver dew rag. His robes were blue and silver too, and his eyes were hidden behind rather see- through blue sunglasses.
Dumbdork sat down on a wall that was conveniently located in an alleyway near the Dursleys' home. He waited for a moment and then shouted, "Where the fu are you?" At that moment, a large rat scuttled under his feet. "Ah, there you are Professor Monocle," he said, and the rat was no longer a rat (although the human's real appearance was not that much different from a rat). A tall woman stood in its place. She had long, graying hair that was woven into a bun at the back of her neck. She was wearing a monocle over her left eye and, however much it may look strange, she too was wearing a dew rag. Professor Monocle was also wearing blue and silver robes.
"Don't call me Professor. It sounds so stuffy," Monocle said. "All right... professor."
"I am going to kill you!" she was in a rage.
"No, Minnierva, I don't need another scar!"Dumbdork cried out.
Mr. Dursley was about to pack up for the day when the same man (.22 snubbie man) entered the gun shop. "Wow, it usually takes most customers a full 24 hours before they demand their money back," Mr. Dursley commented. The man walked up to Mr. Dursley and started screaming words even Mr. Dursley had never heard before. "I was in the bar and I tried to shoot a dude, and it didn't do nothin'!" he yelled, placing the gun in Mr. Dursley's hand. "I fuing want a refund!" "But..." Mr. Dursley's words were cut off. The man had just thrown a cake of mud at him. At least he thought it was mud. Mr. Dursley decided to give the gun to Dudley, his baby son, for Christmas.
After Dumbdork had gotten Monocle to shut up, he began searching the
skies for Hagrid. At last he saw Hagrid's flying bicycle siloutted
against the moon. Somewhere, Steven Schmealburg muttered 'E.T. phone
home'.
"Who's playing that music?" Monocle demanded.
When Hagrid landed, he handed Dumbdork a tiny bundle. Hagrid was a
giant compared to the bundle. He had long, black hair, and an
extremely long beard. Hagrid was also- how should I say- calorie
challenged. In other words, he was fat.
Hagrid was twitching uncontrolably so Dumbdork said, "Yes, Hagrid.
You can go home and play with your chainsaw. We don't want you here
anyway."
"Thanks, Mr. Dadork," said Hagrid. Dumbdork didn't even bother to
correct him.
"Let's go," said Monocle. "I'm freezing."
"Yeah, let's just dump the kid," came the reply.
The two adults walked off together, talking about the death of Lily
and James Potter. "I can't believe they're dead," said Monocle.
"Yes, well I cannot believe the amount of belly button lint I have but
I make do with it."
Where's my reviews? (sighs) I don't have any reviews!
I hope I spelled 'dew rag' right. And, just to let you know, I don't
hate Dumbledore. I came up with the name because my brother was
Dumbledore for Halloween one year. Now that's a Dumbdork!
Disclaimer: Me? Own Harry Potter? Yeah, right.
When Mr. Dursley finally arrived at work, he found a long line of customers waiting for him. He sold guns, so this was quite surprising. A little bit later, he found out that 99% of these people were either here to complain or gangsters.
The first customer that approached Mr. Dursley looked like he was from a ghetto. "Ghetto rap, yo, yo!" said Mr. Dursley under his breath.
The man did not seem to hear him. "Do I need to repeat everything I say for your three chins, or can I just say it once?" the customer asked. On second thought, maybe he had heard Mr. Dursley. Mr. Dursley sighed. He was extremely used to comments like these (I wonder why!).
"What do you want?" Mr. Dursley asked. "Do you have any .22 snubbies?" the man asked. "Sure," Mr. Dursley replied. "They're very in demand."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------
At roughly the same time, a man named Alpus Dumbdork was arriving on Pruning Drive, the street the Dursleys lived on. He was very tall and had extremely long, grubby hair. His long beard was close to the ground. Not only was his hair odd. His clothes were like nothing anyone had seen before. On his head he wore a blue and silver dew rag. His robes were blue and silver too, and his eyes were hidden behind rather see- through blue sunglasses.
Dumbdork sat down on a wall that was conveniently located in an alleyway near the Dursleys' home. He waited for a moment and then shouted, "Where the fu are you?" At that moment, a large rat scuttled under his feet. "Ah, there you are Professor Monocle," he said, and the rat was no longer a rat (although the human's real appearance was not that much different from a rat). A tall woman stood in its place. She had long, graying hair that was woven into a bun at the back of her neck. She was wearing a monocle over her left eye and, however much it may look strange, she too was wearing a dew rag. Professor Monocle was also wearing blue and silver robes.
"Don't call me Professor. It sounds so stuffy," Monocle said. "All right... professor."
"I am going to kill you!" she was in a rage.
"No, Minnierva, I don't need another scar!"Dumbdork cried out.
Mr. Dursley was about to pack up for the day when the same man (.22 snubbie man) entered the gun shop. "Wow, it usually takes most customers a full 24 hours before they demand their money back," Mr. Dursley commented. The man walked up to Mr. Dursley and started screaming words even Mr. Dursley had never heard before. "I was in the bar and I tried to shoot a dude, and it didn't do nothin'!" he yelled, placing the gun in Mr. Dursley's hand. "I fuing want a refund!" "But..." Mr. Dursley's words were cut off. The man had just thrown a cake of mud at him. At least he thought it was mud. Mr. Dursley decided to give the gun to Dudley, his baby son, for Christmas.
After Dumbdork had gotten Monocle to shut up, he began searching the
skies for Hagrid. At last he saw Hagrid's flying bicycle siloutted
against the moon. Somewhere, Steven Schmealburg muttered 'E.T. phone
home'.
"Who's playing that music?" Monocle demanded.
When Hagrid landed, he handed Dumbdork a tiny bundle. Hagrid was a
giant compared to the bundle. He had long, black hair, and an
extremely long beard. Hagrid was also- how should I say- calorie
challenged. In other words, he was fat.
Hagrid was twitching uncontrolably so Dumbdork said, "Yes, Hagrid.
You can go home and play with your chainsaw. We don't want you here
anyway."
"Thanks, Mr. Dadork," said Hagrid. Dumbdork didn't even bother to
correct him.
"Let's go," said Monocle. "I'm freezing."
"Yeah, let's just dump the kid," came the reply.
The two adults walked off together, talking about the death of Lily
and James Potter. "I can't believe they're dead," said Monocle.
"Yes, well I cannot believe the amount of belly button lint I have but
I make do with it."
Where's my reviews? (sighs) I don't have any reviews!
I hope I spelled 'dew rag' right. And, just to let you know, I don't
hate Dumbledore. I came up with the name because my brother was
Dumbledore for Halloween one year. Now that's a Dumbdork!