Harry Potter and the Curse of the Gangster
Disclaimer: Why would I own Harry Potter?
Sorry that some words in my last chapter did not come out as I intended them to, such as 'fuing' and 'Dadork'. I meant those to be swearwords but did not want to type the full word. I'd put asterisks instead of the rest of the word, but it obviously did not work. Have fun reading and reviewing!
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About ten years after Lily and James Potter died, Harry Potter was asleep in the Dursley's mailbox. He had slept there every night since he had arrived at the Dursley's. He finally got up and stretched. As there was no room to do this in the mailbox, he was outside.
One of the neighbors saw him and yelled to Aunt Petunia, "Look what you got in the mail!"
"He's been saying that every day, the fat idiot!" said Harry, who was quite annoyed with the neighbors. "You f&%ing loser! Can't you see I was trying to sleep?!"
The neighbor grinned devilishly. He uttered a small 'Ha ha' as he left.
"What are you doing, boy?" Uncle Vernon demanded, who was so large that he could not fit through the doorway to yell at Harry. "Oh my god, I'm stuck!!!!" he yelped.
"Dear, this is the fourth time this has happened this week," said Aunt Petunia as she helped him out of the doorway. As Aunt Petunia was small compared to Uncle Vernon –most people were dwarfed by Uncle Vernon- she had trouble getting him out.
"At least we didn't have to call the fire department like last time, right, Dad?" Dudley Dursley was smiling mischievously (If he doesn't watch out he'll be just like his dad, Harry thought).
"Yes, we wouldn't want the fire department here on Duddy's birthday like last year," said Aunt Petunia. Harry gasped. He'd forgotten -or perhaps he just didn't care- about Dudley's birthday.
"We're going to the zoo this year. And Duddy, I know you hate him, but Harry must come with us," said Aunt Petunia. Darn, I was looking forward to staying at nasty Mrs. Figg's house, Harry thought.
Later that day, Harry and the Dursleys were in the reptile house. Dudley was examining a snake engulfing his lunch. "I wish I could do that," said Dudley as the snake swallowed its rat.
Harry was not interested in a snake eating a rat. He went off to find another snake to look at. He quickly found the best snake off all. The snake was big and brown, its jaws wide enough to swallow Harry whole... but the snake did not seem to want to eat. On the contrary, it was asleep, its humongous body stretched out behind it.
"Hi," said Harry, who wanted someone to talk to other than the horrible Dursleys.
"Dude, I'm, like, asleep right now, so, like, talk to me later when I'm, like, awake,"said the snake, opening one eye, only to close it again and go back to sleep. Harry sighed. He felt so alone. Hey, wait a second, this is beginning to sound like an anti- depression drug commercial! Harry thought. Harry knew all about those kind of drugs. He'd ordered one on the internet thinking that it was pot.
Suddenly, the glass that seperated the snake's exhibit from the humans' vanished! Dudley, who'd his hands on the glass, fell into the snake's exhibit. The snake muttered something that sounded like, "I'm not staying in the same exhibit as him!!!!!"
The snake slithered away, biting innocent bystanders as he left. Dudley, who was still in the snake's exhibit, had just found out that the glass had reappeared. A little girl saw this and said excitedly to her mother, "Can I go see the human in that cage over there?"
"Wow, that human does look pretty fascinating. I especially like how well- fed he is," the little girl's mother replied as she took her daughter to see Dudley. Harry had never had so much fun in his life.
Sorry if that was not as funny as the other chapters. Now where's my reviews????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Disclaimer: Why would I own Harry Potter?
Sorry that some words in my last chapter did not come out as I intended them to, such as 'fuing' and 'Dadork'. I meant those to be swearwords but did not want to type the full word. I'd put asterisks instead of the rest of the word, but it obviously did not work. Have fun reading and reviewing!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
About ten years after Lily and James Potter died, Harry Potter was asleep in the Dursley's mailbox. He had slept there every night since he had arrived at the Dursley's. He finally got up and stretched. As there was no room to do this in the mailbox, he was outside.
One of the neighbors saw him and yelled to Aunt Petunia, "Look what you got in the mail!"
"He's been saying that every day, the fat idiot!" said Harry, who was quite annoyed with the neighbors. "You f&%ing loser! Can't you see I was trying to sleep?!"
The neighbor grinned devilishly. He uttered a small 'Ha ha' as he left.
"What are you doing, boy?" Uncle Vernon demanded, who was so large that he could not fit through the doorway to yell at Harry. "Oh my god, I'm stuck!!!!" he yelped.
"Dear, this is the fourth time this has happened this week," said Aunt Petunia as she helped him out of the doorway. As Aunt Petunia was small compared to Uncle Vernon –most people were dwarfed by Uncle Vernon- she had trouble getting him out.
"At least we didn't have to call the fire department like last time, right, Dad?" Dudley Dursley was smiling mischievously (If he doesn't watch out he'll be just like his dad, Harry thought).
"Yes, we wouldn't want the fire department here on Duddy's birthday like last year," said Aunt Petunia. Harry gasped. He'd forgotten -or perhaps he just didn't care- about Dudley's birthday.
"We're going to the zoo this year. And Duddy, I know you hate him, but Harry must come with us," said Aunt Petunia. Darn, I was looking forward to staying at nasty Mrs. Figg's house, Harry thought.
Later that day, Harry and the Dursleys were in the reptile house. Dudley was examining a snake engulfing his lunch. "I wish I could do that," said Dudley as the snake swallowed its rat.
Harry was not interested in a snake eating a rat. He went off to find another snake to look at. He quickly found the best snake off all. The snake was big and brown, its jaws wide enough to swallow Harry whole... but the snake did not seem to want to eat. On the contrary, it was asleep, its humongous body stretched out behind it.
"Hi," said Harry, who wanted someone to talk to other than the horrible Dursleys.
"Dude, I'm, like, asleep right now, so, like, talk to me later when I'm, like, awake,"said the snake, opening one eye, only to close it again and go back to sleep. Harry sighed. He felt so alone. Hey, wait a second, this is beginning to sound like an anti- depression drug commercial! Harry thought. Harry knew all about those kind of drugs. He'd ordered one on the internet thinking that it was pot.
Suddenly, the glass that seperated the snake's exhibit from the humans' vanished! Dudley, who'd his hands on the glass, fell into the snake's exhibit. The snake muttered something that sounded like, "I'm not staying in the same exhibit as him!!!!!"
The snake slithered away, biting innocent bystanders as he left. Dudley, who was still in the snake's exhibit, had just found out that the glass had reappeared. A little girl saw this and said excitedly to her mother, "Can I go see the human in that cage over there?"
"Wow, that human does look pretty fascinating. I especially like how well- fed he is," the little girl's mother replied as she took her daughter to see Dudley. Harry had never had so much fun in his life.
Sorry if that was not as funny as the other chapters. Now where's my reviews????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!