A/N This story is getting so hard to write. I mean eepers! It's such a busy time with midterms, I don't have much time to work on it, and my head is flooded with so many ideas. Here's wishing I could see the new episodes (especially "Spellbound"). Sigh. No cable/pesant vision, that is my angst. So tragic. So yeah, on that note, when you read my stories, please assume season three never happened.
Thanks to my reviewers!
Raven A. Star: Thanks again for always being a faithful reviewer. You rock.
Rukato86: I'm glad you hate Jonathan. Really I do. Usually I'm sad when people don't like my OC's but in this case, I agree. (minor spoiler that should be obvious by now alert! He's not supposed to be the guy you root for. He's supposed to be the kind of guy where, if this was a movie or something you'd want to scream at the screen, "Raven, what are you thinking going with that guy?!"
MOOgoestheCHICKEN: Have I told you lately I love your penname? Thanks for the review!
Da Mann: Aw, thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked the dream scene, I loved writing that part. You flatter me! Thanks!
soraorathkeeper: Well, if it isn't obvious who you're rooting for! Thanks for the compliment!
destruction: All I have to say is, your reviews made me laugh. Sort of random and MPD. I love it. Thanks for the review!
TheDarkAzar: Thanks for the CC, and thanks for being honest. Though your review confused me. More detailed? Usually it's too much detail that makes my mind wander at least (maybe it's just me, when it comes to detail, my preference is somewhere in the middle, not too much, not too little). I thought I had a good amount of detail. Not saying I'm disregarding your feedback, I take everyone's opinion into consideration. That being said, I will pay attention to detail in future chapters. Thanks a bunch and I hope you enjoy this and your mind didn't wander away from the fic. :)
Slayergirl1362: Thanks for the slew of reviews! I'm so glad you like this! Your questions (which by the way will be answered eventually) made me sqeal with delight. Why? Cuz I like to make people wonder, and those are some questions I want people to be asking at this point! Thanks a bunch!
Chapter Seven: Stress and Confusion
The next morning Raven didn't feel much better at all. She felt terrible and she hoped that her powers wouldn't spazz out again, that she would be able to focus and regain some of the control and energy she was losing. Much to Raven's dismay her morning meditation routine was painful and not very productive. It took much longer than usual, in fact it was almost noon by the time she finished and when she was done she felt tense, not relaxed like she should feel.
With a sigh Raven chose to hide the anxiety she felt. She would only allow her friends to know what they needed to know, if the time ever came when they needed to know it. She put on the calm façade that she was an expert at displaying as she entered the kitchen, "What's going on?" she asked when she saw that Starfire was baking.
Starfire grinned, "Greetings Raven! I am making a cake."
Raven looked at the cookbook open on the table before her, "I see that. What for?"
"Beast Boy. He is coming home today remember?" Starfire replied, "His welcome home party is at two. Cyborg is picking him up, but he's going to delay him until then."
Raven nodded and took a closer look at the recipe, "Tofu?!" Raven exclaimed, "In cake? Since when can you make cake with tofu?" She looked at the cover. It was Beast Boy's cookbook of Tofu recipes; Raven made a slight face.
"I do not know," Starfire's face grew grim, "I am not eager to taste it, but I think Beast Boy will enjoy it so I am happy to prepare it for him." Starfire's emerald eyes assessed Raven, "Do you feel any better today?"
Raven shrugged, "I had a restless night."
"Is there any way I can be of assistance in making you feel better?" Starfire placed her hand on Raven's cheek and was relieved to feel that it wasn't nearly as hot as it was the night before, though her face was still warm.
"I'll be fine Star," Raven replied backing up a step, recoiling at her touch, "Don't worry, I'll take you up on your offer to talk if I feel I need to, but right now I'd rather not."
"All right," Starfire nodded, dropping the subject. Raven was relieved and thankful that Starfire respected her, and understood her well enough to leave her be.
Robin and the Hunter came into the kitchen and Starfire's face darkened slightly. Raven glanced at her curiously, still ignorant to the fact that the Hunter was the reason for Beast Boy's injury. "Hey Star, hey Raven," Robin said, "Holy tofu Star! What in the world are you making?!" He asked, looking at the packages of tofu.
"I am preparing a cake for Beast Boy with tofu," Starfire replied, "for Beast Boy's welcome party. Do not worry, I am making a real cake for us after I am done with this one." Everyone sighed in relief, "I will prepare my favourite cake, a traditional Tamaranian recipe!" Robin and Raven grimaced. Starfire giggled, "I am kidding! I will prepare a chocolate cake for those not interested in tofu."
The Hunter sat down, "Robin, I think I will leave when Beast Boy comes home. I think my presence will be too awkward if I stay."
Robin shook his head, "Sorry, you're in our custody for now. Don't worry, Beast Boy knows you're here. He was surprisingly understanding when I told him."
Raven raised a suspicious brow, "Um, if you don't mind my asking, what's all this about?"
"You don't know? I am afraid to say that I..." Robin cut off the Hunter before he could finish his sentence.
"Nothing Raven," Robin said, "How are you feeling today?"
Raven glared, "Don't change the subject."
Robin shook his head, "Raven, I don't think that..."
"Whatever," Raven shrugged, "Doesn't matter." She put her hood up and slowly headed out of the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" Robin asked.
"None of your business," Raven shrugged, "Later."
"But Raven, aren't you going to be here when Beast Boy comes home?" Starfire asked.
Raven rolled her eyes and stopped at the doorway, turning to Star, "He'll be here when I get back. I'll see him then. I have to be somewhere right now."
"Yeah," Robin said, "Here, with your friends."
Raven looked at him blankly for a moment before walking out defiantly.
Robin watched her go, his mouth agape. "What is her problem!?" Robin snapped in frustration.
"Leave her be Robin, she's under a lot of stress right now," Starfire said jumping slightly.
"Oh come on, we both know she's always like this," Robin sighed, softening his voice. "Besides, who isn't under a lot of stress right now?"
"Could you excuse us for a minute Hunter?" Starfire asked calmly turning to the Hunter.
"Sure," the Hunter replied, leaving the kitchen. He paused at the door and watched them. Feeling a twinge of bitterness for being in the custody of children he turned and left, retreating to the guest room where he was staying.
Meanwhile, Starfire put her hand on Robin's shoulder, "Yes Robin, you are correct about that, but there is a lot going on right now, a lot for her to deal with. You do not know how hard it is being Raven. She has to focus constantly and considering everything we have to deal with lately, it is more difficult for her than it is for us. While I agree that she should be here, we do need to respect her and give her her space right now."
"Her space? Haven't we given her enough space? There's too much going on right now to..." he paused and heaved a sigh, "I'm sorry. You're right I guess. I'm just worried. With BB and Raven getting hurt, and that werewolf and all those people it killed and the Hunter everything is so...so..."
"Stressful? I understand," Starfire nodded. "I am feeling this stress too, but we should not take it out on others."
"Some leader I am," Robin sighed, "What kind of leader forms an alliance with someone who almost killed one of us? My decision to take the Hunter in after what he did to Beast Boy...so stupid. But we need him. I could've at least considered the feelings of the team. I mean, Cyborg's still mad at me because of the Hunter. I don't blame him for being mad at me, I'd be mad too. I know Raven's mad at me for not telling her the truth just now, and I talked to Beast Boy last night and I don't know how he feels about it. He seems to be cool with it but...."
"Robin, they will get over it," Starfire said, "So will I, it is just a hard adjustment considering... We all know you wouldn't even consider it if you did not have a good reason and I think you might be right about this Hunter. Anything to stop that werewolf. Robin, now is not the time to start doubting yourself, you are a great leader." Starfire put her arms around him comfortingly.
"Thanks Star," he smiled weakly.
Starfire leaned in and whispered in his ear, "No problem. And I do mean it."
"Hey BB you ready to go?" Cyborg asked as he met up with Beast Boy at the hospital early that afternoon.
"I was born ready," Beast Boy smirked while he signed his release papers. "I hate this place. The food sucks and it's so boring and has that sickly smell."
"Hate to break it to you man, but that sickly smell is you right now," Cyborg said. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm still pretty tired and sore, and Dr. Irving said I should take it easy for a while. She does not trust Raven's powers at all," Beast Boy shrugged. "But hey, I'm not complaining, as long as I'm going home."
"Hungry?" Cyborg asked.
"Heck yeah," Beast Boy nodded.
"Good," Cyborg smirked, "How about some pizza before we get home?"
Beast Boy grinned, "Dude, you read my mind."
Laughing, the two Titans climbed into the T-car and headed for the pizzeria. When they sat down Cyborg automatically ordered a large vegetarian pizza.
Beast Boy raised a brow, "Veggie? Cy you holding out on me?"
"Believe it or not, when you were on the operating table I found myself wishing I gave your vegetarian dishes the time of day instead of always shooting your taste in food down," Cyborg shrugged. "Crazy huh?"
Beast Boy laughed, "Cool. Maybe later you can try tofu and actually give yourself time to taste it before you spit it out."
"Maybe, but don't push your luck," Cyborg shook his head with a grin. Beast Boy grinned mischieviously for a moment then his face turned serious, like he was thinking hard about something.
"Can I talk to you about something Cy?" Beast Boy asked.
"Sure," Cyborg nodded.
"Remember when I asked about that Jonathan guy and you asked if I was jealous or something?" he asked after a slight hesitation. Cyborg nodded. "Well, I think I am. Seeing Raven show even the slightest interest in another guy makes me cringe. I was thinking about her a lot while I was in the hospital, even before that. Y'know, I didn't really believe it at first, but dude, I really like Raven, a lot, and I don't know what to do about it."
"So BB's coming out," Cyborg laughed. "It was obvious that you like her man."
"Really?" Beast Boy raised a brow.
Cyborg nodded, "Yeah. You've been crazy about her for a long time. You just figure it out?"
Beast Boy blushed, "I guess so. Figures it would take a strange naked guy to come into Raven's life for me to realize it and stop denying it. Stupid huh? On the other hand I've been leery about letting myself fall for a girl ever since... well you know."
"Yeah," Cyborg nodded knowingly, "But we know Raven. She's more than trustworthy."
"Do you think she likes me?" Beast Boy asked.
"Who knows about that girl?" Cyborg mused.
Beast Boy sighed, "I doubt it after the way I've been treating her."
"You haven't seen her in three days," Cyborg pointed out.
"Yeah but the last time we talked I bit her head off. I sorta let all my frustrations out on her and she didn't take it too well. I don't blame her. I feel like an idiot," Beast Boy muttered.
"Don't sweat it BB, We know Raven likes you. Whether she likes you more than a friend... well we don't know about that yet but..."
"Then why didn't she visit me?" Beast Boy asked, sounding kind of hurt. "I wish she would've stopped by, or called at least, like Robin did since he missed visiting hours. I think she's mad at me or something."
"Hey, she's Raven. You know how aloof she is. Doesn't mean she doesn't care." Cyborg replied, "She did heal you right?"
Beast Boy nodded, "Yeah, but for all I know it was out of moral obligation and duty. I don't know, I just feel... confused. I feel so confused about everything right now."
"I hear ya buddy," Cyborg replied. He leaned in closely and carefully he said, "You know when we get home, that Hunter guy's gonna be there."
"Yeah, that's what Robin said," Beast Boy replied quietly. "Dude, can we say 'awkward'? Cause that's what it's gonna be."
"Like it hasn't been awkward since he got there. The tension at the tower is sickening. I still can't believe Robin. The guy almost killed you and now he's sleeping in the guest room. I don't care what Robin says, we don't need his help," Cyborg decided. "There are some things I just can't forgive that easily."
Beast Boy glanced at his friend but said nothing. He still didn't know how to deal with the situation. How do you look into the eyes of your would-be killer? Especially if he's suddenly supposed to be your ally. Even though Beast Boy did agree with Robin in that they could use the Hunter's help in catching the werewolf that killed all those people and could've killed Raven, it didn't make the thought of facing him any easier.
Raven found herself pacing. She wasn't one who paced but she never felt so confused. Her head was pounding and she felt nauseous. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Jonathan, smiling at her. It made her almost giddy, and yet it terrified her. She was so close to her café, only a block away but she couldn't bring herself to get any closer. She was so confused.
She almost felt like two people. One desired more than anything to see Jonathan. It was that part of her that wanted to be with him. That part of her was attracted to him, to his cold, empty eyes, to his passionate voice and surprisingly gentle nature. He was only a lost soul like her: half human, half monster. He didn't ask to be who he was, it wasn't his fault he was a werewolf. Just like it wasn't up to her to decide who her father was. In a way they were kindred spirits. Perhaps that was why part of her was attracted to this stranger and wanted desperately to open up to him and pour out her soul, anything to help him. That part of her urged her to go on and see him.
But it was that same, haunting, dark, monstrous side of him that frightened her. The image of him in his werewolf form, standing over her, salivating with hunger and bloodlust, about to rip her to pieces haunted her mind. Sometimes it was all she could see when she closed her eyes.
Equally as strong as her desire to be with Jonathan, was her urge to go back home and stop being so foolish. He was indirectly making her lie to her friends. She couldn't tell them she was meeting a murderous werewolf. His strange, magnetic hold on her was dragging her away from them. With every lie she told, she felt more and more guilty. By helping Jonathan, and lying about it, she felt like a traitor. She should go home, she should get rest. She should be there when Beast Boy comes home. He needed her, he loved her, she felt it that day when she healed him. She experienced it. But then again, that frightened her more than Jonathan, though she couldn't understand why. She knew Beast Boy, and she knew his feelings were genuine. He was safe, where Jonathan, evil or not, was dangerous and forbidden.
Then again, maybe that was why she was afraid. She never experienced love before. Not as genuine as she felt when she experienced his memories. Growing up, it was forbidden to show Raven love and Raven doubted she could ever truly feel it herself.
Danger she could handle. Fear she could handle. Hate she could handle. She dealt with that all the time. But love... that was another story.
On that thought, she shook her head and marched up to the cafe. Raven caught a glimpse of Jonathan in the window as he waited for her. She put her hand on the door handle to go in, but she felt something. A flash, a vision. A vision of blood, horror, desire and despair. It was brief, too brief to decipher but it filled her with a wave of slight panic and nausea. She let go of the handle quickly. "No. I can't do this," she whispered, changing her mind. She was about to go back but then she saw Jonathan notice her and wave. She took a deep breath, feeling almost trapped, feeling as though she had no choice, feeling like a stranger, even to herself.
She went inside.
A/N Well, I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. Please review! It will fill me with delight. And remember, I adore getting honest, constructive feedback. So please feel free to tell me what works, and what doesn't. Thanks a bunch!