Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story.

A/N: Thanky-wanky to all you reviewers!


The Renaissance Faire
Chapter 8

---Entrance to the Faire---

"Um, Excuse me, Mr. Moore..." Link said kindly, walking up to Richard, Conan and Rachel. "But you ARE the guys who are here to help me with my friends murder case, right?"

"Yup!" Conan replied.

"Oh! Okay!"

"I took the liberty of bringing some friends with me." Richard said, opening the back car door. "My lawyer." Jigglypuff stepped out wearing a tux. "My Doctor." Captain Falcon stepped out wearing Dr. Mario's clothes. "My Lawyer's Doctor." DK hopped out of the car wearing Captain Falcon's clothes. "And a mime." Mr. Mime jumped out of the car.

"Ah..." Ness and Link said in unison with a dull tone.

"Hey, Link..." Ness whispered. The Elf-boy bent down as to hear what the midget wanted to say. "How did they know to come here? I don't remember you telling them on the phone."

"I don't know myself..." Link replied.

"Hm..." Ness said, rubbing his chin. "Can you say, 'Plot Hole'..."

"Nah..." Said Link. "It's more of a, 'Something's are best left unknown' kinda thing."

Richard walked up to the two. "I don't mind butting in, but can you guys shut up! Why have you called us here?"

"We have reason to suspect that are friends hooker has been murdered." Link told Richard, only to get him, Rachel and Conan do those weird facial close up looks from the show. "I...thought you knew that already..."

"Okay then!" Conan said. "We're gonna have to gather all the people who knew your friend and his hoo-!"

BOP!

Richard Moore had just performed child abuse.

"What have I told you about talking out of turn!" He yelled at the boy.

Conan crossed his arms and looked away. "Fine, see If I ever help you again!" He muttered to himself.

Rachel walked over to Conan and patted him on his head. "There, there Conan."

"Now as I was about to say before that little runt interrupted me, Yes we should gather everyone you know at the faire for questioning."

"That won't be needed." Everyone turned to see a tall, ghostly woman standing over them. "Because I am the hooker!"

"It's a-a-a-a..." Ness stuttered, hiding behind Link. "HOOKER!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" Richard, Rachel, Link, Conan and Ness screamed, dashing away, leaving Richards...um...'friends', behind. The Hooker gave chase, thus leading them into a Scooby Doo type chase scene. The five ran into a room with six doors, three on each side.

"Quick!" Link yelled. "If we run into one door and come out another many times we'll be sure to lose the hooker!"

So they ran into the first door and all five came out the sixth door, just as the hooker entered the first door. You know where I'm going with this, use your imagination! The group continued to run in and out of the doors till finally Rachel pointed out, "The Stairs!" The group stopped the stupid door scene and ran towards the stairs.

"You can't get away from me that easily!" Hooker Ghost yelled, pulling a lever. The stairs the five were running on turned into a giant slide, causing them to slip down into darkness...

---Stand at the Faire---

Malon and Young Link were eating some chicken while Roy was trying to get Zelda to back away from the Coffee. "Zelda! You've HAD enough!"

Zelda turned around and slapped him. "I'll Tell you when I had enough, you prissy pansy freak!"

"Hey! I'm not Marth! You can't call me that!" Roy then punched Zelda in the face, sending her flying backwards into the stand.

"Hubba-wa?!" Zelda gasped, standing up. "You can't hit me outside of the Super Smash Ring! I'm a GIRL!"

"That's what Michael Jackson said..." Zelda jumped at Roy and tackled him to the ground and began punching him in the face, only to be kicked off and into the table where the kiddies were eating.

"Hey!" The both yelled in unison. "You messed up my chicken!"

"That's right!" Zelda said, standing up. "Our Chicken is messed up, WE ARE NOT PAYING! Come on kids!" She took Malon and Young Link's hands and began to walk away.

"Zelda!" Said a white-headed wavemaster named Tsukasa.

"Like, Oh my Gawd! Is that you Tsukasa!?" Said the princess, jumping up and down. She dropped the kids hands and ran over towards Tsukasa. "Oh, it's been already Five years..."

"Yup!" Tsukasa replied. "I can't believe it...it feels like just yesterday we we're getting sorted."

"And playing pranks on those stupid Hupplepuffs!"

"Yeah! And you look just as beautiful as I rem-" Suddenly, Link, Richard, Ness, Conan and Rachel fell from the sky, landing on the poor guy/girl, crushing him...her...'it' to death.

"TSUKASA!!!" Zelda yelled, falling to her knees. "You...YOU CAN'T KILL TSUKASA! NOT WHEN HE WAS FLATTERING ME!!" Using her magic, Zelda zapped the group off the fallen wavemaster and she quickly rushed to his side. "Everything is going to be all right!" She told Tsukasa.

But Tsukasa leaned towards Zelda's ear and whispered, "...Rosebud..."

Thus ended the short lived life of Tsukasa. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Zelda crying, pounding the ground. "He can't die! HE JUST CAN'T!!! OH TSUKASA!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- Okay, I'm over it."

Just then, the Hooker Ghost fell from the sky as well. "Haha! Gotcha!" Said Ness, grabbing onto the Hooker Ghost.

"Now let's see who the Hooker Ghost REALLY is!" Richard said, pulling off the mask of the the ghost. The Hooker Ghost was...

"MARTHA STEWART!!!!"

Martha growled. "Yeah, that's right. It was me."

"But...why?" Link asked.

"I can answer that." Replied a police man who just appeared. "Martha was after the blood of the cows killed in the Slaughter House, as she is a bloodsucking vampire. But when your friend entered, she took the roll of a dead hooker instead."

"And I would have gotten away with it too!" Martha yelled as the cops took her away. "If it weren't for you melding Smashers and that stupid rat!" Everyone turned to see Pikachu standing there, giving a demonic laugh.

"Now that Martha Stewart is in jail, my dreams of become the only rodent house worker can come true!!!" The Pokemon laughed, running off.

"Hmm, there is something I don't get..." Young Link said, thinking. "If Martha was HERE then who is in jail?"

---Jail---

"I'm telling you, MY NAME IS NOT MARTHA!!!" Screamed a very very pissed off Marth.

---Faire---

Richard smirked. "Another cased solved by Rich- HOLY SHIP! YOU!!" He yelled, pointing at Zelda. "YOUR ONE OF THE FINALISTS AREN'T YOU!!!"

"Huh?!" Zelda asked, looking around. "Me? I am? Cool!"

"Can I have your autograph?!" Richard begged Zelda. "I would want all four of the girls autographs who are in the final round of, 'The Sexiest and the Sluttiest!'"

"What?!" Zelda replied shocked.

"That's Right!" Came a woman's voice. "You, Me, Daisy and some girl called Rachel are all finalists in the Sexiest and Sluttiest Competition that is gonna be held here in five minutes!"

Zelda turned and faced... "Peach..."

Peach gave a very annoying laugh. "Hello Zelda." She snapped her fingers and Mewtwo, Daisy, Bowser, Yoshi, Toad and the 4th Cloaked figure stepped out into the light. "How else did you think you won those tickets, Zelly!?"

"That never crossed my mind..."

"BOWSER!!!" Malon screamed, running up to the giant Koopa.

Bowser's eyes went wide. "Malon! It...can't be!"

The two ran to each other and embraced in a giant hug. "Oh Bowser! Why did you leave me!!" Malon said, crying into Bowser's turtle skin.

"I had no choice. I needed to become the best evil madman in the world before I could be good enough for you." Bowser replied.

"You were always good enough for me!!"

The two then began to cry on each other, while the others watched. "Hey, Link..." Ness whispered up towards Link. "I thought Malon and Bowser had never met each other before today..."

"Me too." Link replied. "At least thats what the script said."

"Yeah...so why are they crying over their past together?"

"Hm..." Link thought about it for a second. "Plot Hole."

"Nah, I think it's jus-"

"Ness...This is a Pole Hole..."

"Oh, and now your saying the other thing wasn't?!"

"Yes. I am."

Daisy wiped a tear away from her eye. "It's so sweet."

Mewtwo began crying as did Toad and Cloaked Guy Number Four. Peach and Zelda were busy talking to each other about stuff that doesn't concern us. "What the hell is WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!" Yoshi screamed, causing all of the bad guys to look at him. "We are supposed to stop them, remember!!!"

"What, Bad Guys can't have feelings too!?" Mewtwo said before going back to crying.

Yoshi fumed. "Cloaked Guy! Remove your Cloak and attack!"

Cloaked Guy Number 4 Threw off his cloak to reveal...Gannondorf! "Ah-haha-ahaha-ha!" He laughed, but then went back to crying along side Mewtwo.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!! FINE! I SEE NO ONE AROUND HERE WANTS TO BE A VILLAIN, THEN I'LL JUST DO IT MYSELF!" Yoshi screamed, turning back towards Maple Theater.

Roy looked on in surprise. "Um... Okay..."

"Whoops!" Peach said in surprise, reaching for her pocket. "I'm vibrating." She pulled out her magic cell phone. "Okay, it's time for the contest!" She pressed a few buttons and the entire group disappeared.

---Maple Theater, Top, Near Peach's Room---

Yoshi stormed into Peach's room and walked up towards her bed. He felt around it and pulled out a remote. "Haha! This will do!" Yoshi laughed. "When I press this button, who wears those rings shall be...AHAHAHA!!" The demented Dino gave a evil laugh as he turned and left.

---Maple Theater, Bottom, Stage---

The group appeared on the stage. To their left sat five judges: Pichu, Luigi, Popo, Mr. Game & Watch, and Samus. "Okay Boys, take a seat." Peach said, pointing towards the seats in the audience. "It's time for big girls to play." All the boys left the stage leaving only Daisy, Peach, Zelda and Rachel.

"Welcome everybody!!!" The Host, Kirby, yelled slidding out from the curtains on his knees wearing a little tux. "It's time for...THE SEXIEST AND THE SLUTTIEST!!!" The audience, which was about 98 precent males and the other 2 precent their dates, cheered. "Let's meet the bitchs! Frist up we gots Peach! And then three other girls, but none of them are gonna win." The other three growled.

"Hey...Link..." Ness whispered to Link. "Why is Rachel up there?"

"I don't know."

"Is this a Plot Hole?"

"Yes, this is."

Kirby lifted his hand...or arm in the air. "Are ya ready?! It's time to PLAY!"

To Be Continued...

Readers: ...-Are Very Lost-

A/N: Yeah. Fear the contest. This chapter...I was just writing whatever popped into my head. The serect of the Rings is gonna be revealed next chapter! Also the person is the 'Insider' gets revealed as well! Sorry if this chapter was a little bit...um...'bad', to put it nicely.