"Charlie, don't sit down! Damn baby, be careful. Don't you see my dress sitting there?"
Charlie made a face as he quickly moved to another end of the couch. As plain as day was my beautiful lavender bridesmaids dress for Emma and Gerry's wedding.
"Why don't you just hang it up in the closet?"
"Why don't you hang it up, Charlie?" I snapped. "Goodness. You see me trying to write out all these bills. I can't do everything around here."
"Well excuse me, Princess", he said in a snotty, sarcastic tone. "Please allow me to be a servant at your beck and call and hang up your precious gown."
"Charlie you may as well quit because I am not in the mood. Either hang it up or shut it up."
"You know Mary-Courtney, it's so nice to come home after a hard day's work and put up with your shitty attitude", Charlie huffed as he carefully put the dress on a hanger. "Is it too much to ask for a man to want to come home and watch some TV and spend some time with his girl while he sits on his couch in his underwear eating spaghetti out of a can?"
"You have such a flair for the dramatic", I observed. "Now where the hell is the electric bill?"
"Oh I opened it babe."
"Well where is it now? What did you do with it?"
"I don't know. Check that shoe box you keep in our closet, the one with all the papers in it."
"Why on earth would you put it in there?"
"I don't know baby. I thought that's where you kept the bills."
I rolled my eyes as I walked back to the bedroom and removed the shoe box from atop the closet's top shelf. I pulled out tons of papers and as I finally found the bill, with it fell another envelope. I looked and saw the post mark...October 12, 1973. My heart skipped as I recognized the penmanship. With shaking hands I opened the letter.
12 October 1973
Dear Mary-Courtney,
I just received your letter in the mail this morning and I was so excited to read it that I could barely concentrate on my classes today. I think about you so much and you always say that you think about me too. One of us is gonna have to do something because I swear if we keep going in this path, both us might flunk right out of school. It's taking everything inside of me to not jump on the first bus to New York. But it's always nice to hear that you miss me because I miss you too...more than you can imagine and certainly more than I can put into words. I've been teaching myself to play guitar and I wrote my first song about you. Actually it's pretty lame but it's from the heart so I know you'll love and appreciate it anyway. You always do because you're the best girl in the whole world and I'm the luckiest dude alive because I have you. It made me laugh out loud when you wrote that you actually threw up when you read my last letter. Babe, I didn't know your stomach was that weak. It was just me telling you what I can say right now (I need you and I miss you) and what will take the rest of my life to express (I love you). But you know that already. I just wanted to drop you a quick line but I have to get going for practice and all. The weather report said it was gonna be warm this weekend so I was thinking about taking my board to Myrtle Beach and getting one last wave in while I still can. Think of me on my surf board while you're bundled up in New York, ha ha! Just kidding, baby. Take care and I'll call you soon.
P.S. Go see American Graffiti if you haven't already...kick ass movie!
All My Love,
Ronnie
"Babe, are there any more Corn Flakes left?"
The sound of Charlie's voice quickly snapped me back into reality."What?"
"Corn Flakes! I thought we bought a new box."
"Yeah...in the cabinet, right side I think."
"Cabinet? Honey, you know I like to keep my cereal in the fridge."
I rolled my eyes. Maybe it was a Southern thing but who in the world kept cereal in a refrigerator?
"Well whatever, Charlie. Put it in the fridge then."
I was too consumed to even argue. Reading that letter took me back to my dorm room at Skidmore. My hands trembled, my lips smiled and my heart melted much like it did the day I first read it.
29 April 1974
Dear Mary-Courtney,
Baby, I'm sitting here in my dorm room taking a break from cramming for finals and I can't believe we're almost done with our first year of college! Time really flew by, huh? Seems like just yesterday we were back in Alexandria partying with Petey, Rev, Louie and the gang. I had a great time at school but honestly I can't wait to go back to Virginia. Alexandria is my home now. Mom and Dad called a few days ago and they said Dad is planning to retire in a year or so and they plan to stay in Alexandria. So I guess that is home now. It will always be my place to come back to. It's great because I love our house on the Waterfront and Mom and Dad seem happier than ever. Plus, I get to go back this summer and hang out with the greatest bunch of guys I know. Now and for the rest of my life I will always consider Gerry, Alan, Blue, Louie, Rev, Leroy and Petey like brothers. Meeting them was almost the best part about moving to Virginia...the BEST part was meeting you. I really mean that Mary-Courtney and I want you to know it. You have no idea how happy you made my last two years of high school and I'm glad we were able to make it work in college being so far away from one another. But I think our love is strong enough to do anything. When I think of the fact that I get to see you in two weeks and we'll be together and entire summer, I get so excited that I don't know what to do with myself. We're gonna have so much fun, babe, I just know it. I can't wait to see your face and hold you in my arms. Remember how nice it was during Winter Break and we went sledding on Christmas Day? And what about the time you caught the bus down and surprised me here. It was just a few days but they were some of the greatest days of my life. It's always a great time when we're walking and talking and laughing together. I'll especially never forget that last day when I took you to see the big soccer game. It was so nice laying on the blanket and having a picnic and making out. I love making out with you and I remember it was so cute because you were worried that some of the other spectators would be able to see what we were doing. They probably didn't but I don't care. I was with my girl and that's all that matters. We'll have plenty of days ahead this summer and for the rest of our lives to picnic and watch games and hopefully make out...a lot!! Just kidding babe. Well not really but you know how I am. I guess I should wrap up for now and get back to the books. I will see you very soon and I can't wait!
Love You!
Miss You!
See You!
Ronnie
I closed my eyes and tried to remember every moment at the USC soccer game. The sandwiches we packed, the clear and sunny skies...the way he touched and kissed me underneath the blanket. I smiled as I remembered every single minute, every tiny detail about the way he made love to me. Ronnie was always so tender, so gentle. He would undress me and touch me like he was unwrapping a precious and fragile gift.
"Hey Mary-Courtney, why don't you take a break and come out here and watch some TV with me?" Charlie asked. "All In The Family is on and that's your favorite."
"Uh, yeah in a minute Charlie. I'm almost done."
I looked through the box that contained dozens and dozens of letters from Ronnie. One in particular caught my eye because of the date.
16 January 1975
Dear Mary-Courtney,
I've been staring at this stupid blank piece of paper for hours now because I couldn't think of the right words. Are there ever really "right" words for this? I don't know. Things are so different between us now and I never thought it would be like this. Our lives are headed in two opposite directions and so are we. I really thought it would work and a big part of me still wants it to but I don't know how it will. I never thought we would actually break up but I suppose that's what it's coming to. You kind of made that clear over the holidays but I guess you were right. Maybe it's been over for a long time but neither one of us was willing to admit it. Please don't think of this as a "Dear Jane" letter. This isn't good bye, not by a long shot because I love you with all my heart and no matter what happens or where we go, that will always be the case. Never forget that, Mary-Courtney. But I guess it's best of we take a small break and concentrate on school and all the other things we have going on. You're still the sweetest girl I know and the best friend I've ever had and I always want you in my life. I hope we can remain friends and stay in touch. It kills me to think there might ever come a time when we become strangers to one another. We've been through too much and our feelings run way too deep...I'd never let that happen. So I hope you understand and all will be well. Even though this is what we have to do, don't think it isn't breaking my heart because it is. I don't want to hurt anymore and I don't want to hurt you. My greatest wish is that you always be happy no matter what. I know you want the same for me as well. Your unselfishness proved that when I offered to transfer to a school in New York just to be near you. As great as that would have been, you wouldn't let me because you know how important football is to me here in South Carolina and you didn't want to jeopardize any opportunities for me. You have a heart of gold and I admire you kindness and compassion so much. You are a wonderful person and I am so confident that fate will cross our paths once more. That's what gets me through these difficult times. I hope you feel the same way. Regardless, I want to know how you feel so please respond to this when you can.
I Love You,
Ronnie
I could still remember the pain of that very day so long ago. I did write him back and we did remain friends. We continued to write on up until graduation.
"Mary-Coutney!"
"Coming Charlie."
I took a seat in the living room right next to him.
"You okay, sweetheart?" he asked.
"I'm fine."
"Sorry I sat on your dress."
"It's okay."
"It's beautiful...I'm sure you'll look great in it. I was just wondering when you were gonna get your own dress, you know, for our wedding."
"I don't know", I shrugged. "Soon I guess."
"I hope so. It's just that...I don't know, you never talk about it. It's like you're more excited about going to Gerry and Emma's wedding than our own."
I rolled my eyes.
"It's not that. We all have a lot going on now and I'm trying to do one thing at a time. Let's just get through this and then we'll concentrate on our stuff, okay?"
"But Mary-Courtney..."
"Charlie, please. Honey, not now. Not tonight. Let's just go to bed and discuss this later."
He looked hurt but he nodded and silently followed me. I felt like crap for taking out my frustration on him. Charlie was a terrific guy. I loved him, he loved me and we were going to get married. And we'd have a happy, perfect life together. If that was the case, why couldn't I get Ronnie Bass out of my mind?