"Tuna or turkey?"

"Huh?"

I looked up from my desk to see my co-worker and good friend, Alice Smith, standing over me holding two sandwiches. Alice was a graphic illustrator, two years older than me with model good looks and a sarcastic personality. A lot of people didn't "get" her but I did. I loved the way she waltzed around the office either chewing on a pencil or puffing on a cigarette and always calling everyone "kid" or "kiddo" no matter their age.

It was well after 8 p.m. and I was starving.

"Turkey", I smiled. "Thanks Alice."

"No problem."

"It's late as hell. What are you still doing here?"

"I should ask you the same thing. Unfortunately all the graphic illustrations I composed for the McAllister account have been deemed no good by the boss. I have until 7 a.m. tomorrow morning to make it perfect and I am all out of ideas so I figured it's pretty much gonna be an all nighter until I can conjure up a miracle. What about you?"

"We have some executives coming in from Minneapolis for guess what, the McAllister account! Gosh this is kicking our asses! I can't wait until it's a done deal. Anyway, you know the work of a Public Relations officer is never done..."

"I hear you. At least we can stay late and be miserable together then", Alice grinned.

"Misery loves company. But what about that hot guy you're dating...Mike?"

"Matt."

"Yeah Matt. Don't you want to hurry home to him?"

"Mary-Courtney, Matt was so last week. He's very...clingy, shall I say. Anyway, I gave him his walking papers on Tuesday."

"Yikes. Sorry I brought it up."

"Please. Wait until you meet Antonio. Oh he's so hot. I met him at an art show last month. He's opening his own gallery and everything."

I laughed and had to give it to Alice. She was a resilient chick to say the least.

"Okay I'll meet Antonio but we better make it soon or next week it'll be someone else", I joked.

"You know me. I mean, I'd like to find Mr. Right but I guess I'll settle for Mr. Right Now."

"You're crazy, Alice."

"What? I'm serious. All girls aren't as lucky as you, Mary-Courtney. Charlie is like too perfect for words. He's gorgeous, he makes good money, he's fun to be around, he's smart, he's funny and he's way into you. Look at that rock on your finger for Christ's sake. The glare is starting to blind me."

"Yeah...I guess Charlie is a great guy."

"You guess?"

"I mean, I know."

"Don't sound so sure, kiddo. Come on. What's going on? Talk to me."

I looked nervously at Alice. Since I had moved to Milwaukee I had met a lot of great people and made tons of new friends. Still none were quite like the ones back in Alexandria. It wasn't like I had confidants or close girlfriend. When it came down to it, there wasn't a one person where I could just spill the beans to. I really liked Alice and we'd grown closer while working together. It was tempting to just let it all come out.

"It's a long, complicated story. I don't want to bother you with it."

"You're not bothering me, kid. If you talk about it, maybe you'll feel better. Besides, with all this crap on our desks, where are we going anytime soon?"

I nodded and slowly began the tale from the beginning. Before I knew it I was telling Alice everything about my parents, integration at T.C.Williams, Ray Budds, befriending the Titans and Ronnie Bass. Hours later by the time I was done I had explained everything that had happened since seeing Ronnie at the café and then again at the wedding just a few weeks before.

"Wow", Alice sighed, taking it all in. "That is quite a story."

"Tell me about it."

"So what are you gonna do now?"

"What do you mean, Alice?"

"With your life. What happens now? What's the next chapter?"

"I don't know. I go on, I guess. I marry Charlie and..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down a sec. What do you mean, marry Charlie?"

"He is my fiancé."

"Yeah but I just spent the last two hours listening to you with your googly eyes go on and on about this Ronnie Bass guy."

"Oh Alice I do not have googly eyes, whatever those are."

"They're eyes with a look of absolute love and yes you do have them."

"Look Alice, Ronnie was my first love alright? And you never forget your first love. Maybe a part of me will always hold a special place in my heart for him but that relationship is over and has been for a very long time."

"Are you sure?"

"Alice..."

"Because it doesn't sound like it's over for either one of you."

"It is. He has his life in South Carolina and he has to deal with his situation with Pam and I'm here and I have Charlie and that's the way it is."

"Charlie is great and I know you love him but are you really in love with him? There's a big difference, Mary-Courtney."

"Alice, where are you going with all this?"

She took a deep breath and pulled a cigarette out of her desk. She lit it and her turquoise eyes turned an eerie navy shade as she began to speak.

"I've never told anyone this and I don't know why I'm telling you. It was a couple years back and his name was John Gibson. Six foot two, killer green eyes, long brown hair...he was a hippie and I met him while I was hitchhiking when I was 16."

"Alice you were a hippie? You ran away and hitchhiked at 16?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yep", she said in between drags. "I woke up one morning and it was like I was a different person. I saw the world in a whole new light. Before that day I didn't know that the air and the water were polluted and truth be told, I didn't give a damn. That's because I was safe in middle town America with my semi wealthy parents and my nice private school. I was a clone living in a bubble and one day I just woke up and left. I started hitching and like the fifth guy picked me up in one of those Beetle vans, remember those? Oh he was so cute and nice and...man, we just clicked on every level. I fell in love with him like the first five minutes. Anyway for a year we traveled the country and smoked a lot of dope and made a lot of love and hell we even partied at Woodstock. It was a weird time but it was the best. There wasn't a lot of work for traveling hippies and the van kept breaking down. Often times there was no food because we didn't have a lot of money. We'd get work here and there, mostly labor from nice farmers who felt sorry for us. Anyway, times got hard, you know? I wasn't strong enough to handle it so one day I just left. Called my parents and begged for money and for forgiveness. Went crawling back like a rat. Anyway. Fast forward two years after that. I'm at college and back to my perfect existence dating some rich prick from my dad's country club and what do you know? John shows up at my door."

"He did? What happened? What did you do?"

"It surprised the hell out of me. I didn't know what to do. Just seeing him again made all the old feelings resurface. It's like nothing had changed. I still loved him more than anything. I wanted to run to him and have him hold me and rescue me from life. You know what I did though?"

"What?"

"We talked, spent some time together and stuff and I walked away. Ended up doing what everyone else wanted and what I thought was the right thing and went back to the rich country club prick. I broke John's heart. I was lucky enough to find something real and beautiful and then I was foolish to let it go. Life gave me a second chance and life doesn't do that for anybody too often. Anyway, I was a fool and I let him go again."

"What happened?"

"We lost touch and I never saw him again. To this day I can't find him. I heard stories about him burning his draft card and fleeing to Canada but I don't know. I just know he's not with me. And I hung around and tried to keep up the façade with my Richie Rich for as long as possible but...it didn't work out. I wasn't happy."

"Oh my God."

"I've never told anyone that story in my entire life kid but I just told you for a reason. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life but I just want you to know the power of a second chance. You and Ronnie have that now and I don't want either of you to walk away and regret it later like I regret my mistakes now. To this day it still hurts like a bitch and I don't want you to go through it."

"I do love Charlie, Alice and I can't just leave him. I don't even know if I want to. I don't know what to do."

"You've got to do what's best for you, Mary-Courtney. It's okay to be a little selfish sometimes. This is your life...your whole future we're talking here. Whatever makes you happy, whoever makes you whole, the man you want and see the rest of your life with, well eventually that's who you're gonna have to choose."

"I know what I want to do...I'm just not sure what I'm gonna do."

Alice put a sympathetic hand on my shoulder.

"You're a good kid, Mary-Courtney. You'll be okay. You know in your heart what you have to do and that choice is yours and yours alone."

I nodded and tried to blink back tears.

"Thanks Alice...for listening and for sharing."

She smiled as she wiped a tear of her own and returned back to the work on her desk.

"That's what friends are for, kiddo."