The telephone rang, jarring me awake and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Charlie?" I answered frantically.

"Sorry kiddo. It's me, Alice."

"Oh", I said, trying not to sound terribly disappointed.

"So I take it you still haven't heard from him, huh?"

It had been two days and Charlie hadn't come back home or bothered to call. I was going out of my mind.

"No...not yet."

"You okay?"

"No", I mumbled truthfully. "I hate this, Alice. Gosh, you should have seen him. He was so mad when he left. I don't think he's ever coming back."

"He will...eventually. Right now he's just angry and hurt. He needs time to cool off and think. When he's ready he'll come back."

"I hope so", I whispered.

"You gonna be okay until then? Want some company?"

"No. I appreciate it but I'd rather be alone now or at least until Charlie comes home...if he comes home."

"It will be alright, kid."

"I don't know, Alice. I screwed things up pretty bad this time. Charlie doesn't know how to deal with it. Hell, I don't know how to deal with it."

"No one does, Mary-Courtney. There is no manual for 'how to deal with loving my ex boyfriend while still loving my new fiancé even though I have no idea why I ditched my fiancé for my ex on my wedding day'."

Only Alice could make me laugh at a time like this.

"Gee thanks", I smiled.

"Oh shut up. At least I got a half smile out of you. You're gonna be fine, kiddo but you need to take care of yourself. Figure out what it is that you want and what it's gonna take to get you through this."

"I don't even know anymore", I sighed. "I want to fix it but I don't know how. I just know I can't keep going on like this. I wish I could go home. I wish I could just go back to Alexandria and be a kid again and not have to worry about all this drama."

"Go home then. Take a few days off and relax in Virginia."

"Alice, I can't."

"Why not? You need to be alone and clear your head."

"That's true but I don't know if Virginia is the right place. I mean, my parents...hell, I told you about them. I don't think I'd spend half as much time relaxing as I would arguing with them."

"Forget your parents. This is about you, Mary-Courtney. You need to figure out what you're gonna do with yourself and your life. Maybe home is just what you need."

I couldn't help but to think that somehow Alice was right. A couple of days away couldn't hurt. As much as I did want to see Charlie I still wasn't quite ready to face him just yet. Before I knew it, I was on the phone with the airline making a reservation. It was funny how I was going back to the past in order to figure out my future.

I had left a note in the apartment for Charlie and booked the first flight to Virginia. My parents, though extremely curious as to what was going on, actually stayed off my back for once. I was home and it was nice. I got to sleep in my whole room and do all the things I had done as a young girl. It was refreshing and a nice way to take my mind off my problems but I knew eventually I'd have to focus. I had a lot of thinking to do and lots of decisions to make. People were getting hurt left and right and it was all my fault. Something had to give sooner or later.

As I wondered around town aimlessly my last night, I saw that there was a home basketball game going on in the gym of T.C. Williams. Like a moth to a flame, I was drawn inside. I could almost see the pep rallies we'd had in '71 and '72 inside that very gymnasium. For a few hours I could be a kid again, the happy and popular head cheerleader. For a short while life could be simple once more.

"Mary-Courtney? Is that you? What are you doing here?"

After the game ended and our team won, I ran into a familiar face in the school parking lot.

"Rev!" I squealed giving an old friend a hug.

"It's good to see you, girl. You look great! I'm just surprised. You should have given me a call. What brings you by?"

"Got a few hours?" I asked, half jokingly.

Rev was the one person besides Ronnie who had been closest to me. Sure I loved Petey, Gerry, Alan, Louie, Emma, Blue and the guys but Rev was different. We had always shared a special connection and I knew I could trust him with anything.

He linked his arm with mine and we began walking down the cold streets of our town. I told him everything from the night of running into Ronnie at the café, to Gerry and Emma's wedding, to me spending the night with him when I was supposed to be marrying Charlie.

"So I guess you think I'm a pretty horrible person, huh?"

"No I don't Mary-Courtney. I still think the world of you. You're still that same sweet, sensitive caring person I've always known. It just seems you got yourself into a bit of a predicament. Now you've got some tough choices to make."

"What do I do, Rev? Do I forget about my feelings for Ronnie? Do I try to erase our past, what we had, what we still have? Do I go forward even with doubts and marry Charlie even though that may mean spending the rest of my life wondering if I chose the right man? Or do I leave Charlie, wait for Pam to die so I can try to rekindle some storybook romance with Ronnie that didn't work five years ago?"

"I can't tell you what to do on that. Those are your decisions, Mary-Courtney."

"I know. But it's hard and it hurts and I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I'm scared of making the wrong choice. I'm scared of hurting Ronnie. I'm scared of hurting Charlie more than I already have. Gosh it would be so much easier if one of them were just this mean, evil, horrible asshole. But they're not. They are two of the kindest, most considerate, loving, wonderful people on the planet. I am in love with two great men."

"Ronnie has been one of my best friends for years and Charlie seems like a pretty terrific guy. It won't be easy but you need some sort of resolution. Whatever it is, I know you'll make the right decision because the choice will come from your heart. You have a beautiful heart, Mary-Courtney. You just have to listen to it. Sometimes you can't think or analyze...you just have to go with what you feel in your gut. This all comes down to what you want and what's gonna make you happy. Do this for you and everything else will fall into place. Sure making a choice will end up with one of the guys being hurt. But it'll hurt a million times worse if you just continue to go on and string them along and not make a choice."

Rev was right...like always. I hugged him harder than I ever had anyone in my life. He was truly the greatest. A loyal, kind and wonderful friend who always knew exactly what to say at exactly the right time without placing judgment or blame. I knew there was something I'd had to come home for and Rev's words were it.

"I love you, Rev."

"I love you too, Mary-Courtney."

I went back over to my folks' to pack for my trip the next day back to Milwaukee. Finally I was ready to face everything...my past, present and my future. Still there was one more thing to do before I left.

I had the taxi drop me and my suitcase off at the front door. I knocked twice but no one answered so I figured I had missed them...

"Mary-Courtney? Oh my goodness. Mary-Courtney Davis, is that you?"

"Laureen!" I smiled as she hugged me.

"You look fabulous! Oh it is so good to see you, honey! I was just outside bringing in some firewood. The Colonel won't be back until later and I wanted to get the fireplace warmed up. Come in. Have a cup of hot tea with me. We've got so much to catch up on."

"Thanks", I said, gathering my bag. "I can't stay on long. I have a plane to catch in a few hours. I just felt like seeing you and Col. Bass so I decided to drop by."

"Well I'm glad you did and Bill will be so disappointed that he missed your visit", Laureen said as she brought out two mugs of tea. "Now let's have some girl talk. How have you been? How are things?"

"Things...are fine", I shrugged.

"Oh? Judging by the size of that rock on your hand, things are more than fine. Who is the fellow?"

"His name is Charles Foreman. He's originally from Chicago but I met him at work in Milwaukee."

"Is he cute?"

"Very handsome?"

"Tall?"

"Over six feet."

"Successful?"

"Very."

"He loves you?"

"With all his heart?"

"Is he a good man?"

"The best."

"Then why do you look so unhappy, dear?"

Tears threatened to stream down my cheeks.

"Because I have a wonderful life with a with a wonderful man who I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Then I run into your son again and all these weird feelings start resurfacing. Feelings that I thought were long dead and buried. But they're not."

"I see. Have you told Ron any of this?"

"Yeah. We talked. He um, actually he was out in Wisconsin for business on New Year's Eve. We had dinner. We talked. We both put a lot of cards on the table."

"And..."

"And that just so happened to be the night Charlie and I were flying out to Vegas to get married. I totally blew off my wedding and stayed with Ronnie. I mean, nothing happened physically but we talked and cried and held each other...it was beautiful. It was perfect. It was just like it was when we were kids. The love is still there."

"So what now?"

"I don't know. I'm confused. Charlie is royally pissed at me. Ronnie is in South Carolina taking care of Pam. It's just so much, you know? So many people could get hurt in all this."

"What do you want?"

"I don't know. When I'm with Charlie, I want Charlie. We're happy and it's great and I love him. But when I'm with Ronnie...it's like a whole other world. It's bliss and synchrony and perfection."

"Ron called home the other night and we talked. He...he told me everything."

"How is he?"

"He's holding up. Ron's a tough kid. He feels bad because he feels like he may have ruined your life and especially things with your fiancé. He's also going through a really bad time with Pam."

"I know."

"Look, I know this situation is none of my business and if Bill were here he would say, 'Laureen, butt out and let those kids work out their own problems' but I have to say this, Mary-Courtney. You are an awesome girl. I'll never forget, after the first day of T.C. Williams, Ron came home and I asked him how his day went. He said, 'Mom, the morning was crazy because of all these ignorant and prejudiced rednecks were out there protesting integration. The classes were okay but the teachers are kind of strange. Everybody thinks I'm a weirdo and they call me hippie boy. And Coach Boone is working us to the grind out there on that field.' So I look at my son and ask him after all that, was there anything nice about his new school. Do you know what he said? He said, 'Yeah Mom. Today I saw the prettiest girl I've ever seen and she's in three of my classes. I didn't get a chance to talk to her and she's dating one of the jerks on the team but she seems really nice. There's something very special about her. I just sort of feel this cool vibe when she's around and I know she is someone who is going to have a very important role in my life'".

"Ronnie said that?" I asked quietly.

"Sure did. And when you guys went off to college and the first night he called home I asked him how things were going and if he's spoken to you yet. He told me that he had and that you were fine and you guys were happy. He told me he wasn't worried about the distance because it was only fours years and he knew you two were going to spend the rest of your lives together."

"Oh my God", I whispered.

"He really loves you. It broke his heart when you guys split up. Even though he initiated it and you both moved on and he dated other girls and eventually Pam, Ron never got over you. He never stopped being in love with you, Mary-Courtney. He just thought he was doing the right thing at that time and allowing you both to have the space you needed. He does love Pam and she's a lovely girl. It's a shame what the illness is doing to her. It isn't fair...to either one of them. And you know Ron. He will be there by her side, loyal and giving until the very end. That's just the kind of young man he is. But he's in love with you. Ron is in love with you even though Pam is so sick and he'd still be in love with you if she were well. Now I'm not trying to tell you what to do. This Charlie guy seems like a real winner. Of course I'm biased and I already love you like a daughter so naturally Bill and I want you and Ron to end up together but you have to make the decision that will make you happy. Do what's right for you."

"Everybody keeps saying that."

"It's true. Charlie might be a catch but if things were really so perfect with him, then you wouldn't have been with Ron again. Something must be missing there. And if you do end up with Ron, you two are gonna have to grow up and decide if each other is what you really want. You have to stop with the drama and the cat and mouse games. It's a hard decision but it's yours, Mary-Courtney."

Laureen was so right. My head spun with a billion thoughts the whole plane ride back to Milwaukee. I just wanted the confusion to be over and I knew that would have to start with me facing the music. I climbed the stairs to the apartment and turned my key on the lock. Soft music played in the background. How ironic it was the song "Where Is The Love?" My heart pounded as I saw Charlie's form appear from the bedroom. It had been less than a week but it felt like I hadn't seen him in ages. I couldn't help but to run over and throw my arms around him. His body stiffened at my touch but finally he relaxed and held me back. It wasn't the same love and affection but it was a start.

"I'm sorry. Oh Charlie I am so very sorry", I sobbed in his arms.

He was quiet at first and then I felt his body begin to jerk and twitch under mine. Then I heard his cries, low and muffled at first then wrenching sobs. We just stood there doing the only thing we could do. We held onto each other as our hearts bravely squeezed out all the pain.