Title: Verisimilitude
Author: GrapeSmshr
Rated: R
Coupling: HP/SS slashy goodness
Disclaimer: As much as I wish it were so, these charas don't belong to me.
Thanks to: Crazy Mary-J... You're my lifesaver with this, you know.
A/N: To be quite honest, I didn't think I would get this chapter finished on time. But, instead of working on my test review, I decided to write this. So yay for you, boo for me. Anyway, this chapter is quite long. I was thinking about chopping it in half and adding the second half to the next chapter, but then I decided that it goes better together. Anyway, I think this chapter answers some questions about just exactly what kind of relationship is forming between the two. And if it doesn't, well... The next chapter should! Uhh.. nevermind! Anyway, read on and enjoy!
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Chapter 9: Figuring It Out
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Harry arrived in the Potions classroom first on Wednesday, which was surprising since he wasn't there long before class started. He had noticed Severus's absence at breakfast and had almost gone so far as to check up on the man, but then he figured that Severus had things to do.
Now class was just about ready to start, and still no potions master had arrived. Glancing at his watch, he sighed and stood up, about to hush the dull murmur of the students' conversations.
Before he could even say a word, the door flew open, and Severus stalked in. Harry almost laughed at how much that entrance used to startle him and everyone else in his Potions class back when he was still a student. He observed that some of the current students had jumped in their seats as well.
As Severus sat down at his desk, Harry greeted, "Good morning."
"What? Oh, morning," Severus mumbled without glancing up from a stack of paperwork he was rifling through.
Frowning, Harry asked, "Are you all right?"
"Fine."
Shrugging it off, he announced, "All right, class. You know what to do." As they quieted down, he passed out their exams and returned to his own desk, blatantly staring at the other man. This was not the potions master's typical behavior. Perhaps something happened to him? He knew it was not his business, but he had to ask. "Severus?" When the man showed no signs of hearing, Harry reached over and laid a palm on his arm. "Severus?" he repeated.
At the contact, Severus jumped and pulled his arm away quickly, chancing a look at the other man. Harry's piercing gaze was on him, trying to read him. He could practically hear the wheels in Harry's brain turning as he wondered what exactly was wrong with Severus. But no, he was not going to give away anything, was going to act all nonchalant. "I'm fine, Harry," he muttered, flushing. Oh Salazar, he was flushing like a little twit! Could this possibly get any worse?
"Are you sure? You're looking, well... rather flushed."
With an embarrassed moan, Severus opened a book and ducked behind it so he didn't have to feel the weight of Harry's eyes on him.
"If you're not feeling well, you should go see Poppy," Harry argued. Severus just wasn't acting like his normal self this morning. Harry could tell something was wrong.
Oh, the perfect chance to escape! Not about to pass on the offer of getting the hell out of there, Severus murmured, "I do think I could use some air."
"All right. Go get some rest, too. I'll take care of the classes."
Nodding in appreciation, Severus hurried out of the room without a backwards glance. But instead of making his way to the infirmary, he wandered the halls aimlessly. There was no way he would try to get some rest. Every time he closed his eyes for more than a few seconds, he could see Harry's concerned frown haunting him.
What was wrong with him? He was a grown man, for Salazar's sake! And Harry was--now he was a grown man as well. Were the fates tempting him with something he couldn't have? He knew from experience that the fates were cruel, but this really was a bit much. How was he expected to function normally on a daily basis when being in such close proximity to the man for several hours at a time? He really, really could use a distraction or something--anything--to take his mind off of--
"Severus."
He paused, noticing the headmaster off to the side of the hallway, peering at him from over his half-moon spectacles. Severus just stared blankly at him.
"I see you've taken to pacing back and forth in front of my office. Would you care to come up for a chat?"
Glancing around, he found that he had indeed been bumbling about in front of the gargoyle statue. With a simple defeated nod, he found himself being ushered up to the headmaster's office.
Seated comfortably, he declined the standard offer of tea and sherbet lemons and once again fell into his brooding mode before being swiftly interrupted.
"Something troubling you, Severus?" Albus asked rhetorically, settling back into his plushy chair to await the man's response.
Having dealt with this man for a good majority of his life, Severus knew the pointlessness of lying to the old wizard. It would only result in more harping and sherbet lemons than he could possibly stand. He learned that lesson the hard way. Sighing in resolution, he said, "More than you know, Albus. More than you know."
"Care to talk about it?"
"It's not really something I wish to discuss, especially since I am still quite thrown by the matter."
Chuckling lightly, Albus put in, "Life getting in the way of life?"
Considering the words, Severus nodded the affirmative. "Something like that. Or someone, rather."
"Ah." Understanding dawned on the headmaster's face. "Are you and Harry not getting along?"
"No, we are. It's just--" he was finding it difficult to express the problems with words. Luckily Albus had years of experience in interpreting these types of statements and finished the thought for him.
"You don't know what to think of the man he has become, since all you remember is the boy he used to be."
"Exactly. And now I'm so confused, and I hate it. Why does he make me feel this way?"
"What way?" Albus asked gently, already knowing the answer.
"Like I... Oh, never mind." Eyebrows knitted together and scowl firmly in place, he looked the part of a sulking teen.
Deciding not the comment on that, Albus merely stated, "Just give it some time. The situation will play itself out."
"I hope so," he muttered darkly. Standing, he shook the headmaster's hand gratefully. "Thank you, Albus." He mustered up a hint of a smile before taking his leave.
Albus sipped his tea demurely. While he prided himself in his outstanding powers to meddle and manipulate, he decided to merely sit back and be an observer. Relationships were far too delicate to tamper with, and should the two decide to go down that road, it would be of their own volition.
He smiled in amusement, wondering what the rest of the school would think.
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When Severus hadn't returned to any of the classes and was absent for both lunch and dinner, Harry's worry over the man only increased. It was indeed foreign for him to be caring at all, but he was amazed at how natural it felt as well.
He was well aware of his rapid change in thoughts. That was why he hadn't been too shocked over his attraction to the older man. It was quite amusing to him, really. Five years ago he wouldn't have given Severus a second glance, except maybe in loathing. Now he found himself giving second and third glances, most definitely liking what he was seeing. He wasn't a conventional handsome, but that was what made him all the more appealing. The last thing Harry wanted was a carbon copy of one of those mindless muscle flexers on the covers of trashy magazines. No, he preferred someone real.
And Severus was as real as they got.
It wasn't all physical attraction, though. Harry wasn't shallow like that. No, he was positively intrigued by the man's personality. He used to be irked by his brooding and biting wit, and he certainly couldn't stand the constant barrage of insults. But now, as an adult, Harry was much more tolerable of these personality quirks. In fact, they only added to the appeal.
He wanted to crack the other man's shell, and he would. He desperately wanted the man as a friend. And if they happened to become more than that, then Harry would definitely jump at the opportunity.
Lounging around lazily on his sofa, he didn't move an inch even when his door swung open and Draco barged into the room.
He stood over Harry, staring down at the man. "Get up, lazy," he mock ordered in a stern voice, to which Harry rolled his eyes but grudgingly scrunched up to give the blonde room to sit. "How long have you been just lying here?"
"For a while. I'm just letting my thoughts drift."
"Oh? Over anything in particular? Or anyone?" he asked in a knowing voice.
"As a matter of fact, I was just thinking about a bottle of ink."
"What?" Draco wrinkled his nose at the seemingly random topic.
"I spilled a bottle of ink earlier. When cleaning it up, I noticed that it was the same color as your godfather's eyes."
Draco was absolutely floored. He didn't know which amused him more, the fact that Harry was thinking about Severus in a seemingly interested way or the fact that he was actually speaking about it freely to Draco.
"You know, Severus is extremely sexy, in a dark and brooding kind of way," he continued, speaking more to himself than to Draco.
"He does have a certain... enigmatic charm," Draco agreed. So not only was Harry thinking about Severus, but he also found the other man sexy. At this rate, Draco wouldn't even have to think about dropping hints here and there to help the two along. Not that he would have, anyway. He knew that Harry was dense, but he'd figure things out eventually. Now all he had to do was see how his godfather was faring by way of his feelings.
"Do you know if he's all right?" Harry asked, snapping Draco out of his daze.
"Why? Is something wrong with him?" he asked, concern evident.
Harry frowned. "I don't know. He was a bit... off this morning. When he showed up from class this morning, he was barely on time. And then he wouldn't really look at or talk to me. Plus he was rather flushed. I suggested he go see Poppy, and then he left. I haven't seen him since."
"Hmm, maybe I should go see how he's doing."
"Maybe you should," Harry agreed.
Standing, Draco said, "I think I'll go do that now." He took a few steps forward and turned back to find Harry once again outstretched on the sofa. "You aren't going to see me out?"
"You know where the door is. You saw yourself in."
"Git."
"Prat," Harry shot back teasingly.
Shaking his head, Draco told him, "I'll see you at breakfast." Then he gave him a wicked grin. "Sweet dreams," he called out as he left, just barely dodging an airborne pillow aimed at his back.
On his way down to his godfather's room, Draco repeated Harry's words to himself. Not arriving early as usual, avoiding Harry, flushing... To him it sounded like a classic case of 'My Sexually Repressed Self Wants Some Gratuitous Attention From Harry Potter.' And who could blame him? Harry certainly was a looker. It would be downright impossible to find someone of either sex or orientation who disagreed. Hell, if Harry and he had not decided that friendship would be better between them, then Draco would have been currently having his wicked way with the green-eyed beauty. But no, that wasn't the case. Harry was meant for someone else... who had changed his password!
"Damnit!" Draco cursed as he realized that Severus's old password no longer opened up the portrait to his quarters. "Why would he do that?"
"To keep my privacy," came the answer from behind Draco, who yelped and spun around. There stood Severus, looking quite well save the disgruntled frown on his face.
"From me?" Draco asked, hurt. He always figured he was an exception in Severus's avoidance of the general population.
"Just for now, Draco, for a little while." Severus placed a reassuring hand on the blonde's arm. "I'm trying to work out some... issues."
Ah. This whole Harry ordeal must really be getting to him. "Anything I can help with?"
"I don't think so. I just... don't think so." He muttered the new password and gestured to Draco to enter.
When they were seated comfortably with steaming mugs of tea, Draco took a moment to study Severus. He looked worn out, exhausted, like he had been pacing all day. Perhaps he had been. But there was something else there... He knew his godfather well enough to notice that his imminent realization of feelings for Harry was not the only thing bothering him. But the man wouldn't open up willingly, so Draco would have to find some answers through a series of subtle inquiries. "Are you feeling all right? Harry was concerned because you weren't well this morning."
Left eye twitching just slightly at the mention of Harry, Severus answered, "Yes, I am better, thank you." If better meant more confused than ever, then he was definitely better. But he couldn't mention any of this to Draco, not since he and Harry were--
"--Friends?"
Startled, he realized he had missed what Draco had just said. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"
"I asked if you and Harry were becoming friends," Draco repeated, giving him a strange look.
"Why don't you ask him," Severus muttered. All of a sudden, he wasn't quite in the mood for the blonde's company.
Draco frowned. "Because I'm asking you. Did something happen between you two?"
"No. Why would something happen when you two--" Severus immediately clamped his mouth shut, silently berating himself for saying anything. He briefly wondered if it was unethical to Obliviate his own godson. Yes, yes, it probably was.
They two, what? He assumed Severus meant he and Harry. But he explained that there was nothing but friendship between them. So what would give him the impression of anything else? "When we two what?" Draco prompted, wanting to hear what his godfather had to say. If there was some of kind of wrong perception there, he wanted to clear it up.
Shaking his head, Severus refused to speak. He had already said too much, and he had no intention of saying any more.
He obviously underestimated Draco's impatience.
"No. I want to know what you think is going on with Harry and me. I have a right to know."
"Forget I brought it up--"
"No! Tell me! I'm not going to let this go." He paused, lowering his voice. "Please, Severus. I need to know."
Giving a sigh of resignation, Severus realized that he was probably better off confronting the situation. Maybe then those blasted feelings would go away. Index finger absently tracing the rim of his now cold tea mug, he began hesitantly, "Last night I went to the classroom to ask Harry about something. When I got there, you two were asleep. On the floor. Wrapped in each other's arms. Looking quite comfortable."
Ah, so that's what that other emotion was on his face. He was jealous! Draco chuckled in understanding. "That was completely innocent. On occasion, we do fall asleep together. And we both like to snuggle. That's it. No sex, no intimate feelings. Just sleep and friendship."
Severus contemplated the explanation. He really had no reason to doubt the blonde's sincerity. What would lying gain him? Absolutely nothing. Now Severus felt like a right fool. Not only did he form a horrible misconception, but he just admitted said misconception to Draco. His godson was extremely intelligent. Now he would know of Severus's feelings for Harry. In a sad attempt to redeem himself, he said, "I was just wondering about you two. You know, since you said that you weren't dating, but I found you--" he cut himself off, trying to be nonchalant but not quite succeeding.
"Well, no worries. We're not dating."
"Who's worrying? I was just--"
"Wondering, I know," Draco chuckled, shooting Severus a meaningful look. "It's all right to be attracted to him," he reassured quietly.
"I'm not--" he made to interject, then stopped. Why make a bigger fool of himself? Draco already knew. "Is it? He's so much younger."
Draco snorted. "Please. We're not that young. And you are definitely not old. What other excuse do you have?"
"How about the fact that we work together?"
Rolling his eyes, Draco replied, "Not even remotely convincing. Anything else?"
Severus shot him a dirty look. "All right then, Draco. What do you suggest I do?"
"That's easy. Tell him."
"What?" Draco was obviously insane. Severus was supposed to just walk up to Harry and admit his attraction to the man? Highly unlikely and surely out of the question. "I'm not going to tell him anything!"
"Then how will you know if he feels the same for you?"
"He doesn't--" Severus peered at Draco suspiciously. "Do you happen to know something I don't?"
"No, I don't. I'm just saying that it is a good possibility. You are a highly intelligent, quirky, attractive man. And you know I don't give out compliments frequently, so relish in it and then go talk to him." Draco crossed his arms over his chest, daring his godfather to defy him.
"Fine. I'll talk to him, but not tonight. Satisfied?"
"Very. I trust you to keep your word."
"I will. And I know I don't have to tell you to keep this conversation under discretion."
"That goes without saying." Setting down his untouched mug of tea, Draco gave his godfather a brief hug. "I really am happy that you're back."
"As am I," Severus murmured, bidding Draco goodnight.
He went into his bedroom and lay down, not bothering to undress or even remove his shoes. Did he come back somewhat off? Did that potion do more than just freeze his body? What was wrong with him?
He didn't know what to think. He was attracted to Harry Potter. All right, that was a relatively normal reaction to someone who was basically a very beautiful man in a more than basic way. That's not really what bothered him. Attraction, he could deal with. But what about those other bloody feelings?
It wasn't just attraction, not any more. He liked Harry. As a person. As a man. As a friend. As... something more than a friend. And he didn't want to. Why, oh why did the man have to be so damned likable! Why couldn't he have been the arrogant, spoilt brat that Severus always assumed him to be? Life would have been so less complicated that way.
Maybe Draco was right, though. Maybe he should just talk to Harry. Not about his feelings. Not yet, anyway. But just to see if there was something there. A spark. Anything.
With that settled, Severus turned off his bedside lamp. He reached for a vial of Dreamless Sleep, then decided against it. He wouldn't mind dreaming of a certain someone tonight.
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We're getting so close, so close... I think this fic is only going to be 3, maybe 4 more chapters. I'm not positive on that, though. I know exactly what should be happening from this point on, but I'm sure all of you know that plot bunnies do occasionally run into the middle of the road and stop traffic. So we'll see.
Anyway, the next chapter may not be out on time. I have 3 tests next week, 2 on Thursday, so I'm going to be spending every spare second studying and finishing my test reviews. I'll try my best to get some writing done, but there aren't any guarantees.
Please review! I could definitely use the kind words at this point. I'm so stressed it's not even funny, and your reviews just really make my day. And if you don't have time, that's cool too. I still appreciate your reading this! So, until next chapter then. Peace out!