*sigh* I need to stop having caffeine so that I don't sit around half of the night thinking up insane ideas like this one. But alas, I cannot do that. *shivers* A life without caffeine? No, impossible.
Do I need to say this again? I will though. As with most of my stories, there is SLASH! You know what that means, right? Of many pairings indeed. Yes, many pairings throughout the story. This is a very boring paragraph to write over and over, but I DESPISE flames about how horrible slash is, so I will suffer through writing it.
But please, give me feedback and tell me if I should continue this story! I know what I want of it but I don't know if I want to get it there. And tell me what you like and don't like about it (excluding, of course, the topic of slash).
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In life, there are times when all a person can do is look back over what happened and wonder how. How did this come about? How did it end this way? How did it begin? Sometimes all one can do is ponder without answers. When I look back to last year, all that comes is a blur to me, faces around me, a swirl of colors and emotions, lost in the horrid screams of my own insides. There is not one sole event that gives it any type of structure. Everything is there, melded into one thought and one confused memory. Sometimes, in the dark of night, I can hear voices again, sole images, a kiss here, a caress there, tears, blending with blood all around me. But beginning and ends are long gone. It just was; it will always just be.
I can look back over the shining Atlantic Ocean and feel the cool breeze blowing through my hair, combing it back like a many-fingered hand. And I can turn around and see him beside me, a translucent figure with only an outline, a chilly hand on my rigid shoulder. When I cry into the wind, his calloused hand brushes my tears away. When I tumble to the ground, I can hear his playful laughter. Everywhere I step brings a new memory to me. Sitting in a crowd there, he is beside me, an arm around my waist. It doesn't matter. He had a promise to me and he keeps it. He promised to make every day a wonder for me.
And they were wonders when I beheld him. Wonders when I could not go further in life. That year was the hardest of my life, when I felt like slipping away silently, leaving on my imprint upon the world. Yet, it was also the most blissful time in my existence.
It was the only time in my life that I do not regret living.
Chapter 1: Storms at sea
Summer, blissful summer, beautiful summer in a small oceanfront town. Suddenly the town was alive with tourists, the shops were all open and flooded with people, cars disturbed the once quiet streets, and everyone felt in a much better mood then they were before. Not only was there no school, but it was is a magical time when the sun rose from behind the waves and lit up the waters and then set late in the evening, covering all of the town in a golden haze. You could sit around and do nothing for days without a single worry or care. You were content to sit out on your porch, see the lap of the waves or the activities of those around you, and take that as entertainment. And the ocean, oh the ocean, shimmering in the morning light, glowing at high noon, red gold as the sun set from behind it. Could you want any more?
But then slowly August came, and the lazy days of summer faded like the final sunset over the waves, crashing against the shore. People departed for their own homes, leaving the town empty once more, alone as the final week before school commences drew nearer and nearer. Finally, it came. There was almost no one left now, the town deserted but its inhabitants. That was said to be the saddest time of the year to an inhabitant of an ocean town.
I could not agree more. But as I sat on my back porch swing, watching another sunset over the tops of buildings behind me, I felt content. The days were not bad, just lonely. No more new friend. No more excitement. Just the feelings of being lost in the world as you only have your relatives and other friends left.
Sometimes that wasn't bad though.
"Legolas, one of your friends is here!" my father called from where he sat inside. I nodded and waited, lounging back in the chair. I guessed who it was this time. He came about now, to sit and chat, all alone even if we had just spent the entire day together. There were his familiar footfalls, his sneakers on the wood of the stairs up the back of our house to the screened in pouch where I sat. I pretended not to see him as he opened the door and stood in the doorway, arms crossed. But I could not help but stare at him, in all his splendor tonight, with his tight fishnet shirt, covered by a black collared over shirt open to the world and his shorts, covered in chains and other trinkets. A gust of wind blew back his white blonde hair, cut to his shoulder. He blinked and waited, tapping his foot.
"You know you can come in if you want," I stated. Haldir merely shrugged, making some of the chains he wore clank.
"But no hello kiss?" he said, pouting. I tilted my head to one side impatiently. Finally, Haldir gave in and plopped down next to me on the swing. He did kiss me though, warmly, sweetly, as he always did. I giggled as he pulled away and he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"School starts tomorrow," I announced to my long-time lover. Haldir closed his eyes and put an arm around my shoulder. I leaned into him and wrapped both arms around his waist.
"Yep," he whispered. "Have to go back to that hellhole." I sat up and rested my chin on his shoulder, a scolding look in my eyes.
"Did we not go over this already?" I chided. "School isn't that bad and you know it. Anyway, it doesn't matter whether you like it or not. I'm making you go for the full year this time, not just when you want to come. Understand?" I threatened. Haldir threw up his hands in exasperation before brushing his lips over mine.
"Of course, sweet doll of mine," he muttered, running his hand lightly down my back. I shivered at his touch. With his other hand, he reached for my belt, unthreading it from the buckle. With a flick of his wrist, it was gone and he reached for the zipper of my pants. I grabbed his wrist.
"Haldir," I pleaded. "Not now. My father is already nervous about you, and I don't think he wants to walk out on us…"
"Then let me go tell him not to come outside or he'll walk in on a most unnerving scene indeed," Haldir stated calmly. He made to move, but I held his wrist firmly, glaring up at him. Haldir sighed and sat down heavily, handing me my belt. "Fine, have it your way," he muttered. Suddenly, his face perked up. "Hey, my house is free. My old folks won't be there for the entire night." He raised his eyebrows and seized me by the waist, dragging me to my feet. "Let's go over there." He opened the door to my house. My father, quietly watching TV inside the den, turned his head to Haldir.
"Pops, Legsie here and I are going over to my house, 'right? He'll be back tomorrow." My father narrowed his eyes, but all I gave him was a shrug. He looked skyward, mumbled a few words, and shook his head. Haldir took that as a yes and grinned. "Thanks, man." With that, he slammed the door shut and pulled me out of the porch and down the stairs to the garage below.
"Hey, Haldir, you know that tomorrow is the first day of…"
"To hell with school!" Haldir yelled. "Come on, I bet my old man left some beer in the fridge or something." I looked skyward in a beseeching manner as Haldir babbled on. His house was only three houses down, unfortunately. But I really had no choice, in the end. It was either this or face Haldir's wrath, which was never a good thing. But awaiting me was an even more frightening scene…Haldir drunk. He had never had much of a tolerance for any alcoholic drink…at all…but he loved almost every one. And his father never seemed to have a shortage of them for Haldir to pilfer. I groaned and trudged along behind him without a complaint. Unconsciously, my hand went to my shoulder, where a long scar ran from there to my neck. I traced the strange skin under my t-shirt and silently mulled over the past.
"Hey, man, come on! Sun's almost set anyway, and I can order pizza if you want…" I stared once into the west, where the sun had almost disappeared over the tops of houses, and followed after Haldir reluctantly.
***
"What time is it?" I asked, mumbling in my sleep. Haldir sat up and looked at the glowing dial of a clock.
"Four," he informed me. I pulled him close to me and rested my head on his chest, yawning widely. He stroked my hair that fell down my bare shoulders in a golden cascade. Suddenly, I felt his hand around my wrist.
"Do you remember when I gave you this?" Haldir whispered in my ear as he held up my wrist. I studied it and saw what it was he talked of. It was the bracelet I wore, spiked with little silver spikes, black metal beneath. He kissed the top of one of the spikes. "Your promise to me that you shall always be faithful while that bracelet sits upon your wrist." I snuggled in closer to him. We were sprawled across his bed, the sheets a mess around us. He had one leg thrown over me, and I rested my head on his bare chest. I shrugged, feeling a bit too tired now to dwell on that subject.
"You linked in on my wrist," I muttered. "You linked it around my wrist and locked it there, forever keeping it on me. 'And to the end of the earth you are mine, Legolas, sweet porcelain Legolas, my lover, my toy, everything and more to me with your silky skin and your soft hair, your quite nature, and your ice blue eyes that always bore into my soul, even when I am above you and we are both drunk on passion.' That is what you said to me as you locked the bracelet into place." He nodded and ran his face along my arm, licking at it until he reached my shoulder.
"And you are mine," he muttered, rolling me over and shifting me under him. "You will always be mine to have and hold, belonging to no one else. My sweet Legolas." He kissed my lips with renewed passion, but I groaned in pain. He pulled away, looking at me. Then he ran a hand along my lips. They were bleeding from earlier this night. He smiled and licked away the blood. "Even more mine now," he breathed, gently kissing me now. His lips ran down me. I know I should feel alight at his touch, as I always did, alight, every bone burning, but I felt nothing, nothing but slight pleasure at him. Why was there nothing for me? But I knew that pleasure would come again, soon, as his mouth ran down me to its final destination.
But did I want this? My mind raced when it should be still, locked onto only his soft lips and my sheer ecstasy. What was wrong now? What was different now? You are mine. That is what he had said. But I did not appear his now.
Fire ran through my body and I moaned, on the brink of losing myself again. You are mine. Suddenly I was back, the fire blazing but my mind functional. You are only mine. Mine, all mine. I closed my eyes as I felt water at their edges.
You are mine.
***
"Dammit, Haldir, why didn't you wake me up?" I shouted. Haldir lounged on the couch, watching the TV screen flash in front of his half-closed eyes. Haldir shrugged. I had just stormed out of his bedroom, pulling on my clothes. "Its nine-o-clock!" A grin passed over Haldir's face as I slipped my shirt over my head. "We have school, you know! Haldir, are you even listening to me?" Haldir turned a glare on me.
"I know very well we have school," he spat. "So don't get all angry about it! And don't shout at me!" He stood up angrily; storming passed me to his room at the end of the hall to grab his shoes and books. "You still have to get your stuff, don't you?" he growled as he walked to the small kitchen that joined with his den. He grabbed a set of car keys off the green counter top and strode to the door. I followed after him.
"Listen, didn't I tell you that you should set your alarm clock so that we wake up soon enough…" Haldir's shoulders sagged.
"Well, sweet Legolas, I didn't see you reminding me about it," Haldir retorted. I rolled my eyes and followed after him, leaving out the front door and down a flight of stairs to his car.
"It's not like I could do anything with you on top of me half of the night!" Haldir whirled around, and I gasped, knowing I had overstepped the bounds. He raised his hand to me, but instead let it fall to his side with a chuckle.
"I can't believe you would say something like that Legolas. Do you not care?" He climbed in the driver's side, and I followed in the other door. I let out a sigh and put a hand on his arm.
"I do care," I said sweetly. "Of course I care." It was so simple to backtrack with him sometimes. He grinned and kissed the top of my head before speeding down the driveway. We stopped by my house so I could slip in and get my books. My father had already left for work, luckily, and my presence went unnoticed. I slid into the car, and we were gone, zooming away to the school not far from here.
"Hey, you gonna pull up your hair?" Haldir asked, fingering one strand of it as we drove. "You haven't put it up all year, and I love it like that. There should be a hair tie somewhere down there." He indicated the mess at my feet of trash and other items. I dug through it until I found a small rubber band. That would do. Slowly, I pulled my hair back in a half tail behind my head. It always made me look the full part of a girl, but Haldir loved it dearly when I did that. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea this time, after the previous argument. Haldir smiled and ran the tail through his fingers.
"Beautiful, my golden lover," he said. "You know, it's amazing I haven't lost you yet. You're so stunning, just stunning. And I bet there are plenty of guys out there just waiting for you. You could make any guy love you, if you wanted. But you're mine, so I guess I shouldn't worry." I shut my eyes to the world and slouched in the chair, resting my head.
Finally, we pulled up to the high school. Haldir took the only free space in the parking lot, and we both bolted from the car, me almost dragging Haldir along. He shouted for me to stop, but we were already late enough.
Once we made it to the building, we were out of breath. We had missed our first period class already, I noted, for when we entered the building, the hall was full of students. I quickly hid in the crowd. Now, what number was my locker supposed to be again? There should be a chart around here somewhere. But, unfortunately, I felt the barrier of arms hit me. I looked around at familiar faces.
"Legolas, there you are! Thought you and ol' Haldir were skippin' today or something, even though its only the first day," Glorfindel said to me as he leaned on a locker. He flicked a strand of black hair out of his dark eyes. "Wake up late?" I sighed and read the chart beside the lockers. Glorfindel was leaning on mine. I motioned for him to move, and he shifted away. I hastily threw my books in.
"Hey, its Haldir's little eunuch boy," Faramir called. I glowered at him.
"How many times to I have to repeat it?" I whispered harshly. Faramir shrugged his shoulders and advanced towards me.
"Well, I mean, Haldir never lets us close enough to see." I glared at him and took a step back, but Haldir had caught up to me, along with a female trailing behind him.
"Hey, now, that's bad business Faramir. And even when your girl's been looking for ya," Haldir chastised, wrapping an arm around my waist. The woman behind him appeared and glared at Faramir, daggers in her eyes.
"I saw that," she spat at him. Faramir looked up at the ceiling. There was one thing in this world that was able to frighten him: Éowyn, his beloved girlfriend. I really didn't understand them. They loved each other dearly, yes, but Éowyn just didn't seem Faramir's type. She was average, more boyish then most women, but not at all like us. I glanced around. There was Glorfindel, dark, brooding, with his traditional black t-shirt and jeans. There was Haldir with his demon-like glory. There was me, his little slave, lover, whatever you want to call it, cold, heartless, just as black as the rest of us. And there was Faramir, pessimistic, dark, and cynical, not at all like Éowyn. Well, maybe except for their obstinate natures, and Éowyn did have a cold streak to her. But really, she had a good heart. We were just the outcasts with no hearts at all to speak of. But here she stayed, with us, with her sweet Faramir.
"Oh, guess what?" Éowyn said to Faramir, but I overheard the conversation. "My brother's friend if finally coming here, what's his name, Aragorn. But he's so odd, when I think about it, for sometimes he can be so quiet and brooding, but then he is also sociable at times, quite a good conversationalist. He doesn't have many friends and has always been home schooled by his father…"
"Are you listening to me?" Haldir asked, waving a hand in front of my face. I turned to him and smiled.
"What was that?" Haldir let out a sigh.
"Maybe you are only a good bed companion," he grumbled playfully. "We should get to class though…after missing the first one it wouldn't be great to be late." I nodded and grabbed my books and schedule from my locker. Together, we headed down the hall until our ways parted for our different classes. He gave me one quick kiss and we were gone.
I guess that in truth, there were other outcasts then just my group, many more, but we were the rejects of the rejects. I had merely forgotten about the others. The next lowest trash, right above us, was a motley crew of people, anyone who really didn't fit in anywhere else. Most of them artistic, creative, intelligent…but probably legally insane. They only crossed my mind though as I entered the art room, for it was empty but them, taking up a table in the back of the room. I sat down at the one adjacent to that and waited for the room to fill up, observing them from a distance. It was a crew, all right. Boromir, Faramir's older brother, a bit of a show-off, from what I knew. Elrohir and Elladan, twin brothers who were both troublemakers with the strong idea that conformity was death. Rúmil, a quite fellow, bookworm of the highest caliber, who even now had his nose stuck there. But, for all of that, he was quite athletic. Éomer, kind most of the time but very short tempered in the end. Right now, they were all having an argument over something or another. It was an interesting sight to watch, Rúmil sometimes throwing in a comment here and there, Éomer shouting something, Boromir arguing just as furiously, and Elrohir and Elladan making the same comments at mostly the same time. I did not pay attention to what it was though, content just to listen to their mannerisms.
Until something else disturbed my thoughts. I heard the scraping of a chair across from me and looked up. In front of me was a stranger. He had long brownish hair, unkempt, that fell to his shoulders in waves. A few strands fell in front of his eyes, but he made no move to push them away. His skin was somewhat tanned, and set into his face were the most stunning eyes I had ever seen, beautiful grey-blue eyes. He was tall, taller then even Haldir. He smiled at me when he saw me gazing at him.
"Hello," he said. I almost started at his politeness. To most people, I was like some type of germ, meant to be avoided at all costs. But here he came, plopping down across from me without a second thought. He had turned his head to glance at the argument beside him and let out a chuckle.
"There goes Éomer again," he said to me. "Always fighting with anyone he can pick a fight with." I nodded once. "So, what's your name?" he asked, trying to make some sort of conversation.
"Legolas," I said shortly. I was not in much of a sociable mood, and this person was ticking me off. Why I could not place my finger on, but he got under my skin.
"Oh, my name's Aragorn," he replied. So this was Aragorn.
"Oi, look, Aragorn's here now!" Éomer called out, breaking away from his heated discussion. He gave me a disdainful look and sauntered over to the table, sitting down beside Aragorn. "Come on with us a pull up a chair." Aragorn shrugged and leaned back to emphasize his point. Around us, I saw other students filing in and pretended to pay them attention instead of watching the exchange here.
"Well, then, you can just be that way," Éomer huffed when Aragorn did not say a word. Maybe he was as Éowyn said, always silent like that.
"Oh, Éomer, I thought we had signed up for all different classes!" a female voice called. Éowyn ran up to her brother and smiled at him. "But obviously I can never get rid of you." She settled down beside me. "Oh, and Haldir's in here too, you should know. Don't know if Faramir is." But I had thought that Haldir told me he had something else now…
"You and Faramir," Éomer groaned. "Always babbling about Faramir!"
"You're just jealous," Éowyn retorted with a grin. I smiled just a bit at Éowyn's antics, but a hand wrapped around my neck and I felt someone's lips brush along my neck.
"Public place," I reminded Haldir. He grabbed a free chair and scooted up to me, resting his elbows on the table and looking up into my eyes.
"Well, I'm sorry. We'll just have to finish this in the bathroom then…" I put a hand over Haldir's mouth to silence him before he could get out of hand. It was bad enough being so…pretty, but having Haldir openly flaunt our relationship made it worse. I had enough problems as it was. Plus, it wasn't as if we were alone with his close friends. No, this classroom was basically full, with Éomer and Aragorn sitting across from us.
"Well, it looks like everyone is here," the teacher said. Haldir hid his face in his arms, making to doze off for the class. "My name is Mr. Greyhame, but I was never one for formalities. Just call me Gandalf." I took my eyes off Haldir and looked up to the front of the class where the teacher stood. He was old, leaning on a walking stick just a bit taller then he, with long white hair and a beard. His eyes moved over each person slowly, studying them, taking them in. I punched Haldir's arm as I heard snores coming from him. He looked up groggily. "As you know, we will work on the art of people in this class. I could give you a lecture on the first day about the obstacles of drawing humans, but I would rather not. Instead, I want you to think back in your memory and draw…let's say…your mother as you saw her when you were a child, before she became what she is to your eyes now. There should be paper on the counter, along with pencils. Draw in whatever style you would like…excluding that," he added as Elrohir raised his hand, "which is currently on your mind, Elrohir. Oh, don't think I don't know you." He smiled to the rest of the class while the twins whispered to each other. "Please, begin when you want."
"Damn," Haldir mumbled. "I don't want to draw my mother from back then. Even when I was little she was a bitch…"
"Then just draw your mother now," Éowyn suggested. Haldir groaned and sat back down with a piece of paper. She had already started work on drawing a beautiful woman with long hair like her own, pulled back away from her face. Éomer, still sitting across from her, had taken a different approach to drawing their mother.
I sat down and stared at the paper blankly. My mother…my mother. For as long as I can remember, I only knew my father. My mother had died when I was young, in a car crash as my father told the story. I saw pictures of her before. Well, that's all I have, I concluded. I let my hand run free over the paper, sketching out her finely made face, her delicate features, and her long golden hair very much like my own. All around me was the scribble of pencils.
There was little talk during the period. Aragorn said nothing more, though sometimes I could feel his eyes on me, watching as I worked. It made the back of my neck burn to think about it. Éomer sometimes made a comment, unsure of the silence. Haldir stayed quite busy with his work, struggling to get it done.
Finally, the bell rang. Gandalf walked around the room, collecting what we had done.
"These are merely sketches," he reminded us. "Eventually, we will have models to do the work from, but right now I want something from memory, to allow you a bit of creativity. These we will make into paintings though." He dismissed us, and with a scraping of chairs, we were gone.
"Oh, Legolas!" Aragorn called after me as Haldir pulled me away. I turned around and approached Aragorn, who ran to catch up with me. "I just wanted to say that…you draw beautifully," he stammered. I nodded my thanks, hearing Haldir hollering for me to catch up. "Well, maybe you could help me some…I'm not the greatest artist…but." I sighed.
"Next class I'll look at yours," I comforted him. He gave a small smile to me and walked in the opposite direction, not even saying goodbye. I watched his retreating figure in the hallway and saw him round the corner.
Finally, seeing him gone, I turned back to Haldir.
When I look back, I can't place the reason why I watched him that day, walking down the bright corridor of our school. What was with him, anyway? He was mysterious, yes, but I doubted there was anything he truly hid from the world. I let Haldir take me in again, without Aragorn there. And what was with him, coming into my life like that? What did he think about me that didn't make me repulsive to him? As Haldir chatted to me about something or another, probably some schoolwork he figured that he would need me to help him on by the end of the day; I let my mind wander back to the storm grey eyes and the reclusive smile.
I moved through all my classes, paying attention as I always did. My mind would not wander, not now. Invariably, in the dreariest of times in class when I felt on the brink of sleep, something would stir in my mind. And I saw those eyes again. Dammit Legolas, I thought! What is wrong with you? But what amazing eyes, such a perfect shade of grey, with just a few flecks of blue thrown in here and there, almost like the sky after a great storm at sea had lifted, clouds still lingering over the ocean but with blue sky peeping through the breaks, and the way he stared, seemingly observing the world dispassionately, but then he would flash a smile and those eyes lit up…stop thinking about his eyes already!
I moved through the rest of the day, finding the ending bell quite a relief. I could retreat to my own house now and not have to put up with anyone, maybe take a leisurely walk along the beach and admire the ocean. That would be nice. Yes, and I could do it alone.
"Hey, you need a ride?" Haldir called to me as I walked along the sidewalk. He pulled up alongside me in his car and stuck his head out the window. I noted that Glorfindel was in the back of the car. I shook my head, but he had me already. He took my wrist and pulled me down until he could kiss me again. "Come on, let's go." I tried to walk a few steps, but he just rode alongside me. With a deep sigh, I conceded, crossing to the passenger's side of the car and hopping in. He grinned at me and kissed my cheek.
"I knew you'd give up in the end."
"So, where're we headed?" Glorfindel asked, putting an arm on both of the backs of our chairs and peering between us. Haldir shrugged.
"We can head back to the island or…we'll go to your place," he decided.
Ah, yes, it had slipped my mind. Glorfindel had recently moved away to a farm on the mainland. For, there was the island, where Haldir, most others, and I lived, where the coastline was. It was only houses there with some shops scattered around. Glorfindel had lived with Haldir for a while before getting a job at a farm out from here. Now, he lived alone on that property. And his house had become a traditional spot for us to gather.
"Never invited you," Glorfindel joked, but we all knew that no one needed an invitation. So Haldir pulled a u-turn and away we sped inland towards the farm.
"So how's your landlord doing?" I asked. Glorfindel shrugged.
"Good enough, as usual," he replied. I only inquired for my father and the landlord were close acquaintances. I shrugged at the answer and leaned back in the chair, arms folded, my eyes shut to the outside world buzzing by. Beside me, Haldir and Glorfindel chatted happily, Glorfindel for once out of his shell that he appeared to be in at most times. Wind blew through the open window and into my face, and the sun shone down on me. I could smell the sea breeze all around. Haldir reached over and took my hand, setting it between us. But his touch was lovingly now, sweetly.
For the first time in many days, I let out a sigh of bliss.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
So, how is it so far? Good, bad? Yea, nay?
Please review! I beseech thee review!
And now I shall actually remember! Thanks to my beta for looking this over! *bows to Amy*
{~.^}