Trafficking with Triffids
Chapter 2: The Benefits of Blackmail
We authors, having satisfied the voracious demands of our public, need time to gain fresh inspiration. And so, having sent Igor on his way with my article, I laid down my pen with a satisfied sigh. (Yes, a pen; I have no truck with that muggle device – a tripewriter, or whatever it is called – that Siderius uses.) I must have slept for some time, because when I awoke dear little Igor was back, hanging from the curtain rail in his accustomed place beside his sister Irma, and looking decidedly sleepy; no doubt, to judge from his rather full tummy, his visit to Siderius had proved quite nourishing. Then I realised what had caused me to wake: there was a noise of someone marooned on the roof and calling for help. This could only mean that a visitor had mis-apparated, and that in turn could only mean one person. I shuddered in apprehension as I went to fetch a ladder.
He entered the room, carefully smoothing his robes, in case his misadventure had left them in the slightest disarray. "Bats!" he exclaimed in horror, eyeing Igor and Irma. "Don't let them near my hair!" He reached swiftly into his robes for a shower cap which he placed over his wavy blond hair.
"What are you doing here?" I asked harshly. "After that incident with the flobber worms, I thought I told you never to come back."
"Don't worry," he said airily, "I won't keep you long. I just need to borrow one of your triffids."
"Triffids? I haven't got any triffids! You know it's illegal to grow them!"
"Oh, you'll let me have one right enough. Otherwise, I shall have to tell Albus about the second goat."
"The second goat!" I gasped. "But he hasn't completely forgiven me for the first one!"
"Then perhaps you would like to lead the way to your greenhouse?" he smiled.
I had secured the package with spellotape, but it was still wriggling. "You realise this is sheer blackmail?" I said, as I passed it to him.
"Oh, yes, I've always said there's nothing to beat a spot of blackmail – except perhaps for a memory charm. Obliviate!"