Ingénue
Allowing a large sigh to escape, I sank down into the soft leather couch. Today was bad, very bad. And then... It was good, it was perfect... Near the end that was.
I yawned and stretched out languidly, hearing my back crack with satisfaction. Ah... Bliss... I closed my eyes and thought. Bliss...
The couch was wonderful, I loved it. I had good taste, excellent if I say so myself. A black couch, leather, comfortable... Perfect... The bed was even better, but it was three floors up and I didn't feel like making my way up those laboriously long steps and through those endless hallways... But the bed was very good; there was no doubt about it... Because I chose it, why wouldn't it be perfect? I had spent a lot of money on that damn piece of furniture, it better last me a lifetime!
And the spa three floors up... I picked that spa out too, and it is wonderful. Smooth white marble, half the size of a pool with ninety nine taps silver and gold... No really... It had ninety nine taps, each containing a special formula which treated my skin and perfected it down to the very air hole. Yep, and I spent the day smelling absolutely delightful. It really is addictive, the smell. Those "I LUV ERIOL" fan girls could prove that. It's a Harry Potter fantasy.
So no one could really contradict my sense of taste, just go look at the surroundings. I don't need some flimsy interior designer who probably could find something worth putting in here... But they don't know anything about comfort unlike... me...
Everything in this house is fashionable, comfortable, perfect... Flawless... Flawless like her... Except... She wasn't just flawless, she was perfect... More perfect than any furniture in the world... She was more perfect than any man or woman alive... She wasn't a piece of furniture...
I growled at myself and pulled at my hair. Why? Why was she doing this? Why was some small female doing this to me? How? Why can't I just stop thinking about her?
I buried my face into the leather. Get out. Get out. Why can't she just leave me alone? I want my life back, I want it back. Why did she have to take it? Why did she have to change it?
So she's come to take over my mind right? Fat chance! I'm not going to give up without a fight!
I conjured up a mental image of an inflatable hammer, my perfect weapon. I conjured up a mental image of her. I'm going to smash that picture, and I'll be free! Free of her, and her, and her...
Raising the hammer, I brought it down with a...
Pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Ah hah!
And so it didn't work.
I sniffed.
Why? I stared at the hammer. Why? Why is everything against me? Imaginary tears spilled over my cheeks as I dropped the deflated hammer. Why can't I even hit a mere PICTURE of her with an INFLATABLE hammer? In my mind at that!
WHY!?!?!
I wailed and brought my head up to the ceiling.
"Why is she doing this to me? Why is she so mean? Someone! She's so mean to me! Make her stop! Please make he-"
I paused, and then fingered the dark purple tablecloth.
Hm...
This is the exact shade of purple that her hair is... It's a darker shade of her wonderful, glowing, glistening, shining, amazing, breathtaking, yummy eyes... I stared at it, then plucked it off the table and folded it up with the tenderness of a mother to her new born babe.
I carried the cloth as if it were a very treasured porcelain doll. I made the long and tedious trek up to my bedroom, promptly depositing the tablecloth on my bed, right at the pillows.
"May you serve me well." I stroked it lovingly. I'll always remember her now; there was no doubt about it.
I stopped shortly.
Exactly what the hell was I doing? Am I not supposed to be FORGETTING her? And I'm freakishly stroking a damned tablecloth because it resembled her?
No, Eriol, what are you thinking?
Yes, I said to myself, I can't believe it either. I mean really, here I am trying to forget her, and then bringing up a tablecloth into my room just because it looked like her? I've truly lost my mind, because a tablecloth does not look at all like a person, let alone her! I completely and truly agree with you. I have officially gone crazy.
No you dolt, you're supposed to NOT forget her because last time I checked, you like her? Don't tell me you don't understand that, I always thought you had an intelligence that could beat Einstein's any day.
I know exactly what you're talking about old friend. You're right indeed. I've been a fair bit stupid lately. I mean really, bringing stained tablecloths into my room? My intelligence really has taken a great fall down the hill with Jill rolling down after it. I giggled.
You didn't just giggle... right?
I giggled again.
Right... Stop it right now, because you're freakishly freaking me out.
I walked up to him and flashed him a cheesy grin...
And giggled again.
Alright... If you're going to be a girl, fine! Just don't make me one too!
I stroked him gently on the arm and gave him a flirtatious smile.
Eriol, you do realize that you are flirting with none other that the infamous you? That's right! I'm you alright? Get it? I'm you so stop freaking flirting with yourself and go get a life with that girl!
I glared daggers at him and gave him a petty slap across the shoulder.
Gee, that really hurt, I'm sure. Chicken.
I raised my eyebrows in question.
That's right you chicken! You can't stand that girl and so you resort to THE most cowardly of cowardly escape routes! You want to know what that is?
I gestured for him to continue.
You're running away from her by turning female! That's it! You don't have the guts to face some little girl who's probably two years younger than you! You chicken! Why don't you stop this huh? Why don't you just go up to her and say "Leave me alone you annoying piece of annoying fluff!"? That would solve all your petty girlish little problems! Why don't you be a man and do that huh?
I threw a heated glance at him. Well then. I see you're giving me all this 'helpful' advice, so let me give you one too! Look here, why don't you go hit your head on a corner of a tofu and die? Huh? Why don't you just go do that and leave me the hell alone?
What?
That's it! Go die that shameful death of yours! Your head can't even stand a corner of a tofu, you flipping sponge! Now buzz off!
Why you little-
Homer wannabe!
Am not!
Are too!
Am not!
Are too!
Shut up!
Why don't you?
Because!
Sure...
What?
Go die, you evil half-brain of mine! I have a tofu waiting for you down in the refrigerator, 3rd row from the top! Good riddance!
I stormed off.
Then walked back in with a sullen face.
What? Haven't had enough?
A smug voice drifted across the room.
I glared at him and dragged myself to the bed.
Of course I haven't had enough, SPONGE. I've still got a speck of dirt on my arm from when YOU touched ME. Purely illegal, that move! I would get you to clean that dirt off, but you'll obviously just make it dirtier... And anyway, I don't trust you with my tablecloth, even if it has stains on it! I've just come to retrieve it.
I picked up the tablecloth and stepped outside.
You won't escape me chicken!
I won't be able to escape, but I can always throw a tofu at you, sponge!
I picked up a mini football and threw it full force at him before slamming the door in his face.
"Good riddance." I muttered.
I made my way out to the backyard, carefully carrying my treasured tablecloth, and then seated myself on a garden bench.
"No one can deny that she isn't beautiful. She's the most wondrous creature on the face of the earth, and I don't even know her name.
"Shame really. She probably has a beautiful name as well, and I don't even have the guts to go talk to her.
"I've seen her around for the past few months, and not once has she thrown a glance my way. Things would be a lot easier if I could just talk to her... but I can't.
"And today, she was actually looking. She was actually in the same area as me for 25 minutes! I'm happy. Maybe she knows now, of my existence.
"Sometimes I wonder if I truly have gone crazy. Why would someone like me, pine after someone like her? It's usually the other way around. I have had no crush before; it's always me being the object of the crush. Sad really, truly very incredibly sad."
I sighed and stared at the tablecloth.
"Really sad, so sad I'm talking to myself."
I slapped myself on the forehead.
"Damn, where's that tofu."
AN: Thank you reviewers and readers! I truly appreciate it I do!
Frankly, I love this chapter...
I'm sorry for the update! Holidays are coming up soon, so I'll be able to write more I hope!