"By The Full Moon"

Authors: Razzle n' Dazzle

Chapter Author: Dazzle

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Thank you for reminding me.

Special Thanks To: Razzle, for writing the last chapter so I could write this one, and to my new computer for granting me internet access so that I could finally post this!

Chapter Three: Lily Evans's Helpful Advice…

Remus Lupin sat on the corner of his bed, his sandy hair falling into his amber eyes handsomely. His arms were wrapped around himself in a flimsy sort of self-embrace, his jaw set, seething tears sweeping down his face slowly. He felt utterly foolish for crying, but he could not stop himself from doing so, all the same, having become so angry and disappointed with his friends that he simply could not help it. He wiped his eyes, only making him angrier with himself for weeping like some sort of child, when he felt a caring hand on his shoulder, hearing the bed creak beside him, due to the weight of the person now sitting next to him.

"Moony…"

Remus turned to the speaker, praying inwardly that his eyes weren't as red or raw as they felt. "What is it, Sirius?" He said curtly, managing to keep his voice from shaking with emotion. "What is it that you want? Come to give me some other nonexistent times when you can grow up? Or is it that you're going to bewitch a bar of soap to scrub my head, hm?"

Sirius retracted his hand as if stung, looking somewhat hurt at his friend's accusations, making Remus want to take back everything he had just said. "No… It wasn't anything funny…" He murmured, looking at his fellow Marauder with pursed lips and furrowed brow. " Look… Moony, I came up here to tell you… Well, to tell you that we can be gits and get carried away sometimes, but we never want you to get your feelings hurt."

He had set his hand on the lycanthrope's shoulder again, trying desperately to show him that he was perfectly sincere. Remus was no longer yelling at him, so he added, "and, Moony, Snivellus- I mean, Severus, that is," he corrected promptly before Remus could lash out at him, "well, Moony, he's always snooping around you, trying to see where you go every month…" He glared protectively at the ground, as if he could see Severus Snape's greasy head. "He deserves it sometimes, Moon. He deserved it last time when he called Lily a… Well, you know, and he deserves it now when he's trying to get dirt on you…"

Remus shook his head with a sigh, shirking away from Sirius's hand. "That's not the point, Sirius!" He said, his brow furrowed in his frustration, looking his companion dead in the eyes. "An idiot like Severus Snape is not worth it! He's not worth the time of day, and certainly not worth all the trouble we get into, just for a few cheap laughs." He ran a hand through his hair, rubbing his eyes and the bridge of his nose tiredly, looking slightly peakier than earlier. "And if the greasy git wants to get dirt on me, than it's me who has to deal with it.; My business and my problem, alright? I'm a big boy, Sirius, and I can take care of things by myself, on my own… I can handle it…" He sighed and looked deeply at serious, his gaze full of meaning. "Alright?"

Sirius exhaled deeply, not taking his eyes off of Remus's. "Remy…" He said in a defeated sort of voice, as he only called his friend 'Remy' when he was worried or upset (and, of course, not around Peter or James). He gently placed an arm around the boy's shoulders, protectively. Remus's breath caught in his throat for a moment, just like it had on the train when Sirius had held his chin, and he was confused by the warm, content feelings rising in his stomach. "I-We just want to look after you…If Snape finds out about your…um… 'Lunar condition', he could blab it to the whole school and you know that then parents would start writing… Owls will come from every direction… Dumbledore would have no choice but to send you home, Remy… You know that…" Sirius voice had become soft before he finished, pained, as if he were dreading that happening above all else.

He laughed softly, obviously trying to lighten the mood, as Remus had fell silent after his friend had given his scenario of what people knowing of his lycanthropy would bring. "Besides, Remus, who would I have intellectual conversations with while James is out at the Quidditch pitch, practicing? Peter?" He moved a little closer to his friend, trying to get him to cheer up somewhat.

Remus smiled a little in return, leaning his head against Sirius's shoulder without thinking, which, of course, only caused him more confusion. Why did he always feel like this around Sirius? He couldn't help thinking about how handsome he was- long, black hair, stunning blue eyes, beguiling lips… Yes, he wanted to kiss those lips… He felt frightened by that thought, pulling away from Sirius slowly, (and, though it pained him to realize this,) reluctantly. When Sirius raised an inquisitive eyebrow at him, he panicked.

"Oh, it's nothing… I'm just… Restless… Full moon, you know…" He lied, scratching the back of his neck. The moon…Yes! The moon was the one making him feel this way. It just had to be the moon… He wasn't… He couldn't be… No, it was just the moon. It was definitely the moon doing this to him.

Sirius shrugged. "If you say so." He said, smiling, revealing perfect, beautiful teeth, his canines more pronounced and pointed than most peoples, gleaming in the candle light… It's only the stupid moon, Remus thought, trying to convince himself, although it wasn't really working. Sirius placed a hand on his hip, looking at Remus expectantly. "So, are you done being mad at our fat heads and ready to speak to us like civilized persons?" He asked teasingly, patting Remus's shoulder, making him blush.

Remus nodded. "Sure… I suppose so, I mean, if they're not all too busy hating my guts." He said bitterly, running a hand through his sandy blonde tresses.

Sirius looked at him, concerned and bemused. "Hm… Do you want to sleep on it, perhaps…?" He looked outside at the full moon, then back to Remus with obvious empathy. "I don't think you'll get too much tomorrow night…"

Remus moved his head up and down in agreement, sighing heavily, making him look easily ten years older. "I hate it…" He said softly, following Sirius's gaze and looking at the moon with pure loathing. "I hate that I'm going to spend the rest of my life being the subject of ridicule and prejudice, for something that I can't even help… For something that isn't even my fault…" He exhaled, looking away from the moon and back to Sirius. "That's why it means so much for me to be attending here… I mean, I never would've gotten the chance if Dumbledore hadn't become headmaster… I owe him everything." He sighed, and looked at his feet, nodding to Sirius softly. "I think I should just get to sleep, thanks… I'll see you in the morning… Alright?" He forced a little smile and Sirius stood up, murmuring a 'goodnight', and then walked quietly down the stairs to the common room.

Remus let out the breath he had been holding in, his heat beat steadying after Sirius's departure. He undressed and then put on his pajamas, falling asleep almost immediately after laying down.

"Remy…"

Remus sat up in his bed, looking around him for the source of the voice. He could make out a vague shape outside the damask curtains, and he saw them pry the curtains apart, crawling across the bed towards the headboard, towards Remus, a mess of long, black hair masking their face from view. "Remy…" The shadow repeated, the person's face now inches away from his, their bodies almost touching. Suddenly, the shape moved it's legs over his, straddling him, and he felt long, rough hands cup his cheeks, moving Remus's face closer to it's own.

Remus felt the press of silky lips against his own chapped pair, the slide of a tongue into his mouth and he felt himself moan in pleasure, returning the kisses over and over and over again, never wanting them to stop. Then the hands fell from their place on his cheeks, falling into his lap and working their way into his pajama trousers and underneath his boxers, causing him to gasp as he felt himself being touched with such tender movements, kneads and strokes causing him to fall back against the bed with an odd sort of compliance.

The stranger's weight was more than his own, though he was only vaguely aware of it, much more preoccupied with those hands and what they were doing so perfectly to him. The stranger was trailing kisses down his neck, pulling one hand aware to unbutton his nightshirt, causing him to moan and gasp, making his breathing heavier and more excited, his fingers tangling into that mess of black hair. He could hear the other's heavy breathing; deep, masculine, not at all soft and fluttery like a girl's might be. But he didn't really pay that much mind, either. He was enjoying this immensely, there was certainly no denying that. The shadowy stranger spoke several more times, but he couldn't make out what they were saying, his hearing going in and out of focus.

"I love you, Remus…"

And that was when he say the person's face, for the first time during their encounter. Just a glimpse of their blue eyes and a flash of their enticing lips- The face of Sirius Black.

Remus was jolted awake immediately, hot and sweating and in absolutely no state to be getting out of his bed for at least a few more minutes. He had just had a dream that one of his best friends was making love to him. Not only that, that friend had been another boy. And he had liked it. He was scared now, shaking madly. There had to be a logical explanation for this. He racked his brains for someone he could ask- someone who'd listen, understand, and make sense of this whole thing the best they could.; someone who would give him good advice.

James? Ha. He would probably just laugh about it and tell him to quit worrying. He wouldn't really try to understand. He might even tell Sirius about it, just to embarrass him, or kid him about it ceaselessly. No, he just couldn't tell James.

Peter? Oh, that was even worse! He would get angry or uncomfortable. He may even get nervous and tell him to stop pulling his leg. He might even stop talking to him. And he'd also probably tell Sirius about it, to warn him. Or he'd just tell the whole house. He'd be scarred for life. Everyone would know about his dream. No, Peter would not be a wise choice, either. Better to think of something else.

…Sirius? Oh, what a lovely conversation that would be! 'Hi Sirius! How are you? I'm fine, thanks. I had a dream last night we were shagging, but other than that…" Oh yes, what a marvelous chat! Nope, Sirius Black would be totally out of the question.

Then who…? Remus furrowed his brow in thought. Who could he trust with something of this magnitude? Someone who was close enough to him that he would be able to trust, but in all other ways, outside of the issue. Someone who would never, ever tell another soul. Someone who would be there to help him…

Of course! He was such an idiot to not have thought of her sooner! Lily Evans! How simple! She wouldn't judge him! She would deal with things logically and help him with his dilemma! Yes, Lily Evans was the winner! She was most definitely the best bet out of all of them. But how would he get her alone so he could talk to her? Remus got dressed and walked down to the common room and was immediately faced with a solution. She was sitting in the chair by the fire, reading a book, apparently unable to sleep as well.

"Um… Lily?" Remus ventured sheepishly, sitting down in the chair next to her.

Lily looked up from her book and smiled at Remus a little, marking her page and shutting her book. "Hi, Remus. Your friends weren't mad at you, were they? I didn't mean to make them mad at you." She glared past Remus, as if picturing James's face. "Let them be mad at me for all I care…" She muttered before shaking her head and smiling at Remus again.

Remus nodded. "Oh, I'm sure I was more mad at them than they were at me, but I think they're over it. Thank you, though." He said kindly, desperate to put of the real reason he wanted to talk to her.

Lily caught on that something was wrong, however, and raised one fiery red eyebrow, her green eyes concerned. "Something wrong?" She asked sympathetically, leaning forward a tad in her chair to show him that she'd listen.

Well, it was now or never. He'd just have to get it done and over with. "Um… Yes." He admitted, running a hand through his bed-messed hair. "If I tell you… You… You have to promise that you won't tell anyone, alright? I… I just don't think they'd understand… Even I don't understand it, really…" He looked at her with amber eyes, his expression perplexed.

Lily nodded, raising up her right hand solemnly. "I swear on my grades." She said seriously. "If I shall ever break my oath, may they drop down to 'T's' for Trolls."

Remus nodded, wringing his hands nervously in his lap. "Well, Lily, the thing is… I sort of had a dream…um…about another boy…" He trailed off, hoping she wouldn't need to ask what kind of dream it was. Lily made no comment, however. She simply nodded to show that she was listening. "Actually not just any boy… It was about Sirius…"

Lily nodded, her eyes never leaving his. "I see…" was all she said to him, her tone that of a professor contemplating the best way to answer a question.

Remus fidgeted nervously, wringing his hands more violently as he was shaking. "Well… What should I do…? What does it even mean?" He asked, looking helplessly at Lily.

She gave him a long, hard look before asking meekly. "Well… Did you enjoy the dream?"

Remus was thrown. He did enjoy it, that was evident when he woke up. And he often had thoughts of how beautiful Sirius was and how much he wished he could kiss him. How he always felt so comfortable and at peace whenever he was around. How he would have to turn away when he saw him undress in the dormitory before bed. But that seriously couldn't mean… "Well, yes… I guess so… But that doesn't mean that I… That I'm… Does it?"

Lily sat up straight in an obvious sort of way. "Well, it's not like you really have control over your dreams, but maybe it's a possibility that you like guys."

"But… But… No, be serious, Lily… I can't like guys!" He stammered, his face flushed.

Author's Notes: Ouh! Cliffhanger! Ha ha! And now you have to wait for a whole other chapter! Well, read and review! Sorry this took so long to post… My computer was broken down.