Peering Into The Pages
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Acceptance
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A poet's endless rhyme could not properly capture his feelings
He has spirited her heart away—I watched it flutter and beat
Underneath our shared cynicism, he loves her and yet—
A love like his couldn't dare challenge devotion such as mine
Intrinsically I knew that he would take her hand in his own
Still, I didn't expect that I'd be pleased
---Page 53 of the Little Pink Book
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Gerald and I have a grudging respect for one another that has grown over the years. The both of us love sports, Arnold and Phoebe among other things. We have those few things in common. We're both stubborn people, who happen to be very territorial with our best friends. I am naturally inclined to be mistrustful of his intentions with Phoebe, and he of course feels the same about Arnold. The difference would be that Gerald does not know that I am in love with Arnold, and everyone can see his infatuation with Phoebe written all over his face. I always knew that eventually he'd come out and say it, but I never expected such an open admission.
He was not a loud person, but he not shy either. Perhaps when boys began to care for a girl, they approached the situation completely differently. I had no way to make a comparison, because I cared too deeply for Arnold to make sense of the matter. We were at Geraldfield, and I was too tired to play in the last game of the evening, decided to sit out and write in my book instead. Phoebe was engrossed in watching Gerald, and I was scribbling furiously in my book. She looked at me nervously, fidgeting every few minutes.
Finally, she stood, nearly rushing to his side as he waited for his turn at bat. I smirked slightly at the sight, happy to see my friend coming out of her quiet shell. The game was over soon enough, and as we sat around chatting, I noticed people breaking off to head home as the twilight settled in. Gerald offered to walk her home, and I could see that she did not want to upset me by leaving with him. Then she remembered that she and Arnold had to leave early for some unknown reasons. I surmised that they had a science project to finish. My lab partner was Nadine, so I knew we'd ace our project. Harold and Sid had already left, as well as Rhonda and Nadine who had decided to leave after the second inning. Soon, I was left alone with Gerald.
"Well, I guess I'll see you later. See you in the funny papers, Geraldo."
Though my back was to him as I walked in the fading dusk, I knew that he was staring at my back. His eyes seemed to have burned a hole in my dress, but I walked on. Suddenly, I heard the sounds of his thumping feet, pounding the pavement.
"Wait! I mean we're both going in the same direction, so how about I walk you home? You know it's not safe to walk the streets at night all by yourself."
This was odd for Gerald considering the fact that he almost never wanted to be around me longer than necessary. There was an ulterior motive for our late night stroll. He caught up to me quickly enough and I wondered what it was that he wished to discuss. Our footfalls were the only sounds in the night, aside from cars and busy business. Every so often he would look at me, and then turn his eyes away. He knew some sort of secret, and whatever it was I wanted to know about it.
"Why did you really want to walk me home, tall hair boy?"
I said finally, breaking our silent plateau. He stopped walking all of a sudden, turning to face me. Offering his hand to mine, he shook it. I felt a tingly sensation run up my hands, but said nothing. My cheeks however, must have clearly given away my feelings at the moment. Luckily it was dark enough to hide my embarrassment. It's not like I liked him or anything (my love reserved for Arnold alone) but his behavior was foreign. We rarely got along, and the very idea of Gerald shaking my hand was absurd.
"I was hoping that maybe you and I could call a truce. Arnold and Phoebe are our best friends and they are getting tired of our constant bickering. You know they're lab partners this year, and we'll most likely be seeing more of each other. I was hoping that it would be as friends, and if not that at least we could be civil. Arnold is my best friend and I promised him that I would try to get along with you. You tend to make peace between us difficult when you constantly berate me. Can you at least try to get along with me for Phoebe's sake?"
"I'd do anything for Phoebe. Although she doesn't deserve someone like you, I would not do anything to make her upset. I just don't know what she sees in you is all. I must say however, that I am surprised that you finally grew some balls and plan asking her out. "
I say without preamble, surprising us both. He studies me queerly for a moment, before continuing to walk once more. My longlegs soon catch up with him, and continue our amble in silence.
"I'm a decent person Helga. I-I know that you and I don't get along, but we have more in common than you know. We both care very deeply for Phoebe. I know it may seem strange but I think that I could fall in love with her. Besides, we both know that you'll never have enough guts to practice what you preach."
I scoff at his comment, eliciting a barely audible sigh from the boy at my side. Gerald may care about Phoebe, but I would be damned if I let him hurt her. Why was he telling me all this? Shouldn't he be running up to Phoebe confessing all? Still, he had taken a step that neither of us ever imagined we'd be doing. I was a little jealous that he extended the branch of peace before I could, but then again he was right in a sense. Would I ever tell Arnold how I felt? At least he had the courage to admit to me how he felt about her. I was too embarrassed to openly discuss it with my best friend.
"I'm sure that I don't know what you're talking about Geraldo."
I say as we come to my stoop. He smirks at me, completely satisfied with of how he has caught me unaware. I scowl, but it is useless, he continues to give me that annoying grin. I cross my arms, growing irritated with his smug behavior. Shaking my head in frustration, I fumble for my house key. Just as I am almost inside, I can hear his voice call out in the night.
"He's catching on Helga. We both know he's dense, but he's catching on. Telling him the truth might not be as hard as you make it to be. Goodnight."
His words ring in my head, as I walk past a snoring Miriam. If Gerald could see it, then why couldn't Arnold? The truth seemed harder than ever to divulge. I was envious of him at that moment. If only I could tell someone how I felt the same way that he had just told me.
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Footnotes: That's it! Thank you for reading and don't forget to review.