Author's Notes: This drabble has come to an end. Originally this was supposed to be eight chapters, but I decided to write about these six characters instead. Thank you to Pullman lover, Smoking Panda, Number6, and Jaded Angel for reviewing. You guys rock my socks! Please read my Helga/Arnold mystery romance Vanity's Bane.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold.
Peering Into The Pages
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The Dreams Inside
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Masquerading beneath an angry façade, my love blooms inside my chest
The fear wells inside me, and I know that I've been put to the test
Can I set aside my pride, my reputation on an ambiguity?
My adoration is full and complete, my sole certainty
I don't know what I'll do if he rejects all that I have to give—
I do know that without him I cannot live
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"You write beautifully. The poems, I mean."
His voice rang out in the quiet of my room. I shivered slightly, partially because of the cold draft, and the sound of his voice. I could not tell if he was angry with me or not. I do not know how he got in my house, or who let him in but right now Arnold was the last person that I wished to see. Embarrassed by my appearance, I tried to smooth down my messy blonde hair, and wipe the tears that had stained my cheeks. I'm sure that I looked appalling, but he said nothing. We stared at one another, and my stomach felt uneasy. Why had he come? Did he wish to embarrass me further? He stood under the threshold of my doorway, not moving closer. I did not wish to invite him inside, but he would come in regardless. Finally, I came to my senses quickly enough.
"Why did you turn my book in for that poetry contest? Why did you read those poems aloud?"
I rose to my feet on tall, wobbly legs. In his hand he clutched the writing that I had desperately tried to keep secret. I reached for them, in order to yank them from his hand, but he held me back. He clutched my little pink book to his chest as if it were a life saver. I sat back down on the bed, and he took the desk chair from my workstation, and pulled his chair next to me. He was too close for comfort, and I was certain that he could hear my heart beat inside my chest. I tried to edge away from him, but he only scooted closer. His behavior was beginning to irritate me and no matter how embarrassed I may have felt he was beginning to cross a line. I looked away from him then, not wanting to see his face. I did not wish to face the reality of the situation, now or ever. My wishes were not to be granted. I managed to avoid him during most of the school day, but he had followed me home, even after I raced from the school.
"I did it because they were beautiful poems. You're a beautiful person, and I wanted to share your work with the world. You are very talented, and you shouldn't be ashamed of your writing. The way you captured everyone was beautiful and full of emotion. I never thought you or anyone at our school would be able to describe emotions that we as kids have yet to experience."
Arnold grasped my chin gently, guiding me to face him. His eyes had never before seemed so intense. His hand releases my chin, and for a moment I feel a vague emptiness at the loss of his touch. I sat with my head bowed down, ashamed of my weak behavior and of my feelings. What exactly did he expect to accomplish by coming here? Everything feel's different because everything was different. My feeling and emotions were better left upon the shelf, but now they were exposed. I was completely naked with my secret. Nothing could hide me from the truth of everyone knowing how I felt. Worst of all, he knew how I felt. No longer did I hold the upper hand here. I was not going to be able to bully him into submission like before. The tables turned as my poetry was read aloud to my schoolmates.
"You've given me my book back. You can leave now. Goodbye, Arnold."
I say, standing by the door. He remains immobile, and even takes it upon himself to lie on my bed. My cheeks redden at his current position, and I curse my pale skin. He refuses to move, and I am too upset to deal with him now. I feel stupid, angry, saddened, and depressed. I wish he could just leave me alone. I march over to my bed, and drag him into a sitting position by his collar. Arnold's smile is erased completely, and is now a full smirk. Just as I was about to physically force him from my room; he pulls me unto his lap. I try to squirm from his grip, but he shows surprising strength. Arnold had never been my physical better, but as we grew older physiology changed him. We struggle for a few moments, but I was already exhausted from crying before he had arrived. After a moment I give in, heaving deeply with a mixture of sobs and jagged breathing.
"Let me go! Why can't you just go away and leave me alone?! Why couldn't you have just minded your own business? Why did you have to invade my privacy like that? That book was personal, but you had to butt in like you always do and decide to read my private poems! Even if you had read my poetry, you didn't have to submit it! I hate you! Let me go dammit!"
I screamed, finally managing to pry his arms from my waist. Now I knew what Phoebe and Arnold had planned that night they had run off and left me alone with Gerald. He had planned this all along, and while Phoebe was my best friend I could never stay mad at her. Nevertheless, she knew how self conscious I was about my poetry. I suspected something was afoot when she avoided me the entire day. I never had felt such a betrayal than when I heard my writing read aloud to my peers. Arnold had snatched my book without Phoebe knowing that day at Gerald. Yet, when she had found out later that night she did nothing. She didn't even tell me he had my poems.
"I had come here hoping that maybe, finally, you'd admit it to me. If you could not admit the truth to me, I was hoping that you could admit it to yourself. One day I thought you'd be able to accept that maybe I could love you. How can you write such beautiful poetry about me, and deny me and everyone else to get to know the writer that wrote these poems? Phoebe only gets a glimpse of what should be seen by everyone on a daily basis."
"For quite sometime now, you've been on my mind. At first I didn't know why that was exactly, but after watching you interact with our class these past few weeks. I began to notice that you were acting different. You seemed more open and sincere lately. Then when I talked with Gerald, he told me about your conversation. I didn't realize what I was seeing at first, but it all came together. I saw you speaking with Brainy, and Lila told me about what happened between you two. After careful observation I realized that I was seeing the real Helga. I then saw the person that you really were, and desperately wanted to know her."
I wanted to take this moment and stuff it into a tiny little box, placing it at the bottom of the ocean, never to be opened again. My mind was waging war with my heart. I didn't know whether to laugh of cry, but I knew that there may never be another opportunity like this for me again.
"You never knew me. You may have seen through my façade, but you can't see into my heart. Would it have made a difference if I had told you the moment that I knew? You would not have wanted me then, just as you do not want me now."
I say bitterly, facing away from him. My eyes scan the street below me, and I wonder about what he is thinking. My head is bowed once more, and I am thankful that Arnold cannot see my tears as they fall from my face. He walks to me, reaching for my hand. Our palms touch as he returns my lost treasure.
"I beg to differ. I wanted to get to know Helga the poet, but you never let me. You locked her away. I want to know Helga the writer, the sensitive person hidden behind this mask. I always wanted to know her, but you always pushed me away. After I had gotten a glimpse of you true self on the FTI rooftop, I realized that I wanted to get to know you as you truly are. Will you let me?"
I brought my eyes timidly to his face and for the first time, the flutter in my stomach evaporated. Looking into his eyes I could see his resolve in getting to know me as I really am. The book falls from out hands to the floor.
"Yes."
My reply falls from my lips, a barely audible whisper. In an instant I was in his arms, letting the words fall from my mouth. The pain, the joy, the heartache—everything came out in that moment. Our lips joined tentatively, and I felt warmth inside my heart that I thought would remain cold forever. He held me then, stroking my back as he assured me that everything would be fine from now on. The soft whispering of his voice eased my mind. As he promised to be there for me, willing to love me as much as I loved him, nothing else mattered. The good and the bad things in my life faded away. I wanted to stay like this forever.
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FIN