Buffy hadn't realized she had drifted off to sleep until she woke up approximately twenty minutes later. Looking up, all she saw were Angel's dark eyes staring at her with concern and most unnervingly, love.

"I'm sorry." She said, averting his intense gaze. "I didn't realize I fell asleep."

"Don't apologize Buffy." He told her gently. "You don't have to explain anything to me."

"I know," she said, smiling her first real smile in days and realizing that at this moment, this place, she truly could trust him with anything....even with the secret she had kept from all her friends thus far. "I want to tell you....I want to explain...." She trailed off, unable to approach the subject.

"Buffy when Cordelia told me you were alive, she said that Willow told her....that you were in a hellish demon dimension." Angel stared at her, attempting to gauge her reaction. Buffy looked away, trying to block the truth from her mind, not wanting to think of the peace she could have had...the peace she had had, but lost...

"Is that what Willow said?" She finally asked. Angel nodded.

"It's what she said Buffy....but I don't believe it." Reaching out to her, he brushed a lock of stray hair from her face and tipped her chin up to meet his gaze. "I don't believe a word of it." Buffy's mouth went dry.

"How do you know?" She whispered. "How could you possibly know?"

"I was in a demon dimension for over a thousand years Buffy." Angel reminded her. Guilt flickered through her eyes as she remembered that it was she who had put him there. "People that get stuck in a hell dimension have a look in their eyes...it's engraved in their very soul...you don't have it. Where were you?"

Buffy started to shake. Panic and fear rose inside of her as the memories took over. She could see the peace, the contentment ripped away from her and suddenly it was replaced with a coffin...and she was back in that cemetery, attempting to crawl out of her own grave.

"No!" She cried out, "not again! I want to go back, take me back!"

"Buffy?" Angel whispered fearfully, more afraid for her than he had ever been in his entire life. "Were you...were you in heaven? Were you at peace?"

And there it was....the truth spoken out loud. Simply hearing his words put her into an emotional tailspin unlike any other. She could no longer fight the tears that threatened her, and so she welcomed them. Sobs overtook her and she attempted to answer Angel as the wetness caressed her face.

"I was...oh Angel, I was....."

She leaned forward, unable to even hold herself up. The pain was more intense than anything she had ever felt before. And then his arms were around her, crushing her to his chest so fiercely she was afraid she would stop breathing at any moment. Still, she held tightly to him, abandoning her own strength for once and relying entirely on his to see her through this.

"I'm sorry Buffy," Angel said, his own voice muffled by the top of her head as he held her to him. His heart broke, right along with hers for all he knew she must be suffering right now. "I'm so sorry."

"I can't tell them." She finally said after the gulping sobs subsided. "They are so happy to see me alive, and they think they saved me from a hell dimension....I can't tell them where I really was. I can't tell them that instead of saving me from hell....they trapped me here."

"If there was anything I could do..."

"Don't," She interrupted him. "Don't tell me any lies Angel. I couldn't bear it from you."

"I would never lie to you." He said firmly. She loosened her grip on him and sat back so she could see his face.

"Wouldn't you?" She countered. "You were about to tell me that if there was anything you could do, you would do it right?"

"I mean it Buffy."

"Do you?" She met his gaze desperately. "If you could put me back there...back where I was at peace, would you really do it? Would you have stopped the others from doing the spell to bring me back, even if you had known it would work? Even if it meant losing me all over again?"

Angel didn't answer her for a moment. All he could do was sit there and look at her beautiful face, highlighted by the moon and her tears. He knew the answer to her question, but how could he fully explain it to her? Why couldn't he tell her about the lost day they had had together? About how he gave up his humanity just so that she could live? How could he tell her that he would gladly sacrifice just as much if she wanted to die?

"Buffy listen to me," he finally said. "I would do anything....anything at all to make you happy...to set you free. You have to believe me. I left you three years ago to free you from the darkness. I realize now that it was an illusion. While my leaving may have freed you partially, as long as you live, you'll never truly be away from it. If death had set you free, then I would have let you rest in peace Buffy...no matter how much it hurt."

Buffy's eyes widened as she heard the full truth of his words. He truly would sacrifice everything for her if he could. A tear slipped down her cheek and as if on instinct, she leaned forward to kiss him.

Their lips met softly at first, almost as if fearing that either of them would explode or disappear at any moment. She found a comfort in his kiss, something she had thought long lost to her forever.

The kiss deepened and Angel felt himself getting lost in her all over again. Her skin, her smell, her heart beating, not only for her, but for him as well. Even when he was away from her, she was what he lived for. She was what kept him fighting. She was his heartbeat. And she was his destruction as well.

As that thought hit him, he pulled back from her in fear. He couldn't let this go too far. He couldn't remember the day they had lost. He couldn't lose her again.

"Angel?" Her voice was questioning...unsure.

"We....we can't Buffy. You know we can't..."

"Ssshh," she said, silencing him with her finger to her lips. "Just tonight? Can we just have tonight? We won't take it too far, I just...I need you Angel. I need you to be strong for me."

Angel smiled, and pulled her into his arms once more, abandoning for once all rational thought and reason.

"Tonight," he agreed. "You know it can't be anything more."

"I know."