*****
Ryan was sitting in the den, tapping his fingers on the table absently.
"Hey, kid. What are you doing?" Sandy asked, walking in.
"Twiddling my fucking thumbs," Ryan muttered.
"Sounds fun."
"Thrilling."
Sandy sat down beside him. "You want to know what I think?"
"Go ahead, Sandy," Ryan sighed.
"I think you've been keeping yourself busy so you don't have to think about what's really bothering you. I think you're doing everything you can to fill the time so you don't have to face what's going on in your own head."
Ryan leaned back with a sigh. "You think?"
"Yeah, Ryan."
"So what? What do you want me to do, Sandy?" Ryan closed his eyes.
"Relax. Rest. I want you to slow down and start dealing with your problems."
Ryan nodded without opening his eyes.
"There's something else," Sandy said quietly.
"You're on a roll," Ryan muttered indifferently.
"Ryan."
"Sorry. I'm listening, Sandy." Ryan opened his eyes and met Sandy's gaze with dull blue eyes.
"I don't want you to visit your mother anymore."
Ryan didn't react immediately. Sandy and Kirsten had always encouraged him to have contact with his biological family. They had never pushed him to consider them his 'real family' and always had made sure Ryan put his real family first. Sandy and Kirsten always seemed to 'tiptoe' around the topic. This was the first time Sandy had ever made a declaration concerning his family.
"I don't think seeing her is a good idea for you right now," Sandy added quietly, clearly unsure as to how Ryan would react.
"Can I ask for a little explanation?" Ryan asked calmly.
"I don't think she's good for you."
"What do you know about Dawn?" Ryan questioned evenly.
"There were messages on your answering machine…"
"You listened to my messages?"
Sandy hesitated. "I was in your apartment and when I didn't answer the phone, your machine came on and I…I heard her…"
Ryan was watching Sandy with a dark expression. He lowered his gaze.
"No one should talk to you that way…"
"Sandy…"
"I don't want you to see her," Sandy stated before Ryan could continue.
Ryan paused, thinking. "So. Is this like a direct order?"
"I've never ordered you to do anything," Sandy replied.
"God, Sandy…" Ryan whispered.
"I've never made you choose, Ryan…I never wanted you to have to do that, I don't want to pass judgement on your family but…"
"Okay, Sandy. Just pause for me. Let me think about this…" Ryan interrupted.
"I'm just asking you not to see her…"
"And you don't think that's like…a huge thing to ask?"
"No, Ryan. She treats you…she doesn't treat you like you deserve, she doesn't respect you…"
"Stop it, Sandy, I don't want to do this with you," Ryan said quietly.
"We need to talk about this, I should've made you talk about it before…"
"Talk about what?" Ryan asked, confused.
"About your mother…"
Ryan stood up abruptly and walked out of the room.
"Ryan…" Sandy called out, frustrated. He heard the door to the patio slam shut.
*****
"I hate school," Summer said to Kirsten as she followed her into the house later that day.
"It wouldn't be school if you enjoyed it," Kirsten smiled. "Tougher than Harbor?"
"God yes. Pop quizzes and stupid term papers being due before we're even into the stupid term yet," Summer replied. "How's Ryan doing?"
"He hasn't come out of the poolhouse all day. I think he got into a fight with Sandy," Kirsten said.
"With Sandy? God, he loves Sandy like a father, what happened?"
"I don't know. Sandy won't talk to me, he says that its nothing and Ryan…he won't say anything either. He's just…he's just lying there."
"Did you get him to eat anything?" Summer asked.
"He eats everything I take him but it's like it hurts him to eat," Kirsten replied.
"He's going to be okay, Kirsten," Summer said quietly. She gave the older lady an impulsive hug.
"You're a good friend to him, Summer. He's lucky to have you around," Kirsten smiled.
"Thanks. I'm lucky to have him, too," Summer replied.
Kirsten offered her a bottle of juice and she accepted. "Can I ask you a personal question?"
Summer hesitated. "I guess." She had always liked Seth's mother and felt comfortable talking to her.
"I've been watching the way you are around Ryan and Luke…"
"We're friends," Summer replied.
"I know. But lately…you really seem to get through to Ryan, Summer. He listens to you and values your opinion…but you seem to be getting a little…involved."
Summer lowered her gaze.
"Summer? I don't want to make you uncomfortable but…maybe you should tell Ryan how you feel," Kirsten said quietly.
"I talked to Luke about it," Summer confessed.
"And?"
"He said that he's seen a lot of Ryan's "girl" friends go down in flames when they tried to pursue a relationship with him. Luke says that Ryan won't try to have a relationship because…because Marissa and his mom fucked with his head," Summer said quietly. "He doesn't believe in dating."
Kirsten was silent. "He hasn't really dated anyone since Marissa's accident. I never really considered it an issue but…he doesn't believe in dating anymore?"
"That's the line around town," Summer sighed.
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to be his friend," Summer shrugged. She turned to face Kirsten. "Why do you think I should tell him?"
"Well, I can tell that your feelings have changed. And Sandy's mentioned it, too…how long before Ryan senses it? Don't you think you should tell him what's going on before he misinterprets it?" Kirsten asked.
"I hadn't thought about it. It's that noticeable?" Summer asked, surprised.
"You didn't let go of his hand the whole time you were at the hospital," Kirsten smiled. "You should give him a chance. Even if he doesn't think of you that way, I think you should be honest with him."
Summer nodded. "I'll think about it."
"Here, take Ryan something to eat. He'll be glad to see you," Kirsten urged. Summer saw that while they were talking, Kirsten had arranged a tray full of snacks.
"Thanks. Thanks for the advice, Kirsten," Summer said, taking the tray.
"No problem. Ryan has added you to his extended family so you might as well get used to it. Just ask Luke," Kirsten smiled. "Sandy hasn't given him a break since he found out that Luke was a surfer."
Summer took the tray to the poolhouse and knocked quietly. She wondered why the Cohens convinced Ryan to come home so they could keep an eye on him but they still sequestered him to the poolhouse.
"Yeah?" Ryan answered. Summer let herself inside.
"It's me," Summer said. She set the tray down on the floor beside the bed.
Ryan was wearing a pair of faded jeans and a wife-beater. He was sprawled on the bed. He sat up when she sat down.
"No more food, I think I'm going to explode," Ryan muttered.
"No whining, that's Seth's job," Summer teased. Ryan rolled his eyes at her with a sigh.
"How was class?" Ryan asked, accepting a bottle of juice from her hand.
"Boring. Stupid," Summer replied. She met his gaze. "How are you?"
"Boring. Stupid," He replied immediately. She shoved him with a smile and he feigned injury, lying on his back. She started to tickle him and was surprised when he started to laugh. She never knew he was ticklish but she'd never forget now that she knew. She let out a squeal as he started to tickle her in retaliation.
"Ahem…"
Summer and Ryan fell off the bed with a thump on opposite sides, startled.
Sandy laughed at their expressions when they sat up to see who had come in.
"Sorry, I had to do it. Ryan, there's someone here to see you," Sandy said, his laughter fading as he got to the point.
"Okay," Ryan said after a beat.
"Who is it?" Summer asked, watching Ryan carefully.
Sandy hesitated.
"It's my brother, right? It's Trey?" Ryan asked as he got to his feet.
"Yes, Ryan," Sandy said.
"Before you say anything," Ryan said quietly as he helped Summer to her feet. "He doesn't have anything to do with Dawn. So don't even start…"
"I wasn't…" Sandy started.
"Where is he?" Ryan asked.
Sandy waved his hand and Trey walked in. Sandy left without another word.
"Hey, little bro. You kind of dropped off the world there for a couple of days," Trey said, giving Ryan a friendly hug.
"Hey, man. This is Summer," Ryan introduced. He sat down on the bed across from his brother. Summer started to leave but Ryan gave her a look and she sat down beside him.
"Nice to meet you. Ryan talks about you all the time. He didn't mention how hot you were," Trey smiled. Summer blushed. The Atwood men must all have the talent to make girls blush with a glance from those blue eyes. She wondered if Dawn had the same effect on men. She was surprised to see so much of Ryan in the thinner, taller man. They were obviously brothers but the years of jail were hanging off Trey. He looked older than she thought he should be.
"Trey, come on. What's going on?" Ryan asked.
"Well, I missed you yesterday and you didn't call…" Trey started.
"Yeah, I got a little distracted…" Ryan muttered.
"Distracted as in 'hospitalized'," Summer said, ignoring Ryan's glare of doom.
"What? What happened? Are you okay?" Trey was immediately stricken with concern.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, everyone is just overreacting," Ryan shrugged.
Trey looked to Summer for answers.
"He isn't eating and he was dehydrated," Summer said.
"Damn, kid, I told you that you were looking thin," Trey scolded.
"I don't need a lecture, Trey, I'm getting enough of those as is," Ryan sighed.
"You need something if you're doing this to yourself," Trey said sternly. He softened his tone. "Look, man, you have really helped me out. You got me this sweet job and you helped me get this new apartment and I owe you so much…"
"Just stay out of jail, man, and I'll be happy, I told you that," Ryan said before he could finish.
"Yeah, I'm trying," Trey smirked slightly. "But listen, dude…you have to fix whatever is eating away at you…"
"Come on, Trey…"
"Dude, I'm worried about you. You haven't been yourself lately and you know it," Trey said quickly before Ryan could interrupt. "Now I hear that they had to put you in the hospital 'cause you won't eat? How's that supposed to reassure me of anything?"
Summer was surprised to see the words of Ryan's brother affecting him. Ryan was listening to Trey.
"What's going on?" Trey asked. "Is it the Cohens? Is it that Seth kid again or Marissa?"
"No, Trey, its not that…it's nothing…" Ryan sighed.
"Then what is eating you?" Trey urged. "Come on, kid…"
"You think it's just one thing that I can just fix?" Ryan snapped. Summer had seen him lose his temper before but she was still surprised at his rage. Trey didn't seem to mind his anger.
"I don't know, Ry. Are you drinking?" Trey asked.
"What do you want, Trey?"
"I was worried about you, Ryan, you call me every day and I…"
"I'm sorry that I didn't call…" Ryan sighed.
"You didn't think I'd care that you were in the hospital?" Trey snapped.
Summer put her hand on Ryan's shoulder and he let out a long sigh instead of snapping back at his brother.
"Ryan's had a lot on his mind, Trey," Summer said quietly.
"I know. I'm sorry for coming down on you so hard, kid, but I'm worried about you. You're depressed and you're…"
"I'm not depressed…"
"You've been depressed for months," Trey responded.
"Trey, shut the fuck up," Ryan said seriously.
"No, Ryan, not until you listen to me…" Trey retorted.
"Save it…" Ryan stood up.
"You guys both need to chill out. Too much testosterone is getting thrown around in here…" Summer said quietly.
"Chill, Ryan," Trey said finally.
Summer patted the bed beside her and Ryan reluctantly sat down.
"Come on, kid. What happened?" Trey asked.
"Nothing…"
"How'd you end up in the hospital?" Trey asked after a pause.
"I…I just let myself get overtired. I forgot to eat…"
"You forgot to eat, what bullshit," Trey sighed. "You can't just forget to eat…"
"Trey, chill," Summer warned. She put her arm around Ryan and was surprised to feel him trembling.
"Sorry," Trey apologized, glancing at her. "I just…you've done so much for me since I got out and I can't stand to see you like this…"
"Like what?" Ryan snapped.
"Ryan, relax," Summer whispered. "He's your brother and he's worried about you."
Ryan nodded after a beat. "I'm sorry, Trey. I just…I don't know what's going on with me right now. I'm just trying to pull myself together…"
"What are you doing back here?" Trey asked.
"The Cohens…they don't want me to go back to my apartment yet. They want me to take some time off and get myself together," Ryan replied quietly.
"At least you're letting someone look out for you," Trey remarked. Ryan glared at him.
"He's got a lot of people looking out for him," Summer replied quietly.
Trey's gaze flickered from Ryan to Summer and back to Ryan. "So. You're okay?"
"I'm okay, Trey."
"Okay. And you'll call me tomorrow."
"I will call you tomorrow," Ryan stated.
"And if you need me, you'll call."
Ryan nodded.
Trey accepted his response and stood up. "That's all I can ask for, I guess."
"Thanks, Trey," Ryan said quietly once his brother was by the door.
"I know that I was a shitty brother," Trey said, not turning around. "But I'd like to change. You've helped me and if there's anything that I can do, I hope that you'd give me the chance to help you in return." He opened the door and closed it behind him.
"Are you okay?" Summer asked.
"Yeah."
"Lay down. On your stomach," Summer said.
"What?" Ryan looked at her, confused.
"Just do it, Chino," Summer replied.
"You're not going to tickle me again, are you?" He asked. She glared at him and he obeyed. She sat down gently on his back and started to massage his muscles.
"What are you doing?" Ryan asked after a few moments.
"Trying to help you out," She replied. "Do you want me to stop?"
"Hell, no," He said, his voice muffled. She smiled.
Summer hadn't told anyone about the unopened prescriptions in Ryan's apartment. She was trying to think of a way that she could tell someone without him getting upset. She wanted to know why he'd keep all the filled bottles around if he didn't intend on taking them. She wanted to know why he didn't take them when he was obviously in pain. She wanted him to talk to her.
"How're your classes going?" Ryan asked.
"Fine."
"Just fine? Come on, distract me. Tell me about that evil physics professor you have," Ryan urged.
She knew that he was just trying to avoid her questions about his brother.
"Can I talk to you about something else first?" She asked.
Ryan didn't reply immediately. "As long as you don't stop what you're doing…"
Summer smiled, glad to be bringing him some relief.
"What's up?" Ryan asked when she didn't respond.
"I think you should talk to a doctor or something about your pain management…"
"Summer…" He sighed.
"No, hear me out." She continued to rub his back. She knew that it should help his back pain but she also enjoyed the closeness to him. "You don't like the drugs, that's fine. But what about acupuncture or more intense physical therapy? Have you even told anyone that you aren't taking the painkillers?"
"Summer…" He started again.
"I think you don't sleep 'cause you're in pain. I think you're grouchy all the time because you're in pain…"
"You think I'm grouchy?" Ryan asked. She could hear the smile in his voice.
Her hands drifted to his lower back.
"Oh god…" Ryan said suddenly.
"What? Did I hurt you?" She asked.
"No…that was the spot…" He murmured. She laughed despite herself and focused more on his lower back.
"So, Ryan. Now that I know your weakness…have you told anyone about the pills?"
"No, Summer…"
"Can I ask you why you're keeping them if you're not taking them?"
He didn't answer.
Summer sighed. "Ryan, please…if you hate throwing things away, just tell me. If you were going to sell them, just tell me…"
"I just didn't throw them away," Ryan whispered.
"If you were planning on eating the whole bottle…"
"I wasn't. I'm not," Ryan answered immediately.
Summer stopped rubbing his back and ran her hand through his hair. "I think you should tell someone, Ryan."
"I know…" He whispered.
"What? You're agreeing with something? I don't believe it," She teased.
"I'm so tired of being sad and angry…I'm just too tired…"
Summer resumed her massage of his back as she considered his words. "What happened between you and Sandy?"
"I'm not mad at him. I just don't know…I don't know if I can do what he wants…"
"What does he want?" Summer asked gently.
"He wants me to stop seeing my mother," Ryan replied.
"Wait a second. You see your mom? Like, your real mom?" Summer asked, surprised.
"Yeah. I've been going every morning since she ended up in jail," He whispered.
"She's in jail?" Summer was surprised. She hadn't known that Trey was out of jail.
"Yeah. And she wants to see me. She's never wanted to see me before but…Sandy expects me to just walk away from her…" Ryan murmured before pausing. "If Trey knew I was seeing her, he'd kick my ass…"
Summer wasn't sure of how she was supposed to interpret his statement. She realized that she was sorely out of the loop on the Atwood core family. "Why?" She asked finally.
"Because," Ryan answered tersely.
"You have to give me a little more to go on, Chino," Summer replied quietly. She was glad that he was actually talking to her but she wanted him to tell her what he was trying to tell her instead of just dancing around it.
"Because of the way she is," Ryan whispered.
"Okay. Why do you go see her if she's…if she's that way?" Summer asked. Ryan didn't respond. Summer didn't push him for an answer, she continued to try and knead the tension out of his back.
"Because she's my mother…" He said finally.
"Okay, Ryan. Why didn't you tell Sandy that?" Summer asked.
Ryan sighed.
"My hands are getting tired, Ryan. You want to try and eat something?" Summer asked. She got off his back and sat down on the bed. Ryan sat up and stretched.
"Thanks, Summer. That…really helped," He said.
"And you're going to eat, right?" Summer asked.
He stuck his tongue out at her but leaned over and retrieved the tray, setting it on the bed between them. He reluctantly put a cracker in his mouth.
"Chew," Summer ordered.
Ryan gave her the finger and chewed his cracker dramatically.
"You're on thin ice, Chino," Summer laughed. She glanced through the windows and saw Sandy and Trey talking on the patio.
"I'm going to be in more trouble, aren't I?" Ryan asked, following her gaze.
"I didn't know Trey was out of jail."
"He called me when he got out. I got him a job and helped him get settled in a new place. Out of Chino. A new start," Ryan said slowly.
"And I'm assuming that you didn't tell anyone."
"It wasn't anyone's business," Ryan remarked.
"It was a nice thing to do, Ryan. It was nice of you to help him like that," Summer said. She turned and realized that Ryan was watching her. "What?"
"What's up, Summer?"
"What?" She asked.
"You're acting weird," Ryan replied.
"Weird? What do you mean?"
Ryan shook his head. "Nothing. Never mind."
Summer accepted his response. "Eat."
*****