AN: Here's a short update to show all the patient folks that I haven't forgotten about this story. Thanks for all the reviews.
*****
*****
"What's going on?" Summer whispered to Kirsten after she had escorted Ryan into the house.
"What do you mean?" Kirsten whispered in reply.
"Something happened. Something's wrong," Summer said.
"Seth. Good to see you, man," Ryan said as Seth walked into the dining room with Sandy.
"You look like hell, man," Seth said with a huge grin on his face. He gave Ryan a genuine hug.
"What'd you do to Luke?" Ryan asked, looking around for his friend.
"He had to go. He should be back in a couple of hours," Sandy answered. Ryan glanced between Seth and Sandy but didn't argue. He nodded silently.
"You're right," Kirsten whispered to Summer, seeing the tension.
"Come upstairs. We'll get caught up," Seth said suddenly. He seemed to sense the tension as well. But Seth could tell that it was directed at Sandy.
"You must be exhausted man, from your flight," Ryan replied.
"The jet lag is pretty harsh but…" Seth protested.
"I have some errands to run today though. If that's okay," Ryan said evenly, meeting Sandy's gaze.
"You're not under arrest, Ryan. We just want you to take it easy," Sandy stated slowly.
Ryan nodded. "I plan to. But I need to run some errands. I figured I'd have breakfast first, though."
"Breakfast? You're volunteering to eat? Wow," Kirsten remarked with a smile.
Kirsten and Seth fell into the familiar Cohen banter by the counter, trying to diffuse the building tension in the kitchen. Summer stayed by Ryan's side but saw that while he wasn't affected by Seth's presence, he was rigid from the proximity to Sandy.
Sandy walked closer to Ryan and gave him a sad glance. "I'm sorry that I'm not helping you."
Ryan gave him a frosty glare and turned away. He went to Kirsten's side and silently started helping her set the table for breakfast. Summer gave Sandy an apologetic look before he left the kitchen.
"Where's the boy?" Caleb's voice boomed into the kitchen.
"How'd you know I was home, Grandpa?" Seth asked, giving his grandfather a welcoming hug.
"I didn't, what are you doing here? Don't tell me you flunked out of college, you're too smart for that," Caleb smiled.
"It's a long story, Grandpa. I'm taking a short hiatus from school. What are you doing here?" Seth asked.
"I came by to check on Ryan," Caleb replied.
"He's not doing any work," Kirsten remarked.
"I've already talked to Ernie," Ryan said quietly.
"You have?" Caleb and Kirsten asked in unison.
"He emailed me the plans and I talked to him a little and gave him some input," Ryan replied.
"Do you have a few minutes to go over them with me?" Caleb asked.
Kirsten and Summer gave Caleb a warning glare.
Ryan laughed at their seriousness. "I was going to swing by the office, for just a few minutes, when I go out today."
"So you'll touch base with the architects?" Caleb asked.
"Ryan, you're supposed to be taking it easy," Kirsten said quietly.
"I'm not planning on staying but a few minutes, Kirsten. I just want to follow up on some of the projects we have going right now. I promise that I won't get stressed out," Ryan replied.
"I was hoping we could hang out today, Ryan," Seth said suddenly. Ryan turned to face him.
"Why can't we?" Ryan replied.
"How long are your errands going to take?" Seth inquired.
Summer watched Ryan tense up.
"I don't know," Ryan replied. "Do you want me to write out my schedule or should I just wear one of those tracking collars so you'll know where I am?"
Seth was startled by Ryan's tone. "What? That's not what I meant…" Seth stammered.
Ryan sighed and dropped his stern expression. "Sorry…"
"Ryan…" Kirsten started but Ryan was already on his way out of the kitchen. They all listened as the front door slammed closed.
*****
Ryan went by his apartment and found Luke working on some homework. He convinced Luke to accompany him to the gym to work off some frustration. Luke was hesitant about Ryan working out so soon after his collapse but Ryan was intent on going with or without him. Luke worked out in the weight room and found Ryan in the locker room an hour later.
"So, dude, what's up now?" Luke asked, sitting down on the bench near Ryan's locker. Ryan was fresh out of the shower and was pulling on his shirt.
"I'm meeting Jimmy for lunch then I was going to swing by the registrar's office at school before heading over to the Newport Group," Ryan said evenly.
"What's up with school?"
"I'm quitting," Ryan replied.
"What? Are you sure?" Luke asked, startled.
"I think so. I'm just going to withdraw from all my classes. It's so early in the semester that the scholarship should be fully refunded to the committee," Ryan replied. His voice was flat.
"Have you talked to Sandy or Kirsten about this?" Luke asked slowly.
"Not yet," Ryan shrugged.
Luke hesitated. "Why'd you tell me?"
"Because I hope that you won't make a big deal out of it," Ryan replied honestly.
"But you know that it is a pretty big deal, right?"
"I know. You want a ride back to the apartment?"
"Nah, I'll walk. Will you be around later?" Luke asked.
"Should be. I'll give you a call when I get done later," Ryan replied.
Luke watched Ryan walk out of the locker room with a bad feeling in his gut.
*****
Jimmy was genuinely glad to see Ryan. They met for lunch at a casual restaurant near the Newport Group headquarters. Ryan ate about half of his meal and listened to Jimmy talk animatedly about Hailey's imminent return. Hailey and Jimmy had been living together for several months but she was away on business.
"There's something else I wanted to talk to you about," Jimmy said after a short pause. Ryan tensed up immediately and Jimmy noticed it.
"Go ahead," Ryan said quietly.
"I hate it when you do that. You were fine and then as soon as I said that I had something to talk to you about, you closed down on me. I don't ever want to make you have a reaction like that," Jimmy sighed.
"Sorry. But you have to admit that you got a little dark on me, Jimmy," Ryan replied with a sad smile.
"Yeah. I can't believe I'm even mentioning this, Ryan…" Jimmy was clearly unsure about what he wanted to say.
"We're friends, Jimmy. Just tell me," Ryan replied.
"Marissa's asking for you," Jimmy said after a long pause.
Ryan let out a tense breath. "Really."
"Yes. She's doing a lot better. The doctors say that they haven't seen anything like it in years. She's using full sentences and her memory…her memory is fully intact. She remembers everything, Ryan," Jimmy said quietly. Ryan nodded silently, his blue eyes clouded. "I'm sorry, Ryan, for having to tell you…"
"She's your daughter, Jimmy. And you'll love her and try to do what's best for her. That's why you're such a good father," Ryan replied.
"I'm not asking you to go see her, god, I'd never ask you that, but…"
"But you want me to think about it, right?" Ryan replied.
"She's so upset, Ryan, you're all she asks about…she just cries out for you and nothing that I say seems to get through to her…so I felt like I had to mention it," Jimmy said quietly.
"Okay, Jimmy. I need to think about this."
"I don't want you to get upset, Ryan…"
"It's okay. You had to tell me, Jimmy. I just don't know if I'm going to be able to do anything about it right now. I need to think about it," Ryan replied.
"Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Thanks for lunch, Jimmy. I'll give you a call later in the week, okay?" Ryan stood up, only slightly flushed.
"Ryan…"
"Don't worry, Jimmy, I'm really fine. Thanks for telling me. I'm going to make an appearance at the Newport Group before heading home," Ryan said suddenly.
*****
After spending a couple of hours at the Newport Group, Ryan went to the registrar's office and dropped all his classes. The indifferent clerk that helped him assured him that he had dropped out in enough time that all the money would be refunded to the payers. He had been surprised to realize that he really didn't care about college except that he knew that the Cohens would be disappointed.
It was around four once he made it back to his apartment. He recognized Summer's car outside and found her waiting for him in his living room
"Hey," He nodded to her as he stepped in.
Summer stood up and gave him a hug. He let out a deep sigh before sitting down beside her on the couch.
"Hey," She said as she released him. "What's up?"
"Nothing," He shrugged.
"How'd your errands go?"
"Okay," He replied.
"Just one word answers? I thought we were more than that," Summer said after a pause. She looked to him but he wouldn't meet her gaze.
"Jimmy said that Marissa's better. Like, miracle better. And she's asking to see me. Begging him. He…he's a good man and he's trying to help his daughter but…I don't know if I can start that all again…" Ryan confessed quietly.
"Ryan…" Summer started.
"I don't know what's wrong with me…"
"There's nothing wrong with you honey," Summer urged, putting an arm around him and pulling him against her gently.
Ryan's voice had dropped to a whisper laced with emotion. "She's just like my mom…all she seems to do is cause me pain but I can't stay away…I can't stop worrying about her and thinking about her…I feel like there's something that I should be able to do…"
"What? What could you do that you haven't already done, Ryan? For either of them? You almost died for Marissa and your mom…your mom is just lonely, she doesn't deserve your help anymore…" Summer said gently. She felt him shudder and she lowered his head to her lap and tenderly ran her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes. She hadn't told him about her feelings yet and seeing his fragile face, she just wanted him to stop being sad.
"I don't know…I severed the ties with my mother and Marissa…but I still feel like everything has crashed down around me…I feel defeated, Summer…like I lost whatever battle I was fighting…"
"Then stop fighting…start living, Ryan…you deserve a good life. You're a good man and you deserve to be happy," Summer whispered. He sighed.
She had never had a friend quite like Ryan. Strong and supportive and fiercely loyal but desperately fragile. She wanted to kiss all his pain away. But he was comfortable stretched across her lap and he was letting her comfort him. From what Luke and the Cohens had told her, he didn't let anyone comfort him. He had his eyes closed. His lips looked so soft. She leaned over and kissed him. When she realized what she was doing, she pulled away and he was looking at her with confused blue eyes.
"Summer?" Ryan called.
"I am so sorry, Ryan, that was the worst timing ever…"Summer was flushed with embarrassment.
Ryan sat up, clearly confused. "What just happened?"
"I'm sorry, Ryan…"
"You kissed me, Summer," He stated, his eyes searching her face for an explanation.
"Yes, I did."
Ryan didn't reply. He slowly shook his head. "I can't do this, Summer."
"Do what? I just kissed you, that's all…"
He continued shaking his head, his eyes never leaving her face. "I needed a friend right now…"
"I am your friend, Ryan," Summer replied before he could continue.
Ryan stood up. "I can't handle anything more. I can't be what you want…"
"You are what I want," Summer replied immediately.
"I have to go," He said.
"Please don't go," Summer urged quietly.
Ryan didn't look at her again as he walked out. Summer was concentrating on not crying.
*****
"Have you heard from him?" Summer asked when Luke walked in later that afternoon.
"Not since we went to the gym earlier today. What's wrong?" Luke sat down beside her and put an arm around her.
"I fucked up."
"Yeah? What happened?"
"He came home and talked to me…and I kissed him," Summer whispered.
Luke sighed. "He flipped?"
"He didn't really flip…but he shut down. Said that he needed a friend right now and couldn't handle anything more…It was really a bad time, Luke. I mean, he was opening up to me and I just…I fucked up," Summer said.
"He'll get over it, Summer. He's just…he's got a lot on his mind right now and I don't think he was expecting it," Luke replied.
"But he just left, Luke, he didn't even give me a chance to explain," Summer said.
"He'll be back, Summer. He's going to get through this and he'll realize how much you care about him…" Luke started.
"He has to know…" Summer whispered. Luke squeezed her shoulder reassuringly.
"He knows, Summer."
*****
Ryan was at his brother's apartment. Trey had been glad to see him but after a pizza, an eighteen pack of beers, and a couple of hours of small talk; Trey was more concerned about Ryan than he'd been before his visit. Ryan was more noncommunicative than Trey had ever seen. He was reasonably relaxed but he wouldn't tell Trey anything about what was really bothering him. Trey had thought that the alcohol would loosen his little brother's tongue but nothing was working. He regretted giving the kid beer after seeing how much it steadied his nerves. Ryan had been shaking upon arrival but after the first couple of beers, he was steady.
Trey walked onto the balcony where Ryan was smoking a cigarette.
"Are you going to talk to me, kid?"
"Do I have to?"
"No. But I'd like to help. What's up?"
"It's too much for me to go into right now, Trey," Ryan said quietly.
"Try."
Ryan looked over at his older brother with an annoyed expression. "Fuck you."
"What?" Trey asked, startled.
"I came here because I wanted a few minutes of peace. I wanted to hang out with you and forget about all the shit I have to deal with when I get home. I don't want to have to rehash it over and over…"
"Damn, kid, I know that, but I just thought that you'd try and talk to me. I mean, I don't want to bring you down but you can tell me anything and I thought you'd appreciate a fresh expression. Your new life, it doesn't have anything to do with me so I don't have any investment in the drama, you know?" Trey offered.
Ryan sighed. "I know. But I don't feel like talking."
"You never feel like talking. You're an Atwood, we never talk," Trey smiled.
"Then why are you pushing me?" Ryan asked quietly.
"Because I am really worried about you," Trey answered.
"Don't."
"You're going to take off, aren't you?" Trey asked after a long pause.
"Why do you say that?"
"You've got that look in your eye. That fight or flight look and you have too many people to fight so you're going to jet. Am I right?"
"I've thought about it. But it's too much for me to just leave, you know? I mean, there's the Cohens and Luke and Summer…my job, my home…I don't want to just leave…but I think…I think that I'm going to explode if something doesn't change…" Ryan said slowly.
"What's going on, Ryan?"
"Listen, Trey, I think I need to go…"
"Now? When you were finally starting to talk to me?"
"All about the avoidance, Trey. I need to get home and deal with some stuff," Ryan sighed.
"What stuff?"
"I quit school today," Ryan said quietly. "Marissa's dad says she's crying because I haven't been to see her. Summer kissed me. Sandy told me that he doesn't want me to go visit Mom anymore and…"
"Slow the fuck down. You've been going to see Mom? What the fuck are you thinking?" Trey asked.
"Fuck you…"
"Why the fuck would you do that? She's just going to mindfuck you, Ryan, you know that!" Trey snapped.
"Goddammit it, Trey, I thought you wanted me to talk to you!" Ryan retorted.
"I can't believe you've been seeing her. I just can't fucking believe it," Trey shook his head.
"I'm out of here…" Ryan turned to leave but Trey grabbed his arm. Ryan reacted automatically, throwing a harsh punch and breaking the skin. Trey was incensed and immediately fought back. The brothers hadn't fought like this in years. Finally, Trey lost his energy and managed to separate himself from his little brother. They edged to separate sides of the balcony, both panting and bloody.
"Sorry…" Ryan muttered.
"Yeah, me, too." Trey got up first and offered Ryan a hand. Ryan accepted his help and stood up.
"I don't need a fucking lecture from you, I get that from enough people," Ryan muttered. "I'm going home. I'll call you tomorrow."
"You want to get cleaned up, man? Put some ice on that?" Trey asked.
"Nah. I'll do it when I get home," Ryan replied.
"Man, I'm sorry…" Trey started.
"I punched you. It's my fault," Ryan replied. "No hard feelings?"
"Depends. Are you going to see Mom any more?" Trey asked after a beat.
Ryan glared at him. "I'll call you tomorrow."
*****