"Scratched and torn I lay here in pieces
Craving all of your deadly vices
Like to think that I'm not addicted
But I guess I wear it well

And I crawl
While you spit
And I crawl
Through you

Here I am now
Not a lot has changed
Nothing' better
Everything's the same

Late at night I can hear your voices
Talking shit about all my choices
You would think you've known me forever
Just because you know my name."

--Staind "Crawl"

Summer was sitting in the kitchen when Kirsten emerged.

"How is he?"

"He finally fell asleep…"

"You've been in there for hours," Summer replied.

"His headaches," Kirsten sighs. "They're pretty intense."

"Can I help?"

"He thinks you're mad at him."

Summer flushed. "I was pretty drunk last night."

"Can I ask you what happened?"

"Why I got drunk?"

"No, Summer. I thought you guys were…"

"It was the bar," Summer said quietly. "All those women at the bar, they kept asking Luke about Ryan…every time we turned around there was another girl…"

"Oh, Summer…" Kirsten shook her head disapprovingly as she poured her coffee.

"And when he got there…they all went over to him…like flies after honey, they just swarmed him…" Summer added.

"Summer…are you guys even together like that? For you to be jealous?"

"No…I know…but…but I love him and…I just went all possessive and even though he says that they don't mean anything…but there were just so many…and he just used them…"

"You weren't here, Summer. Ryan has been coping with so much and he has his own way of dealing with life. The women…they're part of that and we can't judge him…"

"Can I see him?"

"I don't think so. He's sleeping and I don't want to disturb him," Kirsten replied. "And when he wakes up…I don't want him to get upset…"

Summer looked at Kirsten guiltily. "You don't want me to upset him."

"Honestly? I'm not letting anyone near him until I have a talk with him. Not Sandy or Luke or Seth or Jimmy…"

"Kirsten…"

"I think we're suffocating him, Summer. He's doing all this for us, he doesn't care about himself…and he has to be the one to pull himself out of all this…" Kirsten said.

"You can't just…not let us see him…"

"I want to talk to him first, that's all." Kirsten put her coffee mug in the sink. "You should get some rest."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ryan slept fitfully throughout the morning. Finally, around noon, he woke up from a nightmare with a gasp.

He felt better despite the dream. He was clearer.

He saw Kirsten asleep on the small couch.

He sat up. She had been here all morning. She started to stir.

"Hey," She yawned. "How do you feel?"

"Better. Didn't mean to keep you up all night."

"No problem. I just hope I helped."

"You did," Ryan said. He could see that something was on her mind.

"Ryan…I want to talk to you."

"Okay." He owed her for staying.

"I don't know if being around everyone here is good for you. I think you're so busy trying to please everyone that…that you're not getting better."

Ryan was silent.

"Ryan?"

"I'm listening."

"You don't have a response?"

He sighed, covering his face. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. It was like nothing he did was the right thing and he wasn't getting better fast enough.

"I want to take you away from here," Kirsten said quietly.

"I thought I was supposed to stay here and meet with the shrink…" He said slowly. She didn't want him around, she knew that he was upsetting her family.

"I…" Kirsten started, surprised.

"I'm stressing everyone out, right?"

"That's not what I meant…"

"No, you're right. I shouldn't be here, it's not good for anyone."

"No, that's not what I mean, Ryan, I just think that you need some time away from all of this…"

He sighed heavily. "I've tried that, Kirsten. I left, you remember. And now I've stayed. I've been to the hospital and nothing has worked. To have you say this now, before I've even met with the doctor…"

"Ryan, I just…"

"You don't know what to do," Ryan said. "I'm going to get a shower…" He started to get up.

"We're not done talking yet, Ryan."

He sat back down.

"I want to take you on a vacation…"

"No," He said immediately. "It's not fair to your family…"

"You're a part of my family…"

"You shouldn't leave. I'm the one that has to go."

"I won't let you go alone, you've taken my offer out of context…" She protested.

"Kirsten. I've done everything you and Sandy have asked of me. And it's too much, for you guys and for me. It's not going to get better."

"Ryan, wait a second…"

"I have a friend that wants me to come visit."

"A friend?" Kirsten asked, surprised.

"I need your help, though."

"Ryan…"

"She's already researched some doctors for me…I haven't told her I'd come…she just keeps offering…"

"You haven't said anything…"

"It's nice to have someone just for myself. She's not in love with me, she doesn't care about my past or my future…she just cares about me. She's a good friend."

"Who?"

"I don't want to run away…but I don't want to tell you either," He replied.

Kirsten shook her head. "I won't help you. Not without knowing who or where…."

"Please. I have to be the one to fix this. There's nothing more that you can do…trust me. Can't you just trust me?"

Kirsten looked into his sad blue eyes and knew what she had to do. "Your phone's in the drawer by the bed. Do you need money?"

"You'll…you're going to help me?"

"I trust you."

"I don't need money."

She sighed again. Sandy was going to kill her. "It's between us. I won't tell the others yet. But I need you to be absolutely positive that this is what you want."

"I have to do it."

She sighed. "Make your arrangements."

Kirsten left Ryan alone and told everyone to give him time. A few hours later, she knocked on the door and let herself inside.

"Hey. Everything okay?" She asked him, sitting down beside him on the bed.

"My flight leaves in 3 hours. I need to go pack," Ryan said.

"Wait a second, you're taking a flight? How far are you going?"

"Kirsten, it's safe. Did you tell them?"

"Not yet."

"Thank you."

"You can thank my by getting better."

He gave her a hug. "I'll call you tomorrow…"

"You'll call me when you get to the airport and when you land…"

He smiled. "Deal."

"And try and keep your phone on, Ryan. You'll have a lot of people trying to talk to you once I tell them that you're on vacation."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kirsten, how the hell could you do this?" Sandy demanded.

"We talked about it…"

"Ryan is no capable of making rational decisions right now…" He snapped. "And you just let him get on a plane to god knows where…"

"Last night, when he heard you guys fighting, it was like…I could see him blaming himself…he's not getting better here, Sandy, and seeing everyone getting so riled up about him, it's just making it worse. He's not getting better and he's pretending to try and please us…he needs to do this, I trust him…"

"You did not see him on that pier…"

"I know he needs help. I just thin he needs to get help without all this pressure…"

Sandy was frustrated. "We're going to lose him…"

"He'll come back to us, Sandy. He's trying…he just has to try something else."