"Hello?" Ryan answered his phone absently.
"Hey, man."
"What's going on Luke?"
"Not a damn thing."
Ryan stopped and leaned against a parking meter and lit a cigarette.
"Cohen is such a shitty substitute for you. He doesn't do anything athletic or rowdy, he won't even fight with me, he just curls up in a little ball…"
Ryan laughed. "You're trying to fight with Seth? Dude, he's…"
"Yeah, I know. He's Cohen."
"So, you're bored?"
"Hell, yeah. School sucks," Luke said. "How's New York?"
"Cold. Busy."
"You're loving it, aren't you?"
"I feel good, Luke. I miss home, but this is nice."
"So what's going on? What have you been doing?"
"I see my doctor twice a day…"
"That often?"
"Seems that Gaby didn't tell her that I tried to walk off a pier, but its okay. And I have to go to yoga, man, it's insane."
"But?"
"The ladies in there can bend…"
"Dude…do you wear a leotard?"
"Hell, no," Ryan laughed. "Only loose sweats for me…"
"That's blackmail material."
"I'll kick your ass…" Ryan replied.
"Damn, what else?"
"I've worn a tux every night, dude. Gaby makes me go out…"
"Who the fuck is Gaby, man?"
"She's a friend. I've known her a couple of years."
"And you've never mentioned her or introduced us?"
"She's pretty busy. She's just a friend…"
"Is she hot?"
"I'm sure you've seen her, man, stop bullshitting," Ryan said.
"Where?" Dude, Kirsten hasn't even told us her name, we just got New York."
"I'm not explaining it to you, just ask Seth about Gabrielle."
"He's on his way and you better believe that I'll be asking. So…you're really okay?"
"I'm dealing with things. And…I feel better…physically."
"Really? Your back…"
"Is manageable. I can breathe, Luke, and it's not the fucking weather, cause it's fucking cold…"
"That's awesome, man."
"How's Summer?"
"She's okay," Luke replied. "She's pissed off at herself."
"What?"
"For pressuring you."
"Luke…"
"I know, man. It's complicated. I think you're doing the right thing. She knows, too."
"I hope so."
"You asked, man. I didn't want to bring you down…"
"You didn't, I'm just decaffeinated. I'm on my way for coffee."
"I'll call you later."
"Thanks," Ryan flipped his phone closed and resumed his walk.
Someone grabbed his arm suddenly and spun him around.
"Fuck!" Anna Stern embraced him.
"Anna?"
"Seth's right, you're thin!" She said. "How are you?"
"Good, good…"
"I do talk to Seth, you know," She said.
"You want some coffee?"
"Of course," She said. She linked arms with him and they went to the coffee shop a few feet away.
Once they were seated, Ryan asked, "So what do you know?"
"Well, you're depressed. Seth's upset. You're in New York on vacation…"
"Yeah. I've been having some emotional issues," Ryan smiled sadly.
"It happens to the best of us," She acknowledged.
"I'm seeing a doctor here…"
"Why not home?"
"I really freaked out, Anna. Tijuana style."
Anna was startled.
"And everyone is stressing out, I mean, Luke and Sandy were arguing and Summer, she's just worried pissless and I…I don't want them to go down with me…"
"What kind of logic is that? You left all the people that you need to get through this…"
"I'm the one that has to deal with the. I went to a hospital, I stayed at the Cohens, I went to a hotel, but…"
"This is working?"
"Yeah. It's been a long time since I was by myself, like, without having any roles to fill."
"It looks good on you," Anna smiled. "So where are you staying?"
"The penthouse at the Royale."
"That's Gabrielle's Steven's place…"
"Yeah. She's an old friend."
"Whoa. You know her?"
"Yeah. It's a long story. How do you know her?"
"I'm going to NYU for fashion design and she's like the top runway model in the world…"
"I forgot you were into fashion. She's got this show tonight…"
"The Calvin Klein show?"
"Yeah. She thinks it's bad for me to stay in when she's out. I'm sure I can get you in, if you want to go."
"I could kiss you…"
"Please, restrain yourself, I'm in enough trouble," Ryan laughed. "But we'll be backstage. I'm Gaby's assistant."
"Her assistant?"
"I zip up her dress and hold her bottled water," Ryan grinned.
"Would it be okay? I mean, can you just invite me?"
"Sure," He shrugged. "She watches me like a hawk, but I get pretty much anything I want."
"I have nothing to wear…"
"Well, while I can't help you there, I can tell you that you'll need evening wear too. If you're a designer, maybe you should wear something you designed," Ryan suggested.
"I'm not that advanced, man, I'm a freshman…" She grinned.
"Well, I'm supposed to take Gaby coffee and if you want to come up and meet her, you're welcome," Ryan said.
"So you're just hanging out with this supermodel all day," Anna smirked.
"I have things to do, too. I see a shrink twice a day, I go to the gym and shopping…"
"Uh huh. You hang out with a supermodel all day," She teased.
Ryan's cell phone buzzed and he glanced at it, recognizing Gaby's number. "There she is. I'm late, she's probably sending out the dogs for me…"
"You seem okay, Ryan. You don't seem…suicidal…"
"I'm better now," He said quietly. "I feel better." He ignored her concerned expression and answered his phone.
"Where are you?"
"I'm having coffee with a friend…"
"You're not allowed to pick up women, Ryan!" She scolded.
"She's an old friend from Newport. She wants to tag along tonight, if that's cool."
"I have to meet her first. Bring her up with my latte," Gaby said. "And hurry. I need caffeine."
"Okay, thanks." He flipped the phone closed. "Well, now you have to come up. She wants to meet you. Do you have somewhere to be?"
"Absolutely. I'm meeting Gabrielle," She smiled.
Ryan got Gaby's coffee and escorted Anna back to the hotel. He took her up the elevator and into the spacious hotel room.
"Ryan, I told you about picking up women while you're here, Kirsten would kill you," Gaby teased as he entered with her.
"Says the supermodel I'm staying with," Ryan smiled, kissing her on the cheek chastely. "Gaby, this is Anna."
"Anna. Anna that used to go out with your brother? Nice to meet you," Gaby shook her hand with a smile.
"And you. I had no idea Ryan hung out with the stars," Anna smiled.
"He didn't tell you the story of how we met?" Gaby grinned.
"Not again," Ryan rolled his eyes. "I'm going to go get a shower before Dr. Harrison gets here."
"So, you know Ryan from Newport?" Gaby asked.
"Yeah, I went out with Seth for a while. Ryan's a pretty quiet guy, so I didn't get to know him as well as I should have," Anna confessed. "But he's a friend."
"I met Ryan right after he moved to Newport. I was dating Caleb…"
Anna gasped.
"And I had a little crisis back then and I totally tried to molest Ryan when I saw him. Anyway, we kept in touch after that, he was just so wise for his age…he's like an old soul."
"So…you hit on Ryan when he was, like, sixteen, and you've kept in touch for the past two years? Wow. He's never mentioned you."
"Ryan doesn't mention anything. We'd call each other, email and letters but I think he liked having a friend all to himself. I mean, I've heard all about the Newport drama but I'm not directly involved, you know?"
"Yeah. So you guys…" Anna raised an eyebrow suggestively.
"God, he's such a little hottie, isn't he? But no," She smiled. She lowered her voice. "He's having a really hard time. His family, they mean well, but he takes everything so seriously and he just couldn't be there right now…"
"What happened? I mean, I know about the accident with Marissa and his recovery but Ryan…he said he tried to commit suicide? That's totally not Ryan," Anna whispered.
"I know. But he's really struggling with his depression. If he had called me, I would have went and got him, but he doesn't know how to ask for help. He seems better here."
"How long's he staying?" Anna asked.
"I don't know. As long as he needs. He's really been there for me and I won't let him destroy himself. What about you? What are you doing here?"
"I go to NYU and I ran into him on the street. Seth's worried sick about him and he said he was in town, but I hadn't seen him until today. It's a big city, you know?" Anna smiled.
"It'll be nice for him to have another friend around. He's not really social at the parties I've been taking him to. So, you want to come to the show tonight?"
"Is it okay? I'm majoring in fashion design and it would be so awesome if I could go," Anna replied.
"Ooh, a scholar," Gaby grinned. "No problem. You can be Ryan's assistant."
"What do I assist him with?" Anna asked.
"Well, he's pretty popular backstage. I think his ass was bruised from where all the people kept pinching him," Gaby replied. "You can help him beat off his admirers."
------
Anna was awed at the bustling backstage of the fashion show but she carried herself graciously. She stuck close to Ryan, keeping her arm linked with his while they followed Gabrielle and her 'entourage'. She had a makeup artist, a hair stylist, a fashion consultant and a bodyguard and Anna was surprised to see them all joking and treating Ryan like family.
Gabrielle hadn't lied about Ryan's admirers either. Every few minutes, he'd jump and blush and Anna would see men and women walking away from him and eyeing him up and down.
"Excuse me, are you his manager, because he'd be perfect for this show in Milan next week," A well dressed man asked Anna.
"He's not a model," Anna laughed.
"Can I discover him?" The man gasped. "He's a little short, but he's got flavor…"
Ryan rolled his eyes in embarrassment.
"Jules, he's with me, so back off," Gabrielle warned.
"Gaby, I'm disappointed," Jules said, taking Ryan's arms and spinning him around to examine him. "He's gorgeous, you should have him working by now."
"Hands off the merchandise," Anna said as she rescued Ryan and pulled him back to her side.
"Ryan's not for sale," Gaby echoed. Ryan was silent.
"He's just your latest toy?" Jules grinned.
Ryan jumped as Jules slapped his ass, walking away. "That's it, I'm going outside…"
"I'll come with…"
"I'll be okay, you can stay." Ryan disappeared before she could protest.
"He'll be okay," Gaby said.
Ryan stepped outside onto the street and lit a cigarette. He flipped open his phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Sandy."
"Hey, kid. What's going on?"
"Not much. I'm at this fashion show and…it's not really my thing…"
"Ah. Bored?"
"All these guys keep feeling me up…"
Sandy laughed.
"It's a little surreal. I needed to hear a familiar voice."
"How's New York otherwise?"
"I'm okay. I'm pretty leveled out actually. Ran into Anna today, she's inside."
"That's good. Can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"Gabrielle…you hooked up with her when she was here a few years ago?"
"Damn, Sandy. We kissed. Became friends. We were never…intimate."
"What about Rachel?"
"Ouch," Ryan said after a pause. "Who have you been talking to?"
"She's your lawyer, Ryan," Sandy said. Once Sandy and became Ryan's guardian, he turned over Ryan's case to Rachel to avoid conflict of interest.
"I'm sorry, Sandy…shit just happens…"
"It's none of my business, I just had to see if it was true."
"Once. Or twice. We're just friends, it didn't interfere with our professional relationship," Ryan said.
"It just worries me a little. That you have so many…purely sexual relationships. Maybe I'm too old fashioned…"
"No, you're not. Summer called me a man-whore…I've been going over it in therapy. God, do I sound like a yuppie or what?" Ryan sighed.
Sandy laughed. "Does Caleb know about Gaby?"
"God, that's going to be an uncomfortable conversation."
"You sound good, kid. But when are you planning on coming home?"
"I don't know."
"But you are coming home?"
"Sandy, I could never leave you guys…"
"You tried once…"
"Sandy, I never meant to hurt you…"
"I know, but I had to ask."
"I'm coming home. Soon."
"Good to hear. So, you're at a fashion show?"
"Yeah. Apparently, it's pretty exclusive."
"Kirsten swears she saw you on E!..."
"Maybe. Gaby's playing me off as her personal assistant, but I know I'm in the tabloids."
"She's keeping you busy."
"She doesn't let me out of her sight. I've gained three pounds on her watch."
"Ryan?" Anna appeared beside him. "You okay?"
"Well, back to reality. I'll call you tomorrow."
"Have a good night."
Ryan flipped his phone closed.
"What's going on?" Anna asked worried.
"Everything's fine. I just needed some air."
She put an arm around him as they returned inside. "You sure? I mean, this is a little crazy…"
"I'm fine. Gaby send you?"
"No, she said you were fine, but I was flying blind alone in there. You're my wingman."
------
Ryan was unsettled after his conversation with Sandy. He found himself trembling at the afterparty and was nauseous at the sight of food. He didn't know what had set him off but he couldn't be around people right now. He had to go. He leaned over to Gaby and asked if he could cut out.
"You okay?" She asked immediately.
"I feel a little sick, I just want to go crash…"
"I'll take him home," Anna offered.
"You can hang out…" Ryan replied.
"I've seen enough fashion tonight," She said.
"I'll be home in an hour or so, okay?" Gaby kissed his cheek.
Anna was worried about Ryan when he didn't say anything on the cab ride home.
"Ryan, are you sure you're okay?" She asked on the elevator.
"I just need to have quiet for a while," He whispered.
"Can I stay with you?" Anna asked as she watched him struggle with the hotel card key. Finally, she gently took it from him and opened the door.
"What the hell's the matter with me…" He muttered, pulling away from her and going into the bathroom. Anna wasn't sure what to do. She closed the door and went to the bathroom door.
It opened after several minutes. Ryan stepped out, looking better.
"You okay?"
"Yeah…sorry about that…" Ryan whispered.
"It's cool. You want to lie down?" Anna offered.
"I can't sleep…you should go…"
"Seth would kill me if I left you, man. I don't want you to be alone."
"Okay," Ryan said.
"I'll make you some tea. Lie down. Okay?"
Ryan went to the bed and sat down. Anna found teabags and set the coffeemaker. When she went back to check on him, he was lying on his side. His eyes were open but glazed.
"Ryan?" Anna called.
He didn't respond. Her cell phone buzzed.
"Hello?"
"How's the kid?" Gaby asked.
"Something's wrong. Should we call his doctor?"
"I'm paging her now. Is he talking?"
"He won't answer me, Gaby."
"I'm on my way."
Anna finished making the tea and sat down beside Ryan.
"Sit up, Ryan. Come on. It's okay," She urged. He obediently sat up. She put her arm around his trembling shoulders. "You want to talk?"
"No…there are no words…" He murmured distantly.
"Drink some tea, Ryan, and just relax."
"No tea…" His trembling intensified and he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.
Gaby rushed in. "Oh honey, what's wrong?"
"He's getting worse, Gaby," Anna said.
His breathing became rapid and shallow.
Gaby kneeled in front of him and pulled on his arms. "Honey, I need you to look at me…"
His eyes were unfocused and blank.
"Ryan? Talk to me…" She urged.
He shook his head slightly.
"Lenora's coming…" Gaby said. "Dr. Harrison?"
"No…I'm okay…" He murmured.
"No, honey, you're not…look at me…" Gaby couldn't get him to meet her gaze.
"I'll go get the door," Anna said when she heard the knock. She returned with the doctor who ushered Anna and Gaby out of the room.
"God…I've never seen him like that," Gaby said. "I need a drink."
"God, me, too," Anna muttered.
Gaby sat down. "I can't drink, though."
"Cigarette?" Anna offered.
"Yeah. Thanks." There was a short silence while they lit their cigarettes.
"Does this happen a lot?" Anna asked.
"I don't know. I've never actually spent a lot of face time with the kid," Gaby admitted. "I mean, we hung out a couple of days when I was with Caleb and only once in person after that. I was in this clinic in Newport…"
"Clinic?"
"For anorexia. Alcoholism. Depression," Gaby sighed.
"You chose Newport because…"
"Because he said he'd help me. He came to see me every day. It was after his accident and he was so…physically broken and I was just mentally shattered…and we helped each other get better."
Anna smiled. "That's really sweet."
"He's, like, family to me."
"You're in love with him, aren't you?"
"Probably," Gaby smiled. "But I'd never waste our friendship on a fling. My relationship history is a train wreck and I'd never do that to him. To us. Besides, he loves that girl."
"Marissa?"
"Hell no, I'd like to choke that little bitch. Summer."
Anna grinned. "Yeah?"
"What's her story? Should I trust her with him?" Gaby asked seriously.
"Yeah. I think so."
Dr. Harrison stepped out.
"How is he? What happened?" Gaby asked.
"I'm not sure. He seems to be confused about where he is, I think he's having some sort of anxiety attack. He's suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and something must have triggered an episode."
"What do we do?"
"I've given him something to calm him down. His breathing was irregular and he needs to relax…"
"He tried the drugs, Lenora, he doesn't want that," Gaby said quietly.
"We've discussed it, Gaby. Ryan and I have discussed it at length. Some of his episodes have been very serious. This one is serious," Dr. Harrison said.
"I'm going to stay with him. Anna, will you call his folks?" Gaby asked.
"Sure.
----
Anna dialed the Cohens but there was no answer. She dialed Seth next.
"Hello?"
"Seth? It's Anna…"
"Hey. How'd you find out?"
"Find out what? I'm calling about Ryan…" Anna was confused.
"What? Hang on…" Seth's voice was distant. After a short pause, he returned to the phone with better reception. "What's going on?"
"Ryan's sort of freaked out…we called his doctor and she had to give him something…he just shut down…"
"When?" Seth asked.
"About midnight, Seth, it was so sudden…he was like, fine, and then…"
"Marissa's dead," Seth said quietly. "She had some sort of aneurysm…we're all over at Jimmy's…"
"Oh god, when?"
"Considering the time zones…probably about the time Ryan freaked out. Is he okay?"
"The doctor said it was some sort of panic attack that came from his PTSD."
"Damn…Caleb and Luke got on the jet a few minutes ago on their way to get him…are you still with him?"
"Gaby's staying with him. She told me to call his family so you guys would know."
"I'll let you talk to Dad…"
Anna sat down and lit another cigarette while she waited for Sandy.
"Anna? What's wrong?"
"He's fine, Mr. Cohen, but he's having a rough time…"
"What happened?"
"We were at the party, and he was fine. Then he told Gaby that he didn't feel well…he'd started shaking so I came back to the penthouse with him…he just kept shaking worse and worse until he wouldn't answer me…his doctor came and gave him something, she says that he's having some kind of panic attack but she doesn't know why…"
"Can I talk to him?" Sandy asked.
"He isn't really talking, he's just…upset."
"I need to try."
Anna went to the door and gently pushed open the door. Ryan was stretched out on his side and Gaby was rubbing his back. His eyes were open and still unfocused.
"Gaby? I have Sandy on the phone for him…" Anna said quietly.
"Ryan? Can you talk to Sandy for a minute?" Gaby asked, shaking him gently.
"No…" He whispered.
"You need to talk to him," Gaby urged. She held the phone out and Ryan slowly took it from her.
"Hello…"
"Ryan. I want you to tell me what happened…"
"Nothing happened…"
"Come on, kid…just talk to me…you can tell me anything, you know that, right? What's wrong?"
"Nothing…"
"Ryan, please…talk to me…"
"Something's wrong…I can feel it…something's happened and…and I don't know what's wrong with me.." He murmured.
"Ryan, I want you to relax, okay? Tell me what's going on…"
Ryan sat up slowly. He blinked. "Sandy?"
"Hey, kid. You okay?" He was relieved.
"I…I guess I spaced out a little…" Ryan admitted. Gaby put her arm around him, glad to see him lucid.
"What happened?"
"I just…got this feeling…like something's wrong…I couldn't breathe…"
"Ryan, something has happened. Caleb and Luke are flying out to get you…"
"What happened?"
"I want you to rest. They'll tell you all about it when they get there. They're already on the way."
"Sandy…"
"I want you to relax, okay? Can you do that?"
He sighed. "Yeah…I'm better...thanks…"
"I'll call you back in half an hour to check on you. If you need anything, you call, okay?"
"Okay…"
"Relax, okay?"
"Okay."
"Let me talk to Anna again, kid."
Ryan handed the phone back to Anna.
"Anna?"
"It's me."
"Where are you guys?"
Anna gave him an address.
"Caleb and Luke should be there tomorrow. I'm going to call him back in about half an hour."
"Thanks, Sandy."
------