Chapter 8: The Girl Called Edward!
"Space people? Where?!" Vash said as he used the GHAK as a human shield.
"Who are you?" Naruto asked the girl
The girl grinned happily as she bounded up to them, did a somersault, and ended up face to face with Naruto.
"My name is Edward, but you can call me Ed!!" she said, flinging her arms happily in the air.
"Do you live here alone, Ed?" Kakashi asked
"No, Ed lives here with Spi-Spi, Faye-Faye, and Jet-person!!"
They heard a dog bark in the background.
"Oh yeah! And Ein too!!" she added with a giggle
The dog entered the room and walked over to Ed´s side.
"That´s a dog?" Vash asked, sounding surprised to see such a silly looking creature. This was his first time ever seeing a Welsh Corgi. (which in my opinion, are the cutest dogs EVER!!)
Ein began to growl.
"It´s ok, Ein! They´re new to these parts!!" she told Ein, who just snorted out of frustration.
"Hey, Ed! You wouldn´t by chance have anything to eat here, would you?" Naruto asked hopefully
"Tee hee hee! Nope, there´s nothing to eat here!!" Ed told him in a sing-song voice "We´re just a bunch of poor bounty hunters!"
"Oh..." Naruto hung his head in disappointment as his stomach growled again.
"But you guys can rest here as long as you want! Spi-Spi and the others won´t be back for a while!" Ed said as she began to frolic around aimlessly.
Everyone decided to take Ed up on her offer, and in a few short seconds, they were all strewn about the furniture in her livingroom.
Ed made quick friends with the cat. She would walk around with the cat on top of her head, kind of like Kiba and Akamaru!!! Ed went over to the recliner, and walked around it many, many times examining it. It looked like she had one of those 'lightbulb-over-your-head' moments, cause she got a typical Ed smiley face, and ran out of the room in that way where her limbs are practically flailing in every which direction.
"She´s WEIRD!" Vash pointed out as soon as she had left the room.
"Yeah she is. But she´s definitely hospitable, so she gets some good marks in my book." Naruto said drowsily
"People like her are usually geniuses or something, so you should respect her just in case." Kakashi added
"Are you sure about that?" the GHAK asked in that GHAKy way he says everything.
Just then, everyone noticed Ed standing in the doorway, looking like she had just stuck her finger in an electrical socket. The cat was at her side, and it looked excactly the same way. They both turned their heads to look at the GHAK, and froze.
"What?" the GHAK asked, starting to get a little frightened.
Right when he spoke, both Ed and the cat got a huge shiver up their spines, causing the cat´s hackles to raise, and Ed´s hair on her head to stand on end. Ed got on all fours, and then she and the cat simultaneously arched their backs and hissed.
"Edward doesn´t like his voice!!!" Ed spat at the GHAK
"WHAT´S WRONG WITH MY VOICE!?!" the GHAK cried as his little world began to topple around him.
Ed and the cat hissed again, and then trotted off to find Ed´s computer.
Vash, Naruto and Kakashi were awestruck. They didn´t expect Ed, of all people, to be the first to tell it how it was. But the truth had come out, and there was nothing that could be done about it. Ed was about as predictable as an episode of Family Guy.(Which isn´t all that predictable, mind you.)
"Woah, that was brutal." Vash said after a bit.
Naruto and Kakashi looked over at the GHAK, who was in the fetal position and crying quietly to himself as he rocked back and forth.
"Yeah, you gotta be good to make him cry like that." Naruto said dully, clearly not pitying him in the least, which earned him a slap on the back of the head "Ow!"
Kakashi glared at Naruto with his one visible eye, plainly telling him to shut up.
None of them knew what to do to help,(or maybe they didn´t want to help) so they all sat and watched the GHAK cry to himself, until Ed and the cat came prancing into the room, computer proudly held on high, seemingly unaware of the permanent emotional damage they my have caused the GHAK.
"Naruto, Naruto!" Ed sang "Ed wants a look at your funny, funny chair!!"
"Ok, but be careful." He replied responsibly
"Tee hee hee!" Ed laughed and ran over to the recliner. After a few minutes, she stood up triumphantly.
"Ed knows whats wrong with your chair!" she said all 'I-know-something-you-don´t-know'.
As soon as she was positive that she had everyone´s attention, she happily stated:
"It´s broken!"
There was a totally dumbfounded silence for about three seconds while her conclusion had to register in their brains.
"DU-UH!!! We already KNEW that!! It took you 5 minutes AND a computer to figure that out?!" Naruto hollered til his face turned blue
"It was broken?" Vash wondered out loud "Then how does it withstand all the crap it goes through if it isn´t in top condition?"
Kakashi was as confused as anyone, but he figured it wouldn´t hurt to ask some questions.
"So Ed, does that have anything to do with us traveling to other worlds?" he asked
"Oooh! You´re smarter than Ed thought you were!" she giggled with a semi-serious look on her face. "It has EVERYTHING to do with it!!"
"Well, don´t just sit there! Tell us how!" Naruto barked impatiently
Ed just smiled, gathered her computer and set it up on the table, then motioned for everyone to come sit down.
"Ok," Ed began as she clicked into presentation mode, (which isn´t all that different from regular Ed.) "First, look at Ed´s computer!"
She turned the computer so that they could look at the screen, and all they saw was a huge, complex equation that went on for about 6 or 7 pages. No diagram or anything, what a jip!
"What´s this for?" Vash asked as he started to read the equation.
"Is this thing supposed to answer my question?" Kakashi asked, not bothering to look at the equation.
"Yeess!" Ed cheered as she hopped to her feet
"I think I understand the logic here," Vash started as he accidentally showed his super intelligence that almost nobody knew he had "but could you clarify what it´s stating?"
"It simply states why broken furniture doesn´t quite exist in this dimension!" Ed told him, sounding as though the answer were obvious "This is of course, only theory!" She added as professionally as she could ever possibly sound.
"Yes! Of course!" Naruto agreed, nodding his head and pretending to know what was going on.
Ed snickered at Naruto and continued
"Just to summarize the whole of the equation for you, the only reason that broken furniture can travel the space-time continum is because it doesn´t function correctly in this plane of existence. Therefore, it must function in another plane of existence and thus, it can travel freely through the fabric space and time!"
"Why can´t it function here?" Kakshi asked, looking confused
"Because it´s broken!" Ed said as she did a handstand "Nobody wants it, nobody needs it!"
"And for some reason, what people think of broken furniture affects its plane of existence?" Vash asked
"Yep! That´s the general idea!" Ed said as she jumped back to her spot in front of the table.
"Ok. So how do we know where we´re going?" Kakashi asked
Ed grinned "That´s where Ed comes in!" she giggled excitedly "Since Ed has nothing to do here, she wants to go with you, and in exchange she can navigate for you!"
"You want to come with us?" Vash and Kakashi said sounding quite surprised
"Eh? Wait, isn´t the recliner getting a little crowded?" Naruto cut in "We´re towing the line as it is with 4 people and a cat, I mean, can we really fit one more person?"
"Well, we´ll just have to squish." Kakshi said
"We need Ed to navigate for us, or we´ll never get home." Vash added
Naruto sighed and nodded "Alright, I´ll let her on, I guess." He said as if it mattered whether he said yes or no.
"OK!!" Ed cheered while she jumped up and clapped her hands happily "Let´s go!!"
So, after the principles and conditions of broken furniture traveling through time had been discussed at length, Ed joined our heroes and the GHAK. All 6 of them, including the cat, magically piled onto the ched, thus rendering the laws of physics and any other natural laws that apply optional, and they then returned to space and time, and waited while Ed did some calculations to decide where they were going next.
By now, the GHAK had come to terms with what happened between he and Ed, which is good, but because of it he had become one of those loud and proud, in your face people, which is bad. In general, nobody likes those kind of people, but there could be nobody louder and prouder than he. Regular archer kid was irritating, but loud and proud was intolerable.
"I am pleased to announce that I have come to accept who and what I am, and that I don´t need a sexy voice to be the pimpingest green haired archer around!! It´s too cruel that we would judge on such superficial things like looks or voices, without looking at one´s character...." the GHAK began to preach to the others, loudly and proudly, of course.
After the GHAK had been squaking on for an undisclosed amount of time, our ched dwellers were on the brink of insanity. At this point, the others were doing what they could to keep from killing themselves. From the beginning, Ed and the cat had that look again where they look like they´ve stuck their finger in an electrical socket, Kakashi had torn a good part of his book into confetti, Vash cowered in fear with his hands cupped over his ears, and Naruto had whittled a peice of wood that came from nowhere into 6 miniature sculptures of everyone present with his fingernails. When the cat had taken enough of the GHAK´s crap, it decided that it was his responsibility to save everyone, so it came up with a brilliant, but cruel, (but brilliant!) plan. So, the cat told Ed, who relayed it to the rest of the crew, minus the GHAK of course.
"That´s a GREAT idea!!" Naruto said, suddenly regaining his will to live
"But it´s so mean.." Vash said, so stupidly listening to his shoulder angel when he really shouldn´t have been.
"We can´t go on like this! I mean, just LOOK at him!" Kakashi said as everybody looked over at the GHAK simultaneously "He´s still going strong!"
"Alright, I agree. I can´t stand it anymore." Vash said, finally listening to his shoulder devil
"Okay, so we´re going to do it then?" Naruto asked
Everyone nodded.
"Good, you all know your places and roles, right?" Naruto asked again
They all nodded again.
"Alright!" cheered Naruto "The plan goes into action immediately!"
Everyone got into their positions exactly according to plan, which was as follows: Kakashi in the front of the chair in middle, Naruto on the armrest on the lever side, Vash on the armrest opposite of Naruto, and Ed and the cat on the edge of the recliner on the back.
Naruto waited anxiously for the cat to give the signal, and for the real challenge to begin.