Chapter Eight

Tom now felt he had much to consider. He sorely wanted to ask if she would consider marrying him when they reached port, but was afraid of the answer. What if she said no? No one enjoyed rejection, and Tom was equally aware that if she truly did not want to marry him then it would become quite awkward between them for the rest of the journey. Torn in two and frustrated, Tom admitted to himself that he lacked the courage to ask the question. He had never been one for fancy words, and had a tendency to slip into a much courser way of speech at times. Besides, would he be able to support a wife? Not to mention if they started a family, that would surely be costly. Thinking on it though, Olivia did not seem to be a woman who needed jewels and great wealth, and surely his pay and prize money, God willing should they take a prize, would be enough to set her up in a small cottage somewhere. Perhaps in a village with a naval community of other wives to keep her company when he was gone? But would she enjoy the company of those women? Olivia seemed to have her own way of going about things, and some extremely peculiar habits.

The other issue that presented a problem was whether or not Olivia would even want to go to England at all. The Captain had never told Tom what he intended to do with her, but perhaps she would want to return to Virginia? But would she want to return if she had a reason to go elsewhere? And would he be enough reason to never see her home again? He sighed, hating that he could not read into her thoughts and know what she would say before asking the question.

He pondered on these troubled thoughts for the rest of the day and into the evening. At the Captain's table that night he watched as Olivia, seated beside him laughed cheerful at the anecdotes of those at the table. She seemed to notice however, that Tom was not himself, and kept giving him looks of concern, though thankfully saw it best not to raise any questions. Tom was still debating whether or not he should bring up marriage to her. He wished he were a more bold man, one who was not cursed with such diffidence when it came to putting himself forward. He never understood that, he was a confident man in regards to sailing and storming an enemy deck, but Olivia had a way of unsettling him, and even though it had been a time since he did anything completely foolish in her company and he was much more comfortable around her, he still was unsure of how she would react to a marriage proposal and the unknown prospect frightened him and took away what confidence he may otherwise have.

He watched as Olivia told Dr. Maturin of a creature called a raccoon that she found particularly troubling at times, the Doctor was quite interested in her description of the animal and continued to ask her questions in that curious manner he had when hearing of wildlife and such. While listening to her speak and explain how raccoons could be particularly cunning, Tom continued to debate with himself. What would he say? He began to run words through his head but none of them seemed to fit. Oh how he longed to be more poetic!

The meal was over and Tom found himself standing on the deck watching the men in their own festivities. He had been so lost in thought that he almost had not realized he had followed the rest out of the Great Cabin. The men were quite enthusiastic in their dancing and singing that night. Tom suspected it was that they were trying to impress Olivia, who seemed to be quite pleased with the festivities.

Finally she looked at him, "Are you all right?" She asked quietly.

Tom nodded, giving her an unconvincing smile. "Yes of course." He replied.

Olivia gave him a look that clearly showed she did not believe him, but did not ask any further and turned her attention back to the dancing. Finally, the activity died down, and Olivia bid them all good night and retired to the cabin.

Tom had an early watch, and attempted to sleep, but instead of doing so his mind was turning circles. He ran over what he would say to Olivia in regards to marriage, but threw out every word, believing he sounded quite stupid. Sighing, he wondered if it was a good idea at all. He shook his head, he was never bold in personal matters, for once in his life he was going to have to overcome his often-timid nature and come out and ask her. If not, he knew he would regret it forever. He would however, have to wait until the opportunity presented itself. Sighing, he rose to go on deck. His watch would be soon, and he could not sleep so he may as well get air.

It was a quiet early morning, quite still and almost eerily calm. The sun was not up yet and Tom found the quarterdeck quite silent and as lonely as it could ever get. He nodded to Calamy and told him he would take the last hour. He may as well, seeing as how he was up already. He had only been there for a short time when he was surprised to see Olivia appear on the quarterdeck.

"Hello Tom." She greeted, smiling and moving to stand next to him.

He returned her smile, "You're up early." He commented to her.

She shrugged, "Actually I'm up late."

"You could not sleep either?" He asked curiously.

"No." She replied, shaking her head. "I don't know why, do you ever lie awake thinking so much that you never manage to get to sleep?"

Tom smiled knowingly, "Yes. That can be troublesome." He knew the feeling, it was the exact thing that kept him up tonight.

"You had something on your mind tonight. And don't tell me you didn't because you were curiously silent. What was wrong?" She asked bluntly.

Tom sighed, building up his courage. He supposed now was as good a time to ask as any, and if he didn't ask soon he would never get any sleep. Besides, they were relatively alone at the moment. "Olivia, I have been meaning to talk with you."

Olivia raised an eyebrow, "About what?" She asked.

"Well, I- that is to say- well..." He trailed off, trying to find words.

"Tom, just say it." She said, smiling encouragingly.

He took a deep breath, feeling his face turn red once more. "Olivia, I am wondering if... well... I know I am hardly a perfect man, and I cannot make you particularly rich, but I would do my best to see that you are happy, and it would most certainly please me if you would accept."

Olivia stared at him, confused. "What are you trying to tell me?"

He sighed, frustrated at his clumsy words. All the rehearsed speeches in his mind had flown out of his head. "I was wondering if, when we reach port of course, if you would consider, if you would have me that is, if you would-"

"Tom." She said, her eyes widening in surprise. "Are you asking me to marry you?"

He turned a deep shade of red and looked down, quite ashamed of his clumsy proposal. "Yes, I am." He looked up, meeting her eyes. "If you will have me."

Olivia looked completely shocked, her mouth fell open and she did not reply. She seemed completely caught off guard. She looked away, as if her mind were pouring over his words. Tom watched her, as if standing on eggshells, waiting for a response.

Finally, she spoke, her voice was strange, and her words did not come out with her usual confidence. "I.... I don't know."

Tom had not been expecting that. He had expected a yes or no, preferably a yes, but the uncertainty surprised him. "You don't know?" He repeated.

"I-" Olivia started, but quickly stopped herself. She seemed most distressed and bit her lip, trying to find words.

Tom looked away, her silence wounded him deeply, and he believed he knew her answer. "You say no." He said dully.

"No!" She replied. "And yes, oh Tom." She said, her distress clearly evident in her voice. "Please, I need time. That's not a decision to be made lightly, and I need to think on it."

"I see." He said, his voice suddenly cool. "Well, I should.... I should go. I have things to see to here." He stumbled over these words, clearly devastated. "Good day, Miss Corin." He said, walking away.

His formality stung her, "Tom!" She called, as he left her alone. He did not turn, for he felt he could not face her at the moment. Her answer he believed had been merely a polite refusal, and it pained him deeply. He should never have asked in the first place, and he should have known that Olivia would never marry him.

Olivia watched him go, feeling as if her legs could barely support her weight anymore. She was shaking, and close to tears. Gathering her strength she quickly returned to the cabin, and sank into a chair. Tears flowed down her cheek and she felt very small at the moment. She did not know what to do and she did not know why, but Tom's request had made her realize the unlikelihood of her ever seeing home again. Before, it was as if she was living in a dream. She was not thinking of her future or what she would do in this world, but Tom had made it real and presented her with a path that she was unsure she was prepared to take.

She loved him. That was true enough. He was a good man, and he loved her. She was lucky to have him. Would marrying him and living in this world be so bad? It would take some getting used to of course, but what was her other option? She had no way of getting back to her time, and not being particularly brilliant with science she could not explain how she got here. Perhaps it was fate? What would she do if she did not marry Tom anyway? Go and live in Virginia, but one of the past? And what if by marrying Tom she somehow damaged the timeline? Oh forget about the timeline! Perhaps she was meant to be here, she was meant to meet Tom.

Her mind swirled with possibilities and she rested her head in her hands, furiously wiping the tears from her eyes. Taking a deep breath she forced herself to forget about home and timelines and focus on one basic issue. Did she love Tom? She knew she did, but would she be a good wife? She was not sure, but life was about risks, wasn't it? She sighed, and to think that it wasn't long ago she was worried about how she was going to pay for her new sheet music!

Olivia rose and went to her hammock with a sigh, deciding to attempt to sleep once more. Part of her wanted to run to Tom telling him she would marry him at the first possible moment, and another part of her was terrified. Her confusion kept her awake, she did not know how long she laid there, only that light soon spilled through the windows. She sighed, having no real desire to rise seeing as how she had yet to fall asleep and intended to stay in bed as long as possible.

However, that plan was soon interrupted. The drum roll made her jump and she sat up a bit too quickly, having to steady herself to keep from flipping out of the hammock. The ship sprung as everyone ran about to his post, orders being shouted as the Surprise came to life. The wall separating the cabin from the rest of the deck was taken away and Olivia jumped to her feet, and stood in her place, wondering what to do.

"What's going on?" She called to a midshipman, Calamy she believed his name was. He had never so much as said a word to her besides a polite good day on the quarterdeck, but he now, after glancing around and apparently not seeing who he was looking for (Olivia suspected it was Tom, who was most likely avoiding her), crossed over to her.

"We have beat to quarters Miss. We've encountered a ship that's run up American colors." He looked at her, rather nervously. "Might I suggest you find a.... a better spot?"

Olivia nodded, "I suppose I should go to sick-berth. As safe a place as any I guess." She said with a shrug, and then turned to head off, allowing the boy to see to his duties. On her way she passed Tom, from a distance. Their eyes met and she could see his concern, she also read his expression as his 'What the bloody Hell is she doing?' expression. "Sick-berth!" She shouted over the men's voices as they prepared for what was to come.

Tom seemed to understand, and nodded his approval. He seemed to have more he wished to say, for it was evident in his eyes, and for a split second he held her gaze until he was pulled back from his reprise to his duties.

Dr. Maturin looked up as Olivia appeared. "Miss Corin, if you do not mind I believe I will need your assistance."

Olivia nodded, "Of course, whatever I can do to help." She said. "Just point me in the-" She was cut off as the whole ship seemed to shake. A terrible crack was heard above and she could hear shouting on deck. "What was that?"

"Cannon fire, my dear." The Doctor said. His voice was incredibly calm, and it somehow helped Olivia not panic as well. "If you would be so kind as to help Padeen and Mr. Higgins direct the wounded, and perhaps do what you can for them?"

Olivia nodded, feeling slightly sick to her stomach. She did not trust herself to talk for fear her voice would betray her. The entire ship seemed to shake as they returned fire and all the voices shouting seemed to bleed into one, and then the first of the wounded came.

They were like ghosts, stumbling into sick-berth among the organized chaos aboard. Olivia was frozen with horror for a moment. She had never seen injuries so gruesome. It was unreal, as if she were watching her life on a screen somewhere. She was shaken back into action by Dr. Maturin's call for more bandages. Olivia, despite the shock of what was going on around her, kept a cool head, she rushed over with the bandages and was at his side in an instant.

The Doctor looked up and seemed a bit surprised to see Olivia. In truth he had imagined the woman would not be able to stomach the scene before her, but she seemed calm enough and her hands steady. He began giving her instructions as he would with Higgins, allowing her to assist in his hasty operating. He then instructed her to go and see what she could do for the others he had not yet seen too.

Olivia, with her lack of medical knowledge could do only a little for them, but she could at least judge who needed the Doctor immediately. Unfortunately however, most did. She rushed from one to the next, directing them on where they should sit. She had them in some form of order, the most severe closer to the Doctor, so he would not waste time in pushing his way to them.

One man, whose name she did not know, reached up and grabbed her arm. She spun around and gasped. He was choking, gasping for breath, his eyes wide with panic. His skin on his throat was torn away, bleeding most horrendously. Olivia's stomach churned in horror as she saw he was choking on his own blood. She could see which artery it was pouring from, or was it a vein? She could not tell, but why was that important? He was dying! She glanced desperately around to see if there was anyone else here to help. The Doctor, Higgins, even Padeen where hopelessly occupied at the moment. With a deep breath and a shaking hand she covered the hole with her finger. She went pale with the feel of all the warm, sticky blood bubbling in his throat.

"Doctor!" She shouted, knowing that she was only buying him time. She had seen a nurse do this on ER once, and it seemed somewhat logical. Interesting and perhaps insane that she should be thinking of a TV show at a time like this.

Doctor Maturin came as soon as he could. He quickly surveyed the scene, and looked at Olivia gravely. "All right my dear, come away now."

She stared at him, confused. "What?"

He lifted her hand out of the wound calmly, and moved her a step away from the man. He then looked from the poor injured fellow to her and said softly. "There is nothing to be done for him. Perhaps had I seen to him sooner, but he has lost far too much blood and the damage is too severe." He nodded back to the man, now limp on the ground. "He's already dead."

Olivia stared in shock. She had never seen so much death, and her mind reeled trying to comprehend what was happening. The stench of death and the filth around her seemed to swarm, overwhelming her mind.

The Doctor said nothing else; he simply went back to his patients. She stared at him a moment in disbelief. How could he do this? How could anyone face this more than once? After a moment of shock, she numbly went back to work. Assisting in whatever ways she could. Her mind felt fuzzy, as if she was watching herself through a mirror. The wounded seemed to blur together and she began to think it would never end. Suddenly she noticed she had not heard the guns for some time.

"No one's firing." She commented to the Doctor as she brought him more laudanum for a patient, a man who would most certainly die, but the laudanum could relive him some of the pain. "Is it over?"

The Doctor looked up for a moment, as if first realizing the silent guns as well. "Possibly." He said. "We will know soon enough."

It must have been for those with less severe wounds began coming down. Olivia was set to the task of seeing if she could clean cuts and perhaps bandage a few on her own. The men recounted some of the battle to her as she worked but she comprehended little of what they said.

Her thoughts turned to Tom as she worked and she was filled with worry. Was he all right? Surely had he been injured he would have been down already?

'Oh Lord let him be all right!' She silently pleaded. She was feeling jittery at the moment, but her worry was completely based around Tom.

She tried her best to appear unfazed, but must have failed miserably for one of the men told her. "No worries Miss! We gave as good as we got."

She gave him a weak smile, choosing not to talk else her voice betray her and wrapped a bandage around a grazed arm. She tied it off and gathered the bandages to move on to the next man when she saw him.

Relief flooded her as she dropped the bandages clumsily. Tom seemed unhurt, though tired and absolutely filthy. Of course, she was probably equally, if not more dirty, covered in the blood and filth of multiple wounds of others.

However, none of this mattered one bit to her. She quickly worked her way through sick-berth to him, throwing her arms around his neck with no regard for who was watching. "Oh Tom!" She cried. "Thank God you're all right!"

Tom returned her embraced as best he could with the low ceiling, equally relived to see Olivia unharmed and not giving a damn who saw them or what they thought. He immediately noticed how unnerved she was, and of course she was, he imagined she had never seen anything like this before and must have been quite terrified. He rested his head against hers a moment, as comfort, not sure of what he should say. Finally, he pulled back from her a bit to glance over and make sure she was unhurt. "You were not harmed were you?" He asked with concern.

She shook her head no, a small smile appearing. "I should be asking you that." She said, some of her usual tone returning.

Tom returned her smile, pleased to hear her the gentle teasing in her voice. "Just a few minor cuts and the like. Nothing serious I assure you."

She looked in his eyes, meeting his gaze. "You're sure? Because if you're lying Thomas Pullings, so help me...."

Tom laughed softly. "Yes! I am sure! Truly!"

She nodded, taking a deep breath. "I'm just so glad to see you're all right." She said with an involuntary shudder at what could have been. "Really."

Tom was unsure as to the best way to respond to her words, so he merely met her eyes and gave her a small smile. "The Captain told me to bring you to the cabin and for you to stay there. He would like a word."

Olivia nodded, "Very well." She has no idea why the Captain wanted to speak to her, and the fact that the ship they had fought was an American vessel had completely flown her mind. Tom brought her back to the Great Cabin, where the wall separating it from the gundeck had been restored.

Tom quickly bid her farewell for the moment, apologizing that he had to help with repairs and assuring her he would return soon. He could tell that the battle had deeply shaken her, and that she did not want to be alone to muse on all that had transpired in sick-berth, but he still had to see to his duties. No matter how much he loved her, he would not allow himself to neglect the ship. His first loyalties always lay with his duty, no matter what.

A/N: Okay, so a lot of stuff happened in this chapter. Basically for those of you with short attention spans there were two things: Marriage proposal, and a battle. If you missed that then you really weren't reading carefully (poke). Okay I'm kidding. I don't care if you read carefully or not. Anyway, awww... Tom feels rejected. Everyone say aw. "AWWWWWW...."

CajunPippinPirate: Yes third base can attack. Stupid bases. I have a ton of scars because I get them so easily but I can remember where I got all of them. Except for the one on the bottom of my foot. That one is just weird. Anyway..... Hope this chapter met your expectations ï