Standing on the Edge of Tomorrow
Note: Thank you to the especially keen and observant reviewer who noticed the fact that yes, Callum's father was supposed to die before he was born and therefore couldn't have taught him anything because he didn't exist. I do believe I had completely forgotten about that point. So, just strike that sentence from last chapter from your minds and let's move on.
Previously:
"What's wrong?" Kara asked, kneeling down next to Callum. Spike looked up at Kara. "Spike?" She asked, noticing his eyes shining wet with tears.
"He's not breathing."
Chapter Forty:
"Amazing grace...how sweet the sound...that saved a wretch, like me," Tara sang. Her voice carried out over the breeze, the words wrapping themselves about each person gathered there. It was melodically hypnotic. Closing her eyes, Tara let the words fade out with the sun, which had just dipped below the horizon. Her voice cracked slightly, but she remained strong. The sky was bright red and littered with puffy clouds. It was a beautiful day.
"I once was lost, but now am found....was blind, but now I see," she continued, each word rolling over her tongue like honey. They were gathered in a cemetery just outside of town, a newly built one that hadn't been used very much. Kara had picked out a spot underneath an oak tree. There they were going to bury Callum. The entire group came in a procession of limousines for his funeral, even Spike. He had remained in the car until the sun dipped below the horizon. Then he emerged and took his place next to Kara, gripping her hand tightly. She stood in front of the casket, dark, reflective sunglasses hiding her eyes. Spike could smell her tears. The sadness rolled off her in waves and they crashed into him, nearly knocking him from his feet; but he stayed strong for her.
"Twas grace that taught my heart to fear...and grace my fears relieved." He remembered that night clearly in his memory. It had been nearly a week ago. The grass had been wet with dew when he laid Callum down on it. The water made his fingers slick and he wiped them off on his dusty, tattered jeans. Leaning over his friend, he noticed he wasn't breathing. Kara tried CPR for nearly a half hour before the ambulance came. She couldn't make him breathe and neither could they. But she didn't want to give up. Finally, he and Kennedy pulled her off.
She ran, dashing into the night with tears streaming down her face. Spike looked everywhere for her, all over town, but he couldn't find her. When he arrived back home that morning, just moments before dawn, with his skin starting to sizzle from the sun, he found her lying on Callum's bed. She was fast asleep and he could see the tear tracks running down her cheeks. He laid with her all through the day, holding her while she cried in her sleep. The sobs wracked her body and thought for a moment that the sheer intensity of them would break her. But she survived.
It's what she had always done – survive. Standing with her now, Spike realized that her whole life had been surviving one death to another. She had watched everyone she ever loved die and now she was doing it again. The Powers that Be had given her a second chance at life, but they couldn't guarantee that everything would turn out sunshine and happiness. Life always had a way of sweeping the rug out just at the least expected moment.
"How precious did that grace appear...the hour I first believed." The others had healed quickly, those wounded in the bomb attack and at Caleb's compound. They lived on, rising every morning and resting every night, but Callum never would again. Spike remembered the nights he spent whiling away the dull hours of the morning over a bottle of whiskey with his mate, playing poker or watching some crappy night time television show. Those were some of the best times he had ever had in his life, and a long one that had been. It seemed so incredibly unfair to him that the Powers that Be, the gods, the goddess, or whatever deity ultimately controlled the universe, would let a creature like him linger on for all eternity, but take a man as good hearted and gentle as Callum.
"Through many dangers, toils, and snares...I have already come." The words struck Spike as particularly relevant. How many dangers had they survived? In the last year alone? It had been foolish of him to believe that everyone would survive each apocalypse unscathed and unharmed. Eventually, even in the deepest realm of his heart, he knew someone would die. He just didn't want to accept it. Looking around the cemetery at the group gathered before him, he wondered which person would leave them next, which person they would gather again to bury, to lose.
"Tis grace that hath brought me safe thus far...And grace will lead me home." Grace had been the only thing to save them thus far. So many times, they all could have died, and yet they survived. For what? Just to fight again and die? Spike wanted to rage against the Powers that Be, to rage against life, and all of the hypocrisies in it. But he couldn't. He knew Kara would rage enough for the both of them. She needed someone to be her rock now, her foundation, her calm center of the chaos that life created. He could be that for as long as she needed. It was just the two of them living in that big house now, all alone. A tear slid down his cheek as he thought that there would always be an empty chair at the dinner table now, always an empty seat in the living room, always an empty room down the hall.
"The Lord has promised good to me...His word my hope secures." The place Kara had picked was absolutely beautiful. The oak tree shaded it from the sun and little yellow flowers dotted the meadow. They almost seemed out of place, so happy and peaceful in such a sad place. It seemed to him that it should be raining out and that the world should be just as sad at the loss of Callum as everyone gathered there. Buffy and Faith clung tightly to each other, perhaps realizing again the precious line they walked. Dawn stood next to Joyce, who wrapped her arms around her youngest daughter, standing tall and strong, like a watchtower. Spike smiled to himself.
"His will my Shield and Portion be...As long as life endure." Xander and Anya stood huddled next to each other. Spike could almost see the defeat on Xander's shoulders. He had lost another friend, like Jesse, another person he had grown to count on and love. Giles and Jack stood a bit apart from the rest. Both men had come to see Callum as a sort of surrogate son, Jack not realizing how true that sentiment was. The potentials and other Council members stood farther back, not wanting to intrude on what was a rather private, intimate moment for the group, but feeling that they should be there nonetheless.
"Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail...and mortal life shall cease," Tara sang as she stood next to Willow, gripping the red haired witch's hand in her own. Spike turned to look at Kennedy, who stood on the other side of Kara, holding her other hand just as tightly as he did. Kennedy had been there for the grief stricken girl every step of the way. When Kara lay in bed, crying herself to sleep, Kennedy would sit next to her and stroke her hair, or tell her stories. After the funeral, he was going to ask her to move in with them. He thought it would be good for Kara to have another person around, someone she cared about and trusted. They could spruce up the basement for her.
"I shall possess, within the veil....a life of joy and peace." The casket slowly began to sink into the ground. With each word of the song, it sunk lower and lower, until it had disappeared from sight. Kara bit her lip, holding back the tears. She could feel them building up within her, crawling and howling to escape. She turned her head and rested it on Spike's shoulder, letting a few tears trickle out onto his duster. Spike wrapped his arm around her, resting his head on the top of hers.
"The earth shall soon dissolve like snow...the sun forbear to shine." His heart broke for her. He couldn't imagine what he would do if he ever lost Dawn. The fact that he had lost his soul mate in her world nearly killed him. He vowed to himself that he would always protect her, no matter what. He wouldn't lose her again. He wouldn't lose anyone. From now on, he would be there for everyone, watching over them and guarding them like an angel in the dark.
"But God, who call me here below...shall be forever mine." Spike hoped that wherever Callum was, he was happy. He didn't know if he believed in Heaven, but if it existed, he knew his mate was there, watching them all and laughing at how silly they were being by crying for him. He would be sitting up in the clouds with a bottle of whisking and throwing raindrops down on them.
"When we've been there ten thousand years...Bright, shining as the sun." Spike watched as each person stepped forward and reached down, clasping a handful of dirt in between their fingers before throwing it down onto the casket below. Then it was his turn. Stepping forward, he gingerly reached down, mindful of his injuries, and scooped a handful of dirt up. He fingered it for a moment, remembering everything Callum had been to him, and then slowly let the dirt slide through his fingers. He watched it disappear into the dark of the grave until all of the dirt had escaped. Then he turned and took his place again. The sun was gone and the sky was turning dark blue, the orange and red of sunset slowly disappearing into naught.
"We've no less days to sing God's praise...Than when we'd first begun." They stayed as the rest of the dirt was shoveled onto the grave, until the ground was perfect again. It was like nothing had ever disturbed it to begin with. The group began to wander away, heading back to the limousines for a wake at Buffy's house. Kara hadn't decided if she wanted to attend. Spike didn't think she would. He couldn't see her being with all of those people, instead, he imagined he and Kennedy would take her home and sit with her in her darkened room until she fell asleep. Then he would do the same. They too walked away, back to the real world. Looking over his shoulder, he heaved a heavy sigh and knew that Callum was gone.
Note: The lyrics from Amazing Grace were written by John Newton, and therefore, obviously, are not mine. I am simply borrowing them.