Chapter 4
We were just pulling into the lot of one of the larger car dealerships in Trenton, when Haley turned to look at me, frowning, her face a little pale. "Ohmigod! I forgot about insurance! How do you get insurance?" I winced, and felt the beginnings of a headache.
"Don't worry, we'll get it taken care of," I said in my best reassuring voice.
"Ok. But... shouldn't we have a guy with us?" I stared at her, and she waited expectantly.
"Huh?"
"A guy. Salesmen are always a lot more truthful if you have a guy with you. Maybe you should call your dad?" On one hand, having my dad here would probably ensure some slight improvement in the salesman's honesty, but on the other hand Dad knew nothing about modern cars, and wouldn't even look at a car that wasn't American.
"Why don't we just try it on our own. Girl power, right?" My cousin's eyes widened.
"No wonder you have sucky car karma," she said and glanced at the door of the showroom. A large man with an even larger moustache was trotting out. "Game face on, cous. The walrus approaches," she muttered and climbed out of the car.
"Good afternoon, ladies. I'm Johnny. What can I do for you?" he asked, smiling. A beached walrus. Haley was good at this.
"Hi, Johnny," I said. "I'm Stephanie, and this is Haley. We're just out car shopping," I said, trying to sound even more clueless than I was.
"For a trade?" He asked, practically drooling over Big Blue. "We don't usually do classic trades, but I think..."
"No trade," Haley cut him off. "At least not for the Buick. What have you got as far as SUV's are concerned? And maybe sports cars, too."
Walrus gave Big Blue one last, lingering leer, and turned back to us. "Right over here, ladies," He motioned to a fleet of Escapes. I had really loved my sunshine yellow Escape. Maybe I should give them another try. While I let Johnny the Walrus list their numerous virtues, Haley wandered off to peruse other, more interesting (by which she meant faster, smaller, and shiner) cars. I was absorbed in Johnny Walrus's excited discussion of dependability and warranty that I nearly jumped out of my skin when Haley bellowed my name at the top of her lungs. Once a cheerleader, always a cheerleader.
"Get over here! I found your car!" She yelled. I shrugged at Johnny and ambled my way over to a bouncing, waving Haley. My eyes traveled past her to the car she was pointing at. Cripes!
"No way in hell, Haley!" I said, glaring at her. Haley beamed and shook her head.
"Yes way. Think about it! It's an Escape, just what you wanted," she said laughing. "It matches your aura."
"Nothing that color matches my aura. Does that color match my aura?" I turned on Johnny Walrus.
"Uh, I, I..." he stammered, looking like a deer caught in the headlights of a MAC truck. No help from there.
"Steph," Haley stepped closer, wrapping her arm around me and turning me to face the nightmare in front of me. "It's a lucky color for you. Think about it. This color has saved your ass, and come through for you. This color drastically improves your auto karmic balance! The fact it is on a car that also meets your auric needs... it's a sign from the powers that be. This car is destined for you." I glanced at her skeptically. She could seriously give Mooner a run for his money, and I knew she was sober. Kind of a migraine-inducing thought, that. Deciding the car was easier to deal with than further contemplation of my cousin's natural high, I looked at it. I stared at it. I studied it.
Haley did have a point. A weird, cracked-out point, but a point nonetheless. Plus, the car was kind of cute... I sighed.
"I'll take it."
As if by divine intervention, a ray of sunlight chose that moment to pierce the clouds. It bounced off the sparkling powder blue hood and dazzled my retinas. It felt like an omen, I just couldn't tell what kind.
It was precisely 6:01 when we arrived at my parents' house, me driving Big Blue for hopefully the last time and Haley following in her new 2002 metallic silver fully loaded Cougar. She had picked out the car after five minutes on the lot, and a quick test-drive. It was quick, curvy, sporty, had a great sound system, and it suited Haley to a T. My own new acquisition was sitting at home in the parking lot. I was probably going to take a lot of shit for it, but I thought it might be worth it, if Haley's astral advice was accurate. Either way, it couldn't hurt to try.
I pulled Big Blue into the garage and watched as Haley eased the Cougar up to the curb. I could still see the look of awe on the salesman's face when Haley wrote the check. I repressed my own moment of jealousy. What would it be like to write a check for a twelve thousand dollar car? Ok so I had written a check for my car too, but my check was significantly smaller and supplied only a down payment.
"Are you sure you have enough in the account?" I asked her quietly as she angled out of the car..
"Of course I do. Why do you ask?" she looked confused. Because you are an unemployed twenty-year old who I'm not even sure finished college, I wanted to say. I didn't.
"Well, that was a lot of money," I said, as we headed for the house.
"Steph," Haley stopped and looked at me seriously. "You seriously don't know about Grandpa?"
Grandpa? My family tree was shady, so I had to process it for a moment. Haley's grandmother was Grandma Mazur's sister, who married Harold Thorne, who had owned a lot of land... with oil wells. Oh. "I forgot about that," I told her honestly and we started moving again. Haley sighed.
"Sometimes I wish I could. Although it did give being an only grandchild some serious perks," she laughed and further conversation became futile as my mother swept open the door and pulled her into a hug.
"What kept you girls? Stephanie, you aren't dragging your baby cousin around on that dreadful job of yours, are you? And why didn't you call us when Haley got here?"
"I'm so sorry, Aunt Helen," Haley interrupted. "I didn't get in until really late, and I've been fighting the worst case of jet lag," she sighed and looked forlorn, somehow magically transforming from bubbly to waif in a heartbeat. The girl was good. Scary, but good. My mother instantly forgot her irritation and hugged her again, then pulled her toward the dining room.
"Catch any baddies today?" Grandma asked, popping up out of nowhere. "Showing your new sidekick the ropes?"
"Haley's not my sidekick! She's already got a job." I said, making my way as fast as possible to the dinner table. I smiled at Dad, who had already taken his seat and was reading the paper. "Where's Val and Albert?"
"The Kloughn just got a client. They're going to dinner to celebrate," Dad said without looking up.
"Where's the new job?" my mother was asking Haley.
"At this new club, called Underground. I'm a waitress," she said proudly.
"A waitress!" my mother repeated. "Do you think they have any more positions for Stephanie?"
"Um, I doubt it ma'am," Haley said. "And anyway, she's such an awesome bounty hunter, why would she be a waitress?" I felt a surge of affection for my cousin. She really thought I was a good bounty hunter. I was definitely never letting her see me work.
Mom sucked in her breath, and excused herself to the kitchen, probably needing a sip of her secret stash. Grandma laughed. "So is it one of them sex clubs? With a name like Underground I bet it is! Do you have to wear latex and carry whips?" Dad choked on his drink.
"Mother!" mom yelled from the kitchen. I felt my eye twitch.
"No," giggled Haley. "I'm sorry to disappoint you Aunt Edna. But maybe on Halloween?"
"So, how are the wedding preparations going?" Mom asked, setting out the pot roast. It was my turn to choke on a drink. Haley went pale, but quickly recovered.
"Actually, Aunt Helen, the preparations have come along fine. Mom hired a wedding planner, so I really haven't had to worry about anything. Except that... I'm not sure there's going to be a wedding." She said the last part at a speed just short of breaking the sound barrier. My mother still caught it though.
"Your poor mother!" she gasped, crossing herself. Grandma Mazur cackled.
"Got another hottie already lined up?" she asked. Apparently the family gossip had already reached the Burg. "I don't blame you. This soldier boy sounds a lot better than any sissy chemist any day!" Haley went pale again, but this time she stayed that color.
""What? No, I don't... Alec just... Oh my God!" she looked ready to cry. I felt my own anger rising.
"He is Dickie Junior!" I burst out, without realizing I'd opened my mouth. I immediately slapped my hands over my lips. Omigod. I looked at my cousin. Haley's eyes were wide as saucers, and she looked like she couldn't decide whether to be relieved or kill me. "Haley! I'm so sorry, I..."
"Well, good for you!" Grandma interrupted me. She walked up to Haley and hugged her. "You learn from your cousin Stephanie. But you've done one better- you don't even have to divorce the creep. Good girl."
Haley's eyes teared up. "Th-thank you, Aunt Edna," she whispered.
"What is this world coming to?" mom demanded. "Alec sounded like such a nice young man! These boys nowadays can't keep it in their pants to save their lives!" My jaw hit the table. So did everyone else's. Mom sniffed and gave us all a condescending look. "It's true. There is always someone in my night classes crying about her husband or her boyfriend cheating on her." She fixed my father with a death glare, since he had the misfortune of being the only one of the offending gender present. "It's disgraceful."
Dad swallowed the mashed potatoes in his mouth carefully, and looked around for the nearest escape route. She rolled her eyes, then leveled a kinder glance on Haley and I. "No wonder you're all so scared of commitment."
I shook my head slowly. Maybe I needed to check the basement for pods... "Who's up for cake?" Mom asked, breaking the spell. Thank god. I was willing to give Pod-Mom a try, just as long as the cake still tasted excellent.
Luckily, it did. I made a mental note to avoid the basement anytime in the future.
I collapsed on the couch when we got back to my apartment. I love my family, but sometimes they just wear me out. I couldn't believe I had just blurted out the truth about Alec like that, even if Haley did seem to have forgiven me.
She was busy at the moment trying to sort out the two massive bags of leftovers and stuff them into my fridge. "Yo!" she yelled over her shoulder. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for your stake-out?" Crap.
Just when I thought tonight couldn't get any worse... Staring at nothing happening for hours, with plenty of time to think about all the shit that has gone wrong lately with my relationship, my job, my life, and Haley's as well. Of course there was the presence of the always sexy Cuban Batman to make up for this.
With that last, comforting thought I hauled myself to my feet and dragged my unwilling self in search of Tastycakes and cheese doodles to stuff in my bag. While I prepared for my ordeal, Haley flopped down on the couch and turned on the t.v. It was tuned to an old episode of I Dream of Jeannie, there was still a good fifteen minutes to kill, so I was about to join my cousin when a quiet knock on the door announced the arrival of my ride. Damn. Ranger never knocked, so it would be one of the Merry Men tonight. I looked out the peephole. Bobby Brown waved at me. Hm, not bad. He wasn't Ranger, but like all RangeMan employees he was still hot. I opened the door and smiled. "Hi, Bobby. Come on in. Just give me a sec, ok?"
I retreated to the bathroom as Haley approached to inspect the new visitor. Poor Bobby. I took a few extra minutes in the bathroom, just to be cruel. I was surprised to hear laughter- not just Haley's but a deep male laugh that had to be Bobby's. Wow. Haley must have some sort of superpower, because with the possible exception of Lester the Merry Men did not usually seem to have a sense of humor.
Curiosity led me back to the kitchen to find Haley and Bobby seated at the kitchen table laughing like old friends. Bobby gave me a Cheshire cat grin.
"Your cousin here was explaining your new car," he said. I cringed and glared at Haley who shrugged innocently.
My upcoming rhino impression, however, was impossible because Haley's cell phone chose that moment to begin playing the Charleston. Haley's eyes fixed on their target and she dove for it, knocking me into Bobby in the process.
"D!" she greeted the person on the other end and waved to us absently as she settled back onto the couch. "I saved Steph from the Blue Beast. I am Supergirl!... So what is your count up to, bro? If you get one more girlfriend it's going to set a new Player Record." I rolled my eyes and heard Bobby chuckle.
"Let's go," I said to Bobby and headed out the door without waiting for a response.
When we got to the waiting SUV, Bobby handed me a folder that proved to be the file on one Reggie Johnson, a happy little fire bug wanted for the brutal slaying of his step brother. We were to be staking out his apartment.
"Where's Ranger?" I asked Bobby as he pulled out of the lot.
"Something came up," he said. Such a fountain of information, he was. That was it for conversation until we stopped across the street from Reggie's apartment complex. It was actually in a decent section of town, and the complex itself was obviously only a few years old- the baby trees and half-finished landscaping was the giveaway. Not the usual place one expected to find a killer pyromaniac. I settled in for the wait.
Four hours later my butt was numb, there had been no sign of life from Reggie, and my supply of Tastykakes was consumed I had actually given several to Bobby. He shared my weakness for Butterscotch Krimpets; which somehow made him more human and moved him up several levels in my esteem. After sharing the last krimpet we actually attempted some conversation.
"Are you sure you and Haley aren't really sisters? You two are damn near twins," Bobby said shaking his head.
"Twins who are ten years apart," I laughed, then a more serious thought crossed my mind. "But we are alike. Even down to the sucky choices in men." Bobby turned and looked at me, apparently waiting for further explanation.
"Haley found out her fiancé had cheated on her. She was in the same situation I was with Dickie, but at least she hadn't already married him, you know? But what scares me is that she was going to anyway." I paused. That one still floored me. "She deserves so much better than that, but she doesn't see it. All she sees is the expectations of everyone else and how she isn't meeting them." I said and cringed, realizing I could have just described myself.
"Haley's a bright girl," Bobby's voice interrupted my disturbing thoughts. "She'll figure it out." I just nodded and hoped he was right. Bobby cleared his throat. "I was meaning to ask, though..." He trailed off, watching the doors of the complex open. No Reggie though, just a young woman with a backpack. "Is she always that..." he stopped, searching for the word. I knew what he meant.
"Yeah. Pretty much," I laughed. "I used to think it was overexposure to pompons or something."
"Cheerleader?" he asked.
"The last six years, until she quit school last semester." Bobby nodded as if this explained it.
Finally, at long last, relief arrived and Bobby drove me home. I was tempted to check to see if my butt was still attached when I got out of the car, but restrained myself.
Back in my apartment, Haley was curled up on the couch with her teddy bear, the cell phone lying on the floor beside her. I picked the quilt up off the recliner and settled it around her gently. The bear caught my eye again. It white, with unbelievably soft fluffy fur, a pink bow tie, and it hadn't been in her luggage. The white fur was pristine so it had to be new, and it had appeared after our night at Underground. I examined its bright blue eyes again and wondered where it had come from. Or, more precisely, who. I'd ask her tomorrow.
With that last thought I made my way back to my room and went to bed. I could have sworn I had just closed my eyes when my alarm started buzzing. I cursed and slapped at it until I managed to hit the snooze button. Damned thing. It couldn't possibly be ten a.m. already, but the clock insisted it was. I had almost made it back to dreamland when someone sat down on the other side of the bed. I told them to go away.
My cousin's irritatingly cheerful giggle forced me to open my eyes. "Steph, I'm going to go shopping with Lula, ok? I was wondering if I could take your car, please? She plans on buying a ton of stuff and I want to buy some stuff for the apartment since you've been so great about letting me stay and all," she said smiling happily. I looked her up and down. She was wearing khaki capris, white strappy sandals, and an odd halter tank top that looked like it had been made out of a polo shirt. She was going shopping with Lula. I wanted this on tape... but I wanted sleep more.
"Ok. Take it. Go," I said and pulled the covers over my head again. Haley hugged me cover and all, and stood up.
"I'm leaving my keys in the kitchen. Don't sleep too late, Beauty," and she was gone. I sighed in contentment and snuggled back into my bed for another few hours of slumber.
The insistent ringing wouldn't go away. The fucking phone. I was going to kill whoever it was. I got up and stomped into the kitchen as the answering machine kicked on. "Stephanie Plum!" my mother's voice was shrill. "What's this about you blowing up the Macy's parking lot? Angie Morelli's daughter never blows up parking lots..." I grabbed the phone.
"Mom? What are you talking about? I've been home asleep!"
"Oh thank goodness! I keep getting calls that you're in the Macy's parking lot and you just blew it up..." Oh my god. Macy's. Shopping.
"I have to go, Mom. I will explain later!" I dropped the phone, ran into my room, pulling on the first pair of jeans I saw, and grabbing a scrunchy for my hair. Somehow I wrangled it into a ponytail without even breaking stride. Snagging the keys to Haley's Couger, I was out the door and on my way to Macy's, my pulse pounding in my ears, my chest tight.