Chapter 5
I made it to the mall in record time, and if half the Trenton PD hadn't been in Macy's parking lot I would probably have been arrested for careless and imprudent driving. There were several police cruisers, an ambulance, a black Ford F350, a black SUV (guess Ranger and the Merry Men made it to the party), and... oh shit. A familiar unmarked police car. Morelli.
I got out of the Cougar and forced myself to walk toward the largest group of cops, who were congregating around my new Escape, which looked remarkably unscathed. So my car wasn't blown up. Hm, that was a change. I caught sight of Carl Costanza and Big Dog exchanging money, and headed for them. Someone in the background was yelling and I had to yell to hear myself over the commotion, "Hey guys! What's going on?" My voice sounded hollow even to myself.
Carl and Big Dog just stared at me, their mouths moving but no sounds coming forth.
"Guys?" I asked again.
They looked back over their shoulders, and then looked at me again.
"Holy shit, Steph," Carl finally said looking shell shocked. "You hire a stand in?" It took me a moment to realize what he was talking about. I looked around they dynamic duo. What I saw eased my panic but let me switch to a whole new emotion. My inner rhino was making an appearance.
Haley was sitting on the curb slumped and dejected, her hair falling around her face blocking it from view. Morelli stood close by, yelling at her. Well, not exactly- he was calling her "Stephanie" and "Cupcake," and trying to convince her, or rather me, to quit playing at being a superhero, to get a clue, to quit trying to fly before I broke my neck, how could I do this to everyone, etc. You know, I thought those lectures sounded ugly when they were directed at me, but being the third party made them even worse. I pushed past Carl, my eyes narrowed and my hands curled into fists. How dare he? The last time I'd even heard from him was the night Haley showed up, and that had been him giving me another ultimatum: Give up my job and stop my friendship with Ranger or lose him. After sitting in on this tirade, I was giving serious thought to doing just that, after I hit him with the Buick.
Haley beat me to it. She stood up, keeping her head bowed and whispered something. Morelli smirked, looking superior. "Yeah, Cupcake."
"Good," she said, flipping her head up and flashing him a blinding smile. He had just enough time to register his mistake before her fist caught him square on the cheek. He stumbled backward, and stared at her in shock. Haley straightened her back and gave him the cheerleader death glare. "That's going to be one hell of a shiner, you know. And if you ever talk about my cousin like that again, I'll give you one to match."
The cops and emergency personnel in the immediate vicinity were laughing. Morellii's face flushed as he touched his cheek. "You little..."
"Say it," Haley dared. "Say it, and everyone finds out about you and that blond the other night at Underground..." she trailed off and grinned at him. "Oops."
I was frozen in place. My baby cousin had just punched a cop, my sort-of-boyfriend cop, and had just announced a choice piece of gossip to effectively the entire Burg, all to defend me. I had to admire her style, but I saw the expression in Morelli's eyes and became more concerned for her immediate safety. Better get moving, Stephanie...I took a few steps toward the showdown.
Every eye on the place was glued to us. I caught a glimpse of Ranger, Lester, and Tank standing on the edge of the crowd. I smiled a little: the cavalry was already here. "What blond?" I asked as casually as I could.
Haley and Morelli both turned to face me. Morelli looked angry, embarrassed, and maybe a little apprehensive. Haley just looked apologetic. "I'm really sorry, Steph," she said. "I didn't mean to say that, really I didn't..."
"Are you ok? I heard something about blowing up the parking lot," I said, keeping my eyes on Haley because I wasn't sure I wouldn't kill Joe if I looked at him again.
"Oh, I'm fine. It was some sort of explosive thingy, but it fell off when I... er... ran up on the curb," she said looking guilty. I winced. Well, a curb check was better than an exploded Haley and Lula. Speaking of which:
"Where's Lula?"
"She left when the cops came." Typical.
"Don't worry about it, pixie," I said giving her a quick hug. "Cars are replaceable, you aren't," I added, borrowing a line from Ranger. She smiled a little, looking intensely relieved.
"But is it true- the blond thing, I mean?" I asked, keeping my voice as neutral as possible, and finally turning to look at Joe.
"Cupcake," he said quietly, "We can't do this here..."
Haley's head shot up, and she turned on him. "But you could do anything on the dance floor at the club, couldn't you?" she almost growled. Holy hell, I guess we had the same temper after all. But I had to wonder what exactly he had been doing on the dance floor...
"Stay out of this," Morelli warned, giving Haley a dangerous look. She snorted and rolled her eyes at him, unimpressed.
"Stay out of it while you treat my cousin, one of my best friends, like a door mat? Like dirt?" she shook her head.
"What happened on the dance floor?" I asked. Haley just looked at me, her expression clearly saying I should be able to guess. Oh. My vision took on a slight red tinge as I looked at Morelli. "Who was it?"
"Come on, not here, Cupcake. Let's go back to my place."
"Fuck your place. I'm not going anywhere with you. Just like our so-called relationship. You want my decision? Fine, you've made it for me. My job and my friends, or you? " Oops, almost said 'Ranger,' and wouldn't the Burg love that one? "You aren't worth that, Morelli, you're... you're..." I couldn't think of anything low enough to describe him and paused for breath.
"You are a post used douche, Morelli" Haley supplied, grabbing my arm and pulling me away from him. "Now get lost before you get beaten up by a girl. Again."
I gaped at her. Ten points for colorful insults, even if it was a mental image I really didn't need. Kind of fit though... I looked at Joe, who was looking at Haley like he was considering homicide. It was the look he'd given me when I'd let him out of the ice truck. Huh. Hadn't thought about that one in a while. He'd attacked me... shit. I quickened my pace, and reversed roles, this time it was me hauling Haley out of the fray. I looked around for where to go.
"Proud of you, Babe," Ranger's voice whispered in my ear, a moment before I felt his hand settle at the base of my neck and guide me forward. I sighed and blinked back the tears. We were heading for Ranger's truck.
"Thanks, Ranger," I managed as the anger wore off and the hurt began to leak in. Oh my god. I couldn't believe him. At a club. With some blond bimbo... probably Terri Gillman. I thought of all the times I had thought how great he'd turned out, how different from the other Morelli men. I'd been so clueless. Again. The world was taking another spin into the Twilight Zone, and I was having trouble focusing through the tears. "What about my car?" I asked to keep my mind off my emotional train wreck.
"They're taking it to impound or something," Haley supplied. "I think they just want to take pictures of it, but that's just me... ow!" she whimpered. I looked over to see Tank applying something to her hand.
"That was a hell of a punch, sweetheart" Lester told her. "Where'd you learn to hit like that?" Haley gave him a haughty sniff. I almost laughed. Her current girly fluff image hadn't always been around. Once upon a time, in another life, Haley Jane had been a tomboy.
"It's a secret. I'd tell you, but then I might have to kill you," she told him with a grin. Lester and Tank laughed. Ranger smiled.
"Your form needs some work," Tank said, wrapping her hand carefully. Haley scowled.
"It's not my fault he has a thick Italian skull. Besides, you try landing a decent punch in these shoes!" She gestured to her black flip-flops with their four inch platform soles. Good gods, the shoes that girl wore...
I glanced at Ranger. "Come on, let's get out of here before this gets bloody." I tossed Haley her keys. "No curb checks." She just laughed.
"Hey, it's actually an improvement. I used to end up in ditches."
"Is car destruction a genetic trait in your family?" Ranger asked as we pulled out of the lot. I glared at him.
"Where were you last night?" I am the master of the subtle change of subject.
"Meeting." Hm. Good to know he was feeling chatty. My stomach rumbled.
"Can we stop somewhere and grab some food?"
Ranger nodded and flipped open his cell phone. "We're heading to Big Jim's.... Yeah, and bring Haley."
"Tank?" A slight incline of his head. I gave up on further conversation as he slid into his Zone.
Several minutes later we pulled into Big Jim's. As always, Ranger managed to get a table that kept his back to the wall.
"Any idea who would blow up your car?" he asked after we were seated.
"I haven't even had it long enough to drive it this time! We went car shopping last night." Ranger raised an eyebrow.
"Car shopping?"
"Haley's term, not mine." I sighed. "God, I thought..." my voice caught. I was not going to say what I had thought out loud. So I pondered his question instead. "I don't know who would do it. I don't even have any skips right now, so unless it's a former skip or something like that..." I shrugged. Normally there was at least a threatening phone call or something to explain one of my cars blowing up.
"You said you haven't even driven this car?"
"No. I barely even test drove it. Haley was convinced that since it matched my aura and it was 'my lucky color' that it would last... I guess she was right, after all." I frowned as I realized something. "But what kind of car bomb falls off anyway?"
"It wasn't a car bomb. It was an explosive device probably set to detonate at a certain time. It was attached to the undercarriage, but it came loose when Haley ran up on the curb." I shook my head in admiration.
"The first lucky curb check in history."
"Did you see the crater it left in the parking lot?" Ranger asked.
"No." I felt guilty. I hadn't even checked out the damage. "I got distracted when I saw Joe yelling at Haley like that." There was something else bothering me. "He couldn't even tell it wasn't me."
Ranger's lips moved in his almost-smile. "You two look a lot alike, Babe. He just didn't look too close."
"You haven't confused us," I pointed out. Ranger's smile grew to about 200 watts.
"There are a few differences," he said.
Differences no one else seemed to get. "Aside from our height?"
Ranger inclined his head, smile staying in place. Gah. Ok. I was curious... "What are they?"
His eyes met mine, and they had gone several shades darker. He leaned closer and pressed his lips to mine. That was it. Another one of those soft, wonderful, panty-ruining, did-I-imagine-it, bone melting kisses. "Your lips, for one," he said quietly, sitting back in his seat.
I tried to get my suddenly mushy brain to work. "Oh," I said. Before I could ask what the other ones were, I heard the door to the restaurant open.
Tank and Lester entered with Haley between them, and even the four inch sandals didn't keep her from looking like a shrimp. Goldilocks and the two bears... Then I noticed that the two guys were grinning ear to ear.
:"Please tell me you didn't give them the magic color spiel?" I asked as Haley skipped over and slipped into the seat next to mine.
"Nope. We just played leap frog," she said, confiscating my Coke.
"Hey, get your own!" I gave a half-hearted protest, but let her take a drink anyway. She had just nearly gotten blown up because of me, then told off Morelli-the-scum. Haley, true to her dignified nature, stuck her tongue out at me.
"Leap frog?" Ranger was giving his men one of those 'do I really want to know' looks.
"Yep. It's where you leap frog down the road. It gets really fun if there's a lot of traffic," Haley told him.
"Shouldn't you have been following them?" I asked her.
"That got boring." I frowned and looked at her closely. When I was stressed, I ate or I took a nap. When Haley was stressed she suddenly had the attention span of a three-year-old. It was enough to make her normal effervescence look dull.
"You handled almost getting blown up remarkably well," I said. She shrugged.
"It wasn't that bad. I hit the curb, I cursed and I pulled into another space a little way down to check out the damage- there wasn't any by the way, and then Lula thought something fell off and we just took a step when it blew up. So it really wasn't any biggy. I'm actually a lot more pissed about that douche bag detective you've been dating." Haley scowled at me. I could almost hear her inner rhino gearing up for the charge.
"How many times have you lectured me about not letting a guy tell me what to do, or guilt trip me into something I didn't want, or let some guy control my actions, and above all not to let any guy treat you with anything less that total respect?" she paused for breath. "Oh, and let's not forget the 'if there isn't trust, there isn't love' speech, Steph." I glanced at the males at the table. They had on their blank faces.
"Haley, I..."
"Stop it. Seriously, listen to your own advice from now on. You would have kicked my butt if I let a guy treat me like you've let him treat you. He's cheated on you, left you hanging, yelled at you, and put you down for being yourself. You've told me everything, Stephie. But you want to know the major thing that clued me in?"
I really, really didn't want to hear this, and definitely not in front of Ranger or his guys, but I had a feeling she wasn't about to stop any time soon. "Uh..."
"He's a cop, and he works undercover, but he never tells you when he's going in, never tells you when he might be back, and when he gets back- you're usually the last person to know. Didn't any of that ever register?" She looked at me, genuinely wondering how I hadn't noticed.
"It did. I just didn't want to think about it."
"Well, think about it." Her tone was final. "And if you take him back after this, I will personally kick your ass." I winced as her point sunk home. She had just said everything that nagging voice in the back of my head had been saying for a while now.
"I will, I promise."
The guys were looking uncomfortable. Haley flashed them her cover girl smile. "Sorry about that. It had to be said though. I hope you forgive us... what's for eating?"
"They have awesome ribs here," I said, handing her a menu.
"Ribshmibs. I need desert!" she laughed. We put our heads together and poured over the desert menu, ignoring the somewhat stunned silence from our companions .
"What are you guys getting?" I asked finally when it was all beginning to get a little ridiculous.
The temporary ice broken we got down to the business of ordering and eating massive amounts of food. Ranger went for salad, Haley went for salad and triple chocolate cake, and the rest of us selected ribs.
Haley must have been feeling guilty about her explosion, because she ended up sharing her chocolate cake with me. Nothing in our family screams apology louder than willingness to share chocolate.
I had no idea what dinner with Ranger and Co. would be like, but it actually went very well. There was conversation and everything. I learned more about the guys and Ranger in one hour than I had the entire time I'd known them. Tank was from a small town in Louisiana, Lester and Ranger were from Miami, they had served together in the Rangers along with Bobby. They talked about wilder younger days and stupid stunts they'd pulled.
When Lester detailed how he and his friends had stolen a crane from a construction site to put their high school principal's car on the roof of the school, I laughed so hard I nearly cried.
Somehow picturing the teenage punks they must have been made them all a little more human. When Haley and I finally left, I was almost reluctant to go. I had enjoyed their company so much I had forgotten about my own problems, but sitting in the passenger seat, listening to the song 'Caroline,' it all came rushing back.
As if reading my mind, Haley pulled into the 7-11. Thirty minutes later and loaded with as much ice cream, oreos, peanut butter, and sugary substances as we could carry, we were back on our way home.
I was patient. I waited until we had the ice cream in the freezer, everything was refrigerated that needed refrigerating, and we were both settled on the couch with boxes of Snackwell's devil's food cookies.
"Why didn't you tell me what happened the other night?" I asked, watching her closely for any sign of dishonesty. Haley sighed and looked sheepish.
"I'm not sure. Lula saw him first, and she pointed him out to me. We were going to go say hi and introduce ourselves until we noticed the blond he was with. Lula said she knew her... mob boss's kid or something.
So I was right. Terri Gillman. My opinion of Morelli sank even further.
"Anyway, they were going pretty hot and heavy; his hands were like everywhere!" She paused and looked at me, her cheeks coloring. "Uh, I mean..."
"Detail, Haley. I want detail."
Haley looked embarrassed and munched on a cookie instead.
"Damn it, Haley Jane Thorne, spill your guts!" I demanded. "Or I call your mother." Haley choked on the cookie.
I took pity and handed her a can of Coke, which she took and guzzled quickly.
"Ok ok. No need to be mean. I'll spill." She took another cookie presumably for courage. "He was all over her, right out in the open on the dance floor. I mean, it was bad. I could probably have even told you what color her thong was. And then they decided they needed more privacy or something cause they moved off to the side and into one of those darker indentions in the wall. And um, well... they did the whole exhibitionist thing, ok. I mean, you wouldn't have seen it if you hadn't watched where they went, and they weren't the only people doing it, you know, but it was kind of tacky." She shook her head in disgust.
I felt ill. Not only had he cheated on me, he had done it in public. Even Dickie had at least done it in the privacy of our home...
The tears came back, along with the Twilight Zone tilt-a-whirl effect. Haley handed me something soft and squishy. The teddy bear. Followed by a box of Kleenex.
"It's best to cry it out, Stephie," she said quietly. "Keeping it bottled up doesn't help anythng. Cry it out and remember- if he was worth anything at all he would never have made you cry in the first place. We can make the voodoo dolls and handle everything else later."
I sniffled my thanks and hugged the bear. "Other stuff?"
"Sure, you know like getting Ranger to beat him up," she said cheerfully, "Dousing his car with pop, and maybe soaking his favorite jacket in beer... "
I let out a half sob-half laugh. All of those sounded like really good ideas, except that I wanted to be the one to beat up Morelli. Maybe borrow dad's car and run over him a couple more times... and then I had it. My revenge on Morelli. I was going to need some help though. I looked at Haley, my tears gone. She must have recognized the look in my eyes, because hers suddenly reflected just what I was feeling.
"Oh, there you are Wonder Woman. I wondered where you'd gotten to," she said with that unholy gleam in her eyes.
"Sorry about that Super Girl, but we've got work to do..." I stood up and headed for the phone. I dialed a familiar number, and the phone rang three times before a sleepy voice answered.
"Eddie, it's Steph."
"Hey!" his voice lost some of the fatigue. "I heard about what happened. I didn't know, Steph. You know I would have told you," he sounded apologetic.
"I know you would have. I'm not upset with anyone but Detective Douche Bag." Eddie chuckled.
"How's Pixie's hand? Heard she laid him out but one of Ranger's guys bandaged it before you left."
"Hi, Eddie!" Haley chirped into the phone. "And my hand is fine. I just banged my knuckles on that idiot's thick skull," she said and wandered back to the TV. Eddie laughed outright.
"I wish I could have been there."
"I'm sure someone caught it on tape... but look, I need you to do something for me."
"Steph, really, I..."
"I want you to call me tomorrow when Morelli heads home."
"That's it?" Eddie's voice was surprised. I could just imagine him rubbing his head as the next round of thoughts went through his mind. "What are you going to do to him?"
"Nothng serious or permanent. Just a little... payback to convince him how badly he screwed up, and to announce loud and clear that it's over."
I could hear the grin in his voice. "All right, I'll do it. Go get him, tiger."
I laughed as we hung up and turned to Haley.
"I could almost pity him," She said thoughtfully. "Almost."
We settled back on the couch, ice cream in hand, to plot revenge. I'd need to call Mary Lou in the morning, probably, but this operation was going to call for stealth, and as clumsy as I was, and as bouncy as Haley could be, we were both a lot better with sneaking than Mare. And this would have to be done tomorrow. Morelli was about to learn a very important lesson: Never piss off the Burg girl who has a key to your house.
I suppose we should have been worried about who had blown up my car, and I could have been out chasing my one lone skip, but somehow revenge on Morelli took priority. I liked to think it was my way of coping. We fell asleep on the couch, mid-discussion.
The alarm went off at seven a.m. and we were out the door in fifteen minutes flat. Sure enough, Morelli had already left, so I let us in with the handy dandy key, and fought off Bob's overzealous greeting. When he finished racing from one end of the house to the other in glee, I led him into the kitchen.
I had just finished unloading most of the fridge onto the floor for Bob's perusal, and was setting out a box of cookies and some cereal when something on the counter caught my eye. There, glittering in the morning sunlight, lay temptation itself. Who was I to resist fate? I left Bob to his feast- payment for all the times Morelli had refused to help me clean up the messes, and in fact had never once helped me come to think of it..
I skipped into the living room, the keys to the Ducati swinging merrily from my hand. Haley had just finished her sweep of the downstairs, and grinned at me. "What have we here?"
"Karma," I said simply. Haley tilted her head but refrained from further questions.
"Come on, we have more seeds of discontent to sow," she said, handing me a stack of books and magazines from the coffee table. I looked down at the covers and grimaced. Haley had struck out on her own late last night, and had returned with an impressive collection of gay porn magazines, liberally sprinkled with ones of obese women and even a few pictures of ducks in bondage gear. Vinnie would probably have been in a state over the duck porn.
Haley had said she'd found an all-night adult superstore. I didn't even know such things existed in Trenton, but anything's possible. I didn't ask how she knew- it had to be from either Lula or Sally and I didn't really want to think about either possibility.
It took us an hour to distribute them over the entire house, even creatively hiding a few for good measure. I had been certain to put a few where Bob could get ahold of them. The thought of Morelli having to pick up shredded bits of gay pornography was immensely satisfying. The thought of Bob dragging it out while someone was visiting was even better. Someone like Grandma Bella, for instance. ...
Haley left one of the duck pictures in his nightstand. I only wished someone could have a Polaroid handy when he found it.
We left the house, locked up tight just like we had found it. Haley waved to me as she took off in the Cougar. I followed her a few minutes later in the Ducati.
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It was almost six by the time my phone rang. It was Eddie, warning me that Morelli had just left the station. I thanked him and hightailed myself over to Pino's to pick up my pizza. I had considered not being home when Joe inevitably found the Bob-induced disaster area, but that would have been cowardly. So I relaxed on the couch with pizza, beer, and my stun gun tucked under the cushion.
Haley had left for work right before Eddie called, in what was dangerously close to a nervous breakdown. I just hoped the club survived the night. Hell, right now I hoped I survived the night. Because a pissed off Joseph Morelli would probably be showing up very soon...
As if on cue, my cell phone rang. I checked the LCD and my face split into a grin. "Hello, Morelli," I said, keeping my voice cold.
" Isn't it enough that your bitch of a cousin gave me a black eye in front of the entire force?" growled a very angry male voice. I smirked.
"Haley is not a bitch. If she was she would have nailed your sorry ass with a Buick" I snapped. He could insult me all he wanted, but nobody was going to call Haley a bitch because she stood up for me. Morelli snorted.
"What the fuck did you do to my house?"
"Today? Nothing, I'm trying to rebound from this scum-sucking loser I've been dating. Ask me tomorrow. I have some wonderful ideas for what to do to you tomorrow."
"Right. Letting Bob loose on the kitchen is nothing?" his voice held a deadly calm.
Ooh, he was this pissed and he hadn't even found the duck yet. Couldn't wait until he noticed the Ducati. I cleared my throat.
"Look, Joseph, if you can't control your dog, that's your problem."
"Our dog." Yeah right. The only time Bob was 'our' dog was when he had just made some hideous mess that I was supposed to clean up.
"Posession is nine tenths of the law, you know. And you have primary custody."
"Stephanie..." he growled.
"For once you get to clean up your own mess. Consider it a learning experience. You can only dump so much shit on a girl before she disappears and lets you deal with it all by your lonesome. Why don't you call Terri for help?" And I hung up.
About an hour later the phone rang again. Ah, Joe again. I flipped it open. "Do you know, this is the most you've called me... ever? Even when we were engaged."
"God damn it, Stephanie. I am not in the mood for this. Where the fuck is my bike?" I laughed.
"Not far. I took it for a drive today. You never trusted me enough to let me drive it, and I was curious."
"Where's the bike keys?" his voice held a cold rage.
"Jesus, and you made Detective?"
"Where are the keys?"
I sighed loudly. "I put them back where I found them. They should be there... oh, wait... I think I might have knocked them on the floor when I was hauling some of my stuff out..." I said innocently. Morelli let loose with a string of Italian. "You did get Bob to stop trying to eat bright shiny objects, didn't you?"
More Italian. I'm sure my ancestors didn't appreciate his insinuations.
"Now Joe. Think of this another learning experience. Like when you threw my keys in that dumpster." and I hung up.
There were still a couple slices of pizza left, so I saved them for Haley and settled back with another beer to watch the Bewitched marathon.