Disclaimer: You guessed it, I am not Janet Evnaovich. I do not hold the copyright to this stuff. I'm just playing, especially with Ranger..

Note: Thanks everyone for sticking this out! And just in case you don't know yet: The old plotline has been relocated to Caribbean Blue, and it's remaining unchanged. This is just for the writer's happiness because I didn't like how the story shifted styles in the middle. So here is a more normal story (erm, sort of), to be followed by the not-so-normal one.

Chapter 8

The next morning I found Haley watching Animaniacs and munching on a bagel. I shuddered when I saw the open tub of cream cheese. Fat Free. No wonder she was anemic.

I poured myself a bowl of Frosted Flakes and settled into the couch next to her.

"What is the fascination with this show?" I hat to ask.

"I have no idea. I think it might be my secret obsession with Pinky and the Brain." Haley giggled. "Tonight, Pinky, we take over the world!" she announced grandly.

"You need help," I laughed.

"It's a possibility."

"How's the shoulder? We should probably change your bandage later." I felt that she was entitled to fair warning about that upcoming unpleasantness. She grimaced.

"Yick. D and the guys always bitch about getting shot. Now I know why. Good thing I'm a girl, though. I don't have to prove I'm all manly and not take the pain pills."

I frowned, wondering for the umpteenth time what it was that Dom was involved with nowadays. "So other than the gun shot, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?"

Haley shook her head. "Well, cleaning tables is even more icky than I thought it would be. People are such slobs! And then there are the guys who think because you're waiting on them that they own you.

"My feet are killing me, but I made some great tips. Especially from the RangeMan guys. I think Bobby and Tank must have brought the whole company with them." She smiled, brightening a little. "They were really great. And Julian says that he's going to have to keep me because I'm so good for business. They almost emptied the bar."

I rolled my eyes. "Almost? They must not have been trying."

"Yeah, a few of them said they were taking it easy on account of they're working today. Oh, and Sally says hi. Him and the New Lovelies are so popular that Julian's hiring them to a regular gig."

"That's great!" I made a mental note to call Sally later to congratulate him.

"Yeah," Haley said, her eyes shifting gears. She leaned forward, and I swear I could almost see her ears perking up. "Now, Wonder Woman, you had better spill. Have you heard from Detective Douche yet?" I nodded.

"Yep. He had a bitch of a night," I said with a grin. "First his dog getting sick all over, then he realized his bike was missing... and apparently Bob ate the keys. Can you imagine?" I tried to sound scandalized.

Haley's eyes widened in mock horror. "Well I never!" she drawled, "Don't that just beat all?"

"Oh, and he must have had his mommy come to help clean up the mess. She found the sheep picture."

"Hm, too bad she didn't find the duck one. That was much better than a sheep. Almost as good as if that blond skank found the gay porn." Haley's eyes were sparking with glee at the idea.

"Oh it was bad enough as it was," I assured her. "Especially when he found out his bike was 'missing.' He felt the need to drop by and interrogate me in person."

Haley was suddenly very serious. "What happened?"

"Nothing," I said lightly, "we ended up fighting and I was trying to stun him when Ranger came by to tell me you were at the hospital."

"Oh, I bet that went well."

I shrugged. "It managed to convince Joe to leave a lot easier."

"I'd imagine," Haley smiled knowingly. I glared at her.

"For once and all, nothing is going on with Ranger and I."

"Uh-huh. You go, Cleopatra." She rolled her eyes and zoned back into the tv.

I let a few minutes pass before I attempted to bring up the decision I'd made last night.

"Haley, I love having you here..."

"I'm not going home, Stephanie." She hadn't even looked away from the screen. Did everyone have ESP but me?

"I heard you talking last night. I wasn't fully out, just drifting."

"You almost got blown up, and then you got shot! It's not safe here."

Haley fixed me with the Cheerleader Death Glare. "There are all different kinds of dangers, Steph. Nowhere is safe."

I wondered if she realized how unnerving it was for her to go from human fluff to making sense. Probably not. I returned her glare with one of my own Burg style.

"Yeah. But at home you don't get shot."

"You ever been out in the country during deer season?" she asked. I lost my glare power in the face of the total randomness of the question.

"Huh?"

"Deer season. All these yuppy idiots go get hunters licenses and run around the countryside shooting anything that moves and isn't orange. Trust me, I've been shot at before. Considering some of those idiots, I was probably safer in the drive-by. At least they weren't actually aiming specifically at me."

I couldn't really think of anything to say on that one. "You almost got blown up."

"Carrie and Garret blew up Mr. Hollingsworth's old barn last year at a party. They were only trying to destroy this little crate but they used too much explosive. Oh, and they also threw a chunk of mercury into the fish pond that time... So I've already been almost blown up lots of times. It's not that new."

My mind scrambled for new possible arguments. Here I had pictured small town life as safe, slow-paced, and generally calm. Kind of like the Andy Griffith Show or something.

"You are so sheltered, Steph," Haley sighed. "And don't try bringing up the Slayers either. They don't have shit on the Klan."

Now my jaw hit the floor along with my brain. "Klan? Spelled with a K?"

Haley waved away my shock. "Well, more or less. There aren't that many of them around anymore. It's nothing like it used to be. They aren't that organized and they try to stay out of sight for the most part. Doesn't mean they aren't mean as snakes, though."

"I thought that died out years ago..."

"The South shall rise again, Stephie." Her eyes were dead serious. "It always does."

"Fine. No more shock tactics. You win." I knew when I was defeated, and occasionally I would admit it. This was one of those times. "But, Haley, these people are targeting you to get to me. You have got to be careful."

"I will be. Right now, I'll be really careful not to leave the apartment. These pills make me dizzy."

While I went to empty my bowl and feed Rex, Haley's cell phone went off. I heard her answer it and turned to ask who it was calling this early. I knew in a heartbeat something was wrong. Her face had paled, her shoulders slumped, and I heard the person on the other end of the phone from where I was standing. Someone was mad... "Alec I..." More yelling. "Alec please!" she tried again. "It's not like that and you know it! I'm not coming home. The wedding is off, I told you that...." Her desperate gaze finally locked on mine.

"Breathe, Haley!" I whispered, walking closer. I heard the voice on the other end of the phone- male, angry, and... oh my god! My vision went red as I heard the insults coming out of the other end of the phone. Names and accusations I wouldn't have made against Joyce Bernhardt. I silently vowed if I ever met Alec I was going to nail him with Big Blue. Twice. Maybe more. "Hang up, Haley," I said quietly.

Haley shook her head, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes they had an expression I only saw on Lula after someone called her fat. "No. Alec I am not with Dom, I am not with anyone except my family." I heard an insinuation dealing with incest and Kentucky. "You are sick," she growled, "And you wonder why I won't marry you? No, you listen to me. Fuck off. Get out of my life. And if I hear from you again, I'm gonna call my stepdad and put a restraining order on your ass. So go to hell. And don't call back." She flipped the phone shut.

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding and patted her on the back admiringly. She had gone from kicked puppy to rhino in under 5 seconds. Maybe we were more related than I thought. "You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. Got any more Oreos?"

"In the cabinet." I watched her yank out the Oreos and the jar of peanut butter next to it. Ah, the glories of self medication! She dunked a cookie in the peanut butter and sighed contentedly, all the tension easing out of her. We were definitely related. "Hey, want to go pick up a skip with me?"

"Is it a dangerous one?"

"Nah, He probably just forgot his court date. I think you've met him before, actually. Does the name Mooner sound familiar?"

Haley was laughing. "Okay, but wasn't I supposed to stay in today?"

"The most strenuous part of apprehending those two us sitting through a few Gilligan's Island reruns."

"Cool. I love Gilligan's Island!"