Disclaimer: Stephanie, Lula, and the whole Plumverse are still the property of Janet Evanovich. And since I am not her clone, her evil twin, or the lady herself, I don't own them. I'm just playing with it, and promise to return it to the way I found it. I won't even make any profit off any of this. So there.

Note: Thank you everyone for the support and kind reviews! Feedback is always much appreciated. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

i-forgot-my-name: Thank you ck, and apparently asleep, the sensation of needles driving into every nerve ending was enough to bring tears to my eyes and force me to bite back a scream.

"If it isn't Curly Sue and Baby Blue," a familiarly synthesized voice jeered from somewhere overhead. "Third time's a charm, darling dears."

Someone had a sense of drama and bad nicknames…

"Who the hell are you?" My voice was hoarse and it hurt to talk.

"I suppose," said a familiar sweet voice, "we could was consumed by a dull, throbbing ache. I was having a full body migraine. I opened my eyes but that didn't help anything. It was pitch black wherever I was, except for a dim sliver of light slanting down from somewhere overhead.

My arms were behind my back, and apparently asleep, the sensation of needles driving into every nerve ending was enough to bring tears to my eyes and force me to bite back a scream.

"If it isn't Curly Sue and Baby Blue," a familiarly synthesized voice jeered from somewhere overhead. "Third time's a charm, darling dears."

Someone had a sense of drama and bad nicknames…

"Who the hell are you?" My voice was hoarse and it hurt to talk.

"I suppose," said a familiar sweet voice, "we could say 'your worst nightmare' but that would be going a bit far. And I don't think we are, really. No, that gang hooligan was probably your worst nightmare…"

"Mrs. Townsend?" I was confused. I'd been stunned, kidnapped, and was being held somewhere in a dark, musty, underground sort of room by a couple old ladies. Why me? What did I do in my last life to deserve this kind of karma? Jeez, now I'm sounding like my mother…

"That's right, honey," the lady drawled. "How are y'all feeling?"

"Oh, quit with that crying, Haley Jane," a third voice interrupted. A few sniffles were the only reply, but thankfully the sobbing quit.

"Welcome, dears. I'm afraid that this is the end…" the synthesizer growled and grated.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Hattie. Enough with that damned thing!" Mrs. Townsend didn't sound happy.

"Well, fine. You have no sense of drama." This I guessed was from 'Hattie,' who sounded suspiciously like Mrs. McPherson.

"Enough, both of you. Let's leave them to stew. We have to figure out what to do with the negro and how to do the deeds," the third voice ordered.

"Goodbye girls!" Mrs. Townsend called down to us.

"Wait! Wait! What are you going to do?" I yelled.

"Oh, don't worry your pretty little head about that. You'll find out soon!"

The three old biddies cackled madly and I heard the sound of a heavy door swinging shut somewhere above us.

"I'm sorry, Stephie." Haley was somewhere to my left, from the sound of her voice, which was raw and teary. "I didn't notice… I thought it was all a little hinky, but I didn't recognize her and now it's too late…" she broke off in another sob.

I closed my eyes and tried to sort through our situation. Haley was clearly in hysterics, possibly had a concussion or something from the car wreck- hell, I might have a concussion… and Lula… crap. Where was Lula?

The biddies had said something about a 'negro.' That meant Lula was somewhere else. I didn't know if that gave me hope or not. Ok, Lula was MIA. Haley was here, at least…

We were in a dark room, probably underground. I was lying on what I thought was a mattress. But my hands weren't in cuffs. They were tied with something.

I could work with that, hopefully.

"Haley?"

Sniffling.

"Haley, listen to me. How's your head?"

"I'm dizzy, Stephie. The world's going all spinny."

Shit. "That's ok, just focus. We have to get out of here, right?"

"They're going to kill us, Steph." I heard the edge of panic in her voice. "They're grandmas, and they're gonna kill us… I'm so sorry. I didn't r-recognize her… It'd been so long since then and I just didn't think-"

"Recognize who, Haley? Focus, here." I sat up and began tugging and straining my hands against whatever was holding them.

"Great Aunt Hattie. I'd never met Great Aunt Zelda…"

I stopped working on the ties and stared over to the blob of darkness I was assuming to be my cousin.

"Great Aunts? You're related to those psychos?"

"Grandpa Thorne's sisters. I've only met Hattie once, a really long time ago."

I sat there stunned for a minute. This didn't make any sense. Haley's great aunts had been threatening me to back off of something and were going to kill us both because of it? I began to feel a little nauseous.

I thought my family members were the crazy ones…

There wasn't time for this. I had to get free, get Haley free, and we had to find Lula, then get the hell away from the crazy old ladies…

"Can you get your hands free, Pixie?"

"No," Haley sniffled. "I got them around in front of me, but the knot's really tight."

"Scoot over here," I suggested.

A few moments of blind fumbling before Haley bumped into me.

"See if you can get mine undone, we'll try it that way."

"M-my hands are shaking…" she was ready to burst into hysterics all over again.

I took a deep breath and begged whoever was listening for a little bit of patience. I'd have been just as messed up if Grandma Mazur's sisters had shown up trying to kill me right after I'd been through a car wreck. I racked my brain for ideas on how to keep her calm… What would Ranger do if he were here?

"We're going to get out of here, ok? Just stay with me, Pixie. Get the ropes undone, okay?" I kept my voice as calm and emotionless as I could. Don't let her hear how scared I am…

"Ropes," Haley repeated softly, and I felt her hands begin tugging on the knots around my wrists.

The knots had been cruelly tight, and I hadn't managed to loosen them even a fraction with my struggling, so I was preparing for a very long wait while Haley worked on them. I almost couldn't believe it when they fell away from me within seconds.

"Girl scouts." I could almost hear the echo of a smile in Haley's voice.

"Huh. We never learned anything that useful when I was in them. Mostly we learned no bake brownies," I muttered, turning around to fumble for Haley's wrists.

It took me considerably longer, but I finally managed the task.

While Haley rubbed the circulation back into her hands, I stood up on the dirt floor and started edging my way around the room, using the wall as my guide. They were bare stone, cold and faintly damp, so I figured my guess about the underground room was correct. The sliver of light turned out to be coming from a boarded up window up by the ceiling, but it wasn't my first choice for an escape route. Too small, too much noise trying to get the board pried off.

I didn't try climbing up the stairs, afraid they'd creak and alert the biddies to fact we were up and around. I wondered why they hadn't tied our legs, but maybe they'd been hoping the head injuries would keep us of our feet for a while longer. In any case I wasn't looking a gift horse in the mouth. I continued around the stairs and returned to the wall.

"Coal chute." Haley whispered across the room. "Look for a coal chute, or a door."

"A door in a basement?"

"They used to have wine cellars or coal cellars sometimes. Either way, the coal chute will lead you outside." She sounded a little more together now, and I thanked whoever had heard my begging and taken pity.

I ran my hands up and down the wall, checking for anything unusual. I was almost back to the mattress when I found it: a metal covering set into the wall itself. I felt over it, looking for the hinges, barely able to breathe for fear of letting out the triumphant yell I knew was waiting. I found the latch and pulled it up.

The ancient metal creaked and groaned as I lifted it, but no one came running. I eased it as slowly as I could until it was all the way up.

"Haley, you're smaller, maybe you should go first?" I suggested, leaning into the opening. Great, just another way for those last eight pounds to kick me in the ass- deny me the possibility of escape from the Old Loony Bin.

"Moving makes me barfy."

"Not moving could get you dead."

"Ugh… which one is which?" she groaned, but I heard her crawling toward me. A head bumped into my leg and I helped her get to her feet with a minimum of swaying and whimpering.

"In you go," I said, putting my hand over the back of her head and ducking her down so she could scramble into the tunnel without giving herself another possible concussion.

"Let me make sure it's clear!" her voice was muffled as I heard her begin making her way up the thing.

It felt like eons passed in silence before the muted yelps and curses started drifting out.

"Ewewewewewew…. I'm gonna hurl… gross… urgh… I wish D were here…"

'I wish Ranger were here,' I thought to myself. I began to wonder if we were going to make it out of here after all. What if the chute was blocked? What then?

And Lula- I couldn't leave her with the geriatric goon squad… I stood there lost in thoughts of a steadily declining spiral until I realized I hadn't heard anything more out of Haley.

I leaned over and poked my head in.

"Haley?"

"Shhh… Quiet," she hissed back down at me. I couldn't see her, but she didn't sound so good. Before I could ask her anything more another sound caught my ear.

The door to the basement was creaking open. I heard the biddies cackling.

"I can't wait to try out these things. Tranquilizer darts! We can pretend we're on an African game hunt!" Mrs. McPherson sounded almost giddy.

I scrambled into the coal chute without another thought, letting the ancient metal door slide down behind me, cushioning it a little with my foot so it didn't crash against the frame. I didn't pause to see if they'd noticed, I just started crawling forward and up, sinking my fingers into the dirt to pull myself along.

I had barely even managed a couple inches before I ran into Haley's feet.

"Ow!" she yelped. "Back off. Get out! There isn't room for two!"

"They came in-"

A howl of disappointment echoed up to us. I started pulling myself up further, to stretch over the top of Haley, banging into her shoulder in the process.

Haley screeched.

Above her a square of light appeared, framing the angry face of none other than one Agnes Chandler, my newly acquired skip.