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ERIK
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" Do you intend to marry her?"
Christian stared at me for one moment before bursting into laughter. He allowed his tall frame to be racked by chuckles and snorts before momentarily regaining himself. He straightened up and regarded me with his dark brown eyes.
" Why do you ask such a thing? Has someone suggested it?," Christian drawled, studying me carefully as he eased his gelding into a trot.
I shrugged my shoulders casually. So far the only suggestion I had heard was from my own nagging mind, but that was hardly a reliable source.
" Court gossip, you know how it is. Pointing fingers and wagging tongues. They say she washed up on the marble steps naked and that you brought her back to life."
Christian's grin broadened, immediately letting me know that while the event itself may of not been like that, he was pleased that others thought so. He smoothed back his wheat colored hair and cleared his throat. I eased the spurs into the mare I was riding as he began to talk.
" Well Catherine saw her. That girl has a talent for finding ship wreck victims, I'll give her that. She's traumatized from the ship wreck, won't talk a word. I swear Erik, it looked like Aphrodite had been born of the sea and washed up on the steps of the palace of Copenhagen."
He lowered his voice and glanced around once, making sure the guards were well behind us before he continued. " I don't know if I would ever marry her. Hanne is the loveliest woman I have ever seen, and this may sound odd...but my dreams have stopped. You remember, the dreams I told you of? You had them too, don't try to deny it like you always do."
His brown eyes glowed as he gazed out into the surf, and I urged my own horse to pick up the pace. Christian exhaled deeply and turned around to face me once again.
" This sounds like the rantings of a mad man-and I would say it to no one but you, Erik, believe that. But it's as if Hanne is the woman in my dream, could I only hear her voice. She is the most beautiful woman in the world. I care for her deeply, and I am lucky enough that she does the same, " he told me earnestly, sounding like a young lad talking of his first love.
It was odd hearing another man speak the same thing of Pearl, though entirely believable. Seeing Christian in such a daze gave me courage to ask the question I had been contemplating all night long.
" She needs to be educated," I said bluntly, then mentally cursed myself.
The entire night I had thought up of a speech to give Christian of how Pearl would need to learn how to read and write and other necessities that would help her at court. Though I knew most women never cared nor did learn the skills of the written word, I knew what a delight Pearl would find it. Pearl was the smartest woman I had ever known, and teaching her would be a pleasure. My own heart glowed at the thought of how happy it would make her, and how much more she would enjoy it then just some piece of jewelry. I held my breath as Christian stared at me.
" Educated?," he asked with a hint of curiosity in his voice, though his tone was just as blunt as mine had been. " Why in god's name would Hanne need to be educated?"
The hundreds of reasons that I had thought of last night seemingly crumbled into dust under Christian's intense gaze. I cleared my throat.
" Well it would be one way to communicate, given her lack of speech at the moment," I ventured.
The Prince's eyes suddenly turned cloudy. " She was in a ship wreck. As I recall, neither one of us were quite up to par after ours. Besides, what man wants a woman to voice her opinion? I find her silence rather enjoyable. Are you suggesting her to be dumb in the mind?," he said cooly, assuming his royal stance.
I resisted the urge to shake him and call him a fool for missing my obvious point, as I would of done with any other man. Instead I halted my horse and sat up straight in the saddle, looking down on Christian.
" I would never insinuate she is anything besides intelligent. The poor girl scarcely has a way of communicating! If she cannot talk, she cannot get through of what she wants besides a nod of the head. I am asking permission to carry out an act that will benefit everyone, Pearl most of all!"
Christian glanced up, startled. He peered at me closely. " Pearl? Why do you call Hanne Pearl?"
Too late I realized my slip, and frantically tried to veer back.
" I said Hanne, milord," I automatically replied, silently cursing myself even as I responded.
Any excuse would of been more plausible besides outright denial.
" No, you didn't. You said Pearl," the prince replied easily, his eyes studying me with curiosity. " Who is Pearl?"
Any other man I would of ignored; with the crown prince of Denmark I could not. Clearing my throat and keeping my eyes straight, I told my first lie to my best friend.
" She is no one of consequence, and nothing to do with Hanne. I'm sorry, my mind was on other things," I told him, trying to make my voice sound light and easy.
I knew that by no means could I give an answer that would make Christian drop the subject, but I had given it my best shot. Sure enough, the prince's brow furrowed.
" There is another woman in your life besides Catherine?," he asked carefully.
Catherine. I hadn't given thought of Catherine in many days. But his question made me think-was there another woman in my life besides Catherine? I loved Pearl with all of my heart though we had never shared even a single kiss, not including when she had breathed magic into me. I had never thought of her as 'another woman'. She and Catherine had always seemed to be separate things in my life, just as food and sleep aren't the same. But with Christian's words, a dreadful feeling of guilt washed over me. I could not love both women without going against all codes of honor and conduct.
I shook my head lightly. " There is no other woman in my life. My concern for Hanne is only for your best interests. You know how court gossip can spread like wildfire. I'd instruct her in the basic letters and the going-ons in the kingdom, nothing more."
Christian was silent for a moment, his face assuming a thoughtful expression that mirrored his father's. " Nothing more, nothing less, I suppose. Meet with her after the midday lunch for the next month or so. If she can't learn anything by then, I care naught. I tell her of it at the evening feast tonight."
I forced down a broad grin and managed to keep my face straight. I knew that I shouldn't of been so happy; any romantic feelings I had for Pearl would have to cease. She was the woman Christian loved, and I had a fiancee.
" Has anything else out of the ordinary occurred lately?," I asked quietly, changing the subject.
I was speaking in reference to Christian's suspicion that someone was trying to kill him.
The prince shook his head. " Nothing even mildly suspicious has occurred since Hanne arrived. She is my good luck charm," he marveled, his chocolate eyes assuming a dreamy glaze.
I said nothing, and we rode on in silence.
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Pearl
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The evening meal bustled with people; it seemed every other moment my goblet of wine was nearly knocked over. I could feel the lingering gaze of Prince Christian, who sat next to me, but scarcely acknowledged it. There was too much to take in.
I had floated around in a dream like state for the entire day.
" Blue would be a fine color on you, milady. Tis the Prince's favorite color as well," Bitten, one of the maids trilled as she arranged my hair an hour earlier.
I had smiled timidly and nodded, using exactly half of my vocabulary as far as communication went. I felt odd having these women do all the work while I sat in the chair idle, but as Lady Catherine and the maids had illustrated several times, I was to let them do their job.
While Bitten had tugged and pulled at my hair, I had looked at the waves break on the rocks through the majestic glass window. Back in the ocean, I thought I had an idea, at least a fragment of what went on beyond the shimmering blue surface in the world above. But I was wrong. Everything I had imagined was a million times more spectacular.
The birds, the trees, the humongous buildings, the people, everything. I had been in the palace for a week now, but still my new surroundings hadn't worn off on me. This land they called Denmark flourished in beauty, and every moment was exhilarating. And now, sitting in this beautiful dining hill that boasted detailed paintings of the heavens on its ceiling and windows as long as whales, I was completely enraptured.
I wondered about my family. Though I was sure they had to be upset about the amount of explaining due to the Baltic delegation, were they secretly happy that I had disappeared? That their no good, human loving sister was gone for good? The first two days at the palace, I had felt triumphant whenever I thought about it. I had beaten them all, succeeded against all odds. But on the third night, when I had seen Erik out on the balcony for scarcely five minutes, everything had suddenly turned around. I missed my family fiercely, and my eyes welled up with tears as I realized I would never be able to return to those depths again. My grandmother was too old to make the journey to the surface; I had left without saying good bye.
They didn't want you to say goodbye--they wanted you gone, Pearl, can't you see that?, a malicious voice whispered in my head. I pushed it away and searched for other things to think about. The land was a thousand times more glorious then the sea was. My old life was gone.
" Hanne, try some of this. You'll never eat something for delectable in your life," Prince Christian told me as a plate was set down before me.
I gave him a tentative smile as he gazed intently at me. Truth be told, I felt uneasy around the handsome prince. He was kind enough, but occasionally he would remind me of someone else completely. I couldn't put my finger on it, but during those moments I shivered. I was still unused to being called Hanne; I was only finally beginning to react when someone would address me with it.
I stared at the food beneath me; I had seen none of it before. Other people used some kind of short spears to poke their food with, and while I picked the utensil up uncertainly, Prince Christian talked on.
" You're to learn your letters as well, starting tomorrow shortly after noon. My adviser Erik will be teaching you. You recall meetig him the other night, don't you?"
Erik. I sat up straighter in my chair at the mention of his name and gave what I hoped was an agreeing smile. He sat far down the long banquet table, with Lady Catherine and some other nobles who were laughing candidly.
" It'll only be for a month or so, I wouldn't want you to resign yourself to bored forever. Just commence to go to the library every day after the noon meal. Now try a bite of your meal. I had the dish specially cooked for you," the prince urged me, his face shining with pride at being able to offer fine cuisine.
I picked up the utensil I had heard some lord address as a fork, and in jerky movements, managed to oostab and cut a bit of the soft morcel of food. I couldn't be sure what exactly it was; in fact, I knew nothing of anything that was on my plate. But under the prince's intense gaze, I felt required to try a bite of this meal he praised so. I lifted the fork to my mouth and chewed a bite of the tender food.
But as it circulated in my mouth, a feeling of dread and revulsion swept over me. I placed my fork down and unsteadily stood up.
" It's wonderful, isn't it?," the prince beamed, not noticing my expression. I could feel the bile rising in my throat, and I fled the table, walking as quickly as I could to the balcony that the banquet hall led out to. Every step felt as if a thousand tiny knives were piercing themselves into my foot, and I bit my lip in pain; I still hadn't gotten over it. With three final steps left before me, I realized that I couldn't make it, and kneeled down to the ground as vomit spilled out of me. But the aroma of the food lingered in my mouth, and my stomach heaved again. I heard footsteps and shouting from behind me, and I closed my eyes in embaressment, willing myself to stop. But I couldn't . My stomach heaved again and again, sucking the air my body now craved away from me as the contents of my stomach splattered itself out onto the marble balcony.
" What did she eat?!," an angry, beautifully familar voice demanded. Erik. Thank god.
" She ate what we ate! I saw her take a single bite of fish and then she was off!," someone else murmured.
My head was dizzy and the faces in front of me blurred together. Fish. I had eaten fish. Hearing someone say it made my stomach heave again, only this time there was nothing left to come out.
" You gave her fish?!," I heard Erik ask incredulously, his voice furious and full of anger.
Eating fish..that was as bad as eating one of the merfolk. We were so nearly the same, the whole idea reviled me. Even now, as a human I couldn't take the idea. It was different from a human eating human meat. This was, to our anatomy, a million times worse and unsacred.
Leave me, I tried to say, but no words came out.
" Someone take her to her chamber! Call a doctor!," someone cried out, but I wearily shook my head and pushed myself up.
Slowly the room returned to focus, with dozens of eyes peering at me. I buried my face in my arms, and for the first time on land, desperately wished I was in the sea.
Ocean, I mouthed desperately, but no one took note of it. There was a flutter of green silk, and Lady Catherine knelt down beside me.
" Tell them all to leave, Christian! The poor things horribly sick and all these people gawking is only making her feel worse!," the petite woman demanded, and I felt a wave of gratitude for her. Immediately people began to shuffle away, and I breathed easier. Soon it was only the prince, Lady Catherine, Erik, and myself.
A tiny tear trickled out of my eye, but I quickly wiped it away before anyone could see. Lady Catherine patted my arm and made soothing noises with her tongue, as if I were a rogue dolphin she hoped to capture.
" She's been poisoned," Christian whispered, his face white with fear.
I shook my head no, but he had already turned to Erik.
" Her stomach is only weak. There was no poison involved," Erik replied quickly, his eyes still dark and flashing. He knew that the only person in the world who would be effected by the fish would be me.
But Christian still shook his head. " They thought the plate would go to me. Rememeber last time, it was the dog. Someones trying to kill me, Erik!," the prince whispered frantically, his voice getting higher and higher in hysteria.
Erik didn't dismiss him outright, but a look of wariness was in his eyes. " Don't worry the women, milord. Have some consideration in that respect, and we'll talk later. People are about," he replied, glancing at the nobles beginning to walk back toward me.
Christian was silent for a moment, then nodded. " You're right. I'll escort them back to their chambers, you give a plausible excuse for her episode," he said, indicating his head toward me.
I blushed in spite of myself. As I lifted myself to my feet and was escorted back to my chamber, I desperately tried to catch Erik's eye. But he ignored me.
The following evening meal was more calm and pleasant. I refused all forms of meat, and though the smell still made me nauseous, it was bearable. It was only after dinner that my lessons with Erik began, and as Christian escorted me to the library, I was nothing but an energetic ball of excitement. For the moment the enormous oak doors of the library had opened, it was akin to love at first sight.
The massive palace library was the largest in the land. Thousands of books lined the walls, tucked in polished chestnut bookcases. Exotic paintings with hunting and feast scees lined the walls, and animal skin rugs covered the glistening wood floors. The loveliest feature were the humongous gothic windows that touched the floor and roof. The let heavenly light stream inward, and gave a breathtaking view of the turbulent sea.
Even after Christian left, I couldn't stop staring at everything. I turned my head slightly and saw Erik watching me, a grin covering his face.
" It's spectacular, isn't it?," he told me, smiling still.
My smile mirrored his, and I nodded vigorously. We sat down at one of the large oak tables, and Erik flipped open a book. Without thinking about it, my finger darted out and stroked the smooth, thin paper. I had never felt anything like it before in my life.
I watched him as he held a quill between his fingers, and wrote on the parchment. There were odd squiggling carictures...was he trying to draw a picture? Erik saw my confused look and laughed.
" Pearl, this is how you're going to be able to communicate! I'm teaching you how to write..it's confusing concept, I know, but it's amazing. Look, I wrote your name. That says Pearl," he said slowly, underlining it for emphasis. " There's a P, an E, an A, a R, and a L. Pearl."
He dipped the quill back into the ink and handed it to me. I gripped it clumsily, and he leaned over and guided my hand, making quick, sharp movements. Soon a sloppier version of his writing was mirrored by mine.
I clapped my hands in delight, a silly gesture I had seen humans do often. I wondered how he would write Erik. I turned to him and tapped his chest once, then gestured toward the parchment.
" My name?," he asked, and I nodded.
Carefully he wrote out ERIK in beautiful, flowing script. I picked up the quill and slowly tried to do the same. This time my handwriting was slightly neater. I beamed with pride, and gestured for him to show me more letters.
We spent the next hour that way. I was a quick learner; we were forming small sentences after forty five minutes. I glanced out the window to see the sun setting in the west, and felt a small little pang in my heart. I tapped Erik on the shoulder and gestured to the sea.
" Ah, the ocean. You spell it like this," he began, ever being the teacher. I shook my head and tugged on his tunic again. He looked up and I gestured at the water again, then mimed being on the beach. This time he caught my meaning, but sighed.
" Pearl, we--." he paused, then smiled. " Very well, we'll go out through the ballroom."
The last rays of sunshine kissed my forehead as we sat on the marble steps that led into the sea. I dipped my feet into the cool water and let out a sigh of relief as the pain momentarily left them; the Sea Witch hadn't lied about the excruciating pain I felt every time I took a step. I was learning to control my reaction to the feeling, but occasionally it would be so intense that I'd sharply inhale, or stumble to the ground. The humans gave me quizzical looks whenever this happened, and I hoped they would write it off to sheer clumsiness.
Erik watched my expression turn to ease. " You act as if something hurts you," he told me, studying me with his dark eyes.
I gestured to my feet, then mimed something stabbing them. " Something stabs your feet?," he guessed, and I nodded with delight. He was quick at picking up my meaning.
"Dear god....Pearl, how did this even happen?," he murmurred, half to me, half to himself.
I thought about it for a moment, trying to decide how I could explain what had happened. But there were no hand motions I could use to describe the seawitch, and I ended up miming that I drank a potion. He watched me intently as I told him, then nodded and murmured something again once I had finished.
We sat in silence for a few comfortable moments before Erik spoke again.
" Do you love Prince Christian?" he said after several moments.
Prince Christian. I said it out loud softly, my silent words taking no effect, almost as if the wind had taken them away before they had a chance to be heard. I could not put my finger on it, but there was something about him that unsettled me. Oh he was kind and generous to me. I had learned that in the past few days he had squired me around the palace, and from the constant flow of gifts he had shoved in my face. I caught the other women staring at me with a mixture of smug curiosity and interest. And yet, the idea was fleetingly ridiculous.
I shook my head no, and placed my hand on my heart, then Erik's.
" Ah, no Pearl," he whispered, and turned away from me.
I sat there for a confused moment before he turned his chiseled face towards mine. " I am betrothed. To Lady Catherine."
I nodded slowly. I understood what this was about. Erik could not love both of us; his honor wouldn't allow such a thing.
I twisted the ring he had given me around my finger. Maybe I was being too hard on Christian.
I eased my feet in further, and hoped that no one would come out for a long time. Schools of small fish congregated around my feet, and I tentatively reached out with a finger to stroke one of them. A small sense of relief washed through me when the school didn't bolt; they could still sense that I was one of the sea.
Then I heard a voice. It was beautiful and pure, and so faint it was nearly impossible to hear over the roar of the sea. It was the sound of one of my sisters. I leaped up and waded out into the water; the cold was shocking, but I ignored it and foraged onward.
" Pearl!," Erik shouted and grabbed my palm. I pointed to my ear and gestured out to the sea; couldn't he hear it? " Pearl, the waters freezing! You'll catch cold if you go out much further!," he told me, still refusing to let go of my palm. I tugged and tugged on it, but he refused to let go. The voice grew fainter and fainter after several minutes, until it finally disappeared.
My salty tears drifted into my mouth and I forced myself not to look to the sky for rain. Tears. It was the one human habit I didn't think I would ever adjust to. All that I wanted to do at the moment was sing and be rid of my sadness, but instead all that I could produce were ragged tears, and the thought of it escalated me into heaving, silent sobs. The human world made me unexplicably happy, but saddened me at the same time.
" Shhhh, Shhhh," Erik told me quietly, gathering me in his arms and holding me tight. His muscular arms formed a tight cocoon around my frail body. It was an intimate moment, one that had never occurred before. We had always had a somewhat chaste love composed more of longing friendship. He had never touched except to brush away tendrils of hair from my face or touch my arm gently. Gradually, my sobs ceased and I simply stood there in his arms, savoring the peacefulness of the moment. He slowly tilted my chin up and his face moved toward mine. Our lips would touch in an instant.
I abruptly broke away from his grasp. Erik looked at me, startled, then immediately began to apologize. " That was disrespectful, my apologies, I-."
I lifted a finger to his lips to quiet him, then tried to think how I could explain it to him. If he kissed me, my magic would begin to transfer into him, as it had before. Only if it was a kiss of intention, it would flow in a different way. His blood and breath would always carry some of my magic, something merfolkish about him. He would always be drawn to the sea, in the same terrible and beautiful way I was, yet would remain a human forever.
I could think of no hand gestures, and threw my hands up in frustration. The sun had completely sunk beyond the horizon now; I knew the prince would soon come to the library to collect me. I gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek, and left him standing there as I ran up the stairs.