Disclaimer: JE owns the Stephanie Plum universe, and I am borrowing her creations for my own amusement and nothing more. I am making no profits off of this little escapade, but I hope everyone enjoys it anyway.

Note: Thank you again to everyone for reading this, and for all the lovely wonderful feedback! I appreciate it very, very much. And I have no clue how rural Pennsylvania law enforcement works. I am assuming they have sheriffs, but if they don't pretend they do.

Also, Caribbean Blue (the island plot I keep getting asked about) will be started again in a day or so. It's set up as the sequel to this.

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Chapter 16 - Conclusions

I waited a few seconds for the usual fade to black but it didn't come. I was thankful at first until the dizziness hit me full force along with a powerful punch of nausea. My whole body was screaming in protest and I wasn't even moving. Probably not a good sign. I felt like I was being crushed underneath something, also not a positive feeling. I struggled a little but the weight wasn't going away. Maybe it was really that heavy, but I had a feeling it was more like I was just that weak. At least I was still alive. I was wet, cold, nauseous, filthy, and generally miserable, so that definitely meant I had to be alive.

I gave up trying to get myself extricated, intending to just rest for a moment. Everything hurt, which was distracting because bits of me were in pain that I didn't even know could sense pain. It seemed like just a few seconds went by before the weight eased off of me. Ah, that was much better. Now, if people would just quit whispering. I was beginning to wonder if someone wasn't playing with the volume on a radio; I was catching bits of sounds and then nothing. I told them to stop it.

"Snap out of it, white girl!" Leave it to Lula to come in loud and clear. Her bedraggled silhouette loomed over me and I sort of became aware that she was shaking my shoulders. Hmph, see if I buy her any more Krispy Kremes.

"Stop it, stop it!" I whined. She shook her head, but at least she released me. I turned my head a little, mainly to make sure it was still attached. It was, but after catching a glimpse of what was beside me, even in the fading light, I almost wish it hadn't been.

Agnes' body was beside me, a neat round hole in the middle of her forehead. The urge to throw up rolled over me again, and I closed my eyes to escape from what I'd just done.

"Relax white girl, I got the old broad," Lula announced happily, startling me out of my zone. "That's for them killin' my baby. You done shot yourself a tree, near as I can tell."

"Haley?" I asked once I was sure I could open my mouth without my stomach crawling out of it.

"She's going to okay," Ranger's voice said quietly. I frowned convinced I was hallucinating. Nope, the man in black himself was kneeling over me. Not that I could see his face but the outline of his shoulders and the way my insides tightened were a dead giveaway.

"Who was screaming?"

"Mini-Me apparently don't handle it too good when dead cousins land on her." I grimaced in sympathy. Yick. Poor Haley.

"Can you move, Babe?"

I sighed and attempted to sit up. The world tipped at funny angles and my head felt a little heavy, but I managed it. "Yeah, it's not feeling too pretty, but I can move."

Ranger chuckled and put an arm around me, helping me get to my feet. I'm pretty sure if I'd been left on my own I'd have just laid there for a while but the idea of getting to lean against Ranger? It's a powerful motivator.

"Shawn said you were in Saint Louis," I said cautiously as we started moving, very slowly, into the dark.

"He must have been confused." I would have pressed the issue a little but I stumbled on some stupid stick or something and suddenly found myself being carried.

"Hey!"

"Faster this way."

"You're going to hurt yourself."

"Please," he muttered and I could almost hear him roll his eyes.

"Boss, the sheriff's on his way." I looked around to see a couple of the Merry Men melting out of the shadows as we emerged from the woods and onto the road, all of them in full commando gear and sporting night vision goggles. I couldn't tell which one of them had spoken though.

"Bobby says we need to get short stuff to a hospital." A very large shadow stepped around from the back of an SUV parked along the side of the road. Tank, obviously. I don't think anyone else that big can be a convincing shadow.

"I can wait for the sheriff," I volunteered.

"You're going with Haley," Ranger said in a tone of voice that I really didn't feel inclined to argue with. "The sheriff can talk to you there. Les, Cal, and I are going to stay here. Tank, you and Bobby are in charge of the girls."

"Hey, are any of the old ladies still around?" I asked.

"I knocked out the Hattie broad," Lula said, puffing with pride. "I was gonna shoot her on account of her trying to shoot me but I figure we need someone to get convicted."

Ranger was depositing me into the back of one of the SUV's. Tank was climbing into the driver seat, making even this monstrosity seem a little small. It must suck to be that big, you'd never fit in a sports car. Lula had taken the passenger seat, while Haley and Bobby were in the back with me. It felt a little claustrophobic to say the least.

"Ranger, can I-"

"No," he said gently. "Help Bobby. I'll see you soon." He caressed my cheek gently and pulled me closer for the briefest moment. "Proud of you, Babe," he whispered. My hormones shot into defcom five and by the time I was fully functional again, we were on the road. I turned my admittedly fuzzy attention to my cousin. The urge to throw up reared its ugly head almost immediately.

Haley was covered in blood, and it was impossibly to tell how much of it was hers. Her shirt had been pretty much soaked earlier, but now it was coating her head to waist. Bobby was trying to get a sensible answer out of her, but she was more concerned with getting the blood off her face and hyperventilating. I couldn't blame her; if my dead cousin just fell on top of me, I'd have probably not been in a great state of mind either. Maybe better just distract her.

"Hey, Haley," I said quietly, but got little response. "Haley," I tried again. This time she turned to look at me, eyes still wide and panicked. "Why were they out to kill you?" She blinked rapidly while her brain processed the question, which after the last twenty-four hours I could understand running a little slow.

When she finally spoke, she did so slowly. "The farm. Great grandpa left his part to Grandpa, and that goes to me eventually unless I die."

"We got that much. What's so big about the farm?" The panic was draining away now, and she focused on the answers to the questions.

"It's the richest oil field in the Midwest. Which means it isn't like Texas size or anything, but it's not like it's just nickel and dimes either. And since the whole problems in the Middle East have started, the government and oil companies are redeveloping interest in domestic reserves. So even though it's not the greatest farmland, it's also suddenly much more valuable for its oil." The hyperventilating had stopped although her breathing was still shallow but it had been like that all day. Good enough for me. Apparently Bobby had caught on to my idea and he kept up the line of questions.

"Why didn't they just talk to your Grandpa?" he asked her.

"Grandpa and them had some big fight forever ago, I think back when their mom died, and they don't approve of my grandma, so he doesn't talk to them…" She was doing better so I turned to look out the window at the pitch black nothingness beyond.

I just wanted to get to the hospital and get this over with. It was taking all of my self-control not to ask the dreaded question 'Are we there yet?' and I was only holding back because I didn't want to push Tank. He might still be all juiced up from shooting people and throw me out the window.

"Almost there, Bombshell," Tank said, looking at me in the rearview mirror. Damned ESP. I closed my eyes and focused on taking deep, calming breaths like they tell you to do in meditation. I can't actually do meditation, usually I just get bored and watch Ghostbusters, but desperate times, you know.

"Steph, just don't barf on me, okay?" Haley half-whimpered. I sent a Look, but she just blinked at me. I guess the rolling stomach must have been audible. Oh well. I kept my mouth shut just in case, anyway. The last few minutes were passed in unremarkable silence.

But as soon as we rolled to a stop outside the ER I was out of the car, hitting the pavement and emptying my already empty stomach. God, is there anything actually worse than dry heaves? I didn't think so.

Tank handed me a tissue and walked me into the hospital. I have to admit seeing the nurses' faces when we walked in helped the cost of admission a little. Some poor, unsuspecting candy striper almost passed out at the sight of the blood covering Haley. As it was we got about three steps before they pulled out the gurneys, wheelchairs, and the IV's. Guess we really did resemble the walking dead.

They had already wheeled me into an examination room and a very efficient middle aged nurse was helping me off with the rags formerly known as my clothes before I realized I still didn't know where in the hell I was. I debated the wisdom of asking her for a moment, visions of psychiatrists dancing in my head.. Nope, I could wait until one of the guys reappeared.

"Ms. Thorne, Ms. Plum, Ms… Ah… Lula?" I looked at the man standing in the doorway. He was tall, lanky, wearing jeans and a polo shirt, thinning gray hair, but he had a badge hanging on his belt. The Sheriff. I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed, I'd hoped for a more Western look. "I'm Sheriff Roberts," he smiled. Huh, he looked a lot younger that way. "I need to ask you a few questions, separately."

"Sheriff," Haley smiled a happily dazed little smile as she spoke the word. They had her on enough pain medication she probably thought he was a cowboy. Lula, meanwhile, just looked uncomfortable. I guessed her allergy to cops extended to sheriffs as well.

"Yeah?" she finally managed. I didn't have a chance to get out a greeting, as the middle-aged nurse took that moment to sweep into the room from wherever she was.

"Dwayne Roberts!" She fixed Sheriff Roberts with a glare a Burg mother would have envied. "These young ladies have had quite enough. You aren't going to badger them." Sheriff Roberts shifted uncomfortably, but finally ducked his head in surrender.

"Well, your friends already helped out enough, I reckon. Ain't no need of going over all the grizzly details again. Family affairs is private matters anyway. Sounds like yours was quite a to-do, Ms. Thorne."

"Eh, it wasn't Hatfields and McCoys, yet." Her Midwestern drawl was more pronounced than usual. I looked between her and the sheriff, who had his own oddly rural accent and seemed to subtly relax a little. He gave a sympathetic nod at Haley's words.

"It's always a pity though, miss."

"What's happened to Hattie?" I asked him. Roberts flipped through his notebook.

"She's being taken into custody, Ms. Plum. She won't be released for a very long time, so don't you worry about that," he said in a reassuring voice. "Judge Casey don't hold with people tryin' to kill kin over money. You all focus on getting better now." He rocked back on his heels and tore the page out of his notebook. "Take care, ladies. Thank you for your cooperation." The nurse followed him out, grumbling about bothering sick ladies.

I blinked hard and wondered if I hadn't just hit my head somewhere. "That's it?" I asked in disbelief. "There were what, three dead people?"

"One crazy old lady, two dead crazy old ladies, and one dead hick," Lula ticked it off on her fingers. Haley looked at us, apparently not following the train of thought.

"Shouldn't there be more questions?" I asked.

"Self defense," Haley pointed out. "'sides, dollars to donuts Sheriff Roberts writes Shawn and Aunt Agnes as huntin' accidents." She giggled at the idea and I let it go.

" The judge don't hold with killin' kin…. This is some Walton's Mountain shit isn't it? We landed ourselves in Mayberry." Lula sighed and lay back in the bed. Haley giggled more.

"Too bad it isn't the Dukes of Hazzard. I always liked the General Lee." She frowned and rubbed her neck where bruises were already forming the imprint of Shawn's handiwork. "My throat hurts. I want ice cream." When your train of thought operates like a pinball machine… you know you're on pain medication.

"Did someone say ice cream?" Tank's head poked into the room, and he was grinning from ear to ear. He held up a couple bags with what looked suspiciously like ice cream cartons in them. Must have smuggled them past the nurses. Then again, if I was a nurse and saw someone like Tank, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to be the one to stop him. He was still in black, and there was a suspiciously gun-shaped bulge under his coat.

"Chocolate chip cookie dough. Oh please, please say chocolate chip cookie dough?" Haley pleaded.

"Of course," Tank chuckled, and ambled over to hand her the item in question. She seized it and looked up at him with big, adoring puppy eyes.

"I love you, Tank." He just laughed and ruffled her hair.

"You love everyone right now, Shorty."

"Hell yes," she told him seriously. "There isn't enough love in the world… or chocolate chip cookie dough. That could help it a lot," she added as she dug into the ice cream. Tank shook his head and glanced at the rest of us.

"You guys are looking better," he remarked. I had to agree, even if I had threatened to die of embarrassment at getting a sponge bath. It still felt good to be clean. He handed out the rest of the ice cream and spoons. I could have kissed him.

"When do we get out of here?" I asked instead as I pried the lid off my Chunky Monkey. I took one bite and sighed in pleasure. All would yet be right with the world, I decided.

"An hour or so, to get the paperwork in order," Bobby said as he took a seat in the chair between my bed and Haley's. I'd completely missed him entering. Oops. Darn you, Ben and Jerry, now I'll have to get lectured again.

"So how did you guys get here so fast anyway?" I asked between mouthfuls of ice cream. "And what was all that about St. Louis?" Surprisingly it was Haley who answered me.

"Shawn thought Batman was for Dom, probably," she said, looking thoughtful. "Because I know that Ranger's not supposed to be visiting the St. Louis office for a few weeks." I blinked and stared at her. How in the hell did she even know there was a RangeMan in St. Louis, let alone Ranger's schedule? Another mystery for another day. "Still, we're probably nowhere near Trenton…"

"Pennsylvania, as a matter of fact," Bobby grinned.

"I would bet one of us has a tracker on her somewhere," Haley sounded vaguely annoyed.

"Your phone," Bobby produced the tiny piece of silver plastic. "As long as it's on it can be traced if you know how, but it was only giving us a general area until you called."

"I'm going to shoot one of them," Haley said solemnly as she accepted the small silver flip phone from him. .

"Hey, what happened to peace, love, and chocolate?" Tank grinned. Haley glared at him.

"That was until I realized the level of paranoia I have to deal with." A familiar thrill ran down my spine and I looked back at the door in time to see Ranger walk through, followed by Lester.

"It's not paranoia if it's right, kiddo," he told her. Haley rolled her eyes, but she didn't argue.

"What's the damage report?" Les asked.

"I've got some gorgeous bruises and a concussion," I told him.

"Just some cuts and bruises," Lula added. Haley remained silent.

"And you?" Bobby prompted.

"Bruised ribs, bruised everything else, stitches for the gunshot wound, and a very long lecture about taking iron pills and eating better." She dug back into the ice cream.

"At least you get to sleep sometime soon," I grumbled. She flashed me a grin, and I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Children. Do I have to separate you?" Bobby asked.

"They're too beat up to do much damage to each other," Lester said thoughtfully, sizing both of us up.

"Huh. Bet we could damage you," Haley said defiantly. This got laughs from all the guys.

"I'll let that go since you're on medication and all." He was grinning now.

While Haley and Lula both got into a discussion about their odds against the guys, I was distracted by the gravitational pull of Ranger approaching me. I turned as he sat on the edge of my bed and leaned toward me. I swear every nerve ending in my body had woken up, along with every single hormone when my eyes met his. His lips tilted up in a half smile, and he cupped my cheek in his hand.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

"Yeah." I would have said something a little more eloquent but I was working around the knot rapidly forming in my throat. Looking to his dark eyes, I was in immediate danger of crying.

"You know, I could help you stay awake…" His smile was wicked and was enough to send most females into a state. I blinked at him for a moment, then smiled back.

"As long as it doesn't involve running." His eyes glittered in amusement.

"No running." The look he was giving me was pure heat and it sent the last of my common sense sailing out the window.

"Well, I guess I accept your offer then," I said quietly. For a split second Ranger looked surprised. Then his lips touched mine and I forgot everything else except that I had Ranger and a bed to work with.

Unfortunately the catcalls dragged us apart. Ranger was smiling though.

"Later, Babe," he whispered before he turned a glare on his A-Team.

"Excuse me," a young woman said from the doorway. "But I have your release papers."

Thank Krispy Kreme. Time to go home, and let Ranger keep me up all night…

The End